Gone

This most heart stopping daze, can’t be real,
Desperately looking for her, this emptiness,
Nothing left but pain, world morpheme loss,

I reach out to hold, finding only destitute air,
How can this be truth, I must have you close,
Where are you love, without you I am so lost,

I sit with tears flowing, empty void in my bed,
I pray this nightmare be over, silence returned,
Screaming out for you, only echoing emptiness,

easy…

The never-ending questions. “Why now,’ “What did I do wrong that caused this,” “How can I ever go on alone,” “My faith is ended, how could I ever again give thanks,” “What could I have done to change this,” The doubts never seem to end. But over time, with acceptance and understanding peace will return. The pain and suffering never really end, yet we will learn to live a new life, even happiness will return with time. Know that many of us suffer just as you are. The painting I called “Pain & Loss” done right after I lost a dear friend.

PainAndLoss

Heart Broken

I reach out my hands desperate to touch love,
Finding only emptiness where you should be,
In a panic I jump up to search where you are,
Ever so slowly my memory begins to clear,

With remembrance returns my tormented soul,
Realization that you are truly gone, lost to me,
Death had scythed his cruel hands into my life,
I now live in a nightmare, tears ever unending,

Over and over I ask myself how can I go on,
So much angriness that you have been seized,
I’ve lost my faith, no room for an uncaring God,
I know I need you back, I need you holding me,

And thusly this has been my life too long a time,
Tell me what to do to put meaning to my sadness,
I beg give me a sign to help me one more instance,
Demonstrate erstwhile that our love still thrives,

A small voice asks me if we may talk for a while,
They offer a cognition creating a depth of thought,
A realization of simple truths concealed by my grief,
Clarity that presents a reason to find purpose, hope,

They remind me that you are not really lost to me,
Unseen you are still right here, still embracing me,
Your love is not gone but grown with wonder, joy,
Each of my days are now with your arms enfolding,

Your greatest want is to see me blissful, glad ere more,
To firmly grasp my life again, to treasure each second,
For the gifts you brought me, I owe you this and more,
The wonders with which you fill me, make me alive,

And they share with me even more truthful a vision,
For this is not an end, for at some little time reunion,
And reunited our love shall light the all of existence,
A newest star lighting the heavens, lasts for all time,

And another reminder, for sadly perhaps, we do not ‘get over’ our grief at losing loved ones. But we do learn to live a new life, with our grief. We can and should be happy, going on forward once more while being honest and true to our caring and loving natures. Not a betrayal but more in honoring those having gone on before us, Can we do any less for the love they share with us?

Namaste and blessings,

easy… 11/25/2014

Life Ebbs

Much as an old clock slowing, winding down for the last time,
Spring broken, winder lost, is it two o’clock now or five?
Monday, Saturday, or perhaps a lost day already gone by,
I can’t tell any more, seems all my caring has gone for good,
I have fallen through too many years, I fear never to come back,
The hands of time have  kept turning, but I am stuck right here,
Can there be anything to help me find myself, make it as it was,
Back before age overrun me, overtook my youthful free being,
In misty cobwebbed memories, an ever dimming view of what I was,
Is it too late, it seems over before it began, so tired, so lost, so ended,
The fates lay on their cold dry hands, pulling at my soul. dragging,
I slow, all resistance failing, to battle on is a meaningless exercise,
Wandering around in a dazed confusion, helpless, need to start over,
Sands of time running out weakly, a muddled riot of unfulfilled dreams,
Completely befuddled, visions come, sight clears, something new,
Stepping outside of time, I see again the wondrous vision of the tree of life,
Limbs showing futures yet to come, new paths going forward, beginnings,
Even as I watch I see the newest of life budding forth as new leaves,
Old leaves in death falling back to the source of sustenance, the start of all,
The dense haze returns yet cannot hide this, the brightest yet of my visions,
No longer do I feel the need to look for answers, no rhymes or riddles dire,
Time is now meaningless, I cannot remember why it ever had importance,
Tis’ the late fall of my journey, with summer at an end, winter nigh,
I now have peace, for I feel the contentment to come, the harmony, the love,
I rejoice in my soon coming reunion with those so missed, to be joined again,
For now, I know I am but one of the falling leaves from the great tree,
I’m going back to my home, young once more, my newest path before me,
I am content and happy, looking forward to all my new tomorrows,

                                                                                                                      easy…

SunLight

He’s Really Gone

Because I lack the easy path to travel,
I’m left with only blunt stone that cuts,
Ever near the river to slip and fall into,
A pulling and sucking pain ere every step,
It once was such a wonderful full journey,
Each artful moment filled with love and joy,

We became so much as two bonded into one,
Yet far too soon came a chaotic evil wind,
A din like the able thunder of false gods,
Some have said he might b a trouble perhaps,
But was my trouble and therefore no trouble,
My love for him reached down to my very soul,

Loaded down with sickness terrible,
Yet being that we were not on some list,
Little aid was there for him grasp and find,
And we of faith did prayed with all our strength,
Yet there only silence with no answer heard in time,
And now I sit here now dead inside, all alone, all broken,

So much courage it took him to fight his battles,
But of that he had a mighty Army’s share and more,
Yet even through the worst as he suffered this horror,
It was like he loved me even me more and more,
His loving heart now lost for an eternity unrivalled,
Leaving my soul echoing as if an old steel drum,

Come back to me my beloved companion,
Return to your place here at against my side,
Lay again beside me in the late night shadows,
Scare all the demons into running from my bed,
So little do I ask of you, your return is my is all I need,
You must make my heart to heal, restore my soul to me…

easy…Nov, 12, 2014

Wreckage

DeathComesQuietly

I can only be described now as wreckage,
Find no answers no matter how I search,
All this damage, my dreams are dead,
Yet still fighting to escape this mess,
Listen close, can you hear my shrieks,
I would hate for you to feel my pain,
Trying to hide it, silence the screams,
My tears like flooding rain, but hidden,

Deep on the inside, I stay in misery,
I’m dying they say, I fear it be true,
On the outside, false front, strong,
Inside, I beg to be helped, weak,
Life after the wreck, is a wreck,
Heartbeat slowing, life ebbing,
I gasp for breath, desperate to hold,
But why hold, cannot this be my last breath,

Alone,the tears steam down my face,
Falling down, can’t get up, lost,
My heart torn out, my mind gone,
I have only the flames, the smoke,
Thoughts of past, Dancing past,
All I have left, of a journey so fine,
And even now at an end, I still hold love,
Still want to give, to share, to aid,

I’ve loved like you can never know,
Shared moments of pure magic with so many,
I watched the downtrodden rise and flourish,
Saw lives change and brighten, grow,
Afraid I had lost, the best of me,
May even have thought it dead,
But it didn’t die, it still lives in this mess,

Who is she, old woman reaching for help,
Doesn’t matter, I must do what I can,
This is who I am, have always been,
In the midst of crisis, I must act,
Yearn to see a dove fly once more,
That is my meaning, my need, my truth,
Is it all in my head, a real mess in there,
If I tried for myself, I can’t, lost in the past,

Could I find hope for tomorrow,
Sorry to answer no, yet I still love a dove,
I’m still here, no leverage, waiting,
Awaiting ere the end to finally come,
I’m dying you see, a wreckage is all now,
But I been all I needed, fulfilling and true,
For I’ve lived with a passion, a life based on love,
A satisfaction fills my soul, though I feel incomplete,

Time nears for a rest, I deserve at least that,
And I embrace the idea, to go home at last…

easy…

The Only Real Leadership America Ever Had…

TheRealLeaders

This is too true to be comfortable, we really NEED to all get together and redesign the whole thing, doing away with the unethical, uncaring, greedy, self-centered, murderous, lying users, BASTARDS and BITCHES that we are brain washed into letting run our lives. even to the point of us killing for them all over the world just so they can get more kick backs and increase their vast personal wealth. But, this is nothing more than a personal delusion and dream, for I fully realize the overwhelming extent of our brain washed beliefs, and know we will never get together to change things, for we are trained not to.

  Long live America, I think not, and remember, I killed for them too long ago, so technically I’m a ‘Vet Patriot,’ so if I were still under their ‘spell’ I would be 100% behind all they make us do, invading other countries to take and use their resources, wantonly killing with no remorse or care all in the name of “They’re not living the was we say they should, or they’re killing each other over there so we must stop them for their own good, (of course the way America does this is by murdering even more of them.)(Ask yourselves people, looking back through history, who has caused the most deaths, this includes the Nazi madness folks, and even the Crusades, so I can’t be the “lying to myself ‘Patriot any longer,’ for I now realize the full existent of their madness, and now truly believe in real equality and in truly loving all, in real peace and togetherness. Okay, sorry, rant over. Continue on all you were, and forget about what I just said. Peace Brothers and Sisters,

Easy…

An End, or a New Beginning

Waiting
The end so near, but it does not come
Anticipation, a longing to at last go home
This unbearable agony, need left far behind
Stepping forward on the next step of my journey
Excitement for the newest of futures to come

And yet, here I set…

Waiting
The end so near, but it does not come
Anticipation, a longing to at last go home
This unbearable agony, need left far behind
Stepping forward on the next step of my journey
Excitement for the newest of futures to come

And yet, here I set
Is there reason, must be, need be
Something yet to do, task incomplete, work unfinished
More unknown, laid out in need of my skills
A helping to be offered, another someone in need
I need to know, desperately, for weary I be

I look within for answers, finding not
Reaching to the Creator, only silence returned
I ask help, yet no hand is thrust forward
Feeling lost, abused, abandoned, alone again
Would I beg, plead, cry out in my shame
Alas, I fear but another voice, lost to the night

So I set here, waiting
All agony, pain, and despair
Hope but a memory, Alone…

easy…

Agony Alone
Truest of Agony and Loneliness

And what of the Jyn. A continuation of The Journey of the Great Ice saga.

In a time so far back as to be lost in the dust of times past there lived two greatInuit civilizations referred to in these writings as the White Jyn and the Black Jyn, for these are the titles given to them, titles given by the very few peaceful tribes surviving them, and living in what would later be called Tibet. Very little of life of any kind survived meeting of either of the Jyn long enough to learn what it was they named themselves. The Jyn were quite simply the most war raging groups of human beings ever to exist, and having reached a very high state of science and engineering their war prowess was intimidating indeed. so the White Jyn and the Black Jyn warred, slaughtering each other to the very verge of extinction, sweeping all life away before them in their combined madness for superiority and control. Any other life form, upon finding itself in the way of their onslaught, including the peaceful Peoples and tribes of the eastern regions, soon perished.
And so thus it continued for hundreds of thousands of centuries, the Earth becoming more and more poisoned but the weapons of the Jyn, both nuclear and neutrino, being shot around like a child using a slingshot and pocket full of rocks to knock cans off a fence, all life fading more and more, until the Earth had reached to point that the Jyn both decided to reach out for something else. They put their mighty technology to work and amassed a mighty space Armada, both travelling to the planet we now call Mars, at that time a teeming planet with liquid water, and an atmosphere of mostly carbon dioxide and methane . They set up bases on opposite sides of the planet and them started to work building huge atmospheric processor plants and habitats including the engineering and construction of crop growing resources so as to be ready for the coming of the rest of their Peoples. SpaceShip(crashed Jyn Space Ship)
Yet even as they worked to do these things they warred in orbit. From the White Jyn base on the face of the Earth’s moon, a mighty new neutrino weapon was created, something that scared even the White Jyn. But they immediately moved it with their fleet to attack the Black Jyn on the base on the Martian moon. Even though loosing most of their attacking fleet the White Jyn launched their weapon and the explosion lit the very universe around them, knocking the Martian moon out of orbit and into a new orbit much closer to Sol, creating what we now call today the planet Mercury. And though a great conquest, because of the destruction of the Black Jyn base and much of its fleet, at a very high price indeed, for most of the White Jyn fleet was lost too., and worse, by observing  and analysing the attack, the White Jyn still on Earth immediately began to build the same type of weapon again for themselves. While the White Jyn constructed their most deadly of weapons the war in Earth orbit continued between the much reduced fleets. Shear misses dappled the Earth moon for the rest of eternity while the two enemies continued to fight. The new weapon ready, a shuttle carrying it launched for orbit and a final strike at the Black Jyn, but as it climbed a Black Jyn fighter came screaming into the atmosphere and destroyed the shuttle which allowed the weapon to fall back of the face of the Earth where it detonated upon impact, sending shock waves around the globe, and shaking the Earth to its very core, and tilting it permanently on its axis. Over 98% of the large animals were instantly killed, and very few of the smaller ones survived.
As for the human species, few indeed were left, and those were basically in the far east, and those of the Jyn that had been shielded in their mysterious great structures. Whole continents were torn apart or shoved together creating a whole new Earth, The whole of the weather patterns changed, An Ice age began building and moving down from the north further challenging the survivors in the east. The White Jyn found themselves in a water poor land limited environment, separated from others by what was now a great sea, while the Black Jyn found themselves on a very large separate continent made up of a multitude of different climates. No where could you find living the greatest of animals, all dead and gone. And still, the battle in orbit continued, and now word came from the Martian colonies, war had begun there too. With the gratefully limited and subdued Jyn on the Face of Earth, peace was almost a thing of which once dreamed, for their great cities were gone leaving no trace, and almost all of their technology as well.
The peace-loving tribes of the east made it a ritual to go out each night and watch the battle overhead, noting that it lessened and lessened night after night, and at long last it seemed over. Had they been able to go up into space and look, they would have seen the last of the great fleets in pieces, drifting slowly toward the Oort cloud or the rings of Saturn. The peaceful tribes spent their time learning how to survive the changes in their world, while their Elders set about to organize a structured way to retain and teach the nature and history of the tribes, including but far from limited to the spiritual and mystic rights held for so many thousands of lifetimes. The Elders worked with the children each day teaching of respect and love for all things, and of walking the path of the Tao. Those that showed an above average talent in some temple oriented task were invited to become temple disciples, leading to their advanced teachings. And so it was one night about 200 years after the last sign of Jyn fighting high in the sky, as one of the Elders and a young child sat out enjoying a beautiful clear night the 7-year-old child said            “Grandfather, I feel something terrible is going to happen.” The Elder asked what is it you feel is going to happen my young friend. The child didn’t answer simply pointing a finger up into the sky at a bright blue star. And as he and the Elder watch that star suddenly flared brightly finishing by turning red as it dimmed going almost dark. The Elder asked the child How did you know this was going to happen young man, and what is it that we just watched? The child while still looking up at the now barely seen red dot answered “Well Grandfather, while practising meditation as you all would have us do, I found myself flying to another place, and flying over that place I saw many of what you have described as the Jyn, only they had none of the flying machines. They were engaged in a mighty war using lumbering ground machines and truly terrible weapons. All of them had strange masks upon their faces and somehow I knew the air was fouled in some way. As I drifted across their sky I came to a place where those on the ground were constructing a long sleek weapon that would be flown against their enemy, a terrible weapon Grandfather, I could feel it’s evil. The world slipped and suddenly I found myself flying above the other side, and below me I saw that they were constructing six of the same type weapons as the first, only slightly smaller. And the whole time those others on the ground kept fighting, and Grandfather I noticed something else.” What was that my young friend? asked the Elder. The child replied “Every time those on the ground fire their terrible weapons a bit of the sky around me burned, it burned Grandfather, then everything seemed to slide again and as I floated in their sky I saw the larger terrible weapon burning up into the sky on 4 tails of fire, and at the same time all of the weapons from the other side of their world burned their way into the sky. They passed each other heading for the assembly places on each side of their world, and Grandfather, it was terrible Grandfather, as you also saw. A whole teeming, living world burned out into a wasted dead red rock. Nothing at all left living, oceans gone so that not even vapour, all the teeming waters gone in that instant. A whole world Grandfather, Gone.” The Elder squatted down next to the child, and taking him in his arms gently hugged him while saying you have done well my son, you have done well.

America

America never was America to me,
I was born in a time of dire war,
Not an odd thing, for America has always been at War,
Since it’s very beginnings, War after War,
Rivers of Blood flowing around ravaged bodies,
Men, Women, and Children trampled under an imperial boot.
Never did I stand in a classroom swearing allegiance,
For I could not while the people of America allowed these atrocities,
I was quite simply appalled at the lack of morality,
The total lack of humanity and care,

The Great Mystery calls, the time past do for change,
We must gather as a people and remove the evil leaders,
We must together build a united peaceful future,

And therein I swear this oath–
America will be!

Never An End

Remember, there that there is a Divine spark within each of us that is located in the heart and core of our being, and this spark never truly dies, it simply returns to whence it came from, and those of us that understand can rejoice in the knowledge of that return, even as we mourn the loss for ourselves. begin to heal my friends, remember to love, remember to live…

Sometimes it seems, the weight of the world rests on women, but together it need not be so...
Sometimes it seems, the weight of the world rests on women, but together it need not be so…