Stuck Outside

It’s time again, time to come down
I am perched on the ledge, deep bottomless depths
Inside myself, I know what I should do, need to do
But I can’t, too afraid to face that edge, fear of that fall
The mirror shows me starkness, honest to eyes
Lost, wasted, faded shell of what I was
Vast disappointment in the person I see
How can I admit this person is me

Shame burns, long set aside
Excuses I’ve used to keep my heart alive
Ever turning my back, trying to hide
False front of innocence, take care the important things
Years of nothing but neglect, drown the pain away
But how can I run from the pain of regret

And to what end?

The need of distraction, to cover up the pain
Selfish center of me, blocking any in my way
Unsteady feet dragging through the day
Stupid maybe, I know it for what it is
But it’s been so long since I stood tall
I don’t remember how to begin
I’ve given away all I had, and all I hoped to be
Am I proud of this life, this morass of highs
I feel as if barely alive

I wanted to fit in, to hold to a part
Chased happiness down a path too easy
Now addicted forever, to the easy escape.
Trying to live in a world that is fake
Holding onto a glass, that must someday brake
Waiting for the day you fix it for me…..

Steve ‘Easy’ Whitacre December 2nd, 2007