Together Yet Apart

It seems to get harder and harder
Since that day you went away
And still the people keep telling me
Everything will be okay

And I know deep inside
That it’s better where you are now
But we’re not together, you’re not here
It seems so damn unfair

Seems like only yesterday
Living together, two as one
Then suddenly my eyes were opened
When I realized gone means forever

It hurts, it aches
This slice from my heart
For all the rest of my life
We’ll ever be apart

Now that you’re gone
I have no one to run to
Am I doing this correctly
Please send me a clue

I’ve lost my understanding
The mystery and meaning of life
I can’t get this right
Fighting ever in strife

You may really be gone
But remain forever in my heart
You and me my love
Together, though apart

And I await the future
Holding hope that I will see
When time does come for my own death
You’ll open the gates for me…..

Steve ‘Easy’ Whitacre January 13th, 2008

Grief

All night the clock ticked, and outside a moon like day,
And I, in the ravages of sleep, head on a stranger’s breast,
Shed tears, like a task not to be put away….
In the false moon light, overwhelming grief in my happy bed,
An ocean of tears, set to undo joy’s rebirth.
I would not wake at your word, I had only tears to say.
I clung to the dream and they were my soul,
And let pain’s derisive hand had give me rest
From the night of living flame, and the darkness within.

We do not get over grief.
But over time, we do learn to live with the loss.
We learn to live a different life…with our loss.

Steve ’Easy’ Whitacre November, 2005

Memories of my Friend

Years flowing by in a blur, so long now since that day of loss
That never-desired, heartless caller, tearing you from me
I so tried to ease your pain, take the burden from you
My anguish of those last hours still bedaze my soul
In my love I still reach for you my friend…

I did grieve but could not drown in my tears
For to me it was, as it is now, unavailing
The love I hold for you is iridescent still
Even the kiss of death could not steal

These memories of your past acts of love
Ever stimulating for me to reach out, not hide
To embrace the wonders of experience thereof
And let not the consequence of that love be denied

So be in peace on your journey home, apart but temporary
Rest well my friend, for to be ready when we rejoin…

Steve ‘Easy’ Whitacre October 28th, 2008

The Last Flowers

With despair I watch, as they slip away one by one,
Their short-lived beauty now fading, their frilly dresses now brown
Some laying face down covered with the morning dew.
Little by little they will disappear and fade from my view

But oh, did they not have their glory, their day in the sun
Still, I hate their demise, cannot bear to lose even one
And when this day is done, this suffering wait over,
I’ll be sorrowful for a while, then an old friend will come
Aster will be dressed in ardent purples and blues,
And with her those friends with colors, burnt orange, rustic gold,
And ruby red, the most pleasant to the eye.

I will not lament, I will not wail,
For the show they put on is breath-taking in renewal
And, though in death they share their last beauty
I will still remember them well when the first snowflake falls…

For you my friend, a small reminder of the glories of life, and the inevitable ends.
The endings are false, but brief pauses as we change to another path.
Be at peace my dear friend…for there are no endings, only changes in state.

Steve ‘Easy’ Whitacre December 31, 2005

Till Then

I know that you miss me
But alas I was called home
And you think it a shame that I died so young
The smallest of time, freedom or life
A meager light touch of love, joy or peace
Not near enough time, a waste at the least

But time holds power o’er all of this pain
Like the change to our lives cold winter brings
It’s ever so hard to watch the green fade away
A startling finish of an entire summers display
Even while knowing life brings us change
It is still hard to extreme to at last let go

Don’t write off my journey
Even though it was short
Find all the reminders of our shared joy and strife
Hold to the memories, the good and the bad
Think of all the wonderful times we both had
Sharing this world while walking this path

And as winter wanes, and days grow longer
The pain will it will fade and you’ll grow stronger
For spring is never that far away
And the time for us to meet another day…

Steve ‘Easy’ Whitacre September 15th, 2007

Painless Suicide?

I remember it all like yesterday
I remember looking into your heart,
Seeing the love there, thought for eternity’s span
But eternity has fallen apart
How could I know this day would come,

Not in all the years we shared
Would that I could imagine this
To be sitting, here in sadness and grief
Without you to wipe my tears

I never dreamed, in nightmare deep
That this could be your end
How could I know, ever imagine
That you would kill yourself,

I thought we had it, that we had won out
Till I heard the gun go off,
Heart leaping to throat, panic and confusion
I ran to you, but already gone

No one around us, understood how it happened,
They cried for an answer to why,
But I was the only one, sharing your secret
Only I knew you wanted to die

I lied to myself,
Told myself it was meant to be,
But I ever saw through it,
Knew it for the lie that it is

The darkness of a life without you,
Existence of loneliness and pain
Makes me think I should have gone with you
At least together at the end

So I’m sitting here without you,
Long five years past that day
That day the woman I was meant to love,
Left me here to travel on alone

It seems I love another now,
I guess you told me that I would
You told me I had too much inside
To not share it in this life

But the truth of it dear
This life here without you
Seems forever dimmed and pale
Not what it was, nor will it ever be

I guess you’d be so proud of me,
To see how much I’ve changed,
I’m fighting to learn to trust again,
Trying to break away these chains

Chains that hold my walls so tight,
Allowing no one to get back in,
I’m learning to love myself again,
And learning to forgive…

Steve ‘Easy’ Whitacre December 5th, 2007