Fight No More

Fight ended, no more your lies,
No more the stress or tears
I bring it all to halt now, final
Once more lost Love before I sleep that final sleep.

From where these evil words let fly
From you, to I. Love denied
Harshest this debate, as Eagle and Hawk
And through all still, my Love doth hide,

I look and see you, once my dream
But holding anger and disdain
We will speak more now, hatred building
I try to hold it, subdue the feeling
Darkness descends on my mind,

What is it so false as the truth rarely is,
Else false to thee Love, is true plainly see
You, who never truly knew love, brought pain,
I now shun this fighting and stress, rebuild Life at last

With connection within me me, my life goes on…

These Words
These Words

in honour of Soph’s passing

All night the clock ticked, and outside a moon like day,
And I, in the ravages of sleep, head on a stranger’s breast,
Shed tears, like a task not to be put away….
In the false moon light, overwhelming grief in my happy bed,
An ocean of tears, set to undo joy’s rebirth.
I would not wake at your word, I had only tears to say.
I clung to the dream and they were my soul,
And let pain’s derisive hand had give me rest
From the night of living flame, and the darkness within.

We do not get over grief.
But over time, we do learn to live with the loss.
We learn to live a different life…with our loss.

Author Steve ’Easy’ Whitacre, 2005 (I originally wrote this for Mary when she lost her loving husband Ron, I thought I would re-post it now in honour of Sophia’s passing. RIP my old friend.)

Old Church
Old Church

The Day After the Day After

As I put the dead tree in the garbage
My mind wonders over these past days
The glimmering twinkling lights
Now packed in boxes away

I wonder through a mind full of new memories
My heart warmed by the love that we share
Visions of faces, smiling and bright
As they dig through the treasure of gifts

The banter of voices, tallest tales told
A gathering of comfort and soul
Stories of yesterdays, once more brought out
More meaningful for already known

The lights may no longer twinkle
Brightly wrapped surprises now gone
But the treasures I hold are so real
These few blessed moments, together again

And knowing that I’m never truly alone……..

Steve ‘Easy’ Whitacre December 24th, 2007

Mountain Wisdom

Spirit of the mountain,
Holding strength impartial
Roots planted deeply,
A part of the earth mother
Heights piercing the air,
Mount into sky above
Clouds dance from peak to peak,
Spiraling and spin
Hear my voice, my majestic friend
I’ve come to listen once again

When I’m blessed to walk,
Under your towering trees
To tread the paths,
In your sheltering shadow
When I feel troubled,
I know you to be there
Ever patient and respectful,
Offering the guidance I need

I too know now,
Why your tears do flow
Know well the pain
From the waste you see
A future almost written
By the lost and confused
An ending of an era
So much left to loose

Would that they learn to listen,
In time……

Steve ‘Easy’ Whitacre December 28th, 2007

The Fall

I fall against a wall of air,
Wall insubstantial, parting as I move
My shadow follows, silent, riding waves
Tides of sky or ocean, all the same
Sun, but rose ember orb
Drifting on warmed desert breeze
Washing patterns, fluid, painted feathers
Soothing, calmness, caress, peace
I glide among the few highest clouds
Over and under the great mystery

My shadow begins to grow……

Steve ‘Easy’ Whitacre January 19th, 2008

Spirit’s Voice

Come my brothers, my sisters
Come all the children of this land
Come sit by my fire as night closes around us
Watch the flames pushing the smoke toward the star lit sky
Feel the hope swelling within as we send our prayers riding the smoke
Smoke the messenger carrying the prayers to the great mystery above

Sit quietly wrapped in the warmth and love of the silence
Hear the crackling of the fire, the sounds of family sharing happiness
The warmth we feel coming from this sharing of love, not the flames of fire
Gaze fully into each other’s eyes, what do you see? What to know in that reflection?
You will see yourself, yourself in the eyes of another, a part of that makes us who we are
Learn the truth, see the reality, hear the wisdom, and know your own connectedness

Close your eyes, and listen to the whispers from the shadows
Creation’s song dancing on the winds as they stir the flames ever higher
Another gift from the mystery, offering so much, all we need do is listen
Open your heart and soul to the words, for only when we listen and learn can we grow
For only with wisdom can the people reach happiness and fulfillment in their lives
Come my brothers, my sisters, share my fire and find hope…

Steve ‘Easy’ Whitacre November 28th, 2008

The Circle

We Gathered.

As the Sun slid down behind the great bend of the world,
And the darkness threw its dark fingers across the lands,
All life of the day retreat to their warm places of safety,
Their day done, their rest earned.
Peace comes. It is right.

The life of the darkness easing out into the dimness,
Bodies warming to the stirring call of their time,
The call of existence, of ritual, and the right,
Yet we are out-of-place,
These few, the singers, the seekers, the watchers, the dancers.
Yet it is right.

We gather outside the circle,
We make to prepare, to stand ready, to enjoin with all.
The traditions are there. Locked within our very being.
Yet we prepare, the path must be made clear,
Lest the journey we begin, be blocked,
And return lost forever.

The young ones have prepared the great wheel,
The circle lies complete, empty but for the secrets it contains.
It awaits our call, the songs of awakening,
Our sacrifice to the one, for the opening of the door.
It waits yet it calls, and pulls at our very being,
Pulls us toward that which is before us.

It is time.
We, who stand outside center, yet are so much part of it, begin the song.
The old ones have taught us well,
The circle resonates with the call of our voices, the pull of our souls.
The night stills in anticipation and perhaps fear,
And, as one, we move to enter, careful steps, the song building.

The song flows around us, through us, becomes part of us, a part of all.
Our steps move us closer to the center,
But the song is what brings us, brings us here.
The bond strengthens, the connection builds.
We loose parts of what we are,
Yet we gain parts of what all are, what is, what will be.

As we near center, the vale begins to lift.
That which separates there and here begins to thin.
The dancers move forward, their movement adding to the call.
The sacred smoke wafts across our consciousness, bringing more awareness.
Increasing our connection, our oneness to the source.
We find our place.

For some, the time is to keep the song going,
To keep the gate open, the connection strong.
For others, now is the time of the vision quest.
Of reaching out, joining with the one.
Embracing that which was, that which is, and that which will become.
I reach out, for I am called.

The impact. The overwhelming surge of being. Of becoming.
Like a fool or a small child, I fight what comes.
I fight to keep that which I think makes me whole.
To keep a part of what, I in this life, have been taught is me.
But I cannot win.
The pull is too great, the Volume too large.

And then as I surrender, understanding dawns.
This is the source of all things.
This is where all come from, and all go back to.
They are all here, all my friends, all my loved ones.
All whom I thought lost to me are here, have been here,
Will always be.

In my surrender, Peace and Love take over.
I am filled with the love of the one, and all that is.
And I become the Peace and Love, a part of the whole of Life.
A part of all that was, is, and will be.
It is the finding of what I had lost.
This is my place.

In this brief flashing instant I know all, see all, am all.
All my past, all my pasts, all my future, and futures.
I am all. A part of all that was, is, and will be.
I see the connection that feeds me.
The connection running throughout all living things.
Running to everything that is.

The source feeds all.
Wants to feed all.
Is, to be what all of us need, to give what all crave,
To help us in our journey, to supply us with strength and courage,
Passion, and Joy.
It is for us to draw on.

I am comforted.
Safe in mothers arms.
At home as though I never left.
As Peaceful and content as in a dream,
The dream of the untainted, without pain or troubles.
Without wretchedness or sorrow.

And yet I feel a push.
A gentle nudging that the time for me is short.
An urging to return to the physical, knowledge of the journey uncompleted.
I resist the thrust, even while knowing it is right.
I don’t want to leave this place, to loose this glory.
I want to stay here in my home.

But I know.
As part of the all, I know there are others.
Others back in the physical world that need me.
Need me to be there. The help I can give. The Love I can share.
And I know I need to be there for me. I need to continue my journey.
Need to be a part of that existence, as well as this.

But it is hard.
Knowing as I do now what will be lost to me in going back.
Knowing how little I will remember of the one.
How few of the answers will remain answered.
But I must go.
And I do.

As I awake, the sounds of the world drum on me.
The sacred smoke still eddies across the cold ground.
The dancers lie in and exalted heap around the center of the circle.
The others on quest set or lay where they are with a shared look,
A look of sadness and loss. Of joy and Peace.
Father sun is just beginning to burn away the night.

I feel the same sadness and loss.
The same regret for being back here, here where everything seems,
seems so much smaller, so much darker, so much less than where I am from.
But, as my senses return and awake, a new strength and understanding,
A renewed sense of hope, and just a bit of wisdom are at the front.
I am at Peace. I am renewed in both spirit and soul.

And as I prepare to leave this place, I start to remember,
remember some of the truths, some of the enlightenment that was
Shared while I was one with the source.
I remember requests honored, promises of help for friends and
Loved ones here in the World.
And I remember the Peace and the Love. It fills me still.

Note:
As we leave this place, this place that now will be honored by all that
know, will be wondered over by all that pass by. This now sacred place
where we achieved so much understanding and such connection that it is
changed for all time to come. We rejoice in the world we walk through.
We rejoice in the wondrous gift of Life, of our Love, and the freedom we
enjoy. And some of us rejoice in the reconnection with the source. Our
renewed energy and purpose. It is a good time to be alive. A good time…

 

Steve ‘Easy’ Whitacre November 30, 2005

Now

It don’t matter what happened in the past
Because what we have, is here right now
You make me smile, you fill my time
New joyous memories, to hold for all time
You let me know, how you feel, share your soul
And I hope you know, just how special you are

You let me show you, what you mean to me
Without sharing with you, who knows where I’d be?
When I’m not with you, I feel so down and blue
Whoever knew, our love would be this true?

When I think of you, it takes me there
There’s no way to express, how much I care
So little we’ve had, I feel a bit cheated
But we’re gonna last, till the end of all time!!

Thank you for being my friend…….

Steve ‘Easy’ Whitacre January 19th, 2008

The Lost One and The Road Back

I am lost, and I have to find my way back
I have journeyed into a darkness of my own making
A darkness that I sorely needed
Needed to escape from another darkness too impenetrable to bear
An ending so heartbreaking and soul rendering that I could not abide
So I ran. I had to run, for pain and loss were too much
Too much for me to allow myself to continue
Yet I had to continue
So I ran

I ran deep inside myself
I pushed away the tears and anguish
Buried the hopelessness and helplessness
Hid the doubts and troubles, the guilt and the anger
Pushed my very soul so far from reach
That no one or nothing would be able to touch it again
Not able to attend the funeral I needed so badly to close my loss
I tried to kill and hide forever the parts of me that make me who I am
I remade myself so I could never hurt like that again

I took all of me and stowed it away
Down in that dark emptiness that I now carried in my soul
Burned there by that brief instance of nightmare, the very end of forever
I put away my ego, my self-respect, and all cares for myself
I allowed no inner joys, no dreams of the future, no future at all
And yet I denied myself the present also
Denied myself even the simple pleasures of the moment
That made up so much of me before
I cast myself out of a world I yet traveled

Turning my focus outward, I made my entire existence to do for others
My reason for being became taking care of those I still had with me
All my energies were now directed outward for all those around me
My time, my thoughts, every breath I took
Every friend in need, every imagined cause to be fought
Anything, and everything, except for myself
And as long as this remained my focus
As long as I kept the burning pain trapped deep inside
I was safe. No fear could touch me. No guilt could trample. Safe

And as the days and years went by, it got easier
The lies I tell myself became believable, became my new reality
Each new problem, whether lessor or dire, tragic or heartbreaking
Became for me the center of my life, all of my life, my existence
For each instance took me that much further from having to look within
Made it that much easier to keep the demons hidden
And, though I knew the demons were there beneath the surface
Crawling and clawing in that festering, and never healing wound
I was safe, for no one could know, and none get close enough to hurt me again

But there was too much of me left
Too much of me that needed to live, to live a real life
To love and laugh, to find those simple pleasures I need so badly
So, a battle enjoyed between my real self, caged so deep
And the fantasy I had created to steel myself against any return
Bad choices taken, driven by the tiny voice I refuse to hear
Mistakes generated by the conflict within resulting in more loss, more pain
Errors in judgement guaranteed to fail
To fail because my fantasy self would ensure their failure

And now I fear, my time runs short
Already so many of those I used for my focus have moved out of reach
And too soon, I will loose the few left to me
I will be alone, alone to deal with that I cannot deal with
That which I cannot face, even after all this time
What then will be the meaning for my continuance
All I base my life on now, will be lost
Where will I find purpose to hold back the darkness
Where will I run from the pain?

I must find a way back…

Steve ‘Easy’ Whitacre November 14th, 2008

The Reason

In an almost unbearable burst of enlightened thought
A moment of crystal clarity, and unity of mind and soul
I find myself here, at this spot, at this time
And ask, what we all boon to ask
The question all must ask of them-selves to become whole
Why?

There must be a reason, a plan, some greater command
Some guiding force weaving the threads of the tapestry of my life
The potter’s hand that has shaped me for a purpose that I am to serve
Some finite goal not shared, but there regardless
Awaiting the day when I’m truly prepared
And I am here…

Marching back through my memories and lessons
I can now see the pattern emerging
The trials put before me to build my strength and character
Loves filling my very soul to build my compassion
Losses to embed my understanding and insight
The long, slow awakening of that who I am today

And now, in rapturous and joyful discovery
The answer is at long last found within
The simplicity and propriety of the solution
In its self, yet another of that guiding hands special wonders
All the pain and anguish of the long hard years recede in importance
As the reason becomes so clear

I am here to be your friend…

Steve ‘Easy’ Whitacre December 6th, 2005