Users and Abusers

Exploitive hypocrite that skilfully twists words, dodges and evades coupled with character assassination. Exploitive hypocrite that skilfully twists words, dodges and evades coupled with character assassination.

How to defend yourself?

How do people allow themselves to be used? It is easy to see it in another person’s life but not so with ourselves. When we see an emotionally abused person we think to ourselves that, “I would never let that happen to me because I am a strong individual” or we say that the person must have a very low self-esteem.

The problem is, at the beginning of a new relationship, the manipulation is subliminal. If they are good at it then it won’t be noticed until long after a pattern in ingrained in the relationship.

The three main profiles of an exploiter

The Love Bomber
The Helpless One
The Equivocator

The exploitive hypocrite that skilfully twists words, dodges and evades coupled with character assassination. Pin It an exploitive hypocrite that skilfully twists words, dodges and evades coupled with character assassination.

How to defend yourself?

How do people allow themselves to be used? It is easy to see it in another person’s life but not so with ourselves. When we see an emotionally abused person we think to ourselves that, “I would never let that happen to me because I am a strong individual” or we say that the person must have a very low self-esteem.

The problem is, at the beginning of a new relationship, the manipulation is subliminal. If they are good at it then it won’t be noticed until long after a pattern in ingrained in the relationship.

The three profiles of an exploiter

The Love Bomber
The Helpless One
The Equivocator

Defending oneself against being taken advantage of the three tactics used in tandem might seem too hard to do but establishing a protective fence for self-preservation is easier than becoming depressed and disabled from such emotional abuse.

The exploiter will adroitly transform themselves like a shape-shifter when ever a victim becomes aware of being manipulated. These changes can happen so quickly it is as if trying to hold on to a wiggling slippery eel when you are close to becoming aware of their false nature.

Exploitive hypocrite that skilfully twists words, dodges and evades coupled with character assassination. Pin It Exploitive hypocrite that skilfully twists words, dodges and evades coupled with character assassination.

The three profiles of an exploiter

The Love Bomber
The Helpless One
The Equivocator

Defending oneself against being taken advantage of the three tactics used in tandem might seem too hard to do but establishing a protective fence for self-preservation is easier than becoming depressed and disabled from such emotional abuse.

The exploiter will adroitly transform themselves like a shape-shifter when ever a victim becomes aware of being manipulated. These changes can happen so quickly it is as if trying to hold on to a wiggling slippery eel when you are close to becoming aware of their false nature.

THE LOVE BOMBER

The Love Bomber is the love fraud. Like a broken record from a cheesy Spanish love song, there is no depth in conversation other than, “I love you, I want you, I need you.” An endless refrain of platitudes and the feeling of being put on a pedestal from this sweet talker is a set-up for the eventual hard fall. When you are all used up, with no money, no housing and no support system to get yourself back up, that person will then totally and completely abandon you with no more remorse than if discarding a used toilet paper.

Buttering you up doesn’t have to be romantic. By mirroring your own hopes and desires, the exploiter will agree with everything you say. When pressed and asked what do they think of a situation, the exploiter retreats into a feigned humbleness that is the deflection not to have the true self revealed. You will be told that you are, smart,talented, successful, humorous, courageous, imaginative, inquisitive,confident and just altogether different than anybody they have ever met before.

Playing the servant, pretending to be working hard only for you without any thought of themselves, appearing humbly submissive and the martyr, these are the slick and surreptitious ways to deflect any criticism against themselves. A passive aggressive person will say yes to your face, but have no intention of keeping a promise. If called on the the carpet for repeated failure to follow through on promises, they play dumb, act hurt and vilify you for being so harsh and ruthless.

The User will then shame you for questioning the high moral standards that they claim to posses, then divert the topic in question by throwing in a Red Herring into the mix, pushing your buttons to forget the original problem. If you are finally able to nail jelly up against the tree, then minimization of their own bad behaviour will occur.

This is when the double standard begins to appear. They allow themselves mistakes and being human, but if you are questioning the person or express any displeasure at their supposed self sacrifice they have suffered “only for you” – then you will be vilified and raked over the coals repeatedly, often months afterwards the original ‘sin’ that you ‘committed’.

How can a manipulator be able to twist you around their little finger so adeptly? It’s because they know you better than you know yourself.Lack of self-knowledge is a weakness. Exploiters love co-dependents.There is nothing wrong with being co-dependent if the other is just as co-dependent as yourself. But a Exploiter will seek out like a heat missile, people who want to feel good about themselves by helping other unfortunates. So now we come up to to the next profile, ‘The Victim’.

THE VICTIM

This is the person who makes other people feel sorry for them, and involves anybody near with their own problems. The drama queen whose life’s situation is not any fault of their own but from some outside source. Hopelessly irresponsible, they don’t want a hand up but a handout. Even a drowning person will reach a hand up for somebody to pull them out, but not these people. As if in a quagmire of quicksand, they quickly pull in whatever help is extended to them down into their own demise. If you call them out about how how the person is not making any effort to help themselves they use emotional blackmail to camouflage the zero respect that they have for your own personal space. They don’t respect your ‘no’ for an answer.

It has has a phrase for this, it’s called “hitting bottom’, retreating help and enabling forces the person to take stock of themselves through tough love. It is most difficult for family members to contend with the myriad of game playing from an recovering addict. It hurts because a person wants to help a distressed person but if do, only prolong the agony of recovery. Users enjoy codependents’ need to feel needed and exploit this desire through shaming, passive hostility and subtle intimidation. These people feel that their toxic coping mechanisms individuals are justified for survival.

Shrewd, skilful and deliberate, once a con’s ploy is exposed, the victim will feel distaste within themselves to be allowed to be so duped and won’t report it. Feeling self doubt in their own awareness of people’s intentions, the aftermath of such a cruel betrayal leaves a person less self assured in their own judgement of reality .Taking advantage of gullible people is an art form. For an example then listen to Dante’s Inferno description of the innermost circle of Hell in this excerpt.

THE LIAR

This is the hardest part to deal with because with every lie there is a grain of truth, and with every true statement there is a lie. Remember the adage, “I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.” Overtime they will be caught in their own web of lies. Listen to you own inner voice, don’t be their puppet. Think logically, as Judge Judy says, “If it don’t make sense then it’s a lie.”

Manipulative tactics in a nutshell

Denial
Selective Inattention
Rationalization
Diversion
Lying, equivocation
veiled Threats
Playing the innocent victim
Vilifying the codependent
Seduction
Minimization

Ways to eliminate manipulation in your relationships

List a inventory of the manipulative behaviour.
Stay alert
Stop responding to ‘crazy-making’, ignore them
Don’t tolerate overstepping of boundaries

Do, ask yourself, are You in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship?

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