Painless Suicide?

I remember it all like yesterday
I remember looking into your heart,
Seeing the love there, thought for eternity’s span
But eternity has fallen apart
How could I know this day would come,

Not in all the years we shared
Would that I could imagine this
To be sitting, here in sadness and grief
Without you to wipe my tears

I never dreamed, in nightmare deep
That this could be your end
How could I know, ever imagine
That you would kill yourself,

I thought we had it, that we had won out
Till I heard the gun go off,
Heart leaping to throat, panic and confusion
I ran to you, but already gone

No one around us, understood how it happened,
They cried for an answer to why,
But I was the only one, sharing your secret
Only I knew you wanted to die

I lied to myself,
Told myself it was meant to be,
But I ever saw through it,
Knew it for the lie that it is

The darkness of a life without you,
Existence of loneliness and pain
Makes me think I should have gone with you
At least together at the end

So I’m sitting here without you,
Long five years past that day
That day the woman I was meant to love,
Left me here to travel on alone

It seems I love another now,
I guess you told me that I would
You told me I had too much inside
To not share it in this life

But the truth of it dear
This life here without you
Seems forever dimmed and pale
Not what it was, nor will it ever be

I guess you’d be so proud of me,
To see how much I’ve changed,
I’m fighting to learn to trust again,
Trying to break away these chains

Chains that hold my walls so tight,
Allowing no one to get back in,
I’m learning to love myself again,
And learning to forgive…

Steve ‘Easy’ Whitacre December 5th, 2007

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