Drifting Memories

Art and Words to settle my mind

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in honour of Soph’s passing

All night the clock ticked, and outside a moon like day,
And I, in the ravages of sleep, head on a stranger’s breast,
Shed tears, like a task not to be put away….
In the false moon light, overwhelming grief in my happy bed,
An ocean of tears, set to undo joy’s rebirth.
I would not wake at your word, I had only tears to say.
I clung to the dream and they were my soul,
And let pain’s derisive hand had give me rest
From the night of living flame, and the darkness within.

We do not get over grief.
But over time, we do learn to live with the loss.
We learn to live a different life…with our loss.

Author Steve ’Easy’ Whitacre, 2005 (I originally wrote this for Mary when she lost her loving husband Ron, I thought I would re-post it now in honour of Sophia’s passing. RIP my old friend.)

Old Church
Old Church

Together Yet Apart

It seems to get harder and harder
Since that day you went away
And still the people keep telling me
Everything will be okay

And I know deep inside
That it’s better where you are now
But we’re not together, you’re not here
It seems so damn unfair

Seems like only yesterday
Living together, two as one
Then suddenly my eyes were opened
When I realized gone means forever

It hurts, it aches
This slice from my heart
For all the rest of my life
We’ll ever be apart

Now that you’re gone
I have no one to run to
Am I doing this correctly
Please send me a clue

I’ve lost my understanding
The mystery and meaning of life
I can’t get this right
Fighting ever in strife

You may really be gone
But remain forever in my heart
You and me my love
Together, though apart

And I await the future
Holding hope that I will see
When time does come for my own death
You’ll open the gates for me…..

Steve ‘Easy’ Whitacre January 13th, 2008

Transitory End

We’ve traveled this great country, side-by-side we’ve journeyed
Your beautiful blue eyes chasing the shadows dancing on northern skies.
In times of plenty we were content and serene,
Peacefully sleeping, Dangers few and far between.

We’ve also known much hunger, ribs protruding from our sides,
Mournfully we cried when our starving children died.
But remember our first winter, romping thru the glistening snow,
Tasting each crystal snowflake as they fell gently to and fro.

Ah my dear, sweet blue eyes, I’ve known no greater love,
Without you, I am nothing, our wild souls are as one.
Now you lay here before me dying, time wroth agony upon your frame,
Life’s blood slowly seeping as I whisper your sweet name.

Helpless, I watch you struggle, chest heaving with labored breath,
Body getting weaker, the winds whispering the song of death.
The blood has now stopped flowing, I know the time is near,
And you will forever leave me, my love, my life, my dear.

And now my world is silent, your every struggle ceased,
I lay my head upon you, and know you are at peace.
I know your soul has lifted, up to skies where eagles soar,
And there you’ll greet your sisters, and dance with them once more.

And someday in the future, I shall find you once again
And explore that greatest mystery, so far above this shore
And when I do, oncemore our wild souls will unite
In this the greatest love, the world will know….

Steve ‘Easy’ Whitacre September 12th, 2007

Has To End

So tired, tired of the mess, of the lies, the pain
Tired of sharing this, your never-ending nightmare
But I’m in so deep, have so must invest
How can I escape, do I dare?

This all started, long before me
Twenty-six years gone now
And even back then, I thought as your friend
I could help overcome it somehow

But now my eyes clear
I see you but used me, your crutch for whatsoever
I provide what you need, rescue, support, and cash
My biggest fault, I loved you forever

And I fell right in to line, willing and able
Giving everything I had just for you
I picked up the needles, cleaned broken bottles
And made it all seem like anew

I can’t do it no more, too long already
And I can’t hide it from our kids anymore
I guess the time come, for you to take over
And decide if you want this or more

You can go on, living as you are
Surviving on dope, booze, and shit
But I deserve better, have earned it I think
I’ve waited long enough for you to get it

I wish you the best, for whatever life left
And hope the happiness you search for is found
For when the cops come again, and you rest in your cell
I imagine your wonder astound

When you call for your bail
As before always done
Will it be the first time you notice
For the truth of the matter, there’s no-one to answer

For you see dear, today I am gone….

Steve ‘Easy’ Whitacre December 3rd, 2007

Memories of my Friend

Years flowing by in a blur, so long now since that day of loss
That never-desired, heartless caller, tearing you from me
I so tried to ease your pain, take the burden from you
My anguish of those last hours still bedaze my soul
In my love I still reach for you my friend…

I did grieve but could not drown in my tears
For to me it was, as it is now, unavailing
The love I hold for you is iridescent still
Even the kiss of death could not steal

These memories of your past acts of love
Ever stimulating for me to reach out, not hide
To embrace the wonders of experience thereof
And let not the consequence of that love be denied

So be in peace on your journey home, apart but temporary
Rest well my friend, for to be ready when we rejoin…

Steve ‘Easy’ Whitacre October 28th, 2008

Solace

Failure again
My world crashing down
Why do I keep trying
To all others I’m a clown

Never finding the way, to make it work out
Dreams, I dare imagine, stars attempted to reach
What I would have be forever
Not lasting more than a week

Forever is a fleeting moment
Shortest wondering though the dream
The dream of commitment and partner
No appreciation, turning mean

So for what do I put this effort
Face these self-defacing trials
What benefit or boon to me
All these pain ridden miles

Do I do it just for them
To add something to their joy
Is true, for this I have no regrets
I’ve done it since a boy

But in this struggle to fill their needs
Why cannot they fulfill my own
A bonded partner, with understanding
A mate with whom to build a home

Though my own may never be met
I take solace ere where I can
For if I give them one better day
Then I leave a bit more love across this land

So I will continue….

Steve ‘Easy’ Whitacre December 7th, 2007