I remember a time where there was nothing else in my dreams but visions of a bright future, happiness, love, devotion, respect, and family, all of which to be shared with the one of whom when joined with me created a true oneness unrivaled in the entire history of all life. Once more, as it has too many times in the in the past, the end has come.
A difficult painful time for me once more, but one I have become accustomed to. I have found that the inner self of me holds much love and care, including an overwhelming absolute need to hold respect for my partner as an equal and true individual. No ego, no control, just dedication, respect and love, so when those feelings are not returned I admit to being completely surprised and shattered. For me it leaves a sense of bewilderment over how two so close, so joined, can be so fundamentally different at their cores. I am left with only the soul burning lasting pain of confusion, loss and despair, and the question I can find no answer to,
“How can this be once more?”
“Where far too many see nothing more than a ruined waste, I see the beginnings of a wondrous bright future. Open yourself and allow your dreams to become real…”
Do not allow your heart to be locked away in grief. Everything you have ever lost will most certainly come back around. When least expected, perhaps in times of the most calm silence, you can hear the reassuring whispers of love dancing through the quiet. Standing out on the back porch, enjoying the early morning sun and the first of day’s ration of wonderful coffee, you can hear a lost loved one’s adorations drifting on the gentle morning breeze. That little sparrow landing on the rail brings you comfort in the knowledge that spirit is all around you, and that spirit itself can never end. During times of greatest struggle if you take a moment to refocus, calm and clear your mind, you will feel that loved one’s hand on your shoulder, bringing reassurance, and reinforcing your knowledge that no matter the challenge, you have the strength to meet the challenge. And in truth, it is very fulfilling to remember once more that the one your shared so much with, loved so deeply, can still be a part of your life. Nothing ever ends. Just as we were gifted with so much joy in our existence, so much love has filled our lives, we can know that our spirit can never be quenched, we may well change, but never end. The most wondrous part of our journey stretches out before us, and at some future time we will rejoin our loved ones and travel forward. Much Love, Namaste…
This most heart stopping daze, can’t be real,
Desperately looking for her, this emptiness,
Nothing left but pain, world morpheme loss,
I reach out to hold, finding only destitute air,
How can this be truth, I must have you close,
Where are you love, without you I am so lost,
I sit with tears flowing, empty void in my bed,
I pray this nightmare be over, silence returned,
Screaming out for you, only echoing emptiness,
The never-ending questions. “Why now,’ “What did I do wrong that caused this,” “How can I ever go on alone,” “My faith is ended, how could I ever again give thanks,” “What could I have done to change this,” The doubts never seem to end. But over time, with acceptance and understanding peace will return. The pain and suffering never really end, yet we will learn to live a new life, even happiness will return with time. Know that many of us suffer just as you are. The painting I called “Pain & Loss” done right after I lost a dear friend.