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Thinking of a Brighter Future

  As Lao Tzu put it, “Be careful, as someone crossing an iced-over stream,” yet “Receptive as a valley, clear as a glass of water.” Followers balance their fear with their curiosity to seek the true potential of their existence. They look within themselves and see all that they don’t understand, and they like it that way. Because they’re centered in the Unity, they don’t need to worry about that which they don’t understand. The Unity will provide understanding as it fills their needs.

   The Master keeps their mind always at one with the Unity; that is what gives them their radiance, as the light of The Unity shines out to the world. The Unity is non-graspable. How can our mind be at one with it? Because we doesn’t cling to set ideas. The Unity is sometimes dark and unfathomable, but always there. How can it make us radiant? Because we allow it. Since before time and space were, the Unity is. It is beyond is and is not. How do I know this is true? I look inside myself and see…

  Be ever at peace my friends…

Alone in The Silence

Birthday party for the little one
Happy faces all around me
Missing so much in the roaring silence

I see the happy faces
Try to find meaning hidden in the movements
Struggle so hard to hear what is said

To understand, but to no avail…

 

Easy, 10/15/11

Old Journey

Old Journey

I sit, images of the vision rolling through my mind
All of the sensual felling, taste, smells, weariness of step
The people spread out before me, covering this vast valley
My mind pulled back to the fallen and the lost
Journey’s hardships too far, too much a challenge

Traveling from the far west
Over the highest of the frozen ice
Ever to the east, to promise and renewal
Finally into this untamed, rewarding country
Welcoming woods of elk, mammoth, and bear

Left behind men of barbarous war and death
With their weapons of stone topped bone
Those that brought death to a peaceful people
Lost in the fire of their creed and want
Lost to war on themselves, the people now safe

Dancing in the light of his fire, flute and drum ring out
Festal nights, companion ship and growth
A shared learning of futures bright with promise
Of nurture, honor, and virtue, a grace unreckoned
Sitting comfort in the warmth of his robes
The loving people filling my soul

To journey once more, that to future bright…

Steve ‘Easy Whitacre September 20th, 2011

Dead Leaves, Future Lost

There it is again, something on the winds
Lifting me from the depths of depression
Lighting my evening liken to the fullest of moons
Even with the snowy arms of winter clasped round me
I feel her heat, her tumbling hair
All warmth on my face

Suddenly

The sun beats down upon me
And water restores me
Washing away the dust and sweat of life
And I aware that time passes
The even plotting steps of my days
Leading somewhere to futures end

Dead leaves falling on weed covered grave
Till then, I feel the burning Sun
And the wind
Walking the early morning grass
To dive into watery depths
And wonder at a thunderstorm
For who am I
To doubt?

Steve ‘Easy’ Whitacre September 20th, 2011

Journey of the Great Ice

The old man’s legs creaked as he sat up into the cold out from under his blankets. He half halfheartedly took a stick and tried to stir some flames up from his night gone fire. Standing and letting the blankets fall, he pulled himself into his warmest robes and stepped outside into the even colder morning sunshine. The old woman was bent over a pot cooking his morning meal. As he scanned his tribe camped along the valley floor, and as he did he saw one of the young hunters running down from the mountain to the west. He sat, and awaited what news the boy was so eager to share, good he hoped. The boy came up to the old man and dropping on the ground, gasping for air, bowed and said Elder, I beg you hear. The old man said “Speak my son.” They boy continued, “It is the White Jyn Elder, they are four mountains to the west and coming this way, killing all they come across, there is much blood and many body’s left on their trail.” The old man was startled of the boy’s account, for he had believed the White Jyn to be nothing but an old myth, one told to frighten children and entertain adults. He had heard the same stories as he himself was growing up, but had never heard of any encounters in his lifetime. “What makes you think they are the White Jyn he asked, who told you of this and them?” The old man asked. “I was hunting in the west Elder when I came upon a group of hunters from the Chiang peoples. They were running to the southeast, and would barely stop long enough to tell me this story.” The young man paused to drag in a long breathe, and continued, “They told me they had been two mountains further west when they came upon the wreckage of a village of their relatives, with all of the people dead, even the children and animals. This made them very angry, so they set out to track the evil that had done this woeful act. They tracked north for half a day, and as they were about to camp for the night they heard the sounds of a great battle. Topping the next mountaintop they spied there in the valley below them a horde of yellow haired giants slaughtering another village of people. They were very afraid, and when one of them realized it was the White Jyn they were looking on, they slipped back off the mountaintop and began running to warn their people.” “But how do you know what they were telling you was true?” asked the old man. “I worried at their truth or sanity myself Elder,” the young man said, “so I ran to where they were talking about, and carefully looked for myself. It is all true Elder, It is the White Jyn, just like in the  old stories you’ve told so many times, two heads taller than the tallest of us, as muscled as one of the great cave bears, with yellow hair upon their heads and faces, and the most horrible thing Elder is that they are moving this way. They will be here in no more than four or five days!”

The old man sat back a bit and pulled the cave bear hide he was setting on up around his shivering shoulders. “You have done well my young son, and I thank you for this gift of hope you have brought to our people. Go now, rest yourself, eat, and when you are rested and fed gather the rest of the young men in the village and bring them to me. I must think on this.” With obvious hesitation the young man said, “Yes Elder, I will do as you say and will bring them.” Nestled in his hide, head bowed, the old man began a vision to find a way to protect his people. After just a few moments he realized that there was someone standing before him. Raising his head he looked upon the old woman standing before him with a bowl of hot soup. She pushed the soup at him saying “you can’t think clearly without food you foolish old man!” The old man took the offered soup, muttered thanks, took a sip, and returned to his vision seeking. When he came back ‘to the world’ the soup and bowl were gone, and all of the young men were gathered around him in respectful silence. “Bring me tea old woman” he said first, as he looked at the anxious faces around him. With a frown the old woman handed him Tea, “Who are our fastest two runners in the village?” he asked. Two hands went up with the others only nodding their heads. “First I want you two to run as fast as you can to the southeast and warn as many villages as you can of the coming danger. Stop at the Chiang tribe also to make sure their men made it to give them warning.” “But Elder” one of two spoke out, “we will be needed here to fight and defend our own village, our wives and children!” The old man put a finger up to quiet his outburst, and said “No, for there will be no danger, we will be leaving here as you do. I have gone on vision quest for the best and safest answer for our people, and my quest was answered.” He continued, “Our people will begin a long and hard journey, we are going up to the northeast, to the very edge of the great ice, and we will be traveling ever further east until the danger to our people is forever behind us.” “You two, being the fastest and best of the best, can catch up to us when you can now that you know our route.” Another young man spoke out, “But Elder, would it not be better for us to stay and fight off these invaders, hold to our lands, to our way of life and the gifts the Great Mystery gave us here?” The old man answered calmly, “We are not, and have never been a war like people. We have always lived in peace with all of those around us, in serenity, ever walking with respect and love for all life.” “War is not of our nature, and we would not be good at it, the price too high, and the losses too great.” Another of the young men jumped up, and stomping around, waving his arms he exclaimed “I have killed the mighty Cave Bear with knife and spear! I fear no man or men!” The old man just looked at him until he had settled back down with the group. He then said “If we do not do this thing then all the tribe will die. Death, all the men, all the women, all the children, all death, a true end for our people. I have been on vision quest and have foreseen it.” The statement quieted the group for they all held a great respect for the Elder and what he had shown many times he could do.

They were now all shaking their heads in agreement. The old man said “So then, runners get what you need and go. You know where to look for us when your task is ended. The rest of you, gather all you can safely and easily carry on a long journey remembering while you do that we will be traveling right up against the edge of the great ice, so be prepared for the nightmare cold and no or few fires.” “Go, Prepare!” he finished. As they ran out across the village the old woman approached him with another bowl of soup. Taking it, this time gratefully, he carefully thanked her and took a sip. “So, how is it you are going to make this mighty journey of yours old man? She asked. Smiling gently into his bowl, he looked up at her and said “You and I are too mean and hateful not to make it old woman, just too mean and hateful!” She made a ‘humping’ noise and moved off to do her own packing. Finishing the soup, he got himself up and went back into his tent and began to decide what he should take and what to leave. His eye fell upon the written record of his people, a record lovingly and carefully carried down and added to for thousands upon thousands of moons. He could not give them up, but how then could he ask what he asked of his people and refuse the same kind of sacrifice for himself. All the knowledge that had been gained by all the Elders and Shaman before him, the whole of the history of his people, all recorded carefully in detail on the delicate rice paper. A great sadness came over him, but he knew the truth of it. The past was now to be gone, and a new future lay stretched out before them all. He called for the old woman. When she stuck her head in his tent he said “Bring me a bit of fire.” She startled, knowing the urgency of preparations, but went quickly to comply. The old woman was back quickly and squatting down over the fire-stones, placed some fresh wood within the ashes, applying a burning branch from the fire outside, she quickly had a small fire going. Task done she stood up and moved back to the door, but didn’t leave. The old man, dragging the large bundle of paper with him, moved over to the fire. One by one, he began cutting the bindings of the bundles and then carefully placed a sheet of the fragile paper into the fire. The old woman stepped forward saying “Elder!” “It must be done.” He answered, “Hard as it is.” She stood there in silence as one by one he fed sheets into the growing fire. There was someone outside asking for entry. The old woman threw herself through the doorway and faced the young men that were there. They were all startled as her face was wet with tears, scaring them even more than they already were because they had never even dreamed this hard old woman to have tears within her. “What!” she said. One young man had the courage to answer “We need to take down the Elder’s tent Great One.” Taken a bit back by being called ‘Great One’ she hesitated for a moment and while she did the old man’s voice came from inside the tent saying “Never mind with my tent, it is too big to bother with. Please try to find me an extra small one.” The young men nervously moved off to comply. The old woman went back into the tent and was startled herself to find the old man’s face covered in tears also. She avoided looking at him or what he was still doing, and moved around the tent rolling up blankets and clothes, preparing the old man’s important things for the journey. His voice took her out of her task for a second as he said “Don’t let them calling you ‘Great One’ go to your head. They call me that kind of foolishness all the time, and we both know the fallacy of that! Besides, neither one of us need to grow bigger egos.”

The old woman soon left the tent with an arm load of the old man’s’ things, leaving him to the task he had to complete. As he placed the last sheet on the fire, he stood once more and took a quick look around the tent for what it is he needed to take. There was almost nothing there, “foolish old woman,” he muttered under his breath, “How does she expect me to carry all that?” He ducked his head and went back outside. The village was alive with activity, the people hurrying to prepare as he had said. The old woman appeared in front of him with his best boots, and mammoth hide leggings held out in front of her. Holding the leggings out she said “Step in old man, don’t embarrass yourself by making me dress you.” He carefully raised one leg into the leggings, and the other. He sat down on a stump and reached up for his boots, but the old woman knelt down, pushed one on, and began lacing it up. While he sat there he spied a huge bundle of his things tied in a large pack, and a smaller one. “How do you expect me to carry such a load old woman? He asked. “Shut up old man” was his only answer. Her task finished, he stood and she was back in front of him holding open his best mammoth hide coat. He quickly slipped his arms in and sighed as she tied it snugly shut around him. He knew he would soon be wrapped in warmth against this cold morning. She brought the smaller pack and strapped it high upon his shoulders making sure it was secure so as not to chaff. “What are going to do with that big pack old woman he asked?” “Shut up old man” was her quick snap. He stood there watching as his people got ready.

Soon they were all gathered around him, with a few of the children crying, the adults quietly awaiting his words. He took a deep breath and said “Who here are our best two hunters?” The men were looking at each other, and tentatively two young men raised their hands as the others began to point at them. “Two fine looking young men” the old man said, “Go now to the northeast and break trail for the rest of us. Try as you can to keep to the valleys rather than having us climb over the higher mountains. Try to take any game you may come upon for the tribe. When you find a good place to camp for the tribe, wait for us there.” “Who are the next two best hunters?” he asked. Many of the men raised their hands. He pointed at two and told them “Go out just a few walks ahead of the people to be guard, and be wary.” As the men ran off he turned back to his people. “I want you all to listen, and hear me well,” he said, “We start now on a great journey, one fraught with dangers no doubt, but also with wonders you have never imagined. We shall see things and lands of which none have ever dreamed. Be inspired my people, for this is a great thing you are about to do, and with the strength given us by the Great Mystery we shall all live to finish this our greatest adventure. Stories will be told of this for thousands and thousands of generations to come. I have foreseen it.” He turned to look for his walking staff and the old woman with that huge pack strapped to her back placed it in his hand. Thinking to himself, “foolish old woman,” and looking at his people once more, he stepped out at a slow pace following the hunters allowing the people to follow. They were soon on the path the hunters were leaving, and in a short time the village was far behind them.

They came upon the hunters and where they had prepared a camp for the people. They had gathered wood for fires, as it was still plentiful, stomped down much of the deeper drifts, clearing the way for they people to set up their tents for the evening. As the men began to setup the tents, the women were digging down through the snow cover looking for grasses and whatever they might find to be eatable. The old man turned to get his tent from the old woman only to find she was already attempting to set it up. Four of the young men from the tribe came running up and took her task from her, setting up both his and hers. She had looked as though she would scold when they first came up, but instead turned to making a fire and preparing something to eat. The old man sat down on the great pack resting his staff across his weary legs. He must have gone into a vision as he meditated his pain to subside, for the next thing he was aware of was the old woman leaning down in front of him and offering food. She handed him a small bowl of rice with greens mixed in it, and some dried deer. “Are you alright old man?” she asked looking concerned. “Yes” he answered, “I was lost in the vision of this journey again, a long and difficult one for our people, but with a wondrous gift of a new world awaiting those who can finish walking the path.”  “You will lead us old man, you will lead us.” She answered. Finishing, he took up snow and carefully cleaned the small bowl, handing it back to the old woman. He eased back and scanned his people across this little icy valley. Very few of the children were in sight, most likely already snugly tucked away in their tents, wrapped in the warmest of mammoth or cave bear hides. There was a good feeling to the view, a feeling that no matter what they would succeed and reach the vision end. Quietly, he began to sing. He sang a thank you to the Great Mystery for the blessings it had given and was giving to himself, and his people. He sang of his thankfulness for the strength he knew it would yet give. As he sang, he suddenly realized that the people had moved up next to him to better hear his poor songs.

He saw the need in them and so began to sing of his vision. He sang of the new animals he had seen, the one with its tusks on its nose rather than hanging from its mouth. Of the great white bear, smaller than the great cave bear, but ever ready to meet an un-prepared hunter. He sang of animals that had given up their arms and legs for a life in the seas, only coming out to rest and sleep. He sang of days and days of treacherous passage over broken ice and difficult climbs over impossibly high mountains. He sang of coming down out of the months and months on the great ice and finding the wonders of a new land stretching out before them. Of more new animals, without fear of man, almost standing there for you to come up and take them. A land that in the summer months there was no snow, and for part of the year the great sun never sat, remaining in the sky throughout the nights. And for those that choose to keep travelling, even more wonders. Lion like those of the rift valleys and the great snow cats of the far north, but much bigger with much smaller teeth. The vision began to swim within him as he sang, drifting ever further down through the coming generations. Wolves, a cousin to our mountain snow wolves, but each of them the size of a man full grown. So many things, so many new lands to explore and learn of, and all of this lay in the future of our people. For those of us that continue to travel to the south and east after crossing the great ice, we find even more. There are grasslands liken to only blowing seas, stretching out for many moons journey. Mountains that truly touch beyond the top of the world, with their tops ever untouched by the foot of man. And upon those great seas of grass another wondrous animal. Much like the oxen of the far southern lands here, but taller at the shoulder than twice the height of any man you have ever seen. Great herds of these beasts rolling across the grasslands as do the waves across the seas. All a gift from the Great Mystery for the needs of our people. He sang a song of thanks again, and the people joined in with him, ending the story as he allowed the vision to slip. He stood and said “You need rest my people, the journey has only started.”

Early the next morning the old man came crawling of out of the little tent into a world of new fallen snow. Wrapping his mammoth hide blanket tighter around himself as the cold air froze upon his cheeks even as he breathed out looking up at a cold sun. He surveyed his people and most seemed to be tending to breakfast or already readying for the days travel. He found his way over to the large pack and sat. “About time you got up old man” came the old woman’s voice, “I had thought you were going to sleep all day.” All of this as she brought him steaming tea and dried deer. She stirred the fire up a bit and turned going back to their packing. He carefully sipped the hot tea as he looked up the trail they would be taking, in a way building the strength within him for the days trek. And so it was, at just after dawn, they were on the move again, making slower progress than the day before because of the new snow, but progress none-the-less. Thus the days went, sometimes camping without fire, sometimes with, day after long day. At around mid-day on the 19th day of travel they came upon the guard hunters deep in the process of taking the hide off a mammoth they had killed. The old man couldn’t have been happier and went to each of them to thank them for their service to the tribe. Seeing an abundance of wood around the valley he quickly announced “We will camp here tonight, and maybe tomorrow too.”  He knew his people needed rest and the fresh food would do much to replenish their strength. The men fell upon the mammoth helping the hunters and the women and older children spread out gathering all of the wood they could find. Some began digging in the snow to find grasses and what-not to truly add to the coming feast. There was an overwhelming mood of happiness in the valley. He turned to the large pack to sat and was startled to find that the old woman already had a good fire going next to it and was making tea. He hobbled over and sat, thinking to himself “I guess I should have married her all those years ago, would have maybe, at least if she hadn’t been so ugly and mean.” The thought made him chuckle out loud and on hearing him the old woman stood up and turn around glaring “What do you think you are laughing at old man?” She had a good sized piece of wood in her hand and a menacing look in her eyes, but still chuckling he answered “I was just thinking about how good that fresh mammoth is going to taste old woman, how good” She made a “humping” sound and turned back to her tea making.

As he sat there and she brought him tea his mind drifted back over the thirty summers or so it had been since she had came and began taking care of him. She had been married to the meanest and biggest man in the village, a man with the temper of a cave bear and ferocity of a snow lion. He was always beating her for some imagined offense or lack, and one day she simply moved her things up next to the Elder’s tent. He had been inside his tent sleeping when she did this and didn’t know until the next morning when he got up and found breakfast awaiting him. As he sat and ate she had gone into his tent and cleaned it as it had never been cleaned before. She had then came out with his clothes and sat on the ground using the old stump to begin rubbing and cleaning them. He remembered the sound of her husband’s scream of rage from clear across the village as he discovered what she had done. The old man remembered standing and gathering his staff as the man came charging across the village, but he never got there. The men of the village, seeing what was happening, and what the woman must have finally done, gathered together and stopped the man in his rage. Even he, great though he was, could not stand against the whole of the village men. They never did tell the Elder what was said to the man, but within the hour he was packed and on a trail to somewhere else. He remembered an increased feeling of peace in the village after that time. The Elder had made arrangements for a tent for the woman and she had been serving him ever since. The scent of cooking mammoth startled him, and he looked back her way only to find that she already had long strips cooking on the fire and even a drying rack hanging over it full of meat. The scent was truly amazing, and whatever herbs she was using were making his mouth water. They stayed in that pretty little valley for two full days, and on the morning of the third the two runners that had been sent to carry the word to the south caught up with them. The old man postponed their departure until the men could be fed and tell him of their news.

They told him that the first village they came to was already empty, with the tracks leading to the southwest. The next village was the Chiang, and it too had been empty, but with the tracks heading due east. “Elder” said one of the men, “All of the other villages seem to be readying themselves for war. I now fear I have failed them honored one, as some of the villages we came to had already been attacked and all the people were dead in them. I tried to tell them Elder, I tried so hard.” “Rest your mind my son, you have done much for these people, but you can do no more than you have done.” Said the old man, continuing “Sit, rest, and have some so of this fresh mammoth to eat.” He turned to the old woman to tell her to bring food only to find her there handing it to the young men. Being that it was past noon now he announced that they all would be staying one more night. The announcement brought elation from the people. As he finished saying that the two men he had sent ahead to break trail strode into the camp. Coming up to the Elder the one young man said “It is good to see you well Elder, we have traveled far and the trail is clear. One day’s journey from here, just a little off the easiest trail is the village of the Meng 獵人 獁象 (great mammoth hunters) and as we were traveling through the outside of their territory some of their men approach us. They shared food with us and told us that their Elder had had a vision and sent them to look for someone like us, to ask our Elder if he could lead his people to share the welcome from their people, and talk to their Elder.” The old man thought on these words. It had been a part of his vision that many other tribes would be joining in this voyage, perhaps this was to be the first. “Go, be with your families for a while, we are staying the night here. You have done well.” The old man said, turning to tell the old woman to share meat with them to find her already doing it again. As the men moved off he said to her “You do a fine service for the people old woman” She made a “Humping” sound and went back to drying the meat.

Early the next morning they were on the move again with the two young hunters leading the way. Just before sunset they topped a small ridge and there below them they got their first view of the large village of the Meng 獵人 獁象 people. There were many barking dogs running everywhere. They were met with in a very friendly manner, warmly and with care, like the meeting of relatives after a long absence. Everything made it seem that they had been expected. Their people were already helping the old man’s people set up their tents, and offering them food and room by their fires. As he walked into the village he was met by an old man that he assumed was their Elder, walking toward him with a staff. “Greetings honored one,” the man said, “I offer you and your woman the comfort of my lodge and pray you will eat with me for I have many things I would discuss with you.”“I thank you for your most generous offer, and of course I will welcome your invitation.” the old man replied. The Elder led the way as the old man walked along side him, still looking over his people to make sure they also were being taken care of. Led to a low wooden structure, the Elder held a hanging mammoth hide to the side opening a hole in the structure, and waved the old man in with the old woman following closely behind. As he entered the structure the old man was a bit taken back. There was a uniquely built fireplace made out of many stones covering one wall, wood beneath his feet as well as all around him, even above. It was warmer than he could have ever imagined, even if it had been the dead of high summer. There were things to sit on, and what looked like things to lie down on. The old woman was quickly in front of him, helping him remove his heavy clothing. When he tried to resist she snapped “Settle Elder, you will be ill in all this heat.” The Meng 獵人 獁象 Elder smiled at the old man saying, “A strong woman.”The old man just chuckled and smiled back. As the old woman finished with him, the Meng 獵人 獁象 Elder bade him to sit down beside him where he sat on stacked rugs near a large flat piece of beautiful wood. Sitting, the old man said “So, tell me of your vision Elder.”

“I would tell you first of the differences in our tribes Elder, for in talking to your two brave young men on their first visit, I came to know of your peoples long peaceful way of life,” he continued, “We have always had an enemy that comes down from the north taking our peace from us. These people are called by us the ‘Di’, a bloody and brutal men, riding into our villages on the backs of animals, killing my people, and taking our woman and children. Because of this, I have had to teach my people the ways of war instead of the ways of peace. I try to teach them in such a way as to have them know of the difference between defending your people, and one of allowing yourself to be wrapped in a dark life far from the path of the way. I say to them that I would have them listen to me carefully and hold to my words. A warrior is not a soldier, not something of glory or pride. A soldier is one who trained to fight and follow orders much as the ‘Di’ people seem to be. A warrior is trained to think for himself and fight only as a last resort, and with reluctance. A warrior is the first to begin and the last to quit. Valuing life, he laughs the hardest and loves the best, putting the whole of himself into making things better for his people. I say to them stand your ground in all things and only give ground out of kindness. A warrior is not a follower, nor is he a leader except at great need; he is one that learns from the animals, the hills, and the rivers, knowing that the Tao resides in all. I beg them to respect all things of the earth as if they were his own heart, to know with all of his being that all men and all spirits are equals. I teach that a warrior never begs or pleads, nor does he give in to hopelessness and despair. Whether the warrior is successful or tries valiantly only to have failed, he thanks the Tao for the opportunity and the lessons, for he knows he has learned. A warrior cares for the weakest and least of his people, humbling himself in their service. He seeks wisdom in all things and learns from even the dullest, for everything can be his teacher. A warrior leaves judgment of his brothers and sisters to the Tao, knowing the Tao does not judge, but does not tolerate disrespectful behavior in his presence.” The Meng 獵人 獁象 Elder pauses, “This is a part of what I try to teach them, though I would rather be teaching them the ways of peace as I know you do for your people.”

The old man had a tear in his eye seeing the pain in his new friend’s eyes as he said, “Please, continue with your vision Elder.” “So as you now know, we are a people, though reluctantly, good at war. But even though we have endured these attacks for centuries un-counted, we continue to grow and prosper. And now, a new threat, a threat that if it matches my vision will mean the end for all of my people. I have foreseen this Elder; I have seen the error of trying to fight off this new enemy, and the total defeat that will result if we try. Your brave young men shared with me their knowledge that within your own vision you had seen an answer for your people, one that though difficult, paints the way to a bright new future instead of an end. After speaking to them, and asking them to invite you and your people here, I reached within on another vision quest, and found a new answer, for Elder, I saw my people and yours joined as one on this great journey you lead. I saw a glimpse of the new lands we shall reach together, and the wonders we shall know together. I would ask you Elder, will your people allow us to join with them, becoming a part of this great journey?” The old man embracing the Elder said “Of course my new friend, be at ease, of course your people can join us. I have foreseen many, many tribes joining with us before the end of our travels; yours will be but the first.” The Meng 獵人 獁象Elder gave a great sigh of relief, and turning to the women next to the great fire said “Bring us food, and one of you go and bring all the leaders from all of the villages.” The young women began to pile great steaming steaks of mammoth in front of the two Elders along with what looked to be fresh greens and even fruits of some kind. The old man briefly wondered how they had gotten fresh fruit in the dead of winter, but pulled out his stone knife to cut into his steak. The Meng 獵人 獁象 Elder laid his hand upon the old man’s and said “Wait my friend, I have a gift.” Motioning to one of the women, he called for a knife. The woman handed him something shining in the light of the torches, and he handed it to the old man. The old man hefted this heavy thing of beauty, admiring the keen edge of the thing, knowing it for a tool far beyond any he had seen before. “What is this wondrous gift Elder? Where does such a thing come from?” the old man asked with a glow in his eyes. The Meng 獵人 獁象 Elder answered “It is strange dirt we find in the ground at certain places. When heated is a very hot fire it changes to a red glowing, flowing liquid that lends itself to being poured into forms. After it cools, we need only sharpen it and attach the handle. We have many other uses for this dirt also.” “I fear I cannot accept such a fine and valuable gift Elder.” Attempting to hand back the knife, but the Meng 獵人 獁象 Elder pushed it back saying “I have given instructions that all the men and women in your tribe be given such, and all of the men be given the spear points we make of the same material.” “Then you have my truest thanks Elder; on behalf of myself and my people. There is much honor in your gift.” replied the old man.

There came a call from outside the lodge. The Meng 獵人 獁象 Elder called back begging them to enter. About 18 men squeezed into the lodge, some with a bit of grey in their hair, all with a look of dignity and worry on their faces. They arranged themselves in a semicircle around their Elder, and after bowing their heads in respect awaited his words. He said “Hear my words and hear them well, After this the Great Elder of our newest friends shared his wisdom with me, I have decided at long last what it is we must do for our tribes to survive the coming threat. I want each of you to send runners to your villages and for them to tell your people to pack quickly everything they can safely carry for a long and dangerous journey. They must do this quickly and then meet here so we can all depart while the threat is still a safe distance away. Go now, and do this thing.” He finished. The men all bowed their heads once more and exited the lodge. The old man was surprised. He said “They are obedient Elder; I had to explain my whole vision to my people before they were ready to take my word.” The response was, “I had already shared my own vision with them, and they knew what to expect was coming” was the Elder’s answer. He continued “Many already have their entire villages camped right outside of this one.. Don’t worry yourself Honorable One, this will happen very quickly.” The Meng 獵人 獁象 Elder indicated what the old man thought were a pile of hides and said “Here my friend, rest yourself and prepare for the next steps in your journey. The old man sat on the hides and as he lay down realized there was something different. He sat back up and pulling the hides aside saw beneath them a structure of thin wood and ropes. Dropping the hides, he lay down again, and was soon in restful slumber. When he awoke in the morning it was to find his host was already up and setting before the flat slab of wood again, the smells of breakfast filled the lodge. The old man got up and took a seat next to his host. The Meng 獵人 獁象 Elder asked “Did you rest well my friend?” The old man answered indicating the place where he had rested “What is it you call that structure we rested on?” The Elder answered “We call that a bed my Honored friend.” “And this?” the old man asked indicating the flat slab of wood the women were putting food on. The elder answered “This we call a table.” “You have many wonderful things my friend, many wonderful things.” said the old man. The Elder answered back, “They are but things Honorable One, just things.”

Early on the morning of the 2nd day the two Elders exited the lodge into the bright morning sun. The view of the large valley startled the old man, for everywhere he looked there were whole families of people. He moved over to the old woman and said “Well, what think you of this old woman?” waving his hand to indicate the valley. She started in surprise at his question, for in her memory he had never asked her such a question before. She answered “Well old man, I believe you allowing these people to join us to be one of the best and wisest things you have ever done for the people. These are a truly good people, giving and capable, an asset to ours, and they make the possible success of our journey much more likely.” He said with a smile “Goodness old woman, I fear to think that a little of my wisdom has managed to worm its way into that thick head of yours.” She made a “humping” sound and moved off to continue preparations. As she moved off one of his young hunters came up to him, bowing his head as he stood before him. Now where did he learn that thought the old man but said “Yes my son?” The young man hesitated and said “Elder, I am worried about adding all these people to our journey, I mean they are a fine people, as fine as we could ever know. They have treated my family and myself as though we were their very own, going out of their way to ensure our comfort with care, love, and openness, but Elder, how are we to feed and care for such a number as we travel on?” The old man noticed the shining new point on the young man’s spear, and the gleaming knife in his belt. Taking his own gift out of his belt, he held it gently and flat in his two hands as he said “My son, I think perhaps that we shall find these people much more an asset than a burden. As I told you all in the beginning, I have foreseen many tribes joining us in our journey, this is but the first.” The old man saw understanding bloom upon the young man’s face, and a peace settle into his soul bring him comfort. The young man said “Thank you Elder, I know now that all will be well.” Bowing his head again, he moved off to ready himself for the day. The old man wasn’t sure he could get used to the ‘bowing’ thing. He looked to the northeast of the valley and saw his four advanced hunters with a group of maybe 18 of the Meng 獵人 獁象. They all began to move off and soon all the rest of the combined tribe were following. The old man was very pleased to see that his people and the Meng 獵人 獁象 were walking together in a fairly mixed fashion, knowing this to be the first sign of a true bonding for the greater good of both. The Meng 獵人 獁象 Elder joined him with his own staff and together they join the trek of their people. And thus they travelled much the same for the next 38 days, though, almost magically, at each campsite their appeared a freshly killed mammoth or an abundance of other game. Things were truly going well.

At about mid-day on the 39th day of the combined tribes travel they came upon a tribe of about 38 families waiting just over a small rise. There were two old men that came up to the Elders begging to talk. The old man bade them speak. One of them began “Elders, your advanced hunters stopped and talked of the dangers you are fleeing from, and of the visions you both share of a whole world of better lands and existence for your peoples. We discussed this among ourselves and decided to ready ourselves and come to meet with you to see if you would allow us to join with you on this great journey.” The other one spoke in “Please Elders, for the sake of our people and their futures, please allow us to join with you.” The old man glanced at the Meng 獵人 獁象 Elder, and then embracing the two asked “and what is the name of your people?” “We are called the 皮斯愛好者 (Peace Lovers) Elder.” “Then by all means tell your people to fall in with ours, and join with us on this difficult trek. We must continue on this day until dark and the campsite our forward men will have prepared.” He watched as they went back to their people and the mass of people around him started to move again thinking “and still it grows.” The 皮斯愛好者 proved their worth at the first campsite that night introducing everyone to an abundance of new herbs they had brought with them, herbs that added such taste that the old man was embarrassed at the amount he ate. As evening closed into night he squatted in front of his tent, smoking his pipe, and listening to the stories the other three Elders were sharing. A true feeling of peace and tranquility filled him as he listened. They shared the histories of their peoples with the Meng 獵人 獁象 Elder sharing horrific stories of the ‘Di’ and their raids. They shared stories of how their tribes came to be where they had been, wondering into new parts of the country from evil emperors or places of dark power. Ever there seemed the same theme, a search for peaceful existence. The old man himself offered stories of the Great mystery and of how if its wisdom was followed it could bring much peace and wisdom into the lives of the people living it. After a little bit of discussion it was decided that what he referred to as the Great Mystery was what the three referred to as the Tao. A truly peaceful evening, likened to a chance meeting of lifetime friends after a long absence.

Four days later that changed. Around ten or so in the morning there were cries of panic from all the women as they began running around gathering up children. The Meng 獵人 獁象 men all dropped their packs and then spears in hand went running up towards the nearby mountain slope to the northwest. The Meng 獵人 獁象 Elder touched his arm and pointed up the slope at the dark form running down off of it. “The ‘Di’ come!” he said in a hoarse almost whisper. Looking, the old man saw men riding on the backs of short legged animals, with long spears in their hands, moving very fast down the mountain side. The Meng 獵人 獁象 men, as well as some of his own, broke into two sections, one closer to the bottom, and one further up, and then spread out into a line guarding the base. As the ‘Di’ hit the fist line many of them were taken off of their animals by a careful dodging and thrusting maneuver of the warriors on the ground. The few that made it through the first line collided into the second meeting with almost total disaster. Overall, out of the two-hundred or so that had attacked, at best perhaps eight of the ‘Di’ managed to escape with their lives. It was almost over before it started. The women quickly calmed and calmed the children. Some began setting up places to treat the wounded, while the men on the hill site helped them down. About twenty or so headed up over the top of the mountain to ensure all was clear. Again the 皮斯愛好者 showed their worth, being the best of the healers, having the perfect herbs to stop blood flow and pain, stitching up wounds in a careful but quick manner, all the while talking in a joyful manner to make their injured comrades feel better about themselves. The old man could feel the Meng 獵人 獁象 Elder shaking next to him. He quickly turned and taking the man’s arm, guided him to the ground. The Elder said “I am sorry Honorable One; I had thought we had journeyed far enough that the ‘Di’ would no longer be a problem.” “Now I fear that we have brought this added danger on your people by leading our enemy right to you.” head bowed he finished. The old man squatted down beside him saying “And how would my people have fared against such as them, without any experience or training? Our two peoples being together is what keeps mine alive now.” “Let your mind be at rest my friend, for we are all one great family now, and we stand together no matter what bad or good our journey has to offer.” The old man stated as he hugged the Elder. A man came running up to report. He said “Elder, two-hundred and thirty-eight of the ‘Di’ lay dead on the mountain. Our men still follow the few that got away to insure that no others are yet to attack.” “And what of our losses?” asked the Elder. The man responded “We have lost four Elder.” The Elder just shook his head in pain at the news. Under his breath he said “Four young men, four families without a father or husband, a hard day, a hard day.” The young man asked “What is it you want us to do Elder, do we prepare to move on now?” The old man answered him back “No, we shall rest and allow the wounded to be fully treated here for the night. We will move on in the morning.” The young man bowed his head and moved off to tell the others.

His young hunters as well as those of the Meng 獵人 獁象 were soon dragging the short legged animals down off the mountain side and spreading them out across the little valley. They would provide food for the people that night. Later in the evening, sitting at the fire, the old man began to talk to the people. He said “All of us have looked up into the night sky and realized beauty as beauty, but I would have you all know there is wickedness already, even as we all realize goodness as goodness, creating it where no goodness exists already. Hence existence and nothing give birth to each other, just as difficult and easy become one another. The long and short must form one another, like the high and low incline to each other. I hear the sound by the tones blending together. Front and back follow each other. Considering this, the wise person manages without doing anything, carrying out the indescribable teaching. They give birth to wisdom that they do not have, to the knowledge they are yet to gain, knowing that the Tao will give what is needed, they do but do not depend upon the wisdom, nor do they seek to achieve success, not even to dwell in it. The simple man alone does not dwell in it and because of this he never leaves it.” As the old man spoke the people began to move up nearer to hear the better. He continued “Through the Great Mystery or what your people call the Tao, we learn how to value worthy people, those leading other people to avoid contention. We try to teach them how not to value rare goods, of how this kind of value leads people to steeling and greed. How to put out of your mind whatever fine thing may take your notice or what suits desires all leading people’s hearts to avoid confusion. The way of the Great Mystery flushes and employs the virtue of ‘less’, ever deep like the ancestor of everything. The Great Mystery subdues that sharpness, separates that confusion. It is but to soften that brightness, and to be the same as that dust of creation. Deep and clear, to us it appears to exist. We can never know of whose child it is, for it resembles the ancestor of a Supreme Being. In walking the path of the Great Mystery we encounter the spirit of the valley that never dies. This is what I refer to as the profound female, and the entrance of the profound female; this is the origin of our Universe. Continuous, in the way like it exists, in usefulness, if not diligent. Everlasting, the Universe and Earth can long endure. Because they do not give themselves life, therefore they can long continue to exist. The wise person places his life last, yet life comes first. He is outside his life, yet life lives from within. Non-conforming as well as without personal evil! Hence he is able to succeed personally.” He continues, “I would have you all know my people that the highest of good is like water, benefiting to all things, contending with none. It dwells in the hidden places the multitudes loath, therefore it is somewhat like the way of the Great Mystery. In being, good is the Earth. In intention, good is depth and benevolence. In speech, good is truth. In honesty, good is found in order. In work, good is in ability and diligence. In action, we find good is present, if he alone does not contend, therefore there is no blame in failure. Holding a plentiful surplus when others are in need is not in harmony with oneself or the Great Mystery. Continuing to carry a fighting spirit with anger and pride cannot be long maintained, doing more harm to the fighter than the enemy. Treasures may fill a large tent to the point that none would be able to keep or admire. Wealth and pride, one’s gift to one’s pride becomes but a downfall with no one else to blame. Meritorious deeds that satisfy one recede, hiding below ego and greed, hidden even from one’s self. This is the way of nature and the way of the Great Mystery. In the times of my youth, the adept student was minutely subtle, open and deep beyond knowledge. He alone could not be known; therefore his strength lay in allowing the knowledge to enter. He prepared as if to be fording a river in winter; as if like in fear of vengeful neighbors. In a solemn manner that seems to allow, finally vanquishing his fear like ice slowly melting away. Honesty that is simple yet broad as the widest of valley. A blending that is like muddy churning waters, yet tranquil liken the calmest lake at rest. A never-ending cycle, circular, without beginning or end, complete and satisfied in its existence. Know you all that this journey goes well, and I have foreseen that the brightest of new futures coming for those of us that see the journey to its end.” The Meng 獵人 獁象 Elder sitting next to the old man patted him on the back gently saying “You are truly wise honorable one, truly wise.” To the crowd of listeners he said “go now, rest, for we will be continuing our trek early in the morning.” The people drifted off to their tents.

As they were preparing to leave the next morning a group of perhaps eighty people came down across the valley from the east. The sudden appearance of the group made the people uneasy and restless, but when they thought on the words of the old man the night before, they calmed and awaited the arrival of this new group. What appeared to be the Elder for their tribe came walking up to the group of Elders standing next to the old man. Bowing deeply he said “Greetings, I hope this fine morning finds you well honorable ones.” The old man nodded his head to this new Elder and said “I would offer you breakfast and the comfort of my blanket but we are soon to be on the trail Elder.” The new Elder replied “I would thank you great one, but we have traveled through the night in the hopes that you would allow our people to join with yours on this wondrous quest you travel.” The old man hesitated but a second, scanning the new group and said with a smile, “Then we welcome you and your families to our family.” “We are called the 冰削片機 (Ice Chipper) people and I thank you with my open heart for allowing us this honor.” answered the newest Elder. As they all began to move off the old woman came up beside the old man and said “You have many more friends than I knew of old man, many.” And after another ninety-four days, mostly with cold camps as there was almost no wood any longer, they at long last came to the great ice. Unanticipated until they crested a tall hill and it came into view, it was a staggering and truly awe inspiring site, the ice towered above them like the highest mountain any had ever seen. The Elders all paused around the old man, and one of them said “How is it great one that the people will be able to overcome such an obstacle as this?” The old man started to answer but as he did the Meng 獵人 獁象 Elder stated quietly “Because he has foreseen it, as have I.” The other Elders seemed content and calmed by that answer, some bowing and even smiling a bit as they looked back upon the ice. The old man too stood looking up at the intimidating sight almost shocked at seeing his vision become reality. A few of the young hunters that had been breaking trail in front of the tribe came running up, and bowing their heads, stood calmly wanting to talk. “Speak my sons” said the old man. “Elder. We need to know now what it is you want us to do. We can no longer break trail to the northeast as the great ice blocks our path.”

The young man finished. “Go and gather eighteen or twenty other young men and return to me” replied the old man. They both bowed their heads and ran off down the slope. Soon they were back with a small crowd of young men. The old man said to them “I want you all to take as much of the dried meat as you can carry and take with you your warmest of clothes and blankets and set off following the edge of the ice looking for anywhere the tribe may be able to climb. When you come upon a place you think climbable, leave four at the base as the rest attempt the climb. Those climbing need to support each other closely, taking the greatest of care. If you reach the top of the ice you can signal to the four left below by using the light of the sun shining off your knives. Go now, but go carefully. We will follow.” As a group they all bowed their heads and moved back down the slope to prepare to leave. And thus the journey continued for another forty-two days. On that afternoon of the forty-second day there came charging into the tribe a very large beast. It was slightly larger than a mammoth, with two horns standing upright upon its nose, the front one curving back to a menacing point and much larger than the back. Its hair was much as a mammoth’s but longer and thicker. It was about three and a half times higher at the back than the tallest of the men. The men quickly formed a circle around it and began dancing in and out thrusting with their spears. Two were hit and thrown wide as the great beast spun and fought their attack. Finally, the battle ended as the beast fell. The old man could feel the whole of the tribe sigh with relief as the surprising crisis ended.

The old man had again been quite startled to see his vision come to life before him. The Meng 獵人 獁象 Elder said “I must go down and explain to them how this too is a part of your vision.” He indicated to the other Elders to follow as he walked toward the now dead beast. The old woman walked up next to the old man and said “I would have you know old man; some of your vision scares me. Perhaps you should try to dream less.” He chuckled at her and she made a ‘humping’ noise as she moved off to help in the butchering of the animal. The old man thought to himself “If you only knew old woman, if you could only truly see.” The tribe fell upon the animal removing the hide and cutting the meat. Many were eating the raw meat hungrily as they worked for the warmth it had in it. Soon it was a large pile of bones laying in a red smear of bloody snow. Off to the side a group of women were busy scraping at the huge hide. The old man walked over to them and squatting down examined the hair of the animal. A good ten or twelve inches deep, and so thick it was all he could do to get his cold fingers through it. This animal was truly made for this country he thought, a fine specimen of the Great Mystery. As he squatted there a smiling young man came up beside him saying “Elder, with respect, are there any other beasts such as this we are yet to see?” The old man looked up at him and with a bit of a smile said “Yes, but not many of these small ones, most are bigger than this.” The smile left the young man’s face as he nodded taking on a more serious mood, and looking towards the east and the trail they would be following said quietly “Then we will be ready, always ready Elder.”

As they moved out the next morning the old man noticed that the men had taken a new initiative on their own, they had sent out a much larger forward group of men to break trail and the also had men over the ridge to the right of the main tribe for security and watch. The old man liked that they had begun to decide for themselves and not rely only upon the words of the Elders. The other Elders noticed also with the 冰削片機 Elder saying “I think our children are growing up and learning to think for themselves at long last my friends.” That brought sighs and smiles from all of them and one said “Yes, the Tao shares its wisdom with them, and they finally begin to listen.” They continued traveling, sometimes having to detour far to the south to pass by mountain sized pieces of the great ice that had broken and fallen before them. The landscape was completely barren, with even the dirt scraped away to rock in most places by the path of the moving ice. Just as the old man began to worry that they would have to change direction to the south in search of some kind of game, another animal was found. And what a majesty this one was. Looking much like a mammoth but standing at least four times taller that the largest mammoth any had ever seen or heard of, tusks of such length that it would take at least ten men with arms out stretched to span one. It was standing in a small depression digging at the ground for what looked to be old tubers and roots. The tribe stopped well back as the men gathered to plan their hunt. The old man could not but admire their courage for facing this challenge in such a calm, reasonable, thoughtful, and reliable manner. He watched and waited. After talking for some time, the men dropped their packs and keeping low slowly started to surround the animal. Once the circle was complete and still keeping low, they began to slowly move in. As the animal began to notice the movement around it about three of the men at a time from all sides began to run in and thrust with their spears, with men also charging at the front of the beast to try to distract it from the others. In and out, in and out, as fast as they could run and retreat, the beast spinning around in circles in an attempt to somehow get back at its attackers. Soon the great beast had at least a hundred spears in it and a rage startling as it screamed its anger. And then, after a seemingly never ending span of time, it was over. A few more spear thrusts as the beast lay on its side and it was dead. The tribe roared as it surged forward to fall upon the great beast, thanking the hunters, and beginning the long task of butchering the great animal. One of the Elders sat down and began singing a song of thanks for the safety of the people and for the gifts the animal was about to bestow on the tribe. The old man moved down out of the harsher wind, unrolled his blanket, and sat, relieved that his people would be provided for. He heard the old woman rustling around behind him but he quite suddenly imagined he smelled the savory smell of cooking meat. Turning he saw the old woman squatting over a bone fire, bone she had split and carried from the last animal killed. She saw him looking and asked “Are you hungry old man?” He smiled back and said “What no greens?” She made a ‘humping’ sound and went back to her cooking.

Nineteen days later they came upon eight of the men he had sent forward standing at the base of a huge crack running up the face of the ice. He walked up to the men asking “Do you need food, we have recent kill?” The men all nodded no and one of them walked up saying “Elder, it is good to see you well. We recently killed a great bear Elder, a bear so much bigger than the great cave bear that I feared we would not succeed. And Elder, there is game up on top of the great ice. Small deer that don’t even know enough to run when you move up to them, and great fat birds that not only don’t run or fly but come walking right up to you to see what you are.” The old man looked again up though the large crack to the tops of the ice. “So, there is a way here for us to climb” he stated. The man answered “Yes Elder, it is difficult, but we are sure the tribe can make the climb here. We have all made it for we had to escape some huge terrible beasts Elder. We have been cutting steps in the days we awaited your arrival to make the climb easier for the people.” The old man looked up again and saw another eight of the men he had sent forward climbing down the crack. “You have done well my sons, you have done well indeed. We shall camp here and begin the climb tomorrow” The other men of the tribe had moved up around and behind him as he had talked to the young man. He spoke to them all now “We will camp here tonight and begin our climb tomorrow. You need to set a careful guard as there are fearsome great beasts in this land. Rest as well as you can, but be always on guard.” The men moved off to organize the camp, and the eight men that had been ahead moved to reunite with their families. The other Elders all came up around him. One of them looking of at the mountain of ice before them said “A difficult thing lay in front of us most honorable one, can the people really overcome this challenge?” The old man looked at all of them and said “If not here, than someplace further along, for hear this well, I have foreseen the end of this journey and it lies far to the east across this intimidating and mighty expanse of ice.” He knew in his heart his vision was true, and that the people would prosper from it, creating a bright and promising future for them all, and for generations as yet undreamed.

As the old man slid out of his tent early the next day it was to the view of his people already climbing the ice. 6 or 7 men were with each family of women and children helping them in their climb and over the difficult spots. The old man sat back and the old woman’s voice startled him as she brought him food saying “They get up early don’t they old man?” He thanked her for the food and continued watching the climbers. As he watched he saw the men from the camp running to the south with their spears but no packs. Looking south he saw the biggest lion he had ever seen, though not having the oversized teeth of the next big cat in his memory, it was assuredly a danger to the tribe. Moving at a slow pace toward the rest of the tribe with its nose in the air the animal was obviously on the hunt for breakfast. The men reached it and began pretty much the way they had day with the last great animal they had dealt with. The big cat proved to be much more difficult a foe as being very fast there were two men down in the first instance. The rest of the men had moved in quickly enough to hopefully minimize the damage to their downed comrades. Four solid spear hits and the animal was down squirming on the ground. A few more careful strikes and it was dead. The men moved to check on the wounded as the women, in a tentative manner, moved to begin butchering the prize. The old man walked down to take a closer look at the beast. The mouth of the great lion could have easily enclosed his whole torso, and though small as compared to the rest of the big cat, each tooth was about the size of his hands, and there were many of them. He asked one of the men “How did you know it was coming?” The man answered pointing up the crack “Elder, after your warning yesterday, we stationed men partway up the great ice to watch for such, and signal us with flashes from their knives and the sun if danger came.” “You all have done well then.” said the old man. The man bowed his head. In all, it went well that day, with no accidents, and over a quarter of the people making it to the top of the ice. All the Elders agreed that the climb should be complete by the end of the forth day.

Nearing the end of the third day of the people climbing, as the old man sat crossed legged on a small rise watching the progress of his people, there came from the south a band of perhaps two-hundred and thirty families with what appeared to be two tribal elders leading them. The old man felt a swelling of pride as he saw the way his people that were not yet on the climb welcomed and made these newly arrived travelers feel truly a part of the tribe. The old man saw one of the men talking to the new elders and then pointing up to him. They were both soon walking up the small rise to what he sat. When they reached him, the old man indicated that they sit down next to him as he offered them greetings. He misunderstood their startled looks and said “I mean no disrespect Elders; it is just that you look as though you have traveled far and are weary. Please sit, I am sorry I have no fire to share, but we do have dried meat if you are hungry.” They bowed their heads in respect and the taller one said “Thank you Great Honorable One, we truly thank you.” He finished as they sat. The taller one again spoke “We have traveled far Great Honorable One to join our families with yours, for I have foreseen this for our peoples. I would ask of you Great Honorable One if you will allow my people to join with yours on this great journey.” A bit taken back by now having yet another long name applied to him, the old man said as he leaned over and embraced the two “Our people my new friends, our people, one and together.”

They sat there together for another two hours watching their people climb the rift in the ice. At one point the old woman brought them dried meat and a bit tea made of water she had melted over a bone fire from the drifting snow. After thanking her and eating the old man stood saying “Well my newest friends, I think we should join our people in their climb.” Both of the elders had risen as he did and nodded in agreement. So together walking down the rise they joined in the treacherous climb with the great throng of people before and behind them. Just before dark and together they reached the summit and stepped out of the rift onto the flat plain of ice stretching out before them. The old man was astounded to see setting well back from the edge a sea of tents and moving people. Even as the rest of the people awaited below to begin their climb in the morning the people at the top had established a well laded out camp allowing them to take care of their needs and those of their families. The two elders with him turned to him and bowed saying “Please excuse us Great Honorable One, we must go see to our people.” The old man started to say they are all your people but instead said “Go my friends, go.” As they moved out of hearing the old woman said “So old man, do we stand here freezing all night or are you going to allow me to set up out tents?” The old man smiled to himself and slowly stepped off to join the people with the old woman following. As he walked through the camp the old man was highly pleased to see how well the people were mixing one tribe to another, a great step in becoming a truly united unit and family. The old woman spoke “Pick a spot already old man, I tire of walking.” He smiled to himself again and seeing the closest open area indicated it with a wave of his hand. “About time” she said as she dropped her pack to begin to setup their things. “Are you getting lazy this late in life old woman?” he replied. She made a “Humping” noise and went about her work.

By late afternoon of the next day, the last of the people had made it up onto the top of the ice. The old man decided to spend one more night where they were to allow the last of the climbers rest. It was bone numbing cold up on the ice, and the wind drove across almost without stop with nothing to interrupt it but the flapping sides of his tent. The old man sat and tried to pull back the ruminates of his vision, to try to get as sense of the time they had yet to travel until they climbed down from the ice. He failed. He was startled awake by the sound of the old woman’s voice from outside his tent saying “Elder, it’s morning elder, the men await you” The old man gathered himself and slid out of his tent into the early bright morning sun and glaring ice. There were around twelve men awaiting him as he stood up. He said “A fine morning” and indicated to one of the men to speak. “Honorable one, we sent eighteen men ahead to break trial for the rest of the tribe. Was this the right thing to do Honorable One?” he finished. The old man smiled as he surveyed the camp around him. Most of the tents were down, with many of the people that were ready already helping their neighbors prepare for the days travels. “Of course you have done well my young sons, of course. I apologize for sleeping so long this morning. I will be ready in just a few moments” he answered as he turned around to pack his tent only to find it down and rolled by the old woman. He smiled again to himself. The old woman helped him on with his small pack and then handing him a piece of dried meat reached down and swung her much larger one up and onto her shoulders. She stepped off saying “Come on old man, you’ve kept them waiting long enough.” He smiled again as he followed along joining the long column of moving people as they in their turn followed the tracks and signs left by the advanced group. Soon as he walked all of the other elders had gathered around him.

The tall elder that had joined with his people two days before said “Most Honorable One, forgive me but I have a question.” “Ask it my friend, ask it” replied the old man. “Then Most Honorable One I would beg to ask, what is it you believe? What nature of beliefs do you follow?” the tall one asked. The old man thought for a moment and began “My friend I believe in what my people call the Great Mystery. It is a source that lives in all things, the people, the animals, the plants, the dirt, the rocks, and the sun above up with the stars at night, even this cold ice beneath our feet. It existed far before time itself began, for it had no beginning, and because it had no beginning it can have no end. This source is what gives us our wisdom if we but learn to quiet our thoughts and look within ourselves to that connection, listening, always listening for the answers and strength it gives freely to us. The Great Mystery is called by many different names like The Tao our friends here call it” He finished as he indicated another of the elders standing nearby. The tall man asked again “But Most Honorable One, how do you know this to be true?” “Because my friend I have learned to open the core and soul of myself and allow The Great Mystery to impart its wisdom to me, always listening with an open mind and heart,” he paused indicating all of the elders around him with a sweep of his arm, “just as all here have learned to do in your own ways. You are doing it every time you enter a higher meditative state, when reaching for answers within a vision quest, or like me when you simply open yourself to the flow by quiet listening within.” The tall man asked again “then I would beg of you Most Honorable One, please will you teach me of this source?” The old man thought for a moment and answered “You have already begun to learn my son, but we will most surely talk much in the future, just wait until we get down off this cold ice and have a roaring fire to set around for formal lessons.” The old man finished with a smile.

The elders were all talking and smiling as one of them said “The Tao speaks clearly to you Honorable One.” And on they walked, sometimes having to detour far back from the edge to avoid broken ice and traps, but the journey continued at a steady pace. Nearing the end of another four hundred days and with the people on the verge of starvation, the old man began walking near to the edge looking ever down into the valleys below. At long last he saw that which he had been looking for. Calling a halt and sending runners ahead to give the word he gathered some of the men to him and said “We must find a way down of the ice near here for the people. Please do your best and as quickly as possible.” The men all bowed their heads in assent and moved off. The old man then sent runners to catch up to the lead group to bring them back with instruction for them also to watch for a safe way down. Another two days pasted as the men searched, the people near to starve and freeze. And then around mid-day of the third men came running with great excitement. One of them stepped up to the old man and bowing deeply said “Elder, we have found it. We have found a safe way down from the ice for the people.” The old man smiled widely in happiness and replied “Then you have done well my son, you have all done well for the people. Go now and prepare them and lead them to the place you found.” The young man smiling too and bowing deeply once more ran off with his companions to do as he had been told. A couple of the elders moved up closer and one of them asked “Why do we leave the ice Honorable One? Is the journey complete?” Laying his hand on the man’s arm the old man answered “No, not near the end of our travels yet, but the people must have a chance of food, rest, and heat for them to continue, and in the great valley we shall find below there will be all those things.” Then man looking back at him asked “But how do you know this Honorable One?” The old man gave him a reassuring smile and answered “Because it is in my visions my friend, a great part of my vision.” The elder looked satisfied at this saying “Then I trust it to be as you say Honorable Ones, for I have learned to truly trust in the clarity of your vision.” Four days of careful descent and all of the people were on the valley floor. A large, great valley, majestic, and filled to the brimming with trees and plants. A place he heard the people referring to as ‘magical.’  The old man was well pleased to see the men organizing hunting parties and heading out in search of game. The children were all running around gathering firewood, and there was overall a general feeling of happiness throughout.

In what seemed only an instance of time, there were men coming back into the valley, most dragging the largest deer like creatures the old man had never imagined possible. Two of the men dragged one of the deer up next to him saying “For you elder.” He tried to protest that it was too much as they moved away, the old woman behind him already working on the carcass saying “Shut up old man.” That evening, sitting near a huge fire of wondrous warmth, his belly full to the overflowing with the tasty deer steaks, the old man sat smoking his pipe and looking at all of the fires burning across the large valley floor. He glanced at the meat drying on the racks the old woman had put up around the fire, and at the old woman herself sitting on the other side. He said to her “Old woman, that man you were married to was truly a fool. You are most assuredly the hardest working and most talented woman of our people, and there is a true light shining from your soul within, brightening all of those around you. I thank you for your kind service to this” indicating himself with his thumb, “an undeserving old man.” The old woman was truly startled at the old man’s words, for she had never heard anything like them spoken to her before. She looked at him and said “I am truly humbled elder, and I thank you for your most kind words, but I feel I am undeserving of such high praise elder, though I do thank you again.” The old man simply answered “Nonsense” and went back to smoking his pipe. The next morning as he was again sitting next to the fire enjoying a breakfast the old woman had cooked for him, one of the hunters came running up. He bowed his head and waited. The old man said “Speak my son.” The young hunter bowed his head again and said “Elder, we would like to know if there is time for us to mount another hunt before we need to be moving on?” The old man answered “We will be staying in this valley for the next twenty days, so you can hunt and the people find rest. I will need all of you hunter to also find rest while we are here also. Work it out among your selves so that the rest is possible” finished the old man. The young hunter was smiling broadly as he said “Twenty days! Yes elder, it will be as you say.” As the hunter moved off he heard the old woman saying “You know old man, there are times you surprise even me.”

The old man walked through the throngs of people, seeing the progress they were making towards health and what benefit the food and rest was giving them. As usual of late he was escorted by many of the elders, as he moved along speaking to the people, gauging their happiness, talking of their progress, and trying to determine if the twenty days he had given them was enough for what they needed. He realized quite suddenly just how annoyed he was by all the bowing and overt signs of respect he was getting from everyone now. It was as though he had no equal he could simply sit and talk with; that he could share his own doubts or concerns with, for now everyone was placing the whole of their hopes for the future on him alone. And yet, looking into the faces of the people as he walked along, hearing the laughter of the children as they played and danced, he could not but feel good, for he knew for a certainty what would have happened if they had not begun the hard journey. He decided though as enclosed within his ‘escort’ of elders, he slowly began to move back toward his own fire, that he would willingly accept this burden for nothing else than the benefit it seemed to be providing his people. As soon as he sat down at his fire again the old woman brought him yet more food. He said “Are you trying to make me fat old woman?” She quietly responded “Shut up and eat old man” as she went back to her work. Around mid-morning of their tenth day in the big valley the largest mammoth the old man had ever seen calmly walked into the camp from the west. The men all quickly responded and it was soon lying dead between some of the tents. With relief that no-one had been injured the old man strolled down to have a better look at the majestic beast. As he neared it he heard one of the men saying “The Great Honorable One now calls the game to walk right into our fires!” The old man just shook his head as he admired the animal. Again the people brought what the old man perceived as far too much of the meat up to his fire and the old woman. As he started to protest the old woman said “Just thank them elder, and let me get on with the work.” Thinking to himself he would never, never, in the rest of his days get used to hearing the old woman call him elder, he thanked the men, and digging his pipe out sat back to think.

Very early on the morning of the twentieth day the old man came crawling out of his tent to a view of the whole of the ice rift full of slowly moving people. The old woman’s voice came from beside him “I begin to truly worry that you will not wake up old man” handing him food and finishing with “now eat while I get this stuff ready.” The old man sighed, and sat down by the fire knowing it would be the last time to enjoy such for the coming many of many moons. Around noon, with the old woman, satisfied that her work was done and all was properly packed, they joined the mass of moving people in their climb up the ice. Just before full dark and nearing the summit the old man looking down the hill behind him, began to worry for the people yet climbing in what would soon be full dark. Just as he did crest he beheld the wondrous sight of torches. Fire everywhere, with the men holding them moving down to light the way up for those yet climbing. The old man smiled to himself thinking “my children are truly growing up” making him greatly admire the loving care they had developed for each other after being thrown together against a common danger and this most difficult journey. And early the next morning, their trek resumed.

Two hundred-twenty-six days and they began to see a great body of water far to the south. The journey continued, until three-hundred-four days later the old man knew it was done. He called some of the men to him and when they had gathered said “Our great journey nears its end for some of us. Again I ask you all to find us a way down off the great ice.” The men all bowed their heads and went running off. The old man walked over to the edge of the ice and looked down. There, far below him, was just what looked to be more and more flat plains of ice and snow, but he knew, true to his vision, this was the beginning of the journeys end, at least for some. It took four more days travel before the men found a safe decent point. As the old man caught up to the main body there were already many making the climb down, the old woman looked down over the edge and saying well, we won’t be joining them today, then dropping her great pack began removing their tents and blankets in order to setup camp. Late the next afternoon the old woman and the old man reached the bottom and stepped out onto the frozen flat plain before them. The old woman said “Tell me this isn’t the end of our travels old man; tell me there is more to your vision than this forsaken frozen place.” He answered “Well old woman, this is the place a few will choose to make their new homes, but for the most of us, we will travel on yet far to the south and east to land of which even my own visions find hard to believe.” “Well good then old man, well good. I look forward to seeing just what it is that you find hard to believe” she said back. Crawling out of his tent the next day and having the old woman start to hand him a piece of the once again running out dried meat he jumped at the look on her face as she suddenly starred off to the west of the camp. Looking he saw a large group of hunters dragging game in, some so large it was taking four of them to drag just one. And what odd game is was, for the animals had no arms or legs, but rather some kind of fish like flippers that looked to be for swimming. The larger one had two great teeth that the men were using to drag the beasts with. The old man walked over to get a closer look as the men arrived fully into the camp. One of the men, nodding his head, said “Greetings elder, fresh game elder” finishing with a smile and “and the meat is good elder, we’ve already tried it.” The old man looked at the beasts. Both the larger and the small had a very fine coat of fur on their skins, making him think of what fine clothes they would make when properly worked. The old woman moved up past him with her knife saying “I will judge whether or not the meat is good.” She cut a deep circular chunk out the animal, and tasting it immediately handed it to the old man saying “I is good elder, eat while it is warm.” The old man muttered a thank you, and took the offered handful, then upon tasting it, found it to be very good indeed, with a high concentration of fat that he knew would provide much energy for his people. He turned to the hunter asking “Are there more of these animals? Are they close or far?” The hunter nodding his head again answered “Not far elder, and there were too many for us to count. They live on floating ice at the edge of a great sea to the west.” “Good then, give the other hunters of the tribe directions so that they may go out and hunt these great beasts themselves. You have done well for the people my son,” then raising his head and looking around to them all he finished with “you have all done well for the people.”

Being that there was no wood here they began to drift to the south, though first a bit to the west to be closer to the hunting. As they traveled the land a few trees and plants began to show through the heavy ice and snow. Then on the fourth day while climbing a particularly difficult steep and high ridge the old man found himself nearing bumping into the man in front of him. Looking up he saw that all of the people in view had stopped climbing. The old man began snaking through the crowd with the old woman puffing behind him to see why they had stopped. Reaching the top of the ridge he gasped for breath at the view spreading out before him. There, down the ridge he now stood upon; lay the most wonderful tree filled valley he had ever seen. And the trees! Taller than anything he had ever even dreamed possible, with great wide sweeping branches covering almost the entire valley. One of the men nearby said to him “Elder, did you dream this for us?” The old man replied “Not like this my son, not like this. We should move on to allow those behind us to see.” Reaching the bottom and walking through the heavy woods the old man marveled once more at the sheer size of these trees. Standing at the base of one he tried to bend back far enough to see the top and would have fallen if had not the old woman caught him. The peaceful silence of the woodland filled him its peace and he strode along in admiration. Finally, the old woman brought him out of his mental wondering saying “Old man, we need to settle somewhere so I can set our camp for the evening.” He had jumped at her voice, then as he ‘returned to the world’ he indicated with a sweep of his hand “Yes, yes, wherever you prefer.” She quickly began her work as he continued to stand and look all around them. Again his mind must have wondered for when he next looked in the direction of the old woman she not only had their tents and things setup and unpacked, but a roaring fire also, his blanket right beside it. He moved over and sat and as he did she brought him a huge piece of cooked meat and greens. At the sight of the greens he looked up and said “Where did you find the greens old woman?” She cut him off with “Shut up and eat old man, you hold me from my dinner.” He shut up and ate.

Several weeks later he crawled out of his tent to the sight of all of the other elders sitting around his fire. The old woman was serving them that tea like drink made from leaves she had found somewhere and shushing them to be quiet. The old man dropped his head and smiling to himself, got up and joined the others. As he sipped the warm drink his eyes scanned the camp in the forest. A few days before he had notice that the Meng 獵人 獁象 people had begun building structures much as they had left so far now behind them. There was an almost constant sound of their metal axes biting into the great trees. The Meng 獵人 獁象 Elder said “I see you notice the construction my people are busy with honored one. I met with my people and they have decided they want to stay here and make a new life. The hunting is good and this place seems as peaceful and safe as anywhere we have ever been.” The old man sipped his drink again and answered “I am happy the Meng 獵人 獁象 people have found a new home here, though I will miss their company as we travel on” he finished taking another sip of his drink. The Meng 獵人 獁象 Elder continued “We have decided we shall no longer be called the Meng 獵人 獁象 honorable on, we shall be called the Inuit, The name Inuit simply means ‘The People’ honorable one, for in sharing your wisdom with us, and allowing us to join with you, you brought forth the strength within us we had never known. You taught us to walk with humility, love, and care, giving us the knowledge that we are truly of one family, all depending upon each other and you have given us the truest sense of belonging we shall ever know.” The old man looked at the Inuit elder and said”You and all of your people already had all these things my friend; I gave you nothing you didn’t already have.” The old man continued “I will miss you all as the rest of us move on to the southeast, but it has been a true honor in getting to know you all.” “You could all stay here honorable one” the Inuit elder said, “All would be welcome.” The old man replied “No, though I know of your loving kindness, a group as large as ours must continue on. As we travel, one by one, tribes will drop off to start new lives together, but the journey itself is still far from over, for my vision remains clear.” The Inuit elder said “Then I understand honorable one and I thank you again honorable one, for myself and for my people, and I wish you well.”

Several weeks later as he sat by his fire he saw men coming in from the west carrying five of their party. Quickly rising he hurried over to them to be of aid. As he got to them he saw that they had been horribly mangled by some kind of animal. He turned to go back to his tent and get his medicine bag, almost running into the old woman who was standing behind him holding it. Taking it and muttering a thank you, he set about trying to help the men. Even though he was joined by elders from the other tribes that came to help, four of the men died, their wounds just too great to care for. The old man sat back in the bloody snow, and looking up at one of the men near him asked “What happened to these fine men?” The man answered “Most Honorable One, we were hunting to the west near the coast of the great sea when suddenly a great white bear came charging at us. It was not as large as the Great Cave bear elder, but it was very fast and most ferocious. We all tried to defend of course, but these men were taken before the rest of us could do anything. More of the men bring the animal here as we speak.” As the man finished talking the old man saw to the west the men spoken of arrive dragging a large white animal. He got up and moved towards them. Arriving next to where the men had dropped the animal the old man got his first view of the great beast, and great it was. At least two and a half times the height of the tallest man, heavy but well muscled, and with the obvious look of speed and power. He quickly asked the men “Are any of you injured? Do any of you need my help?” he asked looking around at the men. Several of them had deep claw marks and wounds and once again the old man turned to go back and get his medicine bag from where he had left it on the ground. The old woman was standing there with it again, and taking it the old man said “Thank you again old woman, you are truly a blessing in your service for the people.” He saw she actually blushed at his words as she replied “And I thank you elder, I only try to do as needed.” The old man went to work cleaning and sewing up the wounds of the men, joined once again by the other elders as they came to help.

A couple of moons later the old man asked the old woman to go to all the other elders and ask them to gather at his fire. As they came, bringing their blankets and arranging themselves near the fire around him, the old man loaded his pipe and began to smoke. Leading the last of them the old woman came up before him and said “That is all Elder.” and moved out behind him into the shadows. As the last of them arranged themselves a place to sit the old man scanned the faces before him. There were at least ninety or so representing all of the combined tribes. Seeing they were all settled he began to speak “My friends, the time has come for those of us that are continuing the journey to be moving on to the south and east. My vision has shown me that not far from us we will find a vast area of frozen sea taking many weeks to cross. We must cross this area before it melts away in the coming spring. The only time the people can safely cross this sea is in the coldest time of the winter moon, and now is that time. Waiting any longer will mean waiting until the middle of the next winter. I would ask you all now, are your people ready to continue the journey?” he finished. One of them spoke “Most Honorable One your vision has proven its self true and clear. It has saved all of our peoples as you’ve led us safely to this fine new land. My people will be ready.” he finished. And one by one, the others all spoke the same. The Inuit elder said “And my people will help you all prepare, for though we wish all could stay here together with us, I know your journey is incomplete, I would have you know then my people will all help yours prepare my brothers.” The old man sat smoking his pipe as they all began discussing the things needing done, what they needed to tell their peoples, how long it would all take. After what seemed to be an eternity they began to get up and thanking the old man moved off to their own fires. “Old woman?” said the old man, “Did you hear?” Moving back up to the other side of the fire and spreading her blanket she answered “Of course I heard old man, we will be ready also.” The old man smiled in the dark and relaxing, continued to smoke his pipe.

Early on the morning of the third day the old man came crawling out of his tent to the sight of activity everywhere throughout the large valley. There were packs sitting around ready at almost every camp, most of the tents were down and already packed, and people were moving everywhere helping each other prepare. “Thought you were going to sleep all day again old man “came the old woman’s voice from beside him, as she handed him a hot drink and moved to start packing his things. As he sat by the fire sipping his drink and watching the people around him, she was suddenly in front of him holding a beautiful set of black clothing. The old man could tell they were made from the legless animals so common in this place. The old woman dropped the clothes in the old man’s lap saying “Here, try these on under your heavy clothes old man. Maybe they’ll keep the creaking sound of your old legs from being so loud and annoying.” The old man ran his hand admiringly across the clothing. The old woman had made the pants, shirt, and boots, all with the fur to the inside to aid in holding the warmth to his body. He looked closer at the boots. They were truly a marvel, and he could already imagine how comfortable they were going to be. Her voice startled him out of his thoughts as she said “Go on old man; get them on so the rest of the people don’t have to be waiting for us.” He turned his head in her direction and said “Old woman” and as she paused her movement he continued with “I thank you with all of my heart for this truly fine gift, for truly fine it is.” He saw her blush again for only the second time since he had known her as she responded with “Just get dressed old man.” The old man stood up, and stripping out of his old travel worn clothes stepped into the new pants. It was like sliding his legs into a warm cloud, luxurious and fitting perfectly. He soon had the shirt on too, and then one by one slipped his feet into the boots. As he walked around the fire a few times to get the feel of things he thought of how much easier the trek was now going to be with boots and clothes like these. He donned his over clothes of heavy mammoth hide and his over boots, ready at last to travel. As the old woman helped him on with his small pack a group of perhaps 18 men came up to them. One of them said “Elder, we are ready to lead, we but would beg direction, elder.” The old man looked at them and answered “South and east my fine sons and when you come upon a vast flat plain of ice find a place to camp for the people to allow them to rest the night before we start the long and dangerous trek across it.” The young man answered nodding “As you say elder” and they all moved off to the south. And so, with long sad goodbyes from the Inuit people and much leave taking they began once more to march south. Three full days later they reached the edge of the vast flat plain of ice and the campsite the men had prepared for them.

In his tent that night the old man thought to himself about the troubling parts of his vision that lay ahead of his people yet. There were many dangerous trials that lie yet before them, for not all would complete their journey, and the very thought of it all saddened him, but at the same time her saw clearly again just how wonderful the end of the journey would be for so many. There was truly a wondrous new world awaiting them all. He slept fitfully that night and after breakfast moved to the lead group to talk with them. They all jumped up from their fire as he approached. One of them said “Elder? We welcome you to our fire, and we share food with you?” He waved a hand thanking them and began “No, no, I am fine, I would talk with you all about what lies ahead of us. You will find many troubling places as we cross this vastness of forsaken ice, dangerous and life taking places where the very ice itself will rise up to try to take your lives. You must travel with as much care as though you carry your youngest child in your arms, depending on each other and lending guidance and alarm when needed. Even if you have only a vague feeling that something isn’t right, heed that feeling and find another path. At all times remember that the whole of the tribe’s safety depends upon your guidance. The man nodded gravely and as the other men were all looking at each other and nodding too said “It will be as you say elder.” The group moved out across the ice. A for long day after long day they traveled the constantly cracking and shifting ice. At one point the ice before them suddenly broke and thrust up upon its self nearing the height of a small mountain and taking fourteen of the people’s lives as it did. Just that suddenly, without any warning, fourteen of his good people now dead and gone. They had to detour far to the east and then back to the west to regain the track the lead group was breaking for them. Twenty-seven more days, eight more dead, and they were off the frozen sea. About a week later the people were all excited to see dead grasses and even a few small bare trees sticking up through the snow around them. One of the women walking near him came up asking “Elder, does this means the terrible ice is behind us?” The old man smiled and said “Yes my daughter, we have made it across.” She ran off telling everyone what he had said.

One hundred and forty days further south, the landscape becoming greener and greener, game becoming more plentiful, the snow melting beneath their feet leaving a quagmire of sucking mud that made every movement a great struggle, but still they traveled. Later that week as they neared a low hill at the end of a large plain there came charging at them a great black beast. It looked much as a water buffalo, but much larger and faster. It was also very much enraged at the sight of the people moving through its territory. As it came charging through to people hitting a few and throwing them far to the side, the hunters all tried to move on it, the old man ended up just standing in the wrong place. Hit heavily by the massive head of the beast, he was thrown a good thirty yards and them as the beast continued its charge he was trampled under its feet. His world went dark. Slowly and with much effort, he fought his way back into the sunlight. The world was swimming in his vision at first, and the pain was making every breath a true effort. As his vision began to clear he became aware of a circle of elders and men standing around him as someone was painfully sewing what must be his wounds. With great struggle he asked one of the elders “The people? Are the people safe?” The man responded “Yes honorable one, they are safe, but they fear for you honorable one, they fear.” Looking around carefully at a sudden pulling stab of pain he saw as the source of the pain the old woman kneeing over him sewing what felt to be massive and gravely torn flesh and muscle. He said “Easy there old woman, there is still feeling left in me.” She answered continuing her work “With respect elder, shut up and leave me to this!” He heard some of the men quietly chuckle at that but before he could answer again his world went dark.

The old man became aware of sounds around him, a quiet voice speaking to him “Wake up old man, wake up and eat some of this soup. Are you going to sleep all day?”The old man smiled to himself realizing it was the old woman. Forcing his eyes open he saw he was in his tent and she was bent over him holding a wooden bowl. He tried to set up but failed. Seeing this the old woman quickly sat the bowl out of the way and moved behind him helping to prop him up higher on his blankets. Every tiniest movement seemed to bring an agony of pain shooting through his body. Leaning back, he tried to smile at the old woman who was back in front of him with her bowl and spoon. Sipping the first spoonful he gasped at the bitterness of the soup and said “What is this nastiness old woman? Are you trying to finish with poison what the beast started” She simply answered “Shut up old man, eat.” Between spoons he asked “How long?” She responded “How long what old man?” shoving another spoonful at him. He swallowed asking “How long have I lain here?” She answered shoving yet another spoon at him “Two weeks old man, you’ve gotten very lazy.” He said “What of the people old woman? What of the others the beast attacked?” her response as another spoon came his way “They are fine old man, they all heal well, I have checked on them every day as others watched over you.” As the bowl was at last empty she asked “Do you want more old man?” He did manage a smile at that saying “No, no thank you old woman, my belly is so full I may burst.” She pulled his medicine bag to her and began to unbind some of the wrappings on his wounds. He  halfheartedly tried to push her hands away saying “No more sewing old woman.” She brushed his hand aside replying “Hush old man, I must check your wounds for healing.”

About four days later the old woman came into the tent with what he was afraid was another nasty bowl of her soup, but he was happily surprised to find instead a soup made of some kind of meat. At the first spoonful he asked in surprise “What animal is this old woman, it is wonderful?” She chuckled at him saying “It is the same kind of animal as the one that ran you over old man, they are plentiful here and as you can taste, truly very good to eat. They have a fine strong hide also; many are making new tents out of it. I have asked some of the people to make new ones for us” she finished. He sat back enjoying his meal as though he had never eaten before. A week or so later, with the old woman outside somewhere he decided it was time to get up. Carefully, for he was still direly sore, he rolled over to his knees and moved to the door flap. Slipping through he saw the old woman sitting a short distance away by her fire as he found himself once more in the bright warm sunshine of day and began to struggle to regain his feet. She saw him and sprang to her feet grabbing his staff and running over. She helped him up while saying “It’s too early for this old man. You’ll tear out my good sewing!” Still though she complained she helped him up putting his staff in his hand and holding his arm to steady him as together they moved to the fire. As they sat the two of the other elders came to their fire. One of them spoke “Elder, it is good to see you. May we sit with you?” the old man indicated the ground in front of him saying “You are always welcome my friends.” As they sat the old woman got up and upon grabbing two of their water bags said “Sit with him elders while I go to fetch water.” The one man nodded his assertion and she moved off. The man who had spoken first said “Elder, what of your vision? Is it still clear? The people ask me if we are yet to travel and I do not know how to answer them.” The old man said “Yes my friend, my vision is still clear, and though some will leave us all along the trek to make their own way, many will continue for what will take us perhaps the next five years to complete, but I would add my friends, the end of that trek is worth every step.”

The elder that hadn’t spoken yet spoke “Elder, while you were recovering I too went on a vision quest to seek answers, and my quest was answered elder, it was answered.” As he continued the old woman returned with the water. “First I was shown that you would recover, recover and travel on with us on our trek, and though I was shown challenges and death lay yet before us, the wonders, wonders I was shown elder, new land, new animals and plants, all beyond imagination. I was shown our peoples spreading out across a vast land, prospering and growing until they live in almost every part of it, living in peace, tranquility, close to the Earth mother and all those around them. All these good things elder, and yet I was also shown far in the future of times when it isn’t so good. Times in which some of our people, that by then are living very far in the south lose their way, losing their connection with the old ways and the Great Mystery. I saw them doing terrible things to each other and anyone they came in contact with, truly terrible things elder. And many, many thousands of years of years later elder, I was shown the descendants of the White Jyn arriving in this land on great sea going canoes, bringing once more war and death to the people, a war and death that spread across all these new lands driving the people before it. I could find no solution to this elder, I fear I lose hope for what our people are yet to go through” he finished. The old man paused taking an offered cup of herbal tea from the old woman and after sipping he said “Yes my brother, your vision is clear, for I too have seen all these things. We need but remember that the strength of our peoples is great as they have shown on this great journey. We must somehow hold to the knowledge that whatever may lie in the future for them will be dealt with as needed, when needed.” In the mean time we must teach those who would listen all we can about the proper caring way to live, of how to care and hold love for each other, and all of the Earth Mother’s gifts.” The old man taking another sip of the surprisingly good herbal tea continued “this will demand we all change our way of living and thinking my friends. For to make the future a brighter and more prosperous thing for our peoples we must leave the past to the past, teach our peoples new ways, and then when we die we can die knowing that the people will continue ever ready to face any challenge they may come against while still holding to their honor and family.” The man who had been speaking said “Then elder, when you are ready to teach us how to teach them, we will be ready to listen and learn“finishing with a slight bowing motion. The old woman’s voice came from beside him “Enough for now elders let him rest while I feed him. He needs to build his strength.” Both elders stood and in taking their leave one said “You have a strong, thoughtful, and caring woman elder, she has not left your side once since the animal attacked you. And she is truly very protective when she needs to be, we will take our leave, thank you elder” he finished smiling at them both” as they moved off. The old man wondered briefly what the old woman had done as he smiled to himself.

It took the old man another eight weeks or so to get to the point where he thought he could travel again. The old woman had long ago removed all her ‘sewing’ and his wounds had healed well. He felt lucky that there had been no broken bones. As word spread that he was ready to resume travel one of the elders from a small group of perhaps eighty families came up asking to speak with him. The old man said “Yes my friend, what is it you need?” The man replied “Honorable one, my tribe has decided that we will be staying here to build our new lives honorable one. This place makes them happy, and makes them believe they can have a good future for themselves and their families.” The old man smiled widely at him and grasping arms replied “Then it will be so my friend, together you will make this new world here full of bright promise and an even greater future for your people.” The man looked relieved at this begging the old man to ask “What troubled you my son?” The man hesitated and answered “Well honorable one, I and my people were fearful that you would not approve of our staying, that you would want us to travel on with the rest.” “My friend” replied the old man “I have said from the start that many of the tribes would be leaving as they found places special to them. This is your place and you are truly blessed in finding it” he finished. The man looked visibly relieved as he thanked the old man and took his leave. The old woman’s voice came from behind him as the man walked off, “Sometimes old man, sometimes you surprise even me after all these years.” He turned to ask what she meant but she had turned back to mending his cloths. He pulled out his pipe and lighting it from the fire, began to smoke. Very early the next morning he came out of his tent to the sound of the old woman saying “I thought you well old man but here you are sleeping the day away again.” He looked to the sun which was just visible coming over the mountains to the east and thought “Just once Great Mystery, just once I would like to be able to rise before her, just once before I die.” By full daylight they were all trekking once more to the south. The old man was happy at seeing the lead group simply gather and move out instead of coming to consult with him first. “They’re growing up” he thought happily. In almost every plain they came to there were huge black waves of the great beasts the people were now simply calling buffalo, thousands upon thousands of them. It was a truly awe inspiring sight to be sure. The men had learned how to spook them causing them to safely run away from the great tribe. The first time they did this old man was startled as the very ground under his feet shook as they ran with the sound of thunder. And they continued trekking south, day after day, week after week, threw ever more beautiful country.

Three more weeks of travel and the old man called a halt. After a few day of resting the old man asked the old woman to go and ask all of the other elders to gather at his fire. When they had all arrived and seated themselves on their blankets by his fire he said to them “Elders, my friends, we have traveled a long way, and into a bright new land. There are now things we together must begin to teach our people. On this night I would teach you all the buffalo dance and its story so that you all can go and begin teaching it to your people. One of the elders asked “Honored one, where do these stories come from?” The old man answered him with “They are a great part of my vision that has been awaiting this time to be told” and as he finished and rose with a small gourd with dried beans in it and a wooden handle, the old woman began to stack more wood upon the fire stirring the coals to create more light, somehow knowing what was needed. The old man began to dance, shaking the gourd in time with his movements as he said to them all “Listen well my elder friends, for this is the first story you must teach your peoples. When the buffalo first came to be upon this land, they were not friendly to the people, as I well know. When the hunters tried to coax them over the cliffs or on to their spears for the good of the tribes, they were reluctant to offer themselves up. They did not relish being turned into blankets and dried flesh for winter rations. They did not want their hooves and horn to become tools and utensils nor did they welcome their sinew being used for sewing.” “No, no,” they would say. We won’t fall into your traps. And we will not allow the prick of your spears.” And he continued “So when the hunters guided them towards the abyss, they would always turn aside at the very last moment. With this lack of cooperation, it seemed the tribes would be hungry, cold, and ragged all journey long.” As he continued to dance and shake the gourd quite suddenly the old woman began quietly beating in time to his dance on a stretched skin drum. The old man smiled at her and returned to the story “Now one of the hunters’ had a daughter who was very proud of her father’s skill with the spear. During the fullness of summer, he had always brought her the best of mammoth hides to dress in, and she in turn would work the deer skins into the softest, whitest of garments for him to wear. Her own dresses were like the down of a great snow goose, and the moccasins she made for the children and the grandmothers in the tribe were the most welcome of gifts. But now with the last of the snow on the wind, and deer becoming harder to kill at the ranges they roamed, dancing and hiding in the willow breaks, running fleetly at the first sight of men, she could see this reluctance on the part of the buffalo families becoming a real problem. The hunter’s daughter decided she would do something about it. She went to the base of a great cliff and looked up. She began to sing in a low, soft voice, “Oh, buffalo family, come down and visit me. If you come down and feed my relatives in a wedding feast, I will join your family as the bride of your strongest warrior.” She stopped and listened. She thought she heard the slight rumbling sound of thunder in the distance. Again she sang, “Oh, buffalo family, come down and visit me. Feed my family in a wedding feast so that I may be a bride.” The thunder was much louder now. Suddenly the buffalo family began falling from the sky at her feet. One very large bull landed on top of the others, and walked across the backs of his relatives to stand before Hunter’s Daughter.”

“I am here to claim you as my bride,” said the large buffalo. “Oh, but now I am afraid to go with you,” said the hunter’s daughter. “Ah, but you must,” said the large buffalo, “For my people have come to provide your people with a wedding feast. As you can see, they have offered themselves up.” “Yes, but I must run and tell my tribe the good news,” said the hunter’s daughter. “No,” said the large buffalo. No word need be sent. You are not getting away so easily.” And with that said, the large buffalo lifted her between his horns and carried her off to his village in the rolling grass hills. The next morning the whole tribe was out looking for the hunter’s daughter. When they found the mound of buffalo below the cliff, the father, who was in fact a fine tracker as well as a skilled hunter, looked at his daughter’s footprints in the dust. “She’s gone off with a buffalo, he said. I shall follow them and bring her back.” So the hunter walked out upon the vast plains, with only his spear and knife as companions. He walked and walked a great distance until he was so tired that he had to sit down to rest beside a buffalo wallow. Along came magpie flying down and sitting beside him. The hunter spoke to magpie in a respectful tone, “Oh great knowledgeable bird, has my daughter been stolen from me by a buffalo? Have you seen them? Can you tell me where they have gone?” Magpie replied with understanding, “Yes, I have seen them pass this way. They are resting just over this hill.” “Well,” said the hunter, would you kindly take my daughter a message for me? Will you tell her I am here just over the hill?” So magpie flew to where the large buffalo lay asleep amidst his relatives in the dry prairie grass. He hopped over to where the hunter’s daughter was quilling moccasins, as she sat dutifully beside her sleeping husband. “Your father is waiting for you on the other side of the hill,” whispered magpie to the maiden.

“Oh, this is very dangerous,” she told him. These buffalo are not friendly to us and they might try to hurt my father if he should come this way. Please tell him to wait for me and I will try to slip away to see him.” Just then her husband, large buffalo, awoke and took off his horn. “Go bring me a drink from the wallow just over this hill,” said her husband. So she took the horn in her hand and walked very casually over the hill. Her father motioned silently for her to come with him, as he bent into a low crouch in the grass. “No,” she whispered. The buffalo are angry with our people who have killed their people. They will run after us and trample us into the dirt. I will go back and see what I can do to soothe their feelings.” And so the hunter’s daughter took the horn of water back to her husband who gave a loud snort when he took a drink. The snort turned into a bellow and all of the buffalo got up in alarm. They all put their tails in the air and danced a buffalo dance over the hill, trampling the poor man to pieces who was still waiting for his daughter near the buffalo wallow. His daughter sat down on the edge of the wallow and broke into tears. “Why are you crying?” said her buffalo husband. “You have killed my father and I am a prisoner, besides,” she sobbed. “Well, what of my people?” her husband replied. We have given our children, our parents and some of our wives up to your relatives in exchange for your presence among us. A deal is a deal.” But after some consideration of her feelings, the large buffalo knelt down beside her and said to her, “If you can bring your father back to life again, we will let him take you back home to your people.” So the hunter’s daughter started to sing a little song. “Magpie, magpie please will you help me find some piece of my father which I can mend back whole again.” Magpie appeared and flew down in front of her with his head cocked to the side.”Magpie, magpie, please see what you can find,” she sang softly to the wind which bent the grasses slightly apart. Magpie cocked his head to the side and looked carefully within the layered folds of the grasses as the wind sighed again. Quickly he picked out a piece of her father that had been hidden there, a little bit of bone.

“That will be enough to do what is needed,” said the hunter’s daughter, placing the bone on the ground and covering it with her blanket. she then began to sing a reviving song that had the power to bring injured people back to the land of the living. Quietly she sang the song that her grandmother had taught her. After a few melodious passages, her voice soaring to the place of the Great Mystery itself there was a lump under the blanket. She and magpie looked under the blanket and could see a man, but the man was not breathing. He lay cold as the stone of the mountains. So the hunter’s daughter started to sing again, a little softer, with more of her truest feelings, just a bit softer, so as not to startle her father as he began to move. When he stood up, alive and strong, the buffalo people were amazed. They said to the hunter’s daughter, “Will you sing this song for us after every hunt? We will teach your people the buffalo dance, so that whenever you dance before the hunt, you will be assured a good result. Then you will sing this song for us, and we will all come back to live again.” And the old man finished with “And thus it will be for your hunters and the tribes, for only in honoring the sacrifice of the animals can the tribe truly prosper and grow.” Dance and story complete the old man once more sat by the fire reaching for his pipe. He worried for a moment as there was not a sound from any of the elders as he sat smoking his pipe. Suddenly, one elder tentatively spoke “Great honorable one, it will be as you say, we will begin to teach all of our people what is needed.” The others were still silent but were nodding their heads in agreement. The old woman appeared beside him with a hot cup of herbal tea, which he sipped calmly, saying “Is the enough for the rest here old woman?” She replied “Yes elder, I am preparing it now.” The old man said “And I thank you also for your fine help in the dance old woman, for it was a fine thing you did.” He could have sworn he saw her blush in the light of the fire. . After the last of the elders had taken their leave and moved off to their own fires the old man reloaded his pipe and while he did the old woman brought him another cup of the tea. She asked “How many of these lessons are there old man?” “Many, more than the number of all our fingers and toes, and all important for the future of the people and their coming lives. I would have you know old woman, you serve both the people and myself well, you could do no better” he answered. Though he couldn’t see, he felt her blush there in the dark.

The old man was well pleased to see at many of the fires that very night elders dancing as the sounds of drums drifted across the plain. He sat by his own fire smiling as he envisioned all of the evening yet to come. They left three days later, and after traveling another three weeks six or seven of the elders came up to the old man as he walked along. One of them said “Great elder, I would speak with you?” The old man smiled at him answering with “Speak then my son.” The elder said “Great elder, each night we have been teaching the story and dance you gave us for the people, and in doing so we ourselves have learned the true meaning behind the story, and we thank you for sharing it with us elder, we thank you. Yet the people grow weary of hearing the same story, of seeing the same dance, so we beg of you great elder, can we not have the next story and dance we need to teach them while they are still ready to learn?” The old man turned his head toward the group as he walked saying “Of course my sons, you shall have it this very night.” The man bowed his head and saying “Thank you then great elder, until tonight then” and they all moved off. That evening after he had eaten the old man turned to the old woman to ask her to go to the other elders only to have her say “Yes old man, I will go and get them now.” As he awaited their arrival he loaded his pipe and began to smoke.

The old woman came hurrying back saying “They come, old man, they all come “and she set about getting her drum and what appeared to be a new flute prepared. With the elders all assembled and settled, the old man sat his pipe aside, and standing began his story. He sang “This, my sons, is the story of the cricket and the great mountain cat. As he sang one of the elders began to drum in time in the drum the old woman had passed to him, and the old woman began to softly play her beautiful flute adding much to the mood and story. He continued “As the great mountain cat was walking in the forest, he jumped onto a fallen log to look around. From inside the log came a tiny voice. “Get off the roof of my lodge!” said the voice. Out from the end of the rotten log came a tiny cricket saying “You are standing on the roof of my lodge, mountain cat,” continuing, “You must step off now, or the roof-pole will break and my lodge will fall in.” “Who are you to tell me what to do?” growled the mountain cat sternly, though he did step off the log as he spoke. The great cat lowered his head until his nose was very close to the tiny cricket saying “In this forest, I am the chief of all the animals! How do you dare to stand against me?” “Chief or no Chief,” said cricket back bravely, “I have a cousin who is mightier than you, and he would willingly come to avenge me for he has no fear of such as you.” “I don’t believe you, little insect,” snarled the mountain cat. “Believe me or believe me not,” said cricket “it is so.” “Let your cousin come to this place tomorrow, when the sun is at its highest, and we will see who is the mightier,” said the mountain cat. “If your cousin does not prove himself to me, I will crush you and your entire lodge with my mighty paw!” The great mountain cat turned and bounded off through the forest.

The next day, when the sun was high, the mountain cat came back along the same trail. He stopped over the log and called to cricket. “Cricket, come out! Let me meet your mighty cousin!” The old man began to dance the dance of the mosquito continuing with “Just then, a tiny mosquito flew up from the log buzzed into the big cats ear. “What is this?” cried the mountain cat, who had never seen or heard of a mosquito before. The mosquito began to bite at the soft inner ear of the great cat, drinking from his blood. “The day silence of the day filled now with anguished cries of Err! Err!” from the great cat in pain, “Get out of my ear!” The great mountain cat pawed at his ear, scratching and digging to no avail, and ran around in circles shaking his mighty head as the mosquito continued to bite him again and again. Cricket came out of the log and called up to the great mountain cat. “Are you ready to leave my lodge alone?” The great cat said that he would so for all of future time,\ Mosquito came out of the great cat’s ear and went into the log lodge with cricket. The great cat ran off down the trail vowing to never go that way again.” Story and dance finished and a bit out of breath, the old man found his blanket and sat. He no sooner got settled before the old woman appeared next to him placing a warm cup of herbal tea in his hand. Thanking her for her kindness he sipped as his eyes scanned the silent faces around him. The old man continued sipping his teas as the elders around his fire with engaged in quiet conversation. Tea gone he reach once more for his pipe and as he did the old woman took the enter cup to refill it. Pipe lit, and another warm cup of tea in hand, he waited.

Finally, one of the elders spoke broke the silence and spoke saying “Honorable one, we have all talked to each other and to our people as we shared the first story you gave us. We are all in agreement that the meaning of that story is to teach us all to hold respect for each other and all of the animals, a building and beginning of new meaningful traditions for all of our people and the generations yet to come. Is this true honorable one?” The old man was well pleased with them all and answered “Yes my sons that is the hidden meaning within that story.” The man continued “Then honorable one, this new story and dance, is it not to teach us and our people to walk a path of humbleness and respect for all of the life around us, resisting the falseness of believing we may be ‘better’ or ‘above’ any other living thing, and building the knowledge that everything under the Great Mystery is truly equal and blessed?” The old man smiled openly and answered “Yes my sons, you do very well indeed for that is very base of the most important meaning in this story.” He continued “I have seen you all teaching you peoples each night at your fires as we’ve traveled, I would ask you all now, do they learn well? Do they listen to the wisdom you offer?” One of the other elders smiling widely answered “Oh yes great elder, they are ever more eager to hear and learn, and having this newest story to offer will help the greatly to hold that interest, I thank you with all of my heart for sharing it with us “he finished as the others all nodded with ascensions. The old man though for a moment and said “Then my friends, we will add a new story every two weeks as we travel, for I would encourage all to listen and learn.” With that, the old woman was up moving through the ranks of the elders gathering the empty cups from the tea she had given them and hurrying them off to their own tents. The old man chuckled quietly to himself at the sight of it. When they were all gone he said to her “May I see your fine new flute old woman?” She brought it to him and as he examined this thing of beauty he said to her “You are truly a wonder old woman, a true wonder.” Her only answer “Go to bed old man so maybe you can get up before high sun.” The old man smiled at her and crawling into his tent, did just that.

They traveled on in much the same manner until near high sun on the 13th day the old man saw ahead of him the lead group of men just standing at the top of a fairly high hill. They were all looking to the south and east. The old man hurried up to them along with many of the other elders. They reached the top of the hill at long last a bit startled at the silence of the men above, but in cresting the hill and viewing what lay before them, they too were quite speechless. There, in the vast valley below, was a sight to truly inspire any man. There were trees everywhere, but what trees. Most of the tops of them were nearly a high as where they now stood, and yet it would take at least a full day’s journey to reach the forest floor below. The old woman’s voice came quietly from beside him “Is this too a part of your vision elder? Have you foreseen such as this?” He just quietly nodded still looking at the majestic beauty below them. One of the other elders brought his silence asking “Great elder, is it alright to have the people make camp at the foot of this hill? It will take more than a day for all of the people to safely climb down into that valley below us.” The old man answered “Yes, of course my son, have them do so, and after they have made their camps have them come up here to view this wonder for themselves.” The elder said “Thank you great elder” as he moved off back down the hill. The old woman asked “Are we camping here or back down on the plain elder?” The old man indicated the plain with a wave of his hand still unable to take his eyes off the valley below. He became aware suddenly of the old woman’s hand on his arm saying “Old man, please. Please come down to the fire.” Looking around he saw it was very near to full dark and he stood alone upon the top of the hill with the old woman. He moved off down the hill with her.

The old man crawled into his tent to try to rest, but the whole of his night was racked by nightmares and visions. He foresaw great dangers for the people, and many deaths. Great animals that seemed to defy anything the people could offer to defend themselves from in their attacks. Places where the very ground beneath their feet turned against them, ripping open and dumping his people into a fiery death, a whole mountain suddenly exploding its top and spewing fire down all around them, and yet still he knew they must go on. Even though for all the hardship that lay before them, the end of the journey was yet far away and well worth the trek. The next morning he really did sleep in, nearly half way to high sun and yet when he came out of his tent, head still swimming with the visions, the old woman said nothing about it. Sitting himself down next to the fire he watched as the people streamed up the little hill to begin their climb down the other side. She gave him a bowl of fresh meat and grasses soup and sat a cup of hot herbal tea next to him. As he took his first sip of the tea one of his most trusted lead hunters came up nervously looking askance at the old woman. He saw her nod slightly at the man. “Yes my son?” asked the old man. The man bowed his head and said “Elder, we need to know how far you want us to lead the people into the great forest elder? It is a difficult place to hold your direction in and we fear that people will get lost if we become separated elder” he finished. The old man focused on him and the vision in his head and replied “When you get the people down to the edge of the forest have them all build torches, for on this night we must all continue to travel far into the night. Organize them some that each group is responsible for the one in front and the one behind, for they must make it through together to make it at all.”

As he had talked the old man’s vision had sharpened, he continued “Tell all of the hunters to be truly wary for within this mighty forest you will find many dangerous beasts, you will find bears that stand upon their back legs and when they do they are more than three times the height of a tall man. There are small legless creatures my visions tell me to call snakes that look to be no threat, but of whom one bit will cause a terrible wasting death for the one bitten. There are great mountain cats like the one in the story your elders have been telling you, and they have no fear of any people, very fast and very ferocious. And most of all, as you lead the people through this night, must be at all times watchful for places where smoke rises from cracks in the Earth, or where the rocks of the ground glow red with heat. If you find any of these things lead the people far around them before continuing on.” The old man took a deep breath “Near morning you will find a very large clearing in the middle of the great trees, a clearing far big enough for all the people, with clear fresh water in abundance, plentiful fire wood, and a good grassy food with easy access to game, and know this and make it known to all the others, this is a very fine place we are coming to, but it is a very dangerous place for the people, tell them to be ever wary and to guard each other like never before, because even though it is such a wonderful place that some of the people will choose to stay here building a new life for them and their families, many are going to die.” The young man jumped a bit at that last statement, but nodding his head he said “It will be as you say elder, I will tell them all, and we will lead them carefully.” Nodding his head again, the young man turned towards the hill and started running. The old woman was suddenly beside him asking “Do you need more food old man?” he looked down at the still full bowl and answered “No, no thank you old woman, but I would enjoy another cup of you fine tasty tea if you have more.” She bent down taking both the bowl and the cup and making a ‘humping’ sound turned back to the fire. The old man sat there for perhaps two more hours watching the long string of people more past, then finally he rose and handing hi cup to the old woman he tried to struggle into his pack. She stuffed the cup quickly into her own pack and helped him with his. She handed him his walking stick and as he took one more look around he noticed she was using a good sized spear as her own walking stick. She had never done that before in all of their travels.

As they hit the bottom of the small hill and started up he noticed another thing had changed. There were at least thirty hunters spread around him in a circle. Indicating them with a sweep of his arm he asked the old woman “What is this all about old woman?” She answered “Well elder, I believe they’ve decided that you are too important to allow anything bad to happen to you. And in a quieter voice she added, like anything would eat a sour tasting, gristly and tuff old thing like you.” He smiled widely at her and for the first time in his memory he saw her actually smile back! He was almost shocked and said “Old woman, you have a truly beautiful smile, you should set if free more often.” This time, in the full light of the sun, there was no mistaking the depth of her blush. She seemed even too embarrassed to manage a snappy comeback to his flattery. They hurried on up the hill, and then carefully climbed down the other side. They reached the bottom at just after full dark to find another ten men there waiting for them and tending a fire. They had torches ready for them all and the old man looked out through the forest seeing a long string of torches stretching into the far distance. It was difficult to see their path or truly judge the distance because of the great width of the trees. The old man asked the men around him if they would do him the favor of joining their hands together and encircling the nearest tree. He wanted to see just how many of them it took. The all moved over to the closest tree and started joining hands and spreading around the tree. Finally, after just a moment, the men that had been on the other side came back around saying “Elder, we do not have enough men, we were far short.” The old man thanked them all, looked at the tree and then tried to see along its trunk to even its lowest branches. He couldn’t even make out shadows. He moved back to the fire and the pile of torches, and taking one in hand, set it to the fire. The old woman and all the other men did the same, and as they moved off to follow the steps of the people the old man noticed another tree even bigger than the first. And thus they walked through the night. Four different times they were met by men standing in wait of them to direct them around some of the dangerous places from the old man’s visions. But even so, they made slow but safe progress winding amongst the great trees.

Nearing total exhaustion, the old man began to notice a slight graying of the world in the forest. Shortly thereafter they were all assured that the sun was truly on the rise, though because of the great trees it did not touch them as yet. One of the men asked “Elder, can we put out these torches yet?” He answered “Not quite yet my son, for fire is the best defense from the small dangerous animals called snakes.” The man asked again “elder is it true these animals have no legs at all?” the old man replied “Yes my son, but you should know to respect them and their power.” The man spoke again “Oh I do elder, I have listened to the stories well, and I know I must trust all as equal, and I trust in you elder, if you say they are dangerous, then they are very dangerous.” In full daylight they broke out of the great forest into a huge fairly flat plain of grasses and short trees. The great mass of people that had arrived there ahead of them had already setup their tents and organized their campsites. Some of the sites with fires cooking a morning meal, while others who had simply crawled into their tents in an attempt to catch up on lost sleep. The old man scanned the vast area and was impressed to find that all along the perimeter there were groups of hunters watching for danger to the people. The old man felt very good about this place even though he knew what trials were coming for the people. The men all stayed right around him as the old woman led them to a place near the center of the people where she decided she wanted their camp. She quickly began dragging all of their things out of their packs as the men took their leave and moved to rejoin their families. The old woman soon had their tents set up and was out finding fire wood. The old man sat down in front of his tent and pulling out his pipe and fire stones, lit it and began to smoke. The old woman soon returned with the makings of a fine fire, and as she began to build it he decided he would go into his tent and enjoy a nap. As he started to tamp out his pipe the old woman said “Oh no you don’t old man, you sit right there until I have you something to eat and you eat it.” The old man realized he knew better than to argue with that tone of voice as he chuckled quietly to himself.

Breakfast over, and a few cups of hot tea in his belly he asked the old woman “Can I go sleep for a while now?” She answered with a great weariness in her voice “Only if I can old man, only if I can.” He replied “Then I will see you in the morning, rest well my dear friend.” They both crawled into their tents and it would have been hard to tell who was asleep first. A few hours later they were awakened by great cries from outside their tents. As they both slid through their door flaps the old man noticed she had came out with her spear already in hand. He quickly scanned the plain and found the center of the cries. There, surrounded by about forty of the young hunters, was one of the great bears from his visions. The beast was making Earth shaking roars as the men darted in and out stabbing with their spears. Every time a spear would strike home the beast would spin and strike the spear holder sending them flying through the air for a great distance. Many other hunters were running up to aid those already in battle, and soon the great animal lay dead upon the ground. The old man said “My bag old woman” as he hurried over to the bloodied ground. The old woman was right there with him as he knelt down next to the first wounded man he came to. The man had had his clothing cut entirely away and his flesh torn to the bone across his chest. Reaching into his bag the old man pulled out a dirty looking brown dried leaf, and placing it in the man’s mouth told him to chew. The old man then pulled out his gut string and fine bone needle. As the man drifted into the world of dreams the old man began to sew his chest back together, carefully pulling and stretching the skin and muscles back into place. “See to the other wounded old woman” he said as he worked, “next to me, you have the next highest skill.” “Yes old man” she said jumping up and moving off. Of the eighteen badly injured, and between the care of the old man, the old woman, and the other elders, only four died, and all of them had been dead immediately, one of them torn completely in half. As he finished his work the old man looked up to find people standing all around him. He stood and indicated for some of them to carry this poor man carefully back to his tent. Four of them moved to obey. The old man, upon looking around and finding everything else being taken care of moved over to the great dead bear.

Several of the young hunters moved with him. Standing next to the great head of the beast, the old man asked one of the hunters to step off its length. Starting at the head and stepping at least three feet at a time it took him five full strides to reach the end. The old man walked down to that end and leaning over tried to lift the leg of the beast. Two of the men quickly helped him and the old man got to examine what he was looking for. One of the men asked “What is it elder, what it you seek is?” The old man responded “I wanted to know if this was a female or a male.” The man asked “And which is it elder?” The old man said “This is the female, and she is very much smaller than the male, and she is pregnant my sons, which it means there is a male around here somewhere.” All of the men started looking around themselves very nervously. At long last, with all of the wounded taken care of and moved down into the campsite, everyone began to drift back that way. The guarding men spread out in greater numbers per group now, in order to provide more safety for themselves and the people they were guarding.

That evening, back at his fire with his pipe and his tea in hand, the old man thought of all the other visions running through his head. He foresaw so much good and happiness for them, and yet at the same time he saw so much pain and sorry. He sat thinking on this all until he suddenly realized that this was what life was for everything, this was how the Great Mystery had created life to be for everything under the stars. This eased the old man’s troubled heart, and though he knew he would still feel sorrow at seeing the pain of his people, he would never again doubt the rightness of life. As he pulled at his pipe a couple of the young hunters came walking up. Bowing their heads one of them said “Elder, I beg forgiveness for this interruption of your peaceful evening, but I would ask elder, how long may we expect to stay in this place elder?” The old man looked at them and answered “We that will be moving on will be staying here for at least the next three moons my sons.” They both look pleased at his answer and thanking him moved back off across the plain. “Old woman” he said. “Yes old man?” she answered. He continued “Tomorrow I will need you to go a short distance into the forest and bring me as much fresh bark as you can. Take help if you need it.” She answered “Yes old man, I will take care of it.”

The next morning the old woman and several other women came with great armloads of freshly cut bark from the great trees. The old man thanked them all and then spent the rest of the morning drawing on them with charcoal from the fire. Just after supper that evening the old man said to the old woman “Go to all the elders and ask them to meet at my fire tonight.” She replied simply “yes old man.” Just after dark the elders began to show up and sit themselves around the old man’s fire. They talked quietly for a while awaiting the arrival of the last of them. When they were all there the old man said “Tonight I have another story to share with you all, there is no dance to this story, only the drum, and tomorrow I will need you all to come back with one of you best hunters.” They all nosed in agreement. The old man continued “This is the story of the woman who fell from the sky. A time so long ago no tribe today remembers the story of the times then, but it was a time when all of the human peoples lived high up in the sky, above the highest of the mountains, above even the clouds, so much nearer the Great Mystery. They had a great and illustrious chief, who served them all well and fairly. It just so happened that this chief’s daughter was taken very ill with some kind of new and strange affliction, gravely ill. All of the people were very anxious and fearful as to the outcome of her illness. Every known remedy of these learned people was tried in an attempt to cure her, but none had any effect.

Near the lodge of this chief stood a great tree, which every year bore corn, a type of seed that can be used for food. One of the best friends of the chief had a vision in which he was told to tell the chief that, in order to cure his daughter, he must lay her beside this tree, and that he must have the tree dug up while she lay there. The chief ordered this advice to be carried out to the letter, and it was. While the people were at work and the young woman lay there, a young man came along. He got very angry and said to them “It is not all right to destroy this tree. It has given its fruit for all of us to live on.” With this last remark he gave the young woman who lay there deathly ill a hard shove with his foot, which caused her to fall into the hole that had been dug around the tree by the people. Now, at that time so long ago the hole opened into this world, which was then all water no land, and on this vast sea  floated many water birds of many kinds. Being there was no land at that time; the woman would have undoubtedly fallen into that great sea and drowned. It was decided by these water birds as they saw the woman falling that she should be saved so they all shouted, “Let us receive her,” thereby they, at least some of them, joined their bodies together, and the young woman fell on this platform of feathery bodies. When these birds became wearied they asked, “Who will volunteer to care for this woman while we rest?” The great Turtle then took her, and when he got tired of holding her, he in turn asked who would take his place. At last the question arose as to what they should do to provide her with a permanent resting place in this world. Finally all the animals decided to prepare the earth, on which she would live in the future. To do this it was determined soil from the bottom of the primal sea should be brought up and placed on the broad, firm carapace of the Turtle, where it would increase in size to such an extent that it would accommodate all the creatures that should be produced in the future. After much discussion the toad was finally persuaded to dive to the bottom of the waters in search of soil. Bravely making the attempt, he succeeded in bringing up soil from the depths of the sea. This was carefully spread over the carapace of the Turtle, and at once both he and the soil began to grow in size and depth. The animals placed the woman on the new earth, fed her, and cared for her as they would have for their own. After the young woman recovered from the illness from which she suffered when she was cast down from the upper world, she built herself a shelter, in which she lived quite contentedly at peace with the animal who had cared for her so well. In the course of many thousands of moons she brought forth a girl baby, who grew rapidly in size and intelligence.”

The old man paused for a sip of tea as the old woman continued beating her drum to the time of the story. The old man continued “When the daughter had grown to young womanhood, the mother and she were accustomed to going out to dig wild potatoes. Her mother had said to her that in doing this she must face the west at all times. Before long the young daughter gave signs that she was about to become a mother. Her mother reproved her, saying that she had violated the injunction not to face the east, as her condition showed that she had faced the wrong way while digging potatoes. It is said that the breath of the West Wind had entered her person, causing conception. When the days of the delivery were at hand, she overheard twins within her body in a hot argument as to which should be born first and as to the proper place of exit, one even declaring that he was going to emerge through the armpit of his mother, the other saying that he would emerge the natural way. The first one born, who was of reddish color, was called Othawenda, that would be Flint. The other, who was light in color, was called Duskaha, that would be Little Sprout. The grandmother of the twins liked Little Sprout and hated the other, so they cast Flint into a hollow tree some distance from the lodge. The boy who remained in the lodge grew very rapidly, and soon was able to make himself bows and arrows and to go out to hunt without his bow and arrows. At last he was asked why he had to have a new bow and arrows every morning. He replied that there was a young boy in the hollow tree in the neighborhood that used them. The grandmother inquired where the tree stood, and he told her, whereupon then they went there and brought the other boy home again.

When the boys had grown to a full man’s age, they decided that it was necessary for them to increase the size of their island, so they agreed to start out together, afterward separating to create forests and lakes and other things. They parted as agreed, Flint going westward and Little Sprout eastward. In the course of time, on returning, they met in their shelter or lodge at night, then agreeing to go the next day to see what each had made. It was found that he had made the country all rocks and full of ledges, and also a mosquito that was very large. Little Sprout asked the mosquito to run, in order that he might see whether the insect could fight. The mosquito ran, and sticking his bill through a sapling, thereby made it fall, at which Little Sprout said, “That will not be right, for you would kill the people who are about to come,” So, seizing him, he rubbed him down in his hands, causing him to become very small; then he blew on the mosquito, whereupon he flew away. He also modified some of the other animals his brother had made. After returning to their lodge, they agreed to go the next day to see what Little Sprout had fashioned. One visiting the east the next day, they found that Little Sprout had made a large number of animals which were so fat that they could hardly move, that he had made the sugar-maple trees to drop syrup; that he had made the sycamore tree to bear fine fruit; that the rivers were so formed that half of the water flowed upstream and the other half flowed downstream. Then the reddish-colored brother, Flint, was greatly displeased with what his brother had made, saying that the people who were about to come would live too easily and be too happy. So he shook violently the various animals, the bears, deer and turkeys, causing them to become small at once, a characteristic that attached itself to their descendants. He also caused the sugar maple to drop sweetened water only, and the fruit of the sycamore to become small and useless; and lastly he caused the water of the rivers to flow in only one direction, because the original plan would make it too easy for the human beings who were about to come to navigate the streams. The inspection of each other’s work resulted in a deadly disagreement between the brothers, who finally came to grips and blows, and Flint was killed in the fierce struggle.”

Story finished, the old man turned to ask the old woman for more of her fine tea only to find her right there beside him with her pot. As she filled his cup the old man listened to the discussion going on between the elders. Finally, as the old woman moved among them re-filling their tea cups, one of the elders spoke saying “Honorable one, we understand that much of the story is to teach us the wrongness of fighting among the family of man, of how even what seem simple and silly disagreements can lead to great harm for the people, but honorable one, why was the man in the beginning of the story so angry over the tree, why was he so angry as to kick the poor sick girl down out of their magical home?” The old man smiled in the dimness of the fire and answered “Well my friends, there is a strong important knowledge hidden in the reason for that injustice, this reason is called ‘greed’, and greed is a word describing the selfish demanding desire that some people will hold in their attempt to possess and control things that otherwise would have been easily and better shared with all.” The old man continued “It is much like a child that refuses to share its toys with others, but so much more dangerous for the people as a whole. The greed driven live create a life that is only for gaining more and more power and control for themselves, without feeling or care for anyone else around them. These people can, and will willingly tear whole peoples apart in their greed, setting tribe against tribe, people against people with lies and misguidance, anything to increase their own ends” the old man finished. One of the other elders said “but elder, we have never seen such from our people. How is it you have seen this and made it so important as to make it so much a part of this story?” The old man shook his head in sadness as he answered “Because my friend, my visions have shown me that far in the future the people will be facing the great threat of an enemy unimaginable, and one of the biggest things this enemy will bring to the people is a much bigger importance of greed. I have been shown that many of the people of those times will fall into the trap of greed and control, falling into the leadership of the enemy, endangering the people’s very existence.” The elder that had spoken replied “Then we will fight this thing elder, we will share these stories and teach the people the wrongness of this far distant threat, and in so doing I pray your vision does not come to pass.”

Very early the next morning the old man was setting by his fire drawing rapidly but with care on the bark pieces the old woman and her friends had gathered for him. As he drew, several times he was aware of the old woman standing over him looking down at his work. At one point she asked “What is the height and size of that bigger piece old man?” He responded “About the height of a man old woman, and just big enough around to remain flexible but with strength.” Upon hearing this, the old woman indicated another part in one of the drawings and asked “And how long are these small spears old man?” He answered “Just over the length of a man’s arm old woman.” She sat the hot cup of tea she was holding for him down, and taking up her knife and spear walked off toward the southern part of the plain, gathering other woman to her as she did. Just before high sun, the time at which the other elders had agreed to meet at hid camp with one of their best hunters, the women all returned. Many were carrying arm loads of the longer supple trees, while most were carrying as much as they could of the smaller beginnings of the mini-spears. Two of them were even carrying large woven grass baskets of feathers. The old man was well pleased to see what they had done, but got no chance to thank them or say anything at all, as the old woman quickly took up four of his drawings and moved among them explaining and giving instructions. The first elder along with his young hunter came to the old man’s fire. The old man quickly offered them tea, at which the hunter quickly jumped back to his feet, and upon taking the old man’s cup, served them both. The elder asked of the old man “What is it you have these women doing elder?” The old man smiled and replied “Better to ask me what the old woman has them doing.”

Before the end of the hour all of the other elders and their hunter had joined them at his fire. Two of the young hunters were trying to make more tea bringing upon themselves a severe warning from the old woman about what would happen to them if they broke her pot. Seeing how the two big strong young men jumped at her words brought a big smile from the old man. The old man pulled his drawings out closer to himself and began to explain them to the group. Just as he did the old woman slipped up beside him asking “How long do we make the gut string elder?” The old man answered “Three quarters of the length of the shaft old woman.” He continued sharing his drawings and explaining how each fitted together in the creation of new tools for hunting and defense of the people. He was meeting with many blank stares and as he sat thinking of another way of explaining it all to better promote understanding the old woman came up with the first of the finished work. The old man smiled up at her, thanking her and telling her to thank the others. He rose with the items in hand and wrapping his leg around the long bit of tree, he bent it allowing himself to fasten the free end of the gut string to the other end thereby keeping the tree bent. The old man then asked two of the young men to go fetch an old used up hide and bring it near them, and to stuff as much grass in it as they could. As they ran off, the old man examined the small spear like stick. The women had done a truly fine job of affixing the feathers to the shaft in just the way his vision had shown him and he had drawn.

As the men returned with the hide and were packing it full of grass about eighty feet away, the old man held up the long bit of tree that had the gut string attached to it and said “This, my vision tells me is to be called the bow. It will become the primary weapon and hunting tool of the people. “ and reaching down to take up the small spear like stick with the feathers attached said “and this my friends will be called the arrow, for though it may look small and unthreatening, it will fly like a bird and do much damage to whatever animal may be attacking while allowing the hunter to be well back from danger.” He could see they still didn’t understand so as the old woman lay about eight more of the arrows at his feet, and seeing that the men had moved away from the hide full of grass, the old man placed the arrow into the bow, and pulling back while sighting along is let it fly at the hide.” Even though it had as yet no sharp edge on the tip, the arrow buried itself deeply into the hide, with only the very end and some of the feathers showing. The elders and men all gave a cry as they saw this. The old man offered the bow to them to allow them all to try this new thing for themselves. As they did he walked over to where the women yet worked and said to them “I thank you all much for the help you have given this day, for you do not even know how much what you have done will aid the people in the future. It is a truly fine thing you have done for them.” The women simply bowed their heads, and went on with their work under the watchful eye of the old woman.

As the men all finished trying the new tool, the old man went back to his fire, and upon re-filling his cup with tea seated himself back on his blanket. The other men finished what they were doing and with great excitement came back to the fire and did the same, all seeming to be talking excitedly over top of one another. The old man waited until they had all settled down and quieted, and as he waited the old woman dropped another fifty or so of the arrows at his side. Taking one up in his hand, the old man looked at the elder whose people had shared the blessing of their metal knives and spear points and said “Elder, I am going to need you people to lead others to seek that special red dirt you make the medal from and teach them how to use it.” The elder jumped at the old man’s words and said “But honorable one, we are far from the source of that dirt, and even if it was close we need also a special kind of black rock that burns with a tremendous heat honorable one.” The old man simply said “You will find all you seek a short distance to the west near those mountains my friend” indicating the mountains with a way of his arm. The old man held up one of the arrows and said “We will need to find a new source of this metal to create small spear points for the arrows, for though we could use stone to create points for them, stone will make them fly with less force and accuracy, taking away much of the advantage they give to us.” The elder answered back “Yes then honorable one, I will gather some of the people and begin our search this very day.” The old man said “You may take as many as you think you may need from all of the great tribe my friend, and as many of the other elders as may want to join with you to learn the secret of this dirt and rock.”

As they all moved off the old man heard one of them ask one of the others “But how does he know these things?” The other man answered “Because his vision is clear, his spirit is close to the Great Mystery.”  Later that day a runner came into the campsite and upon running up to the old man’s fire said “With great respect elder, we have found what is needed just as you said. The elder sent me to ask you if we could have one of the arrows so we can begin to make the small spear points for it.” The old man smiled at the man, and upon picking up one of the arrows as well as the detailed drawing he had made of the tip, he handed them to the young man saying “This is good news my son, very good.” As the young man ran back off to the west the old woman moved up to him with his supper saying “You act like you didn’t know they would find what they were looking for after you all but showed them the way old man.” He responded taking the offered bowl with “There is always doubt old woman, always.” To which she answered “Well at least I begin to doubt what you just said old man“and she chuckled to herself as she moved off back to the fire. Later that night, while sitting at his fire with the old woman, the old man suddenly took up his rattle and began shaking it in a rhythm. He had barely gotten started when the old woman joined him on her drum. As they sat there together in the darkness near the low fire, the old man let the rhythm of the sound lead him into a deep vision; unknowingly it was to be the deepest he had ever had.

As the old man opened his mind up to the wisdom and guidance of the Great Mystery, images and feelings started to fill his very soul. He saw fleeting glimpses of the near future. Mostly pleasant and happy, but one of the images was truly terrifying for him. He once again saw the whole top of a huge mountain exploding in a rain of fire and rock, all of it falling sown upon his people. Even though he saw much death and pain from this, he also saw that the people would stand together through it, growing and moving forward once more to build a brighter, happier future. He saw them traveling, crossing mountains as high as the clouds, crawling down through valleys so low it would take them weeks to reach the bottoms, and yet still he saw the journey. He saw images of wondrous new places, places where some of the people would stay to build new lives for themselves and their families, while the rest continued to move on. And as his vision turned more to the east than south he began to see an even more spread out land, broken by only the deepest of canyons, and mountains. Places where water was more precious than food, but still some of the people found homes there as others chose to continue on. He foresaw a place where many of the people decided to turn father south as the others turned due east, so there was a big separation of the tribe there. He had glimpses of part of that southern tribe settling in the sides of great cliffs, building their homes there from rock and stone, even as more of them split off and traveled further to the south. Seeing once again the lost future of these southern most wanderers, though he saw them creating great stone structures in a far distant green jungle, he was greatly saddened for that part of the vision that once more showed him just how far the people could become removed from the wisdom of the Great Mystery. He saw himself and the old woman walking with the people moving to the due east, ever walking.

The vision released him for a moment allowing him a sip of his cold tea, though even as he sipped he continued the cadence with his rattle. The old woman, still with her drum said quietly “Do you want me to warm that up elder?” He just nodded his head back and forth and as he settled down the cup, he drifted back into the vision. He saw the eastern most tribe and himself arriving in a wonderful green land and as they settled he saw even further to the east yet another great sea. There was then a change to the vision, and his mind expanded so he could look at all of the land and people as though he was a great bird flying high in the skies over them. Years spun by as droplets of a sweet summer rain and he found himself once more looking down at the descendants of the White Jyn arriving in their great canoes from across that huge blue sea. He saw descendants of his own people welcoming them, helping them learn to hunt and plant, helping them survive their first winters here in this land. His world flashed around him again, and he saw war. The White Jyn people once more killing his people, and driving them ever back to the west. So many deaths, so much pain, tears began to run down the old man’s face, even as he saw his people trying to fight back and survive. Another sliding change in his vision. The whole of this county was now covered by the White Jyn and a few others, and though his own people had grown greatly in numbers, they had almost totally lost their connection with the Great Mystery, being enticed into joining with the Jyn in their quest for amassing ever larger stores of things and controlling power. The land was now almost completely covered in great massive structures, connected with hard man made trails on which strange machines traveled at very high speeds. Even within the sky itself there were strange machines everywhere he looked. Another sliding slip in his vision and he saw war again, but war on a scale he could not even imagine. Huge heavy war machines lumbering along killing many at great distances, even many who chose the peaceful were not of the fight. Another sliding, sickening, change, and a new vision. He now saw the whole of the Earth Mother near to death. Human kinds had so poisoned her for so long that she could no longer withstand the abuse. An end was in sight, an end for all life as the Great Mystery readied itself to reclaim its blessings.

The old man came out of his vision dropping his rattle and finding the old woman holding him upright. He was having a hard time getting air, like a fish washed up on a sandy beach. He could see the old woman’s mouth moving, but he couldn’t hear any sound. She had a truly grave look on her face as she rubbed his chest trying to help him get breath. Slowly, after what seemed to be the whole night to the old man, things started to return to normal. Somewhat breathing again he rasped out ‘tea’ to the old woman. She jumped at his voice and almost ran to the dying fire. Hurrying back, she knelt and placed the cup before his lips. As he struggled to swallow a bit of it two elders came walking up out of the darkness. The old man never got to hear what they needed for the old woman screamed at them to “Go away now! Now, both of you! Now before you get hurt!” Both men looked startled, and turned and ran into the dark. Breathing better now, the old man said to her “You shouldn’t do that old woman, you scared years off of their live” trying to manage a smile. She said “Shut up old man, they need to grow up someday, and maybe tonight will help them with that task.” She gave him more tea. When he seemed more settled and returning to himself she asked “Old man, and if this upsets you don’t answer, but what did you see near the end of your vision?” “I, I,” he started, “but failed to get it out.” The old woman said “Old man, to my knowledge I have never had a vision in my life. I have seen what you predict come true over and over through our years together, so I believe that it is possible for you to see.” She continued “Tonight old man, somehow, I joined you in your vision. Somehow I was pulled along with you as you traveled that other place, a scary place sometimes old man, but also wonderful and with much beauty. How can this have happened old man? How can it be that I too seem to have shared this vision with you?” The old man thought on this for a moment and then answered “It is not a question of some gift or special knowledge old woman, it is simply learning to open yourself and allow the Great Mystery to impart its wisdom and guidance into your mind and heart “pausing he ended with “perhaps you have only just reach the point where you can quiet tour thought enough to hear the call.” He could see her thinking on this for a moment. She said “ Then those things I saw, the White Jyn all over the Earth Mother, all the greed and power hungry control, the fear, the wars, the deaths, the great structures, the poisoning of the very surface of the Earth Mother herself, and all of the seas,” then she said questioning “all of those things will come to pass?” He thought for a moment and answered “Well old woman, I like to think that because we now know these things we can perhaps make changes in the future so that the really bad things never come, we find a way to avoid or change the worst of them for the betterment of all. “I pray that is true old man, I pray it so” she said back. He held his now empty tea cup up, and as she got up to get him more he said “You know, I truly believe you scared four years out of those poor elder’s lives” as he burst out laughing. She herself was still laughing as she brought back his tea.

In just another hour the sun started burning its way up over the mountains to the east so the old man continued to sit on his blanket as the old woman stirred up the fire and began to fix breakfast. As he sat there he pulled out his pipe, and lighting it began to smoke. Looking up he saw four of the elders walking nervously towards his fire. As they got perhaps twenty yards from him they stopped and one of them said “Honored one, may we approach?” The old man bowed his head down to hide the smile he knew was shining on his face, then raising it, waved them in. When they arrived the old man motioned them to sit, and with many glances at the old woman, they finally did. “A bright new day dawns” said the old man. The younger of them responded with “Yes honored one, a beautiful day to be sure.” “What can I do for you all this fine morning?” asked the old man. Another one of them said “Elder, we have been talking, and since we shall be here for a while yet, we would like to know that instead of the stories for teaching the people, we would ask you elder if you would try to teach is the vision quest?” The old man hesitated a moment and dragged on his pipe, and he heard the old woman making a ‘humping’ noise over by the fire. The old man answered “That is a fine idea my friends, for if the tribes are going to be able to carry on safely as the3 separate and start building their own lives it would be good to have elders training in the vision quest to help guide them.” The men all looked relieved at his answer. The old man continued “We will start those lessons tomorrow night, because I have just spent the entire night on just such a quest myself. Now, would you all enjoy some of the old woman’s fine herbal tea with me?” They all looked at the old woman as if she was about to beat them with a stick, but again the youngest of them spoke “Yes honored one, that would be wonderful if it’s alright.” So the old woman brought them all tea and they talked of small things as she continued to make his breakfast.

When she had breakfast ready the old man offered to share, but the elders all stood and excused themselves saying they had various things to see to, so they walked off as the old woman placed his bowl in his hand. As he began to eat she suddenly sat right down beside him. He looked at her in surprise, but she didn’t notice. She asked “Old man, in the vision last night, we died didn’t we? I mean when the vision changed to the place where we were suddenly seeing things from high in the air as though we were birds, we were dead weren’t we?”  The old man answered “Yes old woman, we were dead then.” “How can that be old man? How can it be that we can see things even after our deaths?” Again he answered as best he could “Because of where the visions come from old woman, they come from what we call the Great Mystery, but truly that is just a name for the source of all things. This source existed before anything else in the universe existed; it created all things, the stars, the sun, the Earth Mother, and all the life in our world. It will never end, because it never began, and we, being a part of it, will return to it when our time here is done, for as a part of the source we can never truly end either.” She was quiet for a moment, then said “I know now what you say is true old man, because as I journeyed with you last night I too felt this connection to a much greater force, it must have been this source you speak of.” He answered “It was in you all along my friend, for it is in all of us, we just forget how to listen to it.” She thanked him, got up, and went back to her fire leaving him to eat.

He slept well that night, and the next evening, as the old woman built the fire up to a roaring blaze, the elders began to arrive and sit themselves about him. When they had all arrived and the old woman had given them all tea, the old man began to speak. “My friends, the vision quest is a simple but life-transforming skill that can help you to relax, enhance while enhancing your understanding about yourself and while helping you develop your inherent potential. I could talk of different way in which you can focus on the ways of different techniques, but, being that most of you have very little knowledge about the quest, you may find it challenging to apply them without first learning how to fully focus. So in this first night, I will lay down some basic instructions on how to quest for beginners, as well as attempt to teach you all some of the common concerns beginners may have.” The old man paused for a second, taking a sip of his tea and continued “Choose a place where you can be undisturbed for a time, whether it be at you fires or in your tents, even walking off into the wilderness away from the people for a time may help. Upon finding this nice, quiet place where you won’t be disturbed for a time, sit down, relax and rest your hands on your lap. When sitting it is important to maintain the natural curve of your back. That means, no slouching my friends. Breathe slowly and deeply allowing yourself to be fully conscious of each and every breath. Close your eyes softly and while taking a few slow and deep breaths, inhaling with your nose and exhaling from your mouth, begin to calm the noise within your minds. Do not force your breathing but allow it to come naturally. The first few intakes of air are likely to be shallow, but as you allow more air to fill your lungs each time, your breaths will gradually become deeper and fuller. Take as long as you need to breathe slowly and deeply, and continue to allow you mind to quiet.

Become aware of that connection to a greater power you will find within yourself. When you are breathing deeply, mind calm, you’ll begin to feel ever more calm and relaxed. This, my friends is a good sign that your quest is beginning. Now, as you continue to focus your attention on your breathing, maintaining awareness of each breath that you take in through your nose. Be mindful of each breath that you exhale with your mouth. Continue to focus on your breaths for as long as you like, or until you feel a pull to go further. If you find your attention straying away from your breaths, just gently bring it back. It may happen many times. Don’t be disheartened. What is important is that you realize that you’ve wandered and bring your attention back to where it should be. As you develop greater focus power, you will find it easier to concentrate. As the visions of your quest begin to flow across your mind, hold to the peace you have brought to yourself, and welcome them freely and openly while knowing that some will be very painful to see and feel, while others will be full of life giving love and beauty. Allow the visions to flow for as long as you are comfortable with them. When you are ready to end the quest, open your eyes and stand up slowly. Stretch yourself and extend your increased awareness to your next activities. You will know a great satisfaction for the gains you have made in your spiritual connection to the source of all. As you do this ting more and more, much more of the meaningful information your peoples need shall be shared with you, and then you can share with them.” The old man finished with “this is the beginning of the vision quest my friends.” The old man said to them “This is but the first steps my friend, we shall have many more lessons for me to teach you what I have learned” ending with “Do any of you have questions?” There was silence for a moment as the old woman handed out more tea, then one of the elders asked “Honored one, what of the drum and flute, what part do they play in the quest?” “Well, for me my friend, the drum and flute take me deeper within the vision, allowing me an even stronger connect to the source within, “and he finished with “but I would warn you all my friends, there is danger upon reaching too deeply into the visions too soon, and you need to slowly learn for yourselves just how far you can safely reach.”

The next night they were all back at his fire, and surprisingly to the old man, without questions. When they had settled he began “The vision quest is the art of focusing the all of the core of you into one area of concern. When I was a young child being taught by the old masters they made this point on many of the “advanced visions” telling me I was wrong, and arguing that the vision quest is an art of focusing your mind on nothingness, or everything that had or will exist For you that begin, the real challenge is quieting the never-ending noise of you minds, that within you that is always seeming to need to tell you something or interfere with what you are trying to accomplish. People who have just starting reaching for the vision quest, centering all of their attention in one area will seem a wondrous way to create a razor-sharp focus in their mind. Using awareness of your breath, focusing on the images dancing in your fire, or those within the clouds drifting across the sky above, all can give you in the beginning a way to cultivate the ability to put your full attention towards the one thing you reach for. And as you gain in the ability to do this, you realize just how it will be so beneficial in the everyday life of you and your people. When you reach the point that you are able to quiet you minds and focus your attention singularly, you will get to a second level of the questing experience where the “nothing-ness” (or everything-ness) occurs within every vision. But the first step must be to learn to quiet the noise within your own minds. Before you start each quest you need to develop a plan of success and a belief in knowing you will reach the goal you set. Quest with a clear purpose in mind. You must make yourself realize that vision quest is a very active process. The art of focusing your attention to a single point is hard work, and you have to be purposefully engaged.” The old man paused for a moment, taking a drink of his tea.

He continued “You must commit yourselves for the far future, for the vision quest will become for you all a life-long practice, and you will benefit most by not examining the overall results of your daily practice, but by focusing rather on the overall benefits it brings to you and your people. Do the best you can every day, and then let it go, for only by letting go can you continue to learn and grow as you move forward.” Pausing once more for a sip, he ended with “and I would add my friends, if you truly want to become good at questing for meaningful visions, then you need to practice. Every day, two or three time a day, and learning to share what you have gained with those around you.” There was silence for a time as the old woman re-filled his cup and moved around re-filling the others. As she did one of the elders spoke asking “Elder, you say for us to practice the vision quest two or three times a day, but I would ask elder, how we can do this as we travel on?” The old man sat his tea down and replied “That my friend is done by what I call ‘the waking dream,’ for even as we travel we can teach ourselves to enter the vision and gain truth from what it reveals. A dangerous thing for the hunters guarding the people perhaps, but then again maybe not, for when within the vision our awareness becomes such that we become truly one with our surroundings and can truly feel when a threat may be at hand.” The man nodded his understanding, as some of the others around him did also. The old man was surprised to see the old woman nodding also. He thought “She has truly learned much.” With no more questions for the evening, they all thanked him and moved off toward their own fires, leaving the old man and old woman to sit drinking their tea.

The next night they were back, and back early. The old man watched them as they arranged themselves around the fire. There was a difference in them, in the way they moved and held themselves. The old man said “It is time I taught you some of the more advanced questing tools my friends. How has your been going so far?” One of them shrugged and said, “it seems to go partly well for me honored one, but just about the time I get into the center of emptiness and the knowing begins, a thought comes along and disturbs the stillness and I start following the thought instead of the vision. Most of the time the thought is related to the knowing I was beginning to experience, but a thought stream seems crude compared to the other.” The old man smiled for he could tell that the young elder was ready for what he had to teach them all. Moving over next to the man that had spoken and sitting down the old man said “The center of you that knows is like a lake that is so perfectly calm that the moon is reflected brilliantly and serenely on its surface. A thought is like a breeze that ripples across the surface of the lake and shatters the image of the moon into a thousand sparkling lights. I can give you some tools that will help you still your thoughts like the calmest of lakes. All of you reach for a vision and once your soul is still and that which lay within you all is fully connected to source, so receptive it can reflect the light and love of the Great Mystery, and you can achieve your normal questing posture and breathing and then I will instruct you.” The old man waited a few moments all they all prepared themselves. When he saw them ready, sitting comfortably with legs crossed, breathe flowing smoothly and calmly as he had already taught he thought of the more advanced instructions of which he would speak.

The old man continues to wait until all of the elders breathing became slow, deep and measured. Calmly and quietly the old man began his teaching. “Listen to my words my friends and find the spot within your center of awareness that the sound around us centers on. Discover for yourselves the hearing focus. Soon I will quit speaking. See how long you can thoughtlessly focus on your hearing center. As soon as a thought begins, I want you to find where the thought originates. Focus on that new spot and connect the source of thought and the source of hearing together. As long as you can keep your hearing source and your thought source touching you can block thoughts completely. Now try this yourself.” There was total silence as they all focused on the old man’s instruction, and the old man noticed that the old woman seemed to have joined them in the exercise. All of them found that as soon as the old man’s words stopped the hearing source felt stronger to them. All of their thoughts seem to originate at the base of their throats as if they were about to speak. Within the silence of their minds they brought sound source and thought together like touching a finger tip to their thumb tip. The energy within them all vibrated higher and higher almost instantly. It was almost like holding a live bit of lightning within. It was a subtle joy that went from a whisper to a shout. The moved back over to his own blanket as soon as he realized that they were all in the joyful throes of joy from their strongest connect to source they had yet experienced. He smiled as he sat, well pleased that they were all becoming such a quick study of the way.

And the next night, they were back again, even though there had been a light rain all afternoon, all of them were setting once more at the old man’s fire. He welcomed them and began his next teaching. “The secret of success in what you do and developing the benefits it will provide for you and your peoples, and in vision quest itself, is to be able generate an energy that will enable you to direct your quest where and when you wish. The old ones before me learned after many thousands of generations of study how to gain the Energy they needed from their connection to source within, the same connection which you now learn as an integral part of yourselves, and more and more as your deepening understanding expands your connection to the source of the all.” The old man paused looking at the faces around him, and continued “I would have you all continue to develop an ever stronger calmness and clarity of your minds. Work to increase your powers of concentration and focus, while overcoming whatever obstacles you may encounter to the vision quest you seek. And perhaps most importantly, fully explore your inner universe, that part within you all and all of us where the connection to source is at its strongest.” The old man paused again to see if there were any questions. He continued “I would as you all, in you practice have any of you ever noticed how your practice of vision quest reflects your level of energy? When you’re tired or sleepy, your mind is likely to wander, or you may even find yourself in a drowsy fog. It takes energy to quest effectively. Our level of awareness is determined by the amount of energy we have at our command.”

Continuing with “So where do we gain that energy we need to advance in our quests fully?” The old man waited to see if any would answer. One of the younger elders said tentatively “Great elder, is it not provided by the source connection within us all? I mean, when I have been practicing questing as you have told us to do, and I grow weary it seems that by simply touching that connection more strongly I receive more than I need to continue on my quest.” The old man smiled widely at him saying “Yes my son, exactly right, for the source of all will provide us with exactly what we need if we but open ourselves and except its gift.” At that the old man saw the old woman nodding in agreement over by the fire. He continued “The more aware you become of that flow of energy, then the more you can direct that energy by the gentle guidance of your will, not only to the body, but toward anything that you do. Toward your work, toward creating inspiration and knowledge, toward the source in you vision quests, and in every aspect of your lives. For anything to be successful depends ultimately on the energy available to do the task. These exercises you all work on are much more than any physical thing you may have done before, they will lead you to a far greater existence than you have ever known” finishing with “and, in fact, of a spiritual progress you may not as yet be aware of.” Again the old man saw the old woman nodding in agreement by the fire. The old man ended with that as it had begun to rain again. And as the elders moved off toward their tents he said to the old woman “I notice you learn well old woman.” To which she replied “No, you teach well old man, that makes the learning easy.” He said good night and crawled into his tent.

It rained all the next day, and late into the evening, so there were no lessons given. The night after, after all of the elders had assembled the old man “So my friends, what changes have you noticed in yourselves and those around you?” They all started to talk at once, so the old man held up a hand, and then indicated one of them to speak. The man said “Great elder, questing for me has become a matter of pure awareness and concentration. It is now both a spiritual discipline and liberation, freeing me of things I had not known were holding me back. Through questing I have learned that I have neither limits nor lack of future hope. I notice also that those around me now seem more content and peaceful, and even though they still look to me for guidance, they seem to come less often relying and trusting themselves more than they ever have before. Why is it that they find more self-reliance from my own enlightenment great elder?” The old man answered “It is because now they see the true strength that you had hidden away within for so long. By allowing it to be shown you now allow them to know that they too have this kind of strength within them. This too will grow stronger and stronger as you all progress on you future paths.” He indicated another elder to speak. The man said “Elder, my visions so far have shown me many wonderful things, both beautiful and promising for the people, and heartbreaking and sad. For instance elder, in the not too distant future I have foreseen a large mountain coming apart with much violence and fire, throwing that fire and rocks down upon the people. There are many deaths in this vision elder, many. Is this a true vision elder, have I seen that which will come to pass?” The old man noticed the old woman nodding her head yes as he answered “Yes my son, the vision is true, and as heartbreaking as it is, it will happen as you have foreseen.” The man then asked “But elder, what use then is the truth of the vision if we cannot use it to avoid the dangers that lie ahead of us elder?” The old man replied “Well my son, some of the things shown to us are a part of the future than we cannot change. We can use the vision to better prepare ourselves for dealing with the hard times as they come, like in this example I had already decided to have all of you and all of the healers work hard to prepare extra burn potions and herbs in anticipation of the people’s coming needs.” The man nodded his head in understanding and went silent.

And thus it went, with a few more talking of visions they had already had, but more of them talking of the changes they had noticed within themselves and those around them. Finally the old man said “You have learned how to be peaceful, content and happy and to develop a spiritual attitude to your life, this will continue to grow within you all.  People living in spiritual based society will continue to grow into even happier lives based on a set of spiritual values they will develop and share. The result is a lot of peace of mind, and a continuing growing of loving care among them all. Peace of mind is your single most important asset for it is the basis of happiness and a prosperous life in the future for all of the people. The most simple and wholesome way of attaining peace of mind is to learn to sit still and stop worrying through the cultivation of the ocean mind and the practice of “letting go.” At the same time, it is important teach all the people to embrace spiritual values such as gratitude and reverence. With peace of mind and a spiritual outlook on life, it is easy to appreciate who you are, what you have, and lead a simple and happy life” he paused a moment watching them. Continuing he said “Through more practice and changing your lives to one of truly living what you practice you will learn to fully concentrate your mind and take care of this present moment. The interaction of the people is complex, fragmented and full of distractions, but with your leadership to set an example for them, they will prosper and grow. Some will have a general lack of purpose and moral integrity and you may become frustrated with such because of the negative impact they have on other people’s lives. Many may begin to feel helpless and unhappy with their lives. They will find their work unsatisfactory and that the overall quality of life has been slipping in spite of a high spiritual living standard. In this situation there are two ways you can help them, one is awareness, you have to help them become fully aware of themselves and their potential for a happy and successful life. The other is by teaching them of concentration. You have already realized yourselves that by concentrating your minds. In other words, teach them that at some point they have to stop running after distractions and start taking care of their present life for the sake of the world and their children’s futures. The sooner you start these lessons, the better. A focused attention and concentrated mind will take care of this very moment of your life, and if you teach it to the people it will take care of theirs too. This very moment is the most precious thing in your life and contains both your past and future. Apart from this very moment, your life does not exist.

And the next evening, again they were all there, eagerly awaiting the words they would hear next. The old man began “By now my friends, you have begun to learn to strive for the right livelihood and compassionate living and to become accountable for your actions and responsibilities of teaching your peoples. One of the highest ideals I can offer you all is to teach you that living a peaceful life is the most important thing you can accomplish, for just as our people have struggled on this far and difficult journey to escape the war the White Jyn would have forced them into, the future needs to be one of peace also. You accomplish this be first striving to lead a harmless life, one of non-injury to all the life you find around you., not hurting, not wasting and not polluting things as you move through your journey. This requires attention and your most mindful attitude which both of which are stressed throughout the wisdom of the Great Mystery. By listening within, you will learn to take good care of all the things at hand. For instance, you are instructed to do small things carefully such as taking your boots off and washing your feet. The viewpoint of a visionary life is that life lived fully in each moment is the end and purpose in itself and not the means for something else. Thus, each small task you perform becomes an awakening of your heart and the fulfillment of your life’s dream. You must make yourself accountable for what you do, for everything you do effects all else around you. I would have you know this because through this you find none other than a life of a full heart and enlightenment.” He paused watching their faces closely. Seeing nothing but understanding around him, the old man continued “the vision quest my friends, as well as the practice you’ve been giving it will help bring peace and happiness the entire world around you. I need you to know this too my friends, no one is too weak or un-enlightened to learn the vision quest, for with the proper guidance all can make that connection to the source within and begin their growth. It takes only the willingness to begin the practice, a need to listen to the teacher, on and a resolve to continue. And finally, one should never underestimate what one’s sincere commitment to questing practice can do for the world” he ended while looking at the faces around him once more. And there, after allowing them all to ask any questions they had, and share any visions or comments, he ended the evening,

The next day the people that had been out to the west creating the little spear points for the arrows returned with many thousands of them. They also brought many new knifes and spear points. As they were given out among the people the old man stood there admiring the fine craftsmanship of the new metal, and as he did one of the elders produced a large bag which upon opening it showed an abundance of highly polished beautiful odd stones, each of which shown with a amazing light from within in every color the old man had ever imagined. The elder insisted that the old man take his offered gift of these stones, and as the old man protested the old woman stepped in taking the bag. The elder then spoke to the old man saying “Great elder, my people have decided we shall be staying here when the rest of the tribe moves on. We find this place very pleasing, and can foresee a great future here.” The old man replied “That is well then my friend, I am glad you have all found your place.” The man nodded and said “I shall miss your council great elder, and I would have you know that the great gift of you teachings have already changed my life and the lives of many of my people, worth far more than all the steps I made to and from the west so I could hear them and learn. You should also know great elder that we would all be more than proud to have you join us right here in creating this new life.” The old man then replied “I thank you for your kind offer my friend, but my journey is not yet near to its end. I wish you all well.” Two days later when he crawled out his tent in the early morning it was to a view of all of the people around him getting packed up and ready to leave. The old woman was hurrying around trying to get their things together and ready. She growled a question at him “I supposed you told them we were leaving today but didn’t think you needed tell me?” Smiling broadly he answered “No old woman, they didn’t tell me either.” As he was standing there a group of elders came walking into his camp site. The old man nodded a good morning to them saying “Do you mean to leave us behind my friends? “He finished with a broad ornery smile. One of the men looking quite startled at the old man’s words quickly said “Oh no great elder, that was never our intent!” One of the others continued “Elder, some few of us met and compared our visions and we decided to separate our people into smaller group so as to minimize the danger we are yet to face. Spreading out rather than in one large group will allow all to come to the rescue while not risking sp many at one time.” “A good plan my friend, you show wisdom in taking care of the people” replied the old man. Another spoke “We would like you and your woman to travel near the end for safety honored one, for we have seen that place as the safest position.” The old man heard the old woman say “Your visions are cloudy elders, for we have both seen our ends, and they are not for many years yet. You need not worry for his salty butt.” Her words really did startle them but the old man said, “We will do as you ask my friends.”

And so, around high sun the old man and old woman began walking out across the plain to the waves and calling voices of those staying behind. Again, the old man noticed he had an escort of about forty men circling about him. They walk the rest of the day, ever to the south, through the rolling tall grasses and to the view of large running herds of the great black buffalo. The sky was clear, the wind light and full of the sweet scents of life, a pleasant and fulfilling day’s journey. Nearing full dark they came to where the rest of the people had set up their great camp. They had even prepared a spot for the old man and old woman up near the center, with a fire pit of a circle of stone and much firewood. As he helped the old woman set up their tents, while she growled about him ‘getting in the way and doing it wrong,’ he thought of his vision for the next part of the journey. Work done, the old woman having gotten a good start on a fire, and beginning to start to cook supper, the old man sat down on his blanket and pulled out his pipe. As he lit it about ten of the elders came walking up one of them saying “Honored on, may we speak?” The old woman spun from her fire saying in a loud voice “He is not teaching tonight, tonight he needs food and rest!” The startled man bowed to the old woman saying “No, no great woman, we want only to ask a question about the trail tomorrow.” The old man had been looking at the old woman and saw her confused face as the man had bowed, and the her deep blush as he had called her ‘great woman.’ He knew he was smiling broadly, but he couldn’t stop. Finally, after a long silence the old woman said “Well fine then, ask your questions.” Another of them bowed to the old woman and turning to the old man said “Honored on, we have talked of our visions, and all of us agree that very soon we must leave the southern path and turn the people due west. Most of us have seen mountains higher than the sky lying before us if we do not do this. Our question honored one, is this correct? Do we see clearly?” The old man smiled at them all and responded “Yes my friends, your visions are true and clear. On the third day south of here we must turn the people’s steps to the west, for though this part of the journey will be difficult and dangerous, to continue south would mean meeting the impassible mountains. “He finished with, “you have learned well my friends, truly well.” They all looked pleased at his words and bowing then thanking him they moved off to their camps. The old woman brought his bowl and tea, and handing them to him said “They really have learned much haven’t they old man?” He answered “Yes they truly have old woman, as have you I think.” He didn’t look, knowing she blushed as he dug into the food.

Three and a half days further south and they all turned to the east. The terrain was getting much more difficult, with many hard climbs and detours. But even as they struggled, with the warmer temperatures, plentiful game and water, and brighter days, the people were more than happy with this new world they traveled in. Mid-after high sun on the thirty-forth day after turning east the old man saw a huge rolling dust cloud there in front of them. Everyone took off on a run toward the sight. As they all crested a steep hill the sight below was quite depressing. There had been a great rock slide, and even from the distance they could all see many of the people had perished. Still they all ran down to check for wounded and survivors, and even as they arrived there were people coming from the front to do the same. The old man and old woman worked and worked trying to safe those they found still living in the mass of stone. While they worked many of the people worked at digging out those still trapped. By night fall, they had done all they could. One of the elders came to the old man asking “Elder, is it safe for us to stay here tonight or should I tell them to carry the injured and move on?” The old man answered wearily “Tell them we must move on, move on until we clear this hateful place and find a place of safety.” The elder ran off to make it so. Much later that night, finally sitting be a fire the old woman had built, the old man tried to take the cup of tea the old woman offered, but his hands shook so that he was afraid it would spill. He indicated for her to set it down next to him. An obviously very upset elder came up to the old man’s fire. He said “Elder, may I have a word with you.” The old woman started to say something but the old man waved her off, indicating to the man to speak. The man said “Elder, this new knowledge you have passed to me is so hard elder, it is so hard to see before time what will happen, and not be able to do anything to help. This cannot be the only way elder” pausing he ended “can you not teach me another way, some way to truly help my people?” The old man sighed and took a sip of his tea indicating for the man to sit down. As the old man started to speak, the old woman brought the man tea, “My friend, all of you shared a vision that it would be safer for the people to spread out their travels, so not all would be trapped in the same danger at the same time. Has that not made things better for the people?” The man said “But elder, there are eighty four lying dead in that pass behind us, could we not have foreseen better and saved them all?”

The old man took a sip of his own tea and answered “Well my friend, there are times that no matter how much we try, or how well we prepare, we will fail, for the world is a dangerous place, and we are but a small part of it. Do you think the mountain was angry with us for coming too near, and fell on the people out of that anger?” continuing without giving the man a chance to answer, “No, it fell when it did because the rocks had simply loosened over time and were ready to fall, and our people simply had the misfortune to be in their path when they did.” The old man continued again “And, because of the wisdom all of you elders showed in spreading the people out, there were far fewer lies lost than could have been the case.” The man sat with his head down shaking a bit and said back “But elder, so many dead, so many lost.” To which the elder asked “Old woman, is it truly an end when we die?” She immediately answered back “No elder, there is no end with death, for we are all a part of the great source, and therefore will never end, for it does not.” The man’s head snapped up at her in the light of the fire saying “Elder, you truly have a wise woman at your side, a wise woman.” The old man answered with a smile “Yes, but do not be telling her that, her head is big enough already” to which she said “and what is wrong with my head elder?” with a false angry tone to her voice. The old man finished his tea and saying good night to the old woman, crawled into his tent and was soon in exhausted asleep. Early the next morning as he sat by the fire one of the young hunters came running up. Nodding his head the man asked “Elder, how long will we be staying here?” The old man answered “I think we should stay at least a few weeks to allow the wounded a chance to heal. Is there urgency my son?” The young man responded “No elder, my wife and oldest son are two of the wounded and I was worry as to how they would travel.” “Well” said the old man “we won’t be leaving anyone behind, so you can go and tend to you family with a clear heart.” “I thank you elder, for you have truly set my mind to ease.” And he moved back down the hillside. When they had finished breakfast, the old man got up and telling the old woman to bring his medicine bag went to check on the people. Some of them needed more attention, and some of them just needed a kind re-enforcing word of encouragement, but everywhere he went the people seemed to come alive at his presence. The old man also notice that everywhere they stopped the old woman was immediately surrounded by other women asking questions, and wanting to talk. In all, no matter the hardship they had endured, it was a pleasant day.

On the fourth night the old man asked the old woman to go to all the elders and ask them to come to his fire. As he waited there in the darkness, he lit his pipe, and allowed all of the things he wanted to teach run though his head. When the old woman came back she was not only being followed by the elders, but be a large crowd of the tribal women also. Some of the elders seemed displeased by this, but all settled around the fire, as did the women. The old man began “My friends, tonight I would want to teach you all some of the most important thing for leading a good and inspiring life, a life that will lead your peoples to finding happiness and contentment in their own lives. Firstly I would say to you that you take into account all that great love and achievement involves a great risk on you parts, for in order to achieve you must weigh the risk, and begin with your first step toward fulfillment. I would have you all know that when you lose, and you will, don’t lose the lesson loosing blesses you with.” He paused taking a puff on his pipe while watching their faces, then continuing “always hold to a respect for yourselves, respect for others, and most highly responsibility for all of your actions. Learn that by sometimes not getting what you want may be the best thing that can happen, for that too can bring you learning and luck in you futures. Learn the rules governing life, and learn how at times you need to break them, but breaking them in a proper manner. Never my friends” continuing “never allow a small dispute to injure or break a great friendship.”

“And know this my friends, when you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it, again taking full responsibility for your actions.” The old man paused yet again, puffing on his pipe and watching the faces around him. Seeing no questioning looks he said “Each of you need to spend some little time alone every day, for in that quiet time alone you will find your path to connection and source. Open your arms to change, but never let go of your values, remembering that silence is sometimes the best answer to a difficult question.” Once more he dragged at his pipe, and finding it had went out, reached into the fire for an ember to re-light it with. As he did, one of the elders asked “Great elder, but how are we to know when silence it the right answer?” The old man replied “All of you have been learning to truly listen to the Great Mystery and its voice within you, you need only to trust in that voice and you will know the proper course of response” continuing “I would have you all live a good and honorable life, for as you get older you will be able to think back and enjoy it all a second time as though it is all before you again. Make for yourselves and you families a loving atmosphere and giving in your home for this is the foundation for a truly joyful life In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current one, never bringing up the past, or trying to ‘win’ by using the past another.  Share your knowledge freely and openly, for in this way you achieve true immortality while allowing your wisdom to continue down through the generations yet to come.” Pausing once more to re-light his pipe, he once again looked closely at the faces around him. He continued “Be gentle with the Earth Mother, once every year go to a place you have never been before and give thanks to all she has blessed you with. I would have you each remember that the best relationship you can have is one in which your love for each other exceeds any need you may have for each other. If you must judge your success, judge it be what you had to give up rather than by what you gained by getting it.” The old man finished with “I am very pleased at the progress and growth I have seen in you all, and my own visions have shown me that this will only continue to improve as you continue your journeys.”

The next night the old man told a very old story. He started with “In the old days, many thousands of generations ago, all of the great animals, the birds, fishes, and insects, all could all talk, and they and the people lived together in peace and friendship. But as years of time, went by the numbers of people increased so rapidly that their tribes spread over the whole of the Earth Mother, leaving the poor animals to find themselves to be without for room to live. Though this was bad enough, but adding to the misfortunes of the animals man invented spears, knives, and hooks, and began to slaughter the larger animals, birds and fishes for the sake of their flesh or their skins, while the smaller creatures, such as the frogs and worms, were crushed and trodden upon without mercy, out of pure carelessness or contempt. In. this state of affairs the animals resolved to consult upon what measures they could take for their common safety. The great bears were the first to meet in council in the mountains just south of the great ice, where old White Bear, chief among the Cave Bears presided. After each in turn had made complaint against the way in which the peoples killed their friends, devoured their flesh and used their skins for his own adornment, it was unanimously decided to begin war at once against the peoples of the human race. Someone asked what weapons the people used to accomplish their destruction. “Spears and knives, of course,” cried all the bears in chorus. “And what are they made of?” was the next question. “The spear if made of wood and stone, and the knife is made of sharpened stone alone, with both of them using own entrails to hold their handles to the blades,” replied one of the bears. It was then proposed that they make a spear and some knives and see if they could not turn the people’s weapons against himself. So one bear got a nice piece of locust wood and another sacrificed himself for the good of the rest in order to furnish a piece of his entrails for the string. But when everything was ready and the first bear stepped up to make the trial it was found that in trying to use the spear, his long claws caught at it awkwardly and spoiled the thrust. This was annoying, but another suggested that he could overcome the difficulty by cutting his claws, which was accordingly done, and on a second trial it was found that the spear went straight to the mark. But here the chief, the old White Bear, interposed and said that it was necessary that they should have long claws in order to be able to climb trees and catch the game they needed to survive on. “One of us has already died to furnish the binding string, and if we now cut off our claws we shall all have to starve together. It is better to trust to the teeth and claws which nature has given us, for it is evident that the people‘s weapons were not intended for us.”

The old man continued “No one could suggest any better plan, so the old chief dismissed the council and the bears dispersed to their forest haunts without having concerted any means for preventing the increase of the human race. Had the result of the council been otherwise, we should now be at war with the bears, but as it is the hunter does not even ask the bear’s pardon when he kills one. The deer were the next to hold a council under their chief, the Little Deer, and after some deliberation resolved to inflict rheumatism and disease upon every hunter who should kill one of their number, unless he took care to ask their pardon for the offense, and thank them for their blessing of life. They sent notice of their decision to the nearest camp of the people and told them at the same time how to make propitiation when necessity forced them to kill one of the deer tribe. Now, whenever the hunter brings down a deer, the Little Deer, who is swift as the wind and cannot be wounded, runs quickly and quietly up to the spot and bending over the blood stains asks the spirit of the deer if it has heard the prayer of the hunter asking for pardon and thanking it for its sacrifice. If the reply is “Yes” then all is well and the Little Deer goes on his way, but if the reply is in the negative Little Deer follows on the trail of the hunter, guided by the drops of blood on the ground, until he arrives at the tent in the people’s campsite,, which Little Deer enters invisibly and strikes the neglectful hunter with rheumatism and disease, so that he forever after is rendered a helpless cripple. No hunter who has regard for his health ever fails to thank and ask the pardon of the deer for killing it, although some who have not learned this proper way of respect may, in an attempt to turn aside the Little Deer from his pursuit, build a fire behind them in the trail.”

“Next came all of the fishes and reptiles,” continued the old man “all of whom had their own grievances against the people. They held a joint gathering of council and determined to make the people dream of snakes twining about them in slimy folds and blowing their fetid breath into their faces, or to make them dream of eating raw or decaying fish, so that they would lose appetite, sicken, and die. Thus it is that snake and fish dreams are now accounted for. Finally the birds, insects, and smaller animals came together for the same purpose, and the tiny grub worm presided over their deliberations. It was decided that each of them in turn should express an opinion and then vote on the question as to whether or not the people should be deemed guilty. Seven votes were to be sufficient to condemn them. One after another, each denounced the people’s cruelty and injustice toward all of the other animals, the time came for each to vote for their death. The frog spoke first and said: “We must do something to check the ever increasing numbers of the people or they will become so numerous that we shall be crowded from off the Earth Mother. You have all seen how man has kicked me about because I am ugly, as he says, until my back is covered with sores;” and here he showed the spots on his skin. Next to speak came the birds, who condemned the people because they said “they burn my feet off,” alluding to the way in which the hunter cooks birds by impaling them on sticks set over the fire, so that their feathers and tender feet are singed and burned. Others followed in the same strain of complaint. The ground squirrel alone ventured to say a word in behalf of the people, who seldom hurt him because he was so small, but this so enraged the others that they fell upon the Ground Squirrel and tore him with their teeth and claws, and when you chance to look even to this day, the stripes remain on his back.” The gathering then began to devise and name various diseases, one after another, and had not their invention finally failed them not one of the people would have been able to survive. The grub worm in his place of honor hailed each new malady with delight, until at last they had reached the end of the list, when someone suggested that it be arranged so that the menstruation of the woman of the people also should sometimes prove fatal to woman. On this the grub worm rose up in his place and cried, Thanks! I’m glad some of them will die, for they are getting so thick that they tread on me.” Fairly shaking in his great joy at the thought of this, in shaking he fell over backward, and could not get on his feet again, but had to wriggle off on his back, even as you see the grub worm doing today.

“When the plants, who were friendly to man, heard what had planned and was being done by the animals, they determined to defeat their evil designs. Each tree, shrub, and herb, down even to the grasses and mosses, agreed to furnish a remedy for some one of the diseases that had been named, and each said: “I shall appear to help the people when they call upon me in their need.” Thus did medicine originate, and the plants, every one of which has its use if we only know it, all furnishing the antidote that counteracts the evil wrought by the revengeful animals. When the healer is in doubt what treatment to apply for the relief of a sick, the spirit of the plant suggests to him the proper remedy. The old man paused and took a drink of the tea the old woman had placed next to him. As the old man sipped one of the elders asked “But honored one, how can it be there were so many of the people in the story, when there are so few today?” Setting the cup down the old man answered “That is another story I will be sharing with you all, but suffice it for you to know now that at one time in the far past the people all over the Earth Mother lost their way, beginning to make great war against each other, all of which led to the near destruction of them all, and the loss of much of the great ancient wisdom and knowledge, but as this evening grows long, that is a tale for another time.” One of the elders said “Great elder, in my vision I have been seeing only colors, red, blue, black, white, brown, and yellow great elder. Can you tell me what this means?” the man finished. The old man answered “Red represents the east, bringing success and triumph, blue is the north bringing defeat and trouble, black is the west meaning death, white is the south representing peace, happiness, and the great source within, brown has a meaning of the uncertain yet most likely successful path before you, and finally yellow has nearly the same meaning as blue, but more toward sickness and disease.” And, as if that were a clue, the old woman rose and began ushering the elders off to their own fires, leaving the old man to enjoy his tea and pipe.

The next morning, true to the medicine story he had told the night before, the old man and old woman set out to re-supply their stores of healing plants, roots, and herbs. As they moved south through the little plain of grasses they were in, they were soon surrounded by perhaps thirty of the hunters at a respectful distance. The old man growled a bit over this, but the old woman simply said “Shut up old man, the children guard their father.” As they moved, looking through the grass, pausing to dig up roots where they found them, they were joined by perhaps eighteen of the woman of the tribe, all carrying baskets and digging tools. They spoke to the old woman briefly, and then began to help in the search. The old man was well pleased at this, for the old woman was a great healer, and if she was teaching the others, then a great need would be filled for the tribe. As they moved up a small ridge and into a light stand of small trees the hunters all moved closer to them, not even breaking their ranks when a large deer suddenly jumped up right between them and ran. The old man started to say something to them, but the old woman laid her hand on his arm and chuckled. As they walked the old woman suddenly asked “Old man? In your story last night, it seemed there were many more people in the world than now. How can that be old man?” “Well old woman “ he answered, “that story is of a time so far back in our past as to be unimagined even by the best of us. It was a time far back before the great ice, when the people had spread all over the face of the Earth Mother. They had built great structures and lodges ‘cities’ they called them, some towering as high as mountains into the sky. They had what they called ‘machines’, things that allowed them to travel great distances in a short span of time, they even had things that allowed them to fly in the skies like great birds metal birds, and things that allowed them to travel out toward the stars, even to the moon’s face itself.” She then asked “But old man, if there so many and they had such wonders, where are they today, and why did you not talk of these things last night?” The old man hesitated a moment, and continued “Well old woman, they also had terrible things of war and violence, for even though they had reach a higher level of understanding that should how allowed them to be at peace with all people, and all life on the Earth Mother, they were taken by the greatest enemies of the people, greed and the need to control others. First they began to war on the animals, treating them as though they had no meaning for living, just as in the story, and even though the people of those times had learned of the balance of all life, and how to understand and speak with every living thing, they turned aside and began to do as the story told.”

The old man continued “What I left out of the story was the terrible weapons they had then, things that caused lightning to strike down and destroy many at a time. Things they dropped from their flying machines that rained fire and destruction to everything below. And even worse things, terrible silver streaks that flew on their own and exploded with the force of a thousand of the fiery mountains, destroying all beneath them, leaving nothing but a ragged scare of broken stone and rock, some of the rock with the images of people burned into it. By the time there were too few of the people left to continue the war, all of their wonders were gone, even most of the animals of that time had been killed, and over the many years since all memory of those times have been forgotten.” The old woman looked quite taken back upon hearing this, she asked “Old man, why then did you not tell any of this to the elders last night?” “Well old friend,” he answered “I shouldn’t be sharing this with you either, for back long years ago when this was shared with me I was sworn to an oath not to reveal this knowledge to any of the people, for fear that they would try to learn of these ancient destructive things, and perhaps this time complete kill all of the people forever.” The old woman said “I think it would be better old man, to teach these things and the foolishness of it all so that the people can learn and not repeat this madness in some future time.” The old man smiled at her and said “That is what I said to my master all those years ago, and his answer then was as mine will be now, who, in the far distant future, perhaps thousands of thousands of years, who will remember and follow the words of one old man from the far distant past?” Even as we speak here old woman, there are still a few of those ‘cities’ and people in our world, though not as powerful and dangerous as they once were. And most sadly for them I fear, their end too is close at hand, for when the great ice melts they will be no more, and with them dies all the knowledge they possess. The old woman paused for a very long time now, bending to dig up a root, and moving on into the little wood. Finally she said “Old man, sometimes you truly make me sad, for I know the truth in you, and sometimes I wish what you say to be a lie, but you don’t lie old man, you don’t. Your visions are clear and true, your wisdom balanced and loving, there is no lack in you that I can blame for what even for myself I have seen in the coming future.

With the injured finally healed enough to travel, they began the sometimes difficult climb around and through the mountain valleys. After another four weeks of hard travel they came down into a truly beautiful tree studded valley, which had in its center a pristine running brook and a peaceful tranquil pond. The old man called a halt for a few days as soon as he saw it.  As the people began to set up their camp sites, one of the elders came up to the old man saying, “Great elder, why do you stop us here? I am sure the people are strong enough to continue traveling for some day yet.” The old man answered “And why do we force them to trek on past such wonders as this my friend, why would you not want them to enjoy these new-found magical places as when they can? Is not their happiness the real reason they travel at all?” The elder nodded his head in respect saying “You are a truly wise man great elder.” As the elder walked away the old man saw near the center of the valley a small spotted fawn walking into camp down the mountain side to the south. A few of the hunters grabbed up their spears and moved to take the small animal. The old man took up his staff and went running at them yelling no as loudly as he could. When he got to the men, out of breath and heaving, he realized the old woman was right beside him with her spear gasping for her own breath. The hunter stood frozen, looking all around themselves for the cause of the old man’s outburst and curious actions, and as they did many of the other hunters came running up also. Finally able to breathe the old man said “You will not harm this animal,” and looking around at the others continued “None of you are to harm this animal.” The old woman started to say “Elder?” but the old man waved her off with his hand. He said to one of the men “Go and get as many of the older children as you can and bring them here,” The man ran off in a great hurry, and soon after he did, a few more of the men did too. As he stood there waiting the old man pulled some grass up from beneath his feet and began to feed the little spotted fawn much to the surprise of both the hunters and the old woman. The fawn just stood there with the old man, munching on the freshly pulled grass, seemingly happy that it hadn’t had to bend down and pull it its self.

Soon the children and hunters had come around him, and the old man smiled at them, waving them all to come in closer to he and the little fawn. One of the older boy finally overcame his few of the elder and moved up to stand next to the old man, even reaching out to gently stroke the fawn’s back as he did. Soon all of the children were trying to get closer to the fawn, pretty much ignoring the old man, who was telling them that the fawn really liked fresh pulled grass, and that they had to be gentle and not crowd the poor animal too much. The old man sat down next to the fawn and began to speak to the children and hunters. He told them as he himself reached out to gently stoke the fawn’s side “The animal is called ‘Little Deer,’ and Little Deer is the spirit leader of all the deer in all of the forests.” As he spoke the children all moved back a bit and began to sit down in the grass around him. The old man could already see that many of the hunters had been startled at his words, so it was clear to him that their elders had shared his stories from the other night. Still gently stroking the deer the old man continued “This place here” waving his arm to indicate the valley around them, “this place is a truly magical place, a place much revered by the animals, and blessed by the Earth Mother.” He watched as he saw the children’s faces turn to one of rapture and attention, and as he watched the little deer laid down against him, stretching its legs out away from him. The old man began to gently scratch the little deer’s belly as he continued “I would have you all know that as you grow up and become fine hunters you must learn to respect all of the animals that will give of themselves to feed your families. Your fathers and elders will tell you and show you what it is you need to do to give thanks and show this respect to all of the lives on the face of the Earth Mother, you need to listen well. Little Deer here chose to test up by coming down into her place to see if we had learned these lessons yet, to see if we were worthy of her trust and that of the other animals. I ask you all, will we be judged worthy?”  All of the children, and even some of the hunters were nodding their heads yes, as one of the children even said “Oh elder, what is it we need to do? What would you have us do to earn the respect of Little Deer and the animals?” The old man smiled once more at them all and answered “What we need you to do is while Little Deer is here among us We need you all to be greatly caring and careful, feed her as she likes, comfort her, learn of her, and most of all learn yourselves how it is that you can love and respect life as it is meant to be. Take time out of your days, each of you, and do these things, for this is Little Deer’s place, not ours, and in learning that, you all learning the beginning steps of true wisdom.” The child that had spoken said “It will be as you say elder, we will make Little Deer as though she is one of our own family, and she will know us for being worthy of her kindness and trust, and take that knowledge back to the other animals.” The old man laid a hand on the girls head and said to her and them all “You will do well them, you will all do well, now go and help get your camps ready before you parents come after me for keeping you.” A few of the hunters came up as the children were leaving and one of them asked “Great elder, what is it we need do, what is it we need to do to keep the blessing of Little Deer and the animals?” The old man answered “You need but follow what your elders have been teaching you, but know this, this is truly a sacred valley we have been welcomed to, and there will be no deaths in it while we are here, The men all nodded at that, and slowly walked away still talking among themselves.

As the hunters moved off the old woman sat down next to the old man and fawn. She even reached out and began stroking the little deer herself, and as she did she said “Old man, how did you know? How did you know this animal would be as it is, and this place would be as it is? How did you know old man?” The old man smiled at her in the growing twilight and said “Can’t you feel it old woman? Can’t you feel the magic of this place, the closeness to the Earth Mother, to the source of all? Open yourself, open that special place within you that you try so hard to not allow out, let it breathe and live, let it lead you into the kind of awareness that only it can bring to you. Look within old woman, and find the answering you seek.” She didn’t answer, and they sat there together quietly petting the little deer and the night grew strong around them. After a time the old woman broke the silence saying we need to go to our fire old man, you haven’t eaten yet today and the evenings in these mountains are cold and long.” The old man sighed, and slowly got to his feet. The old woman said “And what of little deer old man, what are we to do with her?” He answered “She will do as she pleases old woman, though I would bet she will find better companions than two old fools for the night,” and chuckling he began to move toward their camp. He would have lost the bet, for the little deer followed off right behind them. Sitting at their fire, with a bowl of the old woman’s food and a cup of tea, the deer once more laying right against his leg, and with the old woman grousing at him for sharing a bit of his food with the little deer, the old man decided he was well satisfied with how things had worked out so far. He knew the whole thing was going to change the very way the children looked a life from now on, for that matter it would most likely also changed the hunter’s view of the world around them too. A good thing he decided, for the tribes, and for the generations yet to come. After smoking his pipe the old man decides to turn in for the night, blessing the old woman for her meal, he crawled over to the door flap of his tent, the little deer right with him. For a second as he crawled through he was worried the deer would come in with him, but as he settled into his blankets he relaxed, though he did laugh to himself a bit at an image of the little deer slipping into the old woman’s tent in the middle of the night, which would have been funny, especially if it had rained a bit first.

Early the next morning the old man crawled out of his ten to find it hard rained a little bit in the night. At first he thought the little deer had left, but upon rising and walking toward his fire he saw the children and the deer running and playing further across the valley. The sight brought a great smile to his face, and as he sat down the old woman said to him “The children are truly enjoying the gifts the little deer brings old man, and not only the children “she finished indicating a large group of hunters laughing and talking a short distance away as they watched the scampering play. “And there’s more old man” she said as she pointed up the ridge line to the south, “they have been there watching too all morning.” The old man looked where the old woman was pointing and saw six fully grown beautiful deer standing quietly watching the tribe below them. He asked of her “And what of the hunters old woman? What have they done about that small herd?” She answered “What would you think they do old man? You made it very clear to them last night that this was to be a place of peace, a place of no blood. They honor your words, this place, and the animals in it.” Continuing with “I even saw some of them feeding a small ground squirrel this morning, feeding it and offering it thanks as though their lives depended on its happiness.” The old man was still smiling as he took the hot tea the old woman offered as he said “My vision begins to come to light old woman, they “indicating the great tribe around them “truly begin to learn.” Sipping his tea and taking out his pipe, the old man set out to truly enjoy his day.

  Later that morning three of the hunters came to the old man’s camp. One of them said “I beg your pardon elder, but we need to know if it is good for us to go and hunt outside of this valley?” The old man responded “Of course my sons, you need only to go clear of this valley and of course observe the thankfulness and respect I know your elders have been teaching you.” The young man nodded his head as he said “Thank you elder, we will do as you say, and as we have been taught.” As they walked off the little deer came up and laid down against the old man’s leg. He sat there stroking the deer watching as the men joined a large group of others and moved off to the west. As the men moved off the old man noticed a group of children playing with a ball they had made out of the grasses. He smiled widely at the sight and sounds of their laughter and joy. The old woman came and sat next to him and the deer, handing him another cup of tea. He said to her “Thank you old woman, it is a truly beautiful day is it not?” She smiled, openly and without shame, as she too began stroking the little deer saying “Yes old man, it truly is that.” continuing “I have never, never in my long life know such peace as this place, an inspiring and wondrous place closely tied to the Earth Mother and the Great Mystery. It has made me think and wonder old man, why I seem to have wasted so much of my life in troubles and conflict.” He replied “Well, old woman, we only travel the road that lay before us as we step upon its path, and sometimes that path is difficult for us all.” She said “As I sat thinking last night old man, I realized that I have never thanked you for taking me in and saving me from that horrible nightmare of a man I was married to, and I do thank you old man, with all of my heart and soul. I still fail to see what made him hate me so.” The old man thought for a second and said “He didn’t hate you old woman, he hated himself, and by not loving himself he could find no love within himself to share with others. He was more deserving of pity than anger, even though the things he did to you and others were unforgivable. I have often wondered what happened to him after the people drove him off, for a man such as he would not have done well without people to depend on, and take his abuse.” “I have never looked at it that way old man, never thought to look at what might have driven him to be the way he was, I thought more that there was some lack in myself that caused him to treat me that way, and it made it harder to understand after the fine respectful way you have treated me over all these years. I think perhaps I had also lost my sense of self value also old man, but you have restored it to me and again I thank you for all your gifts.” He answered “There is no need for thanks old woman, we are what we are, and that is we are and always will be great friends.”

That night the elders all once more gathered at the old man’s fire. He began to tell them a new story, one that they would in turn tell their tribes and the children, one that would be passed along for generations yet to come. He said “At the end of the Moon of Falling Leaves, after the white Jyn had killed so many, the spirit voice of the Great Mystery came to me saying I must gather the tribes together and lead them over the great ice to a new land, one of safety and promise, where they could all live and prosper for many years to come. So as one big band we started with , and we others as we traveled. This large band of tribes were now bound together within the dream of making a better life, a better future for their children. Our people were all sad about leaving their homes, but all of them saw the need for their families for too many were dead, and now they saw a chance to make it better. So before we had gone very far, the white Jyn struck at us again, but this time they had not enough power and were defeated. And we traveled, the long hard journey across the great ice, and finally we came at least to this new land, and a true wonder it has turned out to be. Some of us have already found their new home and broken away from the rest, starting a new community and a place for their children. For the rest of us, the road lay yet ahead, and slowly but surely each tribe will find its new place in this new world, a country that seems made by the Great Mystery its self just for our happiness.” He paused taking an offered drink from the old woman.

Where we used to be happy, a place now only in our dreams, far behind us, but it too needs to be remembered for future generations. We traveled far, and the white Jyn did not follow us. But still we lost friends to the dangers of the trek when our people came to the challenges of the path. It was not like it used to be, and we were not ready for the coming winter, so we must keep on traveling south and east, for there I have foreseen a much milder and more survivable winter season for us all, and we must soon move fast for winter comes. By the time we leave these mountains and begin crossing the plains below it will be very cold. While we still travel here in the mountains where game is plentiful, we need to prepare and dry plenty meat for the longer journey across the plains.” One of the elders broke in at that with “The hunters have a very successful day today, bringing in much game. We will tell them to re-double the efforts in the coming days.” The old man responded that would be good.” and continued

“I was fifteen years old when the vision we now follow first came to me. I asked my teacher what he thought of my vision, and what it might mean. He told me that it meant I had a duty to perform, and a service to a people I had yet to meet. I wondered long of when my duty was to come; for the grandfathers had told me of a people walking on the white road and how the tribal nation’s hoop would be broken and the flowering tree be withered, therefore I should bring the hoop together with the power that was given me, and make the holy tree to flower in the center and find the magical road again. Part of this had happened already, back then I wondered when my power would grow, so that the rest might be as I had seen it in my vision. But, at that time, I could say nothing about this to anyone, because I was only a boy and people would think I was foolish and say: “What can you do if even the grandfathers can do nothing?”

He paused again taking another drink, the continued “When the blood covered grasses appeared again in my vision I went hunting for the people, and I was big enough now, for I had grown old in the long years I waited. One of my grandfathers walked along with me for a time as I started out, walking together, he asked me “Is your vision still clear my son?” I answered him very clear grandfather, though there are many parts that are very troubling, they truly sadden me. He then told me that what he remembered of my vision was of a very high need and though it would prove dangerous and painful at time, it was very necessary for the good of the people I was going to serve, and the end of the journey would be well worth the risk. I My grandfather then said I have a strange feeling and I think something is going to happen soon. I will watch while you make the ridge of the mountain and then you go. He looked at me in a strange way awhile. Then he said “You must learn to trust your inner wisdom as much as all of us have my son, for within you lays a very special gift, one you need to share with those you will travel with.” I walked on, but now I too had a strange feeling. As I crested the ridge of the mountain and started down the other side voice that said: “Go at once and look!” Quickly running back up the ridge I saw eight of the white Jyn galloping after my grandfather across the valley floor. I though to run down and try to aid him but even as the thought entered my mind it was too late, for they had already killed him and road on without a care. Just after they went out of sight behind a bluff, the voice returned saying “Run on fool, there is more danger!” Then I saw a band of about fifty of them on horseback coming out from behind the bluff where the two hunters had disappeared. They were looking all around, and afterward I thought that they had killed the grandfather only for their pleasure.

I realized then that my power had truly grown, for the voice had been very loud and clear. So I moved on in my grief, but driven to begin the task I had long awaited. In the Moon of Making Fat , I finally arrived at the first of the people’s villages, meeting with the first of you elders and explaining what I saw needed done. And thankfully you herd the wisdom of my words and began to ready your people for the great journey. This took time, but as a blessing from the Great Mystery it also allowed me to meet and begin building my friendship with my greatest of friends, this old woman” indicating her with a sweep of his arm. He continued once more “As you all can remember on the morning the white Jyn attacked I had said “Make haste! Before this day is out something bad will happen! Something very bad”, for my vision had shown it thus, and had also shown me that there was nothing I could truly do to stop it from happening.” he finished with “I will end this here and continue tomorrow night, I wish you all to have pleasant dreams, and to enjoy the day tomorrow.” They all rose, thanking the old man, and nodding to the old woman as they moved off to their camps.

One of the elders said “Of course when I heard this I was excited and worried, so I told my people to hurry for I had a feeling that I should listen to this man. Somewhere I had heard a voice like it was coming from the clouds, and that we must hurry up and go. We left everything but the fat of the cow, and fled. As we fled, others joined us, and at first I worried as to how we would be able to care for so many, but by the time we got to the third camp of our new band, I knew we were going to be all right. So, even though tired from our hurried flight, we quickly broke camp each morning and continued our eastward trek. And now here we are, in this fine new land, far from the dangers of the white Jyn and blessed beyond measure with the future that lay before us.” he continued indicating the old man and the old woman “What fine leaders they have been for our peoples, for who but them could have brought us safely through all we have traveled through?”

There was a large man called Brave Wolf who was well known for his bravery and skill at the art of war, he stepped forward saying “Indeed, you speak the truth elder, for this man” indicating the old man with his hand “I will admit I doubted him in the beginning, I doubted his ability, honesty, and did not trust him to care for the people as I did, but over and over he has proven himself to me and us all. He has taken on a great burden for himself, one I doubt any of us could should, for he cares for all these people” indicating the whole of the valley with a sweep of his arm “All of these people equally, without favor or bias, just as though they were all his blood family. And for all of the very great deeds he has done for us, what bane or favor has he asked? I say to you all none, for he shares his aid and all he knows freely and openly to any who will listen.” He paused for a moment, and then getting down on his knees said “I would say this that I have never said to another, to you great elder and you great woman, you have my eternal gratitude and humbleness thanks for the gifts you have brought to our people. there can never be anything you could ask from me that I would not give.” And at that all of the other elders did the same, saying the same kind of things.

The old man sat there by his fire for a moment and said “Get up, get up all of you, I respect what you say and the honor you give to me, but I feel undeserving of it. Each of you has you own strength, and give just as much to you people. I am but an ordinary man, just as is this old woman here an ordinary woman.” The old man thought for a moment longer and said “So, back to our story, The voice in the clouds had told the truth, and it seemed that my power was growing stronger all the time. When my grandfather was killed, it was my duty to protect his wife and family, so I did; I ran all the way back to the temple and though it rained all night, I arrived there very early the next morning. My grandfather’s wife cried so hard that I had to make her quit for fear some enemy might hear her and find us. I told them to gather some of their things and lead her and the rest to a temple far to the east hidden hight in the mountains. When we reached the temple the next morning my relatives began mourning for my grandfather. They would put their arm across each other’s shoulders and wail. They did this all day long, and I had to do it too, for the loss was too great for me also. I went around crying, knowing all the while that he had thought so much of me and I thought so much of him, and now he was dead. I only stayed at the temple that day talking to the masters and telling them what I had to do, and begging them to take care of my family. The masters game me dried meat and blankets to help me on my journey and I left early that morning. And after a long walk I met the first of you, and you know the rest of this tail. “

They all looked startled at his words, but none questioned what he said. wind suddenly went down over the valley, and it got still and very cold. Sitting there wrapped in his best blanket the old man listed to the sounds of the night. As he listened a coyote began to howl not far off, and suddenly he knew it was saying something. It was not making words, but it said something plainer than words, and this was it: “Two-legged one, in the big valley east of you there are bison; but first you shall see two over the great cave bears over there.” He said to the elders “I have heard a coyote say that there are bison on the big ridge east of us, and that we shall first see two of the cave bears over there. Have your hunters get up early.”

Long before this time they had noticed that he had some kind of great strange power, and they believed him without doubt. The wind came up again with the daylight and with it a heavy fog, and the hunters could see only a little way ahead when they started east in the morning. Before they came to the ridge, they saw two of the great cave bears, dim in the blowing snow beside some bushes. They were huddled up with their tails to the wind and their heads hanging low. When they came closer, there was smaller bear sheltering in the brush, with its eyes open looking at them. Quietly the hunters lipped by the family and moved on up the ridge, there was much timber up there. They got behind the hill in a sheltered place and waited, but they could see nothing. While we were waiting, they talked about the the bears and what a strange sight that had been. Now and then the snow fog would open up for a little bit and you could see quite a distance, then it would close again. While they were talking about the need for food for their hungry people, suddenly the snow haze opened a little, and we saw a shaggy bull’s head coming out of the blowing snow up the draw that led past them below. Then seven more appeared, and the snow fog came back and shut them in there. They could not see they hunters, and they were drifting with the wind so that they could not smell them.

The four hunters stood up and made vows to the four quarters of the world, saying: “Grand us success and safety Great Mystery” Then we got the move from the brush on the other side of the ridge and came around to the mouth of the draw where the bison would pass as they drifted with the wind. The two oldest of the men were to be the first to cast their spears, as the two younger used their bow and arrows to try to bring the great beasts down. Soon they saw the bison coming. The older people crept up and cast, but they were so cold, and maybe excited, that they got only one bison. They cried “Now!” and the younger two charged after the other bison. The snow was blowing hard in the wind that sucked down the draw, and when they came near them the bison were so excited that they back-tracked and charged right past them bellowing. This gave the two older a second chance with their spears and as the buffalo ran past in the the deep snow they cast again, this time with success. Suddenly the bison one of them had speared go out in a big flurry of snow, and he knew it had plunged into a snow-filled gulch, but it was too late to stop, and they all four plunged in right in after them. There they were all together, four bison, and four hunters, all floundering and kicking, but they managed managed to crawl out a little way, and turning brought the remaining buffalo down. They had killed five buffalo with no-one hurt. They were well satisfied, for the people would eat we3ll from this day’s work.

It was still morning, but it took till nearly dark for the hunters to do the butchering. Around noon there suddenly appeared more help, saying that the “Great elder had sent them.” And a great help they were too. I could not help, because my hands were frozen. With the butchering finally done and the meat all piled up on the fresh hides they began the long trek back to the camp dragging their bounty. As they neared the place where they had seen the bear family one of the hunters that made the kills asked of those that had came to help it they had seen the bears. They answered “Yes, two adults and a young one near some bushes.” The four looked at each other saying nothing, and the one that had spoken said to the people that had helped “We will need the smallest hide and some of the meat.” When it was ready the four said to the others “Now go far to the south so as to miss the bears, we will see you back at the camp.” And they started off directly toward the bears. None of the other people said anything though they did look at each other with questions in their eyes, they went to the south as told. As the four neared the bears the female suddenly jumped up letting out a mighty roar. The great male also jumped to its feet and the roar it gave shook the vary trees around them. The four hunters began to sing a quiet song, of of thanks and peace continuing to drag the hide up to the bears.

Finally, very close, they stopped and began throwing meat off the hide to the adult bears. At first the bears continued to growl and roar, but at long last the female reached down and smelled the meat the hunters had thrown. She tore into it with a mighty hunger and as she did the male took notice and while still keeping an eye on the hunters smelled the meat at his feet. He too tore into the gift, all the while the four continued their song. At long last after throwing all of the meat off the hide they moved off together toward the camp leaving the bears to their unexpected feast. When they arrived at the camp the people had a great big fire, and had tied the meat and hides around it to prepare their own feast. Many, upon seeing the hunters, came running up to thank them. It was going to be a night of great feasting, singing, and dancing, for all were very happy.

More to follow soon, am still writing this one…

The Singing Tao

  The only way possible to think, runs counter to the constant way, just as the name possible to express runs counter to the constant name. Without description, the universe began. Of the describable universe, the Tao created the origin of all things. Hence, we remain normally without desire so as to observe its wonder, or to question its source. Normally, being man, we would have desire so as to observe its boundary, or create one for ourselves. These two things are the same coming out, yet differ in name, the same in as to mean ever dark and mysterious. Two things seen by most as dark and dark again, ever to remain mysterious, perhaps until we return to the source at some distant time.

  All of us have looked up into the night sky and realized beauty as beauty, There is wickedness already, yet still we all realize goodness as goodness, creating it where no goodness exists already. Hence existence and nothing give birth to each other, just as difficult and easy become one another. The long and short must form one another, like the high and low incline to each other. I hear the sound by the tones blending together. Front and back follow each other.

  Considering this, the wise person manages without doing anything, carrying out the indescribable teaching. They give birth to wisdom that they do not have, to the knowledge  they are yet to gain, knowing that the Tao will give what is needed, They do but do not depend upon the wisdom, nor do they seek to achieves success,  not even to dwell in it. The simple man alone does not dwell in it and because of this he never leaves it.

  Through the Tao we learn how to value worthy people, those leading people to avoid contention. We try to teach them how not to value rare goods, of how this kind of value leads people to steeling and greed. How to put out of your mind whatever fine thing may take your notice or what suits desires all leading people’s hearts to avoid confusion.

  This is because of how the wise person governs, by emptying their hearts of ego, while filling their people’s bellies. Weakening their aspirations, strengthening their bones, always leading the people to be without awareness and without longings. And all the while leading resourceful men to follow the same example but they will never dare to act as well. As the Tao teaches, do without doing, following without exception governs.

  The way of the Tao flushes and employs the virtue of ‘less’, ever deep like the ancestor of every-thing. The Tao subdues that sharpness, separates that confusion. It is but to soften that brightness, and to be the same as that dust of creation. Deep and clear, to us it appears to exist. We can never know of whose child it is, for it resembles the ancestor of a Supreme Being.

  The universe in not benevolent and all things serve as grass do, rooting around for tender leafy stalks, or roots. The wise person is not benevolent, and the people serve also as grass dogs. Is not the space between the heavens and earth like a bag of manna? Empty, yet it doesn’t submit. Moving yet recovering from all its coming and going. More speech adds up to being exceptionally limited, and unlike keeping to the middle.

  In walking the path of the Tao we encounter the spirit of the valley that never dies. This is what is referred to as profound female, the entrance of the profound female; this is the origin of the universe. Continuous, in a way like it exists, in usefulness, if not diligent.

  Everlasting, the Universe and Earth can long endure. Because they do not give themselves life, hence they can long continue to exist. The wise person places his life last, yet life comes first. He is outside his life, yet life lives from within. Non-conforming as well as without personal evil! Hence he is able to succeed personally.

  The highest of good is like water, benefiting all things, contending with none. It dwells in the hidden places the multitudes loath, therefore it is somewhat like the way of the Tao. In being, good is the Earth. In intention, good is depth and benevolence. In speech, good is truth. In honesty, good is found in order. In work, good is in ability and diligence. In action, we find good is present, if he alone does not contend. Hence there is no blame.

  Holding a surplus is not in harmony with oneself or the Tao. Carrying a fighting spirit cannot be long maintained, doing more harm to the fighter than the victim. Treasures can fill a room which no one is able to keep or admire. Wealth and pride, one’s gift to one’s pride becomes but a downfall with no one else to blame. Meritorious deeds that satisfy one recede, hiding below ego and greed, hidden even from one’s self. This is the way of nature and the way of the Tao.

  When loaded down with life, can you leave with nothing? Focused in breath, can you be as yielding as a baby, simply enjoying each new sensation as it comes? Washing away the mysteries, can you yet see life as flawless in its beauty and simplicity? When loving the nation, can you govern the people without acting or trying to control? The answers you seek can be found within you, given freely by the Tao.

  When the gates of the Universe open wide, can your action be female? When understanding reaches its full extent, can you know nothing and be content? Give birth and raise, give birth and not have; Act and not depend on; Be in charge and not rule; This is called profound moral character and the way of the Tao.

  Thirty spokes may share one hub, but without the hub there would be nothing, for the blending of all create the useful vehicle. Mix water with clay soil, think utensil, and see it in your mind, out of this nothing exists, yet we create the useful utensil. Remember though that the vessel its self serves no useful purpose much as us, for it is the empty space within that can hold the water or grain that we need. Cut out a door and window, think room, and out of its nothingness exists the useful room. This is our creative spirit, dreaming what we truly need, and making it happen. Hence, of having what is thought favorable, of the nothing think only of the useful.

  Just as the five colors can make people’s eyes blind, the flashing show of the false leader can blind the mind. Though five loud sounds make people’s ears deaf, the lies of the greedy few may crush the spirit. The five tastes make people’s mouths sour and brittle, but the poisons given freely by a leadership lost will take the center from all. The rushed hunt makes people’s hearts go crazy in their hunger and need for success. By making goods hard to come, the greedy few make people behave harmfully to each other and the world around them. Because of this, the wise person acts for the belly, not the eye, Hence, he leaves that and takes this. The simple way is the best way. The way of the Tao.

  By bestowing favor and disgrace likewise, you startle. Treasure and trouble, likewise always seem personal. Why say bestowing favor and disgrace likewise startle? Bestowing favor supports the low. Gain seems to startle, Loss seems to startle. This says bestowing favor and disgrace likewise startle, tramping upon the feelings of the ones bestowed. Why say treasure and trouble likewise seem personal? That I have great trouble means I perceive I have a body, journey as yet uncompleted, I still travel and must learn.

  Come the day I have no body, and in returning to the source, what trouble could I have? Hence, when regarding the body as the most precious supports all under the Universe, likewise trustworthy for all under the skies. Taking care in use of the body supports all on Earth walking the shining path of the Tao, and likewise worthy of serving as support for all of existence it’s self and respect for creation.

Though we have watched for it, and yet not seen it, still we would call it smooth. We listened for it, yet could not hear, still we call it rarefied and fine. Never handled, never held and still called a minute as though measured. These three are unfathomable, so they blend and serve as the One. Its upper part is not taken in, its lowest part is not hidden, and it simply is,

Ever unending, how can it resist our need to give it name? Yet it cannot be named, and returns again to nothing. This unnamable is called that which is without shape or form, that without substance shape, and yet it is that which give all of existence clarity and meaning. This is called the suddenly trance-like state, when we, reaching at the core of each of us, find deep within that the answers are to be freely found. Moving towards it you will not see its head; following behind it you will not see its back. Hold to the ancient way in order to manage today. The ability to know the ancient beginning, this is called the way’s discipline. By following the path of the Tao we too can know the wisdom of the ancient masters, for the Tao shares all with all.

In times of old, the adept student was minutely subtle, open and deep beyond knowledge. He alone could not be known; hence his strength lay in allowing the knowledge to enter. He prepared as if to be fording a river in winter; as if like in fear of vengeful neighbors. In a solemn manner that seems to allow, finally vanishing his fear like ice slowly melting away. Honesty that is simple yet broad as the widest of valley. A blending that is like muddy churning waters, yet tranquil liken the calmest sea at rest. A never-ending cycle, circular, without beginning or end, complete and satisfied in its existence.

Who can be muddy as well as still to gently clarify? Who can be calm as well as aroused to gently live? Keeping to this way, he who desires not to be full, will become so. Therefore, only he who is not full can conceal, seek, and yet newly become.

In order to improve yourself devote your efforts to emptiness, sincerely watch stillness, embracing it to the core of your being. Everything ‘out there’ rises up together, and you watch again. Everything ‘out there’, one and all, returns again to their root cause. Returning to the root  cause is called stillness, this means you are answering to your destiny, the driving force you find within.

Answering to one’s destiny can be called the constant, for knowing the constant is called honest, and being honest with one’s self is one of the highest virtues. Not knowing the constant, rash actions will lead to ominous results. Knowing the constant allows, and allowing is therefore impartial, and impartial therefore the whole, whole thereby being the most natural of all. Natural is therefore the way. The way therefore long enduring, nearly rising beyond one. Once more, we tread the path of the Tao.

You will find that what you thought were the greatest heights, lay now far below what you realized.  Next you begin to understand that what we praise exceedingly lacks what we believe earned that praise. Our next fall comes in the form of what we fear, for that leads only to what we would bully and dominate. By looking within and finding the overwhelming need for peace we all hold there, how can we be satisfied with any the less?

  Would it be that the great leaders should listen and learn in this way, for when trust is lacking, there is no trust. A long drawn out speech may be noble and eloquent, but all too often lacks any truth or meaning. Meritorious accomplishment is truly fulfilling, and if done well the people all say, “I am natural”.

  By wasting the great way, both benevolence and justice bloom;
When intelligence increases, great falseness must follow;
When intimacy lacks harmony, there is more mourning than kindness;
When the county is confused and chaotic, there are loyal officials, loyal not to the people, but to the greedy few that remain hidden in the shadows.

You will find that if you cut off the sage, discarding his wisdom, the people will benefit a hundred fold by learning to think for themselves, thus allowing personal growth and new knowledge. Cutting off benevolence and discarding justice, allows the people to resume their own devout kindness. By cut off cleverness and discarding advantage, robbers cannot exist. But these three, considering culture, are not enough. For this reason, make something to belong to, see simply, live in simplicity, embrace the plain, and have few personal desires.

Can we cut off learning and be without worry? Of need and hunger, both differ by how much? Of good and evil, both would differ how then? Of man’s actual fears, one cannot not fear what remains unknown? Do we abide a famine such that it seems to have no end? As crowds of people bustle about, dancing on strings of the rich.

Like enjoying excessive sacrifice, or ascending a springtime terrace. I alone seem anchored without anticipation. Like an infant, not a child, breathing in and out with a place to return to. That crowd of dancing people all have more than enough, yet still they dance as told. I alone seem left behind, outside, unmotivated by the reasons for which they dance. Am I of foolish of human mind also? Innocent conventional people are perhaps clear. I alone am drowsy. As normal people seem to discern a great difference and pursue their passion, I alone am subdued and saddened. That crowd of people all have appointments to keep, I alone am stubborn and out of the way. I alone am different from people, and value feeding the mother, cleansing of my spirit.

There comes the time when the core within you blooms to create an opening of moral character, allowing only a way through to the way of serving the outside world. Suddenly, and only indistinct, it fully blooms to become liken to the most beautiful of flowers gracing a field. Indistinct and suddenly, among which exist a shape, suddenly and indistinct, among which exists the outside world.

Deep and dark in which exists essence, it is essence that is more than real. In which essence exists trust also abides. From ancient times up though the present, its reputation never left because of the experience of the multitude. Why do I know the multitude is of just this condition? Because of this.  Bent follows whole, crooked follows straight, hollow follows filled, worn-out follows new. We also see little follows satisfaction, but much follows the bewildered. The wise person uses this to hold the One and model his life for all under the heavens. He does not see his self for he is honest. He does not exist for he is clear, for his existence means little. He does not attack himself for by looking within he finds he has merit. He is not self important but he endures.

He alone does not contend for anything under the skies, thereby being content within himself. This is the ancient point of view, bent follows whole. How can it be that emptiness speaks? Complete sincerity returns. Infrequent speech is natural. Fluttering breezes quickly change direction. Sudden showers can’t last the day. What does cause this? Heaven and earth. Even heaven and earth are unable to long continue. And so what about people?

Hence, following the Way is the same as the Way. Following Virtue is the same as Virtue. Following Loss is the same as Loss. Together in the way, the way always happily satisfies. Together in virtue, virtue happily satisfies, together in loss, loss happily satisfies. When Trust is not sufficient herein, there exists no Trust herein.

Learning that that which we look forward to does not yet exist. In that what we chase after, we will not prevail to catch. Live simply and plainly, close to home and family, for this is your path to happiness. Seeing yourself, is not being honest with yourself, yet seeing within yourself is the pinnacle of honesty for self. Of course, this is not readily evident; you must learn that attacking your self is without merit, for self pity does not serve nor endure.

Such ways are called surplus food and superfluous forms. Such matters of the outside world are distasteful; hence one who has the way does not dwell in them. For most of mankind the outside world passes for the beginning of Heaven and Earth. Still and silent, it alone does not seem to change. Going around yet doing no harm, it can serve as the mother of all under heaven and earth.

We don’t know its name, powerful; in words we call it the way of the Tao. Striving, of reputation we call it great. Great we call death, in death we call distant, and in distant we call it reversal. Hence, the way is great, heaven is great, earth is great, and man is also great. In the center there exists four ‘greats’ and people reside as one. People follow earth, earth follows heaven, heaven follows the way, and the way follows that which is natural and free from affectation

You should know that the heavy is the cause of the light; the still remains the ruler of the restless. Because of this, the noble man, throughout the day never abandons seriousness. Although, he flourishes, watches, enjoys and dwells on his surrounding, he remains detached and untroubled.   How wasteful to be in charge, yet take life lightly? Light follows the loss of the cause. Restless abandon follows the loss of the ruler.

He becomes adept at prevailing without the ruts of an outward sign. Adept at speech without the flawed threat of banishment or blame. And perhaps most importantly adept at truly listening without a plan or paper, mind open, subject un-judged. Closing without locking, yet cannot it cannot be opened. Adept at settling without restraint, that which cannot be undone. Using this, the wise person is: Always adept at helping people because he discards no one.

Always adept at helping things, because he discards nothing, valuing all. This says he follows the pattern honestly. Thus, those who are adept are models for those not adept. Those not adept support those who are adept. Neither values the model nor loves the supporter. This wisdom, although perplexing, Is called an essential subtlety.

Knowing the male, yet abiding by the female. Become a small stream for all under the heavens. Being a small stream for all under heavens, the constant virtue will never leave you, and you will again return to infancy.

Knowing the white while abiding by the black, and you become a pattern for all under the heavens. Being a pattern for all under heavens, constant virtue will never be in error, and you will again return to moderation.

Knowing its honor, abiding by its disgrace, and being a valley for all under the heavens. Being a valley for all under the heavens, constant virtue will be sufficient, and you will again return to simplicity.

Simplicity loosens the standard and allows a wise person to be a public elder. This is how even the greatest control never cuts.

With desire limiting the choice of a thing, nothing can be chosen, and no satisfaction gained. All under the skies of heaven are divine talent; nothing can be done for either. Doing decays, leaving you only grasping at loses. In the external world of man, someone leads, someone follows. Someone sighs, someone blows. Someone strives; someone wins, while others feel the loss. Someone subdues, while someone ruins. Because of this, the wise man leaves the extremes, the extravagant, and the safe behind, remaining once more simple and sure wrapped within the Tao.

Leaders, in using the way to assist in managing people,
Avoid strong arming like anything under the skies.
Such affairs easily rebound and force hardships on your people.
See that where harsh live, thorn bushes grow thick and wide
Know that where armies have been, years of famine will follow.

  Those most adept have results, yet stop, not daring to seek more or better. Have results yet don’t pity. Having results yet not attacking. Having results yet not allowing ego to make them proud leading to foolish mistakes that only their people will pay for.

  Have results yet not complacent afterwards, for you can have results that you don’t strive for. The strong standard always, is not of the Tao, making matters better as a long term rule, is not of the Tao. That not of the Tao ends early and badly.

For the good person, weapons are inauspicious tools, even considered evil perhaps. Hence, one who has the way gets along without them. A person of noble character dwells normally noble left, with the use of weapons normally noble right.

Weapons are inauspicious tools, not the tools of a person of noble character. Having no alternative but to use them, indifferent to fame or gain, to lightly act is best. Being victorious is not beautiful, for what beauty in cheerfully killing people?

The man cheerfully killing people normally never get his way in the world. Auspicious affairs still left burial affairs still right. The partisan general dwells on the left, the superior general dwells right. They speak at funeral places, for the murder of so many takes sorrowful weeping, as the vanquished take the pain, and the winner filled false with spoils.

The way constant is without name.
Simple though small,
Nothing under heaven can subjugate it either.
Great men, if able to abide by it,
All things would take the role of guest.
Heaven and earth would join and let sweet dew fall,
The people, not ordered and yet self equal.
Only when restricted, are there names.
Names already exist,
Man handles the realization to stop
Knowing to stop can be without danger.
Just as the way exists under heaven,
The river of a valley flows to the great river and the sea.

Knowledge of people is resourcefulness,
Knowledge of self is honesty.
Victory over others is power,
Victory over self is strength.
Being content is wealth.
Striving to prevail is will
Not losing place is endurance.
Dead, but not gone,
This is longevity.

The great way flows, such as it may left and right.
All things on earth depend on it for existence and it never declines,
Meritorious accomplishment  yet anonymous.
Clothes and supports all things on earth yet not act as master
Always, without desire, befits the name small.
All things on earth return here, Why?
Not being their master, befits the name great.
Because of its ultimate non-self,  it becomes great.
Hence it can accomplish its greatness.

Hold the great image and all under heaven come toward you.
Coming toward you but without harm, its quiet equanimity greatest.
Happily offering enticement, passing visitors stop.
Of the way, speech is meaningless, so lofty its non-flavor.
Of watching, not enough to see.
Of listening to, not enough to hear.
Of using, not enough already..

In desiring to inhale through the nose, one must first open up.
In desiring a little less, one must first make an effort.
In desiring to let go, one must first begin.
In desiring to take, one must first give.
This saying is little understood.
The weak gets the better of the unyielding
Fish can’t escape from the deep,
A state’s weapons can’t instruct the people.

The way normally does nothing, yet there is nothing not done.
If kings and noblemen will abide by this,
Everything will self transform.
Transform yet desire rises,
Press it down using nameless simplicity,
Of nameless simplicity, man also handles without desire.
No desire and still, all under heaven will settle themselves.

Superior virtue is not virtuous, and so has virtue.
Inferior virtue never deviates from virtue, and so is without virtue.
Superior virtue: without doing, and without believing.
Inferior virtue: without doing, yet believing.
Superior benevolence: doing, yet without believing.
Superior justice: doing and believing.
Superior ritual: doing and when none respond,
Normally roles up sleeves and throws.

Hence, virtue follows loss of way.
Benevolence follows loss of virtue.
Justice follows loss of benevolence.
Ritual follows loss of justice.
Ways of chaos follow loss of loyalty and thinning faith in ritual.
Foreknowledge of the way, magnificent yet a beginning of folly.
The great man dwells in the thick, not in the thin.
Dwells in the true, not in the magnificent.
Hence, he leave that and takes this.

All that came before fulfills the One
Heaven fulfills the One and is clear.
Earth fulfills the One and is tranquil.
Mind fulfills the One and is effective.
Valley fulfills the One and is full.
Existence fulfills the One and grows.
Rulers fulfill the One and support the empire faithfully.
The One causes.

Heaven without clarity brings dreadful splitting.
Earth without tranquility brings dreadful waste.
Mind without effectiveness brings dreadful stoppage.
Valley without fullness brings dreadful exhaustion.
Existence without growth brings dreadful extinction.
Rulers without faithfulness bring dreadful setbacks.
Hence, the precious take the lowly as the origin.
The high take low as the base.
This, and so rulers call themselves solitary, scant, pathetic

Is this not taking the lowly as a foundation of heresy? No.
Extreme fame is without fame.
Not to desire is comparable to beauty.
Jewelry is comparable to stone.

In the opposite direction, of the way ‘it’ moves.
Loss through death, of the way ‘it’ uses.
All under heaven is born in having
Having, is born in nothing.

The superior student hearing the Way, diligently travels it.
The average student hearing the Way, seem to live it, seems to lose it.
The inferior student hearing the Way, really ridicules it.
Without this ridicule, it could not be the Way.
Hence, we advocate saying,
The bright Way seems hazy and hidden.
Entering the Way seems like moving backwards.
The smooth Way seems rough.
Superior virtue seems like a valley.
Great purity seems disgraceful.
Vast virtue seems insufficient.
Established virtue seems stolen.
Truthful promises seem capricious
Great honesty is without whispers.
Great capacity is a long time coming.
Great sound is scarce sound.
Great appearance is without form.
The way hides from view without name.
The way alone masters perfect forgiveness and accomplishment..

The Way gave birth to the whole.
The whole gave birth to difference.
Difference gave birth to the many.
The many gave birth to all things.

All things suffer the negative and embrace the positive.
Clashing spirits considered harmonious,
As people, we loathe alone, few and not of the valley,
And Kings and princes consider this a suitable match.

Hence, things perhaps lose as well as benefit, and benefit as well as lose.
Of people’s religious teaching, I also teach,
The backbone of effort seldom results in one’s death.
I will take this teaching of my ancestors just so.

The most flexible of all things under heaven surpasses the most resolute.
Without existence entering without space between, I know non action has the advantage.
Not of words teaching, Without action advantage.
All under heaven rarely reach this.

Name and body, which is intimate.
Body and goods, which is excessive.
Gain and loss, which is defective.
Therefore, the more we love, the greater the cost.
The more we hold on, the deeper the loss.
Knowing contentment, never dishonorable.
Knowing when to stop, never dangerous.
Then you can long endure.

Great accomplishment seems incomplete, its use doesn’t harm.
Great fullness seems dynamic, its use doesn’t end.
Great straightness seems bent.
Great cleverness seems clumsy.
Great debate seems slow in speech.
Still surpasses impetuous,
Cold surpasses heat.
Quiet keeps all-under-heaven honest.

All under heaven, have the Way,
Retreating horses fertilize the fields.
All under heaven, without the Way,
Army horses breed in the suburbs.
Of misfortunes, none are greater than not being content with one’s lot.
Of faults, none are greater than longing for gain.
Therefore, in being contented with one’s lot, enough is usually enough indeed.

Without going out the door we can know all under heaven.
Without looking out the window we can see Nature’s Way.
He goes out farther, he realizes less,
Accordingly, the wise person goes nowhere yet knows.
Sees nothing yet understands.
Refrains from acting yet accomplishes..

Do knowledge, day by day increase.
Do the Way, live the Way, day by day decrease.
Decreasing and decreasing,
Until without doing.
Without doing, yet nothing left undone.
Take all under heaven ordinary,
Use without responsibility, as well as with responsibility,
Not enough use, take all under heaven.

The wise person is without ordinary intention.
Takes the common people’s intention as his intention.
With kindness, I am also kind.
Without kindness, I am also kind, of integrity kind.
With trust, I also trust.
Without trust, I also trust, of integrity trust.

  How does the wise person exist, all under heaven, breathing in?
Becoming all under heaven, simple and natural his intention.
The multitude all explain with their knowledge;
The wise person, each and every child.

In birth we join death.
Of life, follow three in ten.
Of death, follow three in ten.
Of people, aroused by life, in death trapped, also three in ten.
Why is this so?
Because they favor life.

  It’s well known, those good at conserving life,
Traveling on land never meet fierce tigers,
Joining the army never the first to fight.
Of the ferocious, no place to thrust its horns.
Of the tiger, no place to apply its claw.
Of the weapon, no place to allow the knife edge.
Why is this so?
Because he is not in death trapped

The Way gives birth, virtue rears, things give shape, power accomplishes.
Accordingly, everything respects the Way and values virtue.
Respect of the Way and value of virtue happens not by fate, but naturally.
Hence, of the Way born, of virtue reared.
Of long duration, of giving birth.
Of well balanced, of malicious.
Of support, of overturning.
It gives birth yet claims not,
It acts yet relies on not,
It is the elder yet rules not.
This is called profound virtue.

All under heaven had a beginning; consider the origin of all under heaven.
Already having this origin, use this to know its seed.
Already knowing its seed, return to observe the origin.
Rising beyond oneself, not nearly almost.
Squeeze exchange, shut the gates; to the end, oneself diligent.
Open the exchange, help its affairs; to the end, oneself no relief.
Seeing the small is called clarity, observe yielding is called powerful.
Use the light, and again return to clarity, not offer oneself misfortune.
This serves as practice of the constant.

Were I mindful yet had knowledge,
Going in the great Way, alone bestow this respect.
The great way is very smooth, yet people are fond of paths.
The government is very removed, the fields very overgrown, the storehouses very empty.
Colorful clothes, culture, belted swords, satisfied of drink and food, wealth and goods to spare.
This is called in praise of robbery.
This does not conform to the way either

What is well established cannot be pulled out.
What is well established cannot be neglected.
Descendants using ceremonial offering of sacrifice to ancestors never ceases.
Of cultivating in the body, its virtue is true.
Of cultivating in the family, its virtue is abundant.
Of cultivating in the village, its virtue is long.
Of cultivating in the nation, its virtue is abundant.
Of cultivating in all under heaven, its virtue is universal.
Hence,
Use the body to observe the body,
Use the family to observe the family,
Use the village to observe the village,
Use the nation to observe the nation,
Use all under heaven to observe all under heaven.
How can we know all under heaven is like that?
By using this.

  Deeply contained integrity is comparable to an child’s sincerity.
Poison insects don’t sting it, fierce beasts don’t seize it, birds will not grab it.
Its bones are weak, its muscle supple, yet its hold is firm.
It doesn’t know the joining of female and male, yet its work and spirit perfect.
Endlessly it can howl, yet not become exhausted, of knowing also the most.

  Knowing harmony is the constant.
Knowing the constant is called clear and honest.
A beneficial life is called lucky.
Mind employing life energy is called striving.
The powerful ruling the old is called not of the way.
That which is not of the Way ends early.

  The know-er not to speak; speaker not know.
Subdue its sharpness, untie its tangles,
Soften its brightness, be the same as dust,
This is called profound sameness.

  For this reason,
Unobtainable and intimate,
Unobtainable and distant
Unobtainable and favorable
Unobtainable and fearful
Unobtainable and noble
Unobtainable and humble
Unobtainable and noble
For this reason all under heaven value it.

  Use honesty to maintain order,
Use surprise when using force,
Use non responsibility when seeking all under heaven.

  How do I know so? Because of this.
The wider spread the taboos, the poorer the people.
The sharper their tools, the more confusion grows.
The more clever they are, the more strange things appear.
The more laws multiply, the more conspicuous the robbers.

  For this reason, the holy person says,
I do nothing and the people change themselves.
I love stillness and the people straighten themselves.
I am without responsibility and people thrive themselves.
I am without desire and the people simplify themselves.

  When its politics is boring, its people are honest.
When its politics is scrutinized, its people are imperfect.
Misfortune, yet of good fortune its resting place
Good fortune, yet of misfortune its hiding place
Who knows such extremes? It’s not mainstream.
Mainstream turns to strange,
Good turns to evil.
The people have been long confused.
Thus, the wise are upright, yet not cuttingly so.
Honest, yet not stabbingly so.
Straightforward, yet not wantonly so.
Honorable yet not gloriously so.

For managing people’s daily affairs, there is nothing like frugality.
Only the frugal man is said to serve from the start.
Serving from the start he is said to deeply accumulate virtue
Deeply accumulating virtue, as a rule he is said to be limitless.
Being limitless, as a rule no one knows his utmost point
No one knowing his utmost point, he can have state
Have the origin of the state, he can long endure
This is called deep roots, solid foundation,
Long life, enduringly watchful of the Way

Govern a big country as if boiling a small fish.
So that the way is present for all under heaven,
Its spirit is not magical.
Not only that its spirit is not magical,
Its magic does not hinder the people.
Not only that its magic does not hinder the people,
The wise person does not hinder the people.
Neither assists in hindering,
Therefore, each ascribes virtue to the other

  The larger spreads below where all under heaven meet.
Of all under heaven, The female normally uses stillness to overcome the male.
Using stillness she serves the lower position.
For this reason, the larger, using the lower position, normally takes in the smaller,
The smaller, using the lower position, normally takes in the larger.

  For this reason, the low as well as taking in, the low yet taken in.)
The larger only wishes to concurrently raise the people.
The smaller only wishes to join in the affairs of the people.
Both each satisfying the position they want,
The larger fittingly serve the lower position.

The way of the myriad things is profound and difficult to understand.
For the good person it is precious, for the not good person it is protective.
Beautiful speech can bring worldly honor.
Beautiful behavior can augment people.
For people not good, why abandon them?
Hence, the son of heaven (emperor) establishes three commonalities,
Even though surrounded by jade and presented with horses,
Not equal to receiving the way.

Of old, why was this way so valued?
Wasn’t it said that by using it one got what one sought.
By using it one avoids the evils of hardship.
Hence it is valued by all under heaven.

Do without doing,
Be involved without being involved.
Taste without tasting.
Make the great small and the many few,
Respond to resentment using kindness.
Plan difficulty from its easy.
Do the great from its small.

All difficulties under heaven must arise from the easy
All that is great under heaven must arise from the small
Accordingly, the wise man, in the end, doesn’t support greatness,
For this reason he is able to accomplish greatness.
The man that lightly promises, certainly few trust.
The excessively easy, certainly excessively difficult.
Accordingly, the wise man, akin of difficulty,
For this reason, in the end, without difficulty.

Its peace easily manages, Its presence easily plans,
Its fragility easily melts, Its timeliness easily scatters,
Acts without existing, Governs without disorder.
A tree barely embraceable grows from a fine tip.
A terrace nine layers high rises from piled earth.
A thousand mile journey begins below our feet.
Of doing we fail, Of holding on we lose.

Taking this, the wise do nothing, hence never fail,
Hold nothing, hence never lose.
People in their affairs always accomplish some, yet fail.
Being as careful at the end as the beginning as a rule never fails.
Taking this, the wise person desires non desire,
And does not value difficult to obtain goods.
Learns non learning and turns around people’s excesses,
In order to assists all things naturally and never boldly act.

Of ancients adept in the way, none ever use it to enlighten people,
They will use it in order to fool them.
People are difficult to govern because they are too intelligent.
Therefore, using intelligence to govern the country injures the country.
Not using intelligence to govern the country blesses the country.
Knowing these both and investigate their patterns.

Always investigate the patterns.
That is called profound moral character,
Profound moral character deeply penetrating.
After wards, and only then, does it reach great conformity..

The river and sea can serve as king for a hundred valleys,
According to their success of being below.
Hence they can support a hundred valleys as king.
Yes, accordingly, a wise person,
Desiring to be above the people, must using speech be below.
Desiring to be ahead of the people, must using life be behind.

Yes, accordingly, a wise person,
Dwells above, yet the people are not weighed down,
Dwells ahead, yet the people are not impaired.
Yes, accordingly, all under heaven cheerfully push, yet never tire.
Using such non contention,
Is the reason that under heaven, nothing can contend with it.

One adept in being a scholar is not martial
One adept in battle is not enraged.
One adept in victory over enemies does not participate.
This is called the moral character of not contending.
This is called employing the ability of the people.
This is called matching Nature’s ancient utmost

Those who use weapons have a saying,
We dare not act as hosts but act as visitors.
We dare not advance an inch but withdraw a foot.
This is called going without going.
Grabbing without an arm.
Casting aside without opposing.
Taking charge without weapons.
Of misfortunes, none is greater than rashly opposing.
Rashly opposing nearly lost me treasure.
Therefore contending militantly, add sorrow to victory.

Our words are very easy to know, very easy to do.
Under heaven none can know, none can do.
Speech has its faction, involvement has its sovereign.
Man alone is without knowing, and because of this I don’t know.
Knowing self is rare, following self is noble.
Because of this, the sacred person wears coarse cloth and cherishes pure.

Realizing I don’t know what is superior, not knowing this realization is a defect.
Man alone faults this defect, this so as not to be defective.
The sacred person is not defective, taking his defect as a defect.
Man alone has this defect; this is because to him there is no defect.

When the people don’t fear power,
Normally great power arrives.
Without meddling with their dwelling place,
Without detesting their existence.
Man only doesn’t detest,
Because of this not detested.
Because of this the wise person,
Knows himself without seeing himself.
Loves himself without valuing himself.
Hence, gets rid of one and seeks the other..

Brave certainty rules in killing
Brave hesitation rules in living
These both either benefit or harm
Nature’s ruthlessness, who knows its cause.
Nature’s way never contends, yet is adept in victory.
Never speaks, yet adept in answering
Never summons, yet one arrives.
Comes simple, yet adept in planning
Nature’s net is vast and thin, yet it never misses.

When people don’t respect death, why use the fear of death.
If we could cause people to always respect death and be in wonder,
And we caught and killed them, who would dare?
Always have the killer manage the killing,
A man taking the place of the killer killing,
Is said to be taking the place of the great craftsman.
A man taking the place of the great craftsman rarely ever hurts his own hands.

Teaching Our Children

Teaching Compassion to Our Children

First: why is this issue so important? Because creating a more compassionate world requires that the next generation — our children — learn to be compassionate.

And how do we teach compassion to our children? By talking about it or making them read articles on Zen Habits? Well, that’s a good start, but even more important is that we model compassionate behavior — starting in the home. That means we need to be compassionate toward everyone in our homes, including our children.

Sounds great so far, right? But do we actually do this? If you’ve ever “disciplined” a child with a spanking, with a verbal berating, with a time out meant to teach the child a lesson, you’ve acted in a way that isn’t compassionate.

Discipline Isn’t Compassionate

When a child gets angry, throws a tantrum, throws toys, hits another child, or cries loudly, parents often will use force to stop the child — sometimes this force is simply coercive language with threat of punishment, sometimes it’s picking a child up and putting him in time out, sometimes it’s actual violence through spanking or slapping or worse.

This is “discipline” and it’s meant to teach the child that what she’s doing is wrong. But what message is usually conveyed instead? That it is wrong when we get angry or upset, that our parents will treat us unkindly when we do, that obeying and conforming is more important than being kind and loving.

When a friend is angry or cries, we don’t slap the friend, or yell at him to shut up, or lock him in a room or force him to sit quietly on a couch. That would be considered not only rude behavior but offensive. What the friend needs is compassion, a gentle hug, a receptive ear, someone who understands and feels his pain and wants to end his suffering.

And yet when our children are upset, we often do the opposite: we do not listen or seek to understand or feel their pain or seek to end their suffering. In fact we cause more suffering. That’s not compassionate.

The Cause of Children’s Anger

Why does a child get upset or throw tantrums or have a crying fit? Often because she doesn’t get what she wants. A teen-ager develops a bad attitude and dysfunctional behavior often because he feels controlled, has no freedom, is stifled and smothered.

The cause of our children’s anger is often … us. We don’t give them the freedoms that normal humans deserve. We don’t believe they have the same right to what they want that we as adults do. We believe we know better (when we sometimes don’t) and so we control them.

But is this compassionate? If another adult told us that he knew better than us, would we like it if he controlled us? Would we like it that he didn’t give us freedoms or allow us to do what we wanted? Undoubtedly not. In fact, this lack of respect, dignity, and freedom would cause us pain and suffering. Just as it does our children. Instead of being compassionate, we are causing their suffering.

Compassionate Parenting

Fortunately, there is a better way. I’ve been reading a lot about a philosophy called Google Taking Children Seriously, and it is a radical break from traditional parenting. Just a note: be prepared to have your beliefs about parenting challenged if you read this site, but keep an open mind and be willing to change your mind. TCS advocates non-coercive parenting — not forcing the child to do anything, but rather educating the child, guiding the child, helping the child, and trying to lead by persuasion rather than coercion.

It sounds good, but in reality it can be difficult for a traditional parent to accept the TCS way, as it means letting go of notions that a child must “listen” (or obey), that we must teach the child certain lessons and the means justifies this end, that education is rightly done through (coercive) schools, that our way is the right way. While TCS is not a methodology, one of the fundamental concepts that is put into practice by TCS parents is that of finding a “common preference” rather than either the parent getting her way or the child getting his way. If either of those happens, the other “loses”, which means that either the child or the parent gets hurt. TCS advocates neither person getting hurt — everyone should win. You do that by considering alternatives until you find an option that both parties are happy with. This is actually consistent with my theory of life — I don’t think we should hurt each other and should find ways to work things out so that everyone is happy whenever possible.

“Children are great imitators. So give them something great to imitate.” - anonymous

But What About When …

So what do you do if a child is crying or throwing a tantrum and won’t listen to reasoning? You find compassion for the child — you give her a hug, listen to her if she wants to talk about it, help her get what she wants. That’s compassionate parenting. And this kind of compassion — feeling the suffering of your child and helping him end the suffering — is the model that our children need to learn compassion towards others. And if they grow up to be compassionate, our world is a better place. There are many other situations parents will have questions about when it comes to this style of parenting, and I won’t be able to answer them all. I suggest you check out the dozens of articles on the TCS website, read their discussion boards and mailing list, and check out a few of the blogs of TCS parents and advocates. They can explain it all much better than I can. As for me, I am new to compassionate parenting. I have always had compassion for my children, of course, but I was also raised in a traditional authoritarian style and that’s what I’m used to. It’s hard to change. But I think it is important if I want a more compassionate world. Once I’ve started with myself and how I treat my children, I can expand from there and show them how to be compassionate towards others in our community, and around the world. But it must start somewhere, and I think with our children is a wonderful place to start.

“A person’s a person, no matter how small.” - Dr. Seuss

Is American a Democracy or something else? The popular ‘media approved’ answer is almost always Democracy, but I say no, today’s greed driven, corporate backed and controlled, elective despotism is not the government the founders foresaw, and certainly nothing we should be fighting to defend today. Firstly, American was never intended to be anything but a Republic right from the start. So, what is the difference between a Democracy versus a Republic you might ask? These two forms of government, Democracy and Republic, are not only dissimilar but antithetical, reflecting the sharp contrast between them,

(a) The Majority Unlimited, in a Democracy, lacking any legal safeguard of the rights of The Individual and The Minority, and

(b) The Majority Limited, in a Republic under a written Constitution safeguarding the rights of The Individual and The Minority.

Democracy.

The chief characteristic and distinguishing feature of a Democracy is:

Rule by Omnipotent Majority. In a Democracy, The Individual, and any group of Individuals composing any Minority, have no protection against the unlimited power of The Majority. It is a case of Majority-over-Man.

This is true whether it be a Direct Democracy, or a Representative Democracy. In the direct type, applicable only to a small number of people as in the little city-states of ancient Greece, or in a New England town-meeting, all of the electorate assemble to debate and decide all government questions, and all decisions are reached by a majority vote (of at least half-plus-one). Decisions of The Majority in a New England town-meeting are, of course, subject to the Constitutions of the State and of the United States which protect The Individual’s rights, so, in this case, The Majority is not omnipotent and such a town-meeting is, therefore, not an example of a true Direct Democracy. Under a Representative Democracy like Britain’s parliamentary form of government, the people elect representatives to the national legislature–the elective body there being the House of Commons, and it functions by a similar vote of at least half-plus-one in making all legislative decisions.

In both the Direct type and the Representative type of Democracy, The Majority’s power is absolute and unlimited; its decisions are unappealable under the legal system established to give effect to this form of government. This opens the door to unlimited Tyranny-by-Majority. This was what The Framers of the United States Constitution meant in 1787, in debates in the Federal (framing) Convention, when they condemned the “excesses of democracy” and abuses under any Democracy of the unalienable rights of The Individual by The Majority. Examples were provided in the immediate post-1776 years by the legislatures of some of the States. In reaction against earlier royal tyranny, which had been exercised through oppressions by royal governors and judges of the new State governments, while the legislatures acted as if they were virtually omnipotent. There were no effective State Constitutions to limit the legislatures because most State governments were operating under mere Acts of their respective legislatures which were mislabeled “Constitutions.” Neither the governors not the courts of the offending States were able to exercise any substantial and effective restraining influence upon the legislatures in defense of The Individual’s unalienable rights, when violated by legislative infringements. (Connecticut and Rhode Island continued under their old Charters for many years.) It was not until 1780 that the first genuine Republic through constitutionally limited government, was adopted by Massachusetts, and then next New Hampshire in 1784, other States later.

It was in this connection that Jefferson, in his “Notes On The State of Virginia” written in 1781-1782, protected against such excesses by the Virginia Legislature in the years following the Declaration of Independence, saying: “An elective despotism was not the government we fought for . . .” (Emphasis Jefferson’s.) He also denounced the despotic concentration of power in the Virginia Legislature, under the so-called “Constitution”–in reality a mere Act of that body:

“All the powers of government, legislative, executive, judiciary, result to the legislative body. The concentrating these in the same hands is precisely the definition of despotic government. It will be no alleviation that these powers will be exercised by a plurality of hands, and not by a single one. 173 despots would surely be as oppressive as one. Let those who doubt it turn their eyes on the republic of Venice.”

This topic–the danger to the people’s liberties due to the turbulence of democracies and omnipotent, legislative majority. The Framing Convention’s records prove that by decrying the “excesses of democracy” The Framers were, of course, not opposing a popular type of government for the United States; their whole aim and effort was to create a sound system of this type. To contend to the contrary is to falsify history. Such a falsification not only maligns the high purpose and good character of The Framers but belittles the spirit of the truly Free Man in America–the people at large of that period–who happily accepted and lived with gratification under the Constitution as their own fundamental law and under the Republic which it created, especially because they felt confident for the first time of the security of their liberties thereby protected against abuse by all possible violators, including The Majority momentarily in control of government. The truth is that The Framers, by their protests against the “excesses of democracy,” were merely making clear their sound reasons for preferring a Republic as the proper form of government. They well knew, in light of history, that nothing but a Republic can provide the best safeguards–in truth in the long run the only effective safeguards (if enforced in practice)–for the people’s liberties which are inescapably victimized by Democracy’s form and system of unlimited Government-over-Man featuring The Majority Omnipotent. They also knew that the American people would not consent to any form of government but that of a Republic. It is of special interest to note that Jefferson, who had been in Paris as the American Minister for several years, wrote Madison from there in March 1789 that:

“The tyranny of the legislatures is the most formidable dread at present, and will be for long years. That of the executive will come it’s turn, but it will be at a remote period.” (Text per original.)

Somewhat earlier, Madison had written Jefferson about violation of the Bill of Rights by State legislatures, stating:

“Repeated violations of those parchment barriers have been committed by overbearing majorities in every State. In Virginia I have seen the bill of rights violated in every instance where it has been opposed to a popular current.”

It is correct to say that in any Democracy–either a Direct or a Representative type–as a form of government, there can be no legal system which protects The Individual or The Minority (any or all minorities) against unlimited tyranny by The Majority. The undependable sense of self-restraint of the persons making up The Majority at any particular time offers, of course, no protection whatever. Such a form of government is characterized by The Majority Omnipotent and Unlimited. This is true, for example, of the Representative Democracy of Great Britain; because unlimited government power is possessed by the House of Lords, under an Act of Parliament of 1949–indeed, it has power to abolish anything and everything governmental in Great Britain.

For a period of some centuries ago, some English judges did argue that their decisions could restrain Parliament; but this theory had to be abandoned because it was found to be untenable in the light of sound political theory and governmental realities in a Representative Democracy. Under this form of government, neither the courts not any other part of the government can effectively challenge, much less block, any action by The Majority in the legislative body, no matter how arbitrary, tyrannous, or totalitarian they might become in practice. The parliamentary system of Great Britain is a perfect example of Representative Democracy and of the potential tyranny inherent in its system of Unlimited Rule by Omnipotent Majority. This pertains only to the potential, to the theory, involved; governmental practices there are irrelevant to this discussion.

Madison’s observations in The Federalist number 10 are noteworthy at this point because they highlight a grave error made through the centuries regarding Democracy as a form of government. He commented as follows:

“Theoretic politicians, who have patronized this species of government, have erroneously supposed, that by reducing mankind to a perfect equality in their political rights, they would, at the same time, be perfectly equalized and assimilated in their possessions, their opinions, and their passions.

“Democracy, as a form of government, is utterly repugnant to, is the very antithesis of, the traditional American system: that of a Republic, and its underlying philosophy, as expressed in essence in the Declaration of Independence with primary emphasis upon the people’s forming their government so as to permit them to possess only “just powers” (limited powers) in order to make and keep secure the God-given, unalienable rights of each and every Individual and therefore of all groups of Individuals.

A Republic

A Republic, on the other hand, has a very different purpose and an entirely different form, or system, of government. Its purpose is to control The Majority strictly, as well as all others among the people, primarily to protect The Individual’s God-given, unalienable rights and therefore for the protection of the rights of The Minority, of all minorities, and the liberties of people in general. The definition of a Republic is: a constitutionally limited government of the representative type, created by a written Constitution–adopted by the people and changeable (from its original meaning) by them only by its amendment–with its powers divided between three separate Branches: Executive, Legislative and Judicial. Here the term “the people” means, of course, the electorate. A lot of this was to forestall the kind of corporate control that the founding fathers feared could happen even back then. They spent months and months trying to get the wording right to avoid the very thing that is controlling our country today.

The people adopt the Constitution as their fundamental law by utilizing a Constitutional Convention–especially chosen by them for this express and sole purpose–to frame it for consideration and approval by them either directly or by their representatives in a Ratifying Convention, similarly chosen. Such a Constitutional Convention, for either framing or ratification, is one of America’s greatest contributions, if not her greatest contribution, to the mechanics of government–of self-government through constitutionally limited government, comparable in importance to America’s greatest contribution to the science of government: the formation and adoption by the sovereign people of a written Constitution as the basis for self-government. One of the earliest, if not the first, specific discussions of this new American development (a Constitutional Convention) in the historical records is an entry in June 1775 in John Adams’ “Autobiography” commenting on the framing by a convention and ratification by the people as follows:

“By conventions of representatives, freely, fairly, and proportionately chosen . . . the convention may send out their project of a constitution, to the people in their several towns, counties, or districts, and the people may make the acceptance of it their own act.”

Yet the first proposal in 1778 of a Constitution for Massachusetts was rejected for the reason, in part, as stated in the “Essex Result” (the result, or report, of the Convention of towns of Essex County), that it had been framed and proposed not by a specially chosen convention but by members of the legislature who were involved in general legislative duties, including those pertaining to the conduct of the war.

The first genuine and soundly founded Republic in all history was the one created by the first genuine Constitution, which was adopted by the people of Massachusetts in 1780 after being framed for their consideration by a specially chosen Constitutional Convention. (As previously noted, the so-called “Constitutions” adopted by some States in 1776 were mere Acts of Legislatures, not genuine Constitutions.) That Constitutional Convention of Massachusetts was the first successful one ever held in the world; although New Hampshire had earlier held one unsuccessfully – it took several years and several successive conventions to produce the New Hampshire Constitution of 1784. Next, in 1787-1788, the United States Constitution was framed by the Federal Convention for the people’s consideration and then ratified by the people of the several States through a Ratifying Convention in each State specially chosen by them for this sole purpose. Thereafter the other States gradually followed in general the Massachusetts pattern of Constitution-making in adoption of genuine Constitutions; but there was a delay of a number of years in this regard as to some of them, several decades as to a few.

This system of Constitution-making, for the purpose of establishing constitutionally limited government, is designed to put into practice the principle of the Declaration of Independence: that the people form their governments and grant to them only “just powers,” limited powers, in order primarily to secure (to make and keep secure) their God-given, unalienable rights. The American philosophy and system of government thus bar equally the “snob-rule” of a governing Elite and the “mob-rule” of an Omnipotent Majority. This is designed, above all else, to preclude the existence in America of any governmental power capable of being misused so as to violate The Individual’s rights–to endanger the people’s liberties.

With regard to the republican form of government, “As there is a degree of depravity in mankind which requires a certain degree of circumspection and distrust: So there are other qualities in human nature, which justify a certain portion of esteem and confidence. Republican government (that of a Republic) presupposes the existence of these qualities in a higher degree than any other form. Were the pictures which have been drawn by the political jealousy of some among us, faithful likenesses of the human character, the inference would be that there is not sufficient virtue among men for self government; and that nothing less than the chains of despotism can restrain them from destroying and devouring one another.” It is noteworthy here that the above discussion, though brief, is sufficient to indicate the reasons why the label “Republic” has been misapplied in other countries to other and different forms of government throughout history. It has been greatly misunderstood and widely misused–for example as long ago as the time of Plato, when he wrote his celebrated volume, The Republic; in which he did not discuss anything governmental even remotely resembling–having essential characteristics of–a genuine Republic. Frequent reference is to be found, in the writings of the period of the framing of the Constitution for instance, to “the ancient republics,” but in any such connection the term was used loosely–by way of contrast to a monarchy or to a Direct Democracy–often using the term in the sense merely of a system of Rule-by-Law featuring Representative government; as indicated, for example, by John Adams in his “Thoughts on Government” and by Madison in The Federalist numbers 10 and 39. But this is an incomplete definition because it can include a Representative Democracy, lacking a written Constitution limiting The Majority.

To keep myself from getting sidetracked on current middle-eastern concerns and what I consider America’s excesses there, let’s take a look at some of the latest current events in our own country, it’s worth looking at current events that seem to be indicating an end of an age, or the end of a district attorney in a time of corruption. Come to think of it, the two perspectives aren’t all that different.

However you look at it, calling the Wisconsin recent struggle a “labor dispute” is like calling the Battle of Normandy “a fight over a beach.” There’s a war going on, one that’s best understand by using an Latin expression popular among prosecutors: Cui bono? Who benefits? Gov. Scott Walker’s union-busting budget contains buried goodies for somebody, including possibly the Koch Brothers who paid to have it drafted. More importantly, it’s another step toward replacing the American dream of prosperity for all with imperial visions of massive wealth for the few.

The heavily-financed army behind Scott Walker has as its prime ambition as the very death of the American Republic. If that sounds like rhetorical overkill, then it’s worth remembering the words of someone who watched a republic fall. “The enemy is within the gates,” said Cicero. “It is with our own opulence, our own folly, our own criminality that we have to contend.”

If this end-of-the-republic rhetoric sounds extreme, listen to Gov. Walker’s phone call with a prankster pretending to be David Koch. He spoke to Koch the way an employee talks to the boss. That’s a glimpse into the world of corporate political power. Madison’s the epicenter for a battle between the dying American middle class and a plutocracy — no, make that a “Lootocracy” — determined to rob it of everything it’s earned over the last 75 years.

But wait, says Joe Klein, He says they’re protesting against democracy in Wisconsin. “The Republicans won,” Klein says, “and there are consequences to elections.” But did Scott Walker announce that he would magnify a budget problem and use it to break the ability of state employees to negotiate on their own behalf? That approach is opposed by 61% of Wisconsin voters, according to the latest Gallup Poll.

The election in Wisconsin is the latest example of a two-party system where neither party adequately represents the majority’s will. One tramples on it, using lies and fear, and the other offers only the weakest defense. The system’s been corrupted by money , “cash money,” which casts a shadow over its results. Those results include the election of leaders like Gov. Walker, who’s just a foot-soldier in the war on the American Dream. There’s big money at stake , cash money again, and the government swag in Wisconsin’s just the tip of the iceberg.

Klein’s energy would be better spent fighting for a truly representative democracy, rather than dismissing protestors who represent a majority of their own state’s people.

Civil Discourse vs. Civil War

Historians of the future may may well look back on our time with an indulgent chuckle when they consider the pundits and politicians who, in their anxiety to ensure a ‘civil dialogue,’ ignored the cui bono principle. Under current conventions, we’re supposed to assume that every political action must be the result of selfless ideologies. We must “disagree without being disagreeable,” as the president would say.

Meanwhile the plunder goes on unabated. Kevin Drum toted up the score so far from the plutocratic project: a massive upward redistribution of wealth, and the growing dominance of wealthy interests in politics and the media.

How would things have turned out if during the days of Tammany Hall in New York City or Huey Long in Louisiana journalists and reformers had adopted that attitude? Wall Street caused a global crash two years ago. Today it’s richer than ever and throwing its weight around politically as if nothing happened. Next time someone lectures you about ‘civil discourse’ just say, Look around, pal. This ain’t a debating society. Somebody’s wheels are getting greased — and the rest of us are on the skids.

Power Grab

At the risk of sounding disagreeable, it’s hard to find an “honest difference of opinion” on ideology that explains a paragraph like this one in Gov. Walker’s new bill, spotted by my eagle-eyed pal Mike Konczal:

“… the department may sell any state−owned heating, cooling, and power plant or may contract with a private entity for the operation of any such plant, with or without solicitation of bids, for any amount no approval or certification of the public service commission is necessary for a public utility to purchase, or contract for the operation of, such a plant …”

This allows the governor to bypass regulators and legislators and sell the state’s power plants, built with millions in taxpayer money to anybody he likes. This paragraph goes on to say that “any such purchase is considered to be in the public interest and to comply with the criteria for certification of a project.” The governor can give these plants away if he wants, and nobody can stop him.

Cui bono? Who could possibly benefit from giving the governor the ability to sell the state’s “heating, cooling, and power plants” (there are 32 of them), or “contract with a private entity” to operate them, without a bid process or any regulatory oversight?

Let’s see now: Wisconsin has nearly one million natural gas customers, so it would presumably be a company that “provides consulting, engineering, design, procurement, fabrication and construction services for the natural gas and gas processing industries worldwide” and has “been the general contractor on some of the largest natural gas plants built in the U.S.” And since there are a number of coal-fired plants on the state’s list, our corporation would need to be a “leading supplier of coal and related products typically used in industrial applications or to generate electricity.”

Those quotes were taken from the website of Koch Industries,  the company whose owners are bankrolling a little-known group that’s behind initiatives like Walker’s budget proposal.

Of course, the winning candidate doesn’t have to be Koch Industries. Kris Broughton at BigThink found another candidate. ThinkEnergy says it “eliminates the waste of energy and money in facilities through a blend of Supply-Side and Demand-Side energy management measures,” and they’ve placed a hiring ad that reads “Energy client is looking for experienced Plant Managers for multiple power plants located in Wisconsin.”

The real issue isn’t whether Koch Industries gets the deal to operate Wisconsin’s power plants. Somebody will — and the assets built by Wisconsin taxpayers (including the public employees now under assault) will undoubtedly be given to the private sector at very favorable rates. It will be one more step in the Great American Giveaway — the seizure of public resources by the private sector.

The Great American Giveaway

One of the ‘Lootocracy’s’ objectives is to confiscate all the assets that the middle class has built with its tax dollars. For decades the “privatization” movement has been a front for this plunder of the public’s resources, allowing private corporations to enrich themselves by providing services that were once provided at lower cost by the government itself.

How did that work out? Xe, the Company Formerly Known as Blackwater, provides mercenaries for our Middle Eastern wars — at great public expense, and sometimes acting outside the law in ways that harm our national security. The privatization of prisons and reform schools gave us the case of the monstrous judges who railroaded innocent kids into incarceration in return for bribes from a private youth detention facility contractor.

On a national scale, money intended for worthy college students got diverted into private jets and fat salaries after the privatization of the student loan enterprise Sallie Mae, and the privatization of mortgage backers Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac led to a series of scandals, multimillion dollar payouts for incompetent executives, and a worsening of our financial crisis.

Private Parties

With a record like that, you’d think the privatization movement would be dead. And you’d be right — if it weren’t for the billions being provided to it by the Koch Brothers and other private financiers. They’re major backers of “ALEC” — the “American Legislative Exchange Council” — an organization that proves how smart and determined the armies of the’ Lootocrats’ really are. There are two very smart strategies behind ALEC:

1) While everybody’s focused on what goes on in Washington, ALEC is able to plunder the massive resources of state and local government.

2) State legislatures are the “farm league” for tomorrow’s governors, Senators, and Presidents. ALEC isn’t just buying state government. It’s buying tomorrow’s national leaders too.

This secret army has a clear agenda: Attain power, give away the “store” once in office, and decimate programs that help the middle class and lower income people. Scott Walker’s actions fit the playbook perfectly. In fact, his bill was reportedly drafted by ALEC, whose primary objectives include the drafting of “model legislation.”

Two enterprising representatives from People for the American Way were able to get into an ALEC meeting in 2005 and, as Joshua Holland reported, they cast a light on ALEC’s role as ” the connective tissue that links state legislators with right-wing think tanks, leading anti-tax activists and corporate money.” They were also able to collect information on the breadth and audacious scope of the ALEC agenda, which is mirrored by other groups offering support for Walker’s efforts — groups such as “Americans For Prosperity,” another Koch-funded front group.

The war on unions is an essential part of the ALEC Assault. Unions are a double threat: First, they interfere with the’ Lootocracy’s’ ability to treat its private-sector employees as badly as the law will allow. And government employees are fighting for pay and benefits that interfere with the broader agenda of strangling all forms of government spending so that taxes can be kept low for the ‘Lootocrats’. That’s why, as Harold Meyerson points out, unions are under attack in a number of GOP-led states, and by Republican members of Congress who are trying to strip funding from the National Labor Relations Board.

All across the nation Republican governors are using the same play book, “Cry “poor” while giving tax cuts to the rich, then use the resulting crises to bust unions and gut services for the poor and middle class.” They’re all reading from the same script, and if their line readings aren’t convincing it doesn’t really matter. Ronald Reagan and Arnold Schwarzenegger have already taught us that Republicans don’t need to be good actors to succeed.

As Wisconsin Goes

Gov. Walker insists that the state’s pension plan is a key driver of the state’s fiscal problems. But the state is actually projected to have a small surplus next year, depending on how it handles its debt to Minnesota and a couple of other key issues. In any case, the state’s pension plan is extremely well funded,with 99.67% already in its accounts.

What happened in Wisconsin? The Governor cut taxes for the wealthy, then declared a budget emergency. In classic “Shock Doctrine” fashion, he used that emergency to slash a retirement plan that’s highly stable financially, along with medical services for middle-class and lower-income people.

What’s happening in Washington? In the name of “austerity economics” and deficit-cutting, a deal was cut that extends tax cuts for the wealthy. Now the conventional wisdom is that we must cut Social Security, a benefit program that’s much more solvent than most government programs, and then gut medical assistance programs like Medicare and Medicaid.

Let’s see: A tax cut for the wealthy, followed by the declaration of a budget emergency and the gutting of retirement and medical programs. And along the way, a giveaway of public resources to private corporations. That’s not coincidence: It’s the plan.

The Home Front

So, cui bono? The richest 1% of Americans, along with the corporations — and politicians — they own. We know who the warriors are, we know their strategy. We know they’re winning, too. Can the tide be turned? Not if the people opposed to this ‘Lootocracy’ refuse to acknowledge what’s happening. Republicans are gutting the republic and not enough Democrats will fight for democracy.  “Nothing is so strongly fortified that it cannot be taken by money” Ok, I could go on and on, and I promised myself not to go to the rest of the world, but;

War and the American Republic

Shortly before the appalling “Shock and Awe” attack on Iraq, and for years after, public support for the war was high in the U.S. It was evident in the high approval ratings for Bush, who had hoped that the war would turn him into a great president and American hero. As if taking a cue from the Senate, the mainstream media mostly stood united. Few even from the universities came out to protest. A great many Americans silently relished their mounting excitement.

The opening night’s attack, coolly dubbed a ‘campaign’, was broadcast live into American homes and even looked like a massively coordinated fireworks show. It would lead to the deaths of hundreds of thousands of Iraqi civilians, create millions of refugees, and cost the U.S. taxpayer over two trillion dollars. Many American politicians and commentators who had supported Bush that night, later criticized him on the grounds that they didn’t support this kind of war, one so badly executed. Bush should have sent in more troops and supplies, and planned ‘to win the peace’. In other words, they had supported an operationally smarter war.

It is not enough to argue that Americans were lied to about Saddam’s nukes and links to al-Qaeda. With the same “evidence”, why did most Americans support the war, even reelecting Bush in 2004, when much of the world strongly opposed it? Why is it that, as the historian Tony Judt put it, ‘the United States today is the only advanced so called “democracy” where public figures glorify and exalt the military’, where politicians ‘surround themselves with the symbols and trappings of armed prowess’? War is always spoken of as an option; to be averse to it is taken as a sign of weakness. Indeed, why are the Americans so much more fanatically patrioticly racist today than, say, the Europeans?

I offer three reasons that I believe, taken together, provide an answer;

(a) The demographics of the American military

(b) Historical inexperience of war and the world, and

(c) The impetus from corporate capitalism. These are not original lines of investigation by any means.

My modest goal in this short essay is to develop them into my own synthesis, and hopefully provide food for your further thought.

The Demographics of the American Military 

The idea of conscription, or mandatory service in the military, is rooted in a sense of civic virtue and community obligation. It is at least as old as the Athenian polis, which required military service from all citizens. But most nations today have a volunteer military. Serving in it is now a specialized profession like any other—only some men and women pursue it, the vast majority have nothing to do with it. The volunteer model works well when citizens enjoy largely equal opportunities. People then follow their interests and temperaments to pursue the jobs they want. If you’re moved enough by patriotism and civic virtue, go enlist. Everyone is satisfied, including the utilitarians, the libertarians, and the liberals. But what if a society has huge disparities in opportunity and wealth? Doesn’t the volunteer military cease to be all that voluntary if many are led to join it out of poverty, lack of choices, and disadvantages of class?

The composition of most militaries today, including the U.S., suggests that this is indeed the case. The economic and political elites tend not to serve in the military, but very much dictate its priorities. They increasingly have no skin in the game, and a diminishing sense of its human cost. 450 of 750 students in Princeton’s graduating class of 1956 joined the military. Only 9 of 1108 graduates did so in 2006. This trend holds across other elite universities too, and has only accelerated since 1973 when Congress abolished the draft and made it an all-voluntary army. Only 2% of the members of congress have an offspring that has served in the military.[4]

According to Michael Massing’s 2008 report, The Volunteer Army: Who Fights and Why?, military recruitment in America increasingly revolves around a roster of basic material benefits: cash bonuses, health insurance, college tuition, etc.  Those least able to afford these—and their ranks have swollen in recent decades—are disproportionately drawn to the military. Doesn’t this begin to drift towards a mercenary model (think Blackwater), where the idea of community obligation is undermined? Doesn’t this lower the threshold for the elites to choose war? Thucydides clearly cautioned against such trends: ‘The nation that makes a great distinction between its scholars and its warriors will have its thinking done by cowards and its fighting done by fools.’

Historical Inexperience of War and the World

The last real war on the U.S. mainland was the Civil War, 150 years ago. Not since then has the U.S. experienced war at home. It is simply not in living memory. No carpet bombing of Boston, no bunker busters in Chicago, no nighttime air raid sirens in St. Louis, no cruise missiles raining on DC landmarks, no helicopter gunships over LA, no bombed out Nashville, no sniper fire in San Francisco, no land mines in the Virginia countryside, no hospitals choked with mutilated bodies, no hideously burnt out corpses in the streets, no mass burials, no wailing widows and orphans, no blown up highways, bridges, airports, or seaports, no knocked out food, medical, power, or water supplies. As Judt wrote,

“Americans, perhaps alone in the world, experienced the twentieth century in a far more positive light. The US was not invaded. It did not lose vast numbers of citizens, or huge swathes of territory, as a result of occupation or dismemberment. Although humiliated in distant neocolonial wars (in Vietnam and now in Iraq), the US has never suffered the full consequences of defeat. Despite their ambivalence toward its recent undertakings, most Americans still feel that the wars their country has fought were mostly “good wars.” The US was greatly enriched by its role in the two world wars and by their outcome … And compared with other major twentieth-century combatants, the US lost relatively few soldiers in battle and suffered hardly any civilian casualties…”

“Indeed, the complacent neoconservative claim that war and conflict are things Americans understand—in contrast to naive Europeans with their pacifistic fantasies—seems to me exactly wrong: it is Europeans (along with Asians and Africans) who understand war all too well. Most Americans have been fortunate enough to live in blissful ignorance of its true significance.”

Europeans are also shrewder than Americans about non-Western societies—a byproduct of Europe’s geography, colonial empires, and in some ways, their salad-bowl model of immigration (vs. the melting pot, more conducive to assimilation). Their scholars, administrators, and civilians once spent years abroad, returning with knowledge that filtered into public awareness. They continue traveling to and otherwise engaging with former colonies. One might say that the world has already paid the price for educating the Europeans. And whether or not they like others, Europeans have a keener sense of others’ cultural complexities, and of this Kantian insight: ‘Out of the crooked timber of humanity, no straight thing was ever made.’ Keener than the Americans that is, whose relative naivete, insularity, and evangelical instincts (religious, political, and economic) only make them more vulnerable to demagogues who cry wolf about threats from foreign cultures.

The Impetus from Corporate Capitalism

In a society of ‘AWOL’ upper classes, does the free market, the kind led by modern corporations, create its own impetus for war? How does America’s elite class—whose growing share of wealth depends on the relentless growth of corporations—safeguard its economic interests? Not usually through boardroom conspiracies, which surely happen, but by staying true to its dominant class character, like an animal who cannot help being any other way, whose one authentic instinct is to sustain and engorge itself. To that end, it uses every tool at its disposal.

One such tool is the news media, which has changed drastically in recent decades. Most news sources are now owned by a handful of corporations. Unlike in most professions, free market economics has been disastrous for journalism. What it tends to produce is news that sells like any consumable, made palatable for the least demanding among us. The media, in all its freedom, builds and affirms myths about American greatness and benevolence. Dissenting analysis and uncomfortable truths tend not to be rewarded, sensational exposes and feel-good stories do. This eventually spirals into frivolity and conformism, the latter best evidenced in the U.S. right before the Iraq war.

Many like Chomsky have reminded us for decades that the corporate media largely serves the agendas and interests of dominant groups. It tends to employ company men and women who uphold their bosses’ values and viewpoints—not from coercion but consent, in exchange for some of the spoils. It promotes a libertarian gospel of the free market, with minimal regulation and taxation—a system that increases disparity and reduces the economic well-being of most people. It wouldn’t survive if most people didn’t also buy into the libertarian ideal of the autonomous individual, heroically forging his own economic destiny. (No wonder rags-to-riches stories are so admired.) This oddly persistent dogma—reinforced by the corporate control of films, TV, and books—helps lubricate the free market’s ravishing of social democracy and redistributive justice. It has managed to even turn Scandinavian-style ‘socialism’ into a filthy word fit to taint adversaries with. A classic case of the Foucauldian nexus of knowledge and power.

U.S. corporations now make almost half of their money from the rest of the world. They also account for two-thirds of the international arms shipments, mostly to the developing world, many to regimes guilty of major ongoing human rights abuses. As global conflicts over markets and resources intensify, the natural interest of the economic elites is a world safe for corporations. Towards this end, they hire lobbyists, grease political campaigns, or enlist the help of the military. U.S. garrisons now occupy 700+ bases in 120 countries. The trick that the elites—including political elites who also dream of empire or need diversions from domestic failings—instinctively practice is this: sensing a threat to their own economic interests abroad, they whip up fear and hysteria about threats to the ‘American way of life’ from evil others. Of course, to build consent for openly hostile action (as opposed to covertly hostile action that is but a slight rigorous task ) for those in true control, it is necessary to but cultivate an illusion of common interest, grossly magnify the threat to national security, and dehumanize the enemy. Alongside, it is important to glorify patriotism and military service to counter dissent, continue recruitment, and ease collective guilt over the sacrifice of the few. The goal is to boost the ranks of fearful, flag-waving patriots to whom no cost of war is too high for a dubious promise of security. And this is exactly what the corporate media artfully enables. War often boosts the economy (especially via the military-industrial complex) and is usually good for the media. About the only thing that might expose the U.S. public to the realities of war—showing the mutilated bodies of soldiers and civilians, shattered families, disabled vets, or the experiences of people on the ground—is conveniently classified, censored, ignored, or made taboo on the pretext of respecting privacy or excessive violence. Can we imagine corporate media anchors calling the invasion of Iraq a crime against humanity? Or asking why so many Americans became Bush’s willing executioners? Or demanding a formal apology and reparations to Iraq for a war based on lies? The business of news has no room for those who might be led to wonder on which side of the gate roam the barbarians. Disguised by a dust-storm of lies, the monopoly press would have us believe “The Arabs Did It!” as to the March 11, 2004 violence in Madrid. The bloodshed in the U.S. on September 11, 2001, orchestrated by high-level U.S. military with the White House, was a turning point to give the occupant and resident of the Oval Office, George W. Bush, Fascist-like powers, cancelling the U.S. Constitution and the Bill of Rights. “9-11″ was likewise falsely blamed on the Arabs who were just patsies, the violence New York and at the Pentagon being a home-grown product.  The invasion of Iraq seems to be the turning point, sort of like the Viet Nam War. Have we forgotten what happened? There was in Viet Nam growing dissident within the U.S. “grunts”, the ground troops. When ordered to go as point man on night patrol, they told their Lt. He should be point man and go home, as often happened too much, in a body bag. When he refused, they threw a grenade into his tent, “fragging”, and said, if he survived, “Lt., your V.C. laundry woman did it!”  Prior to the pre-emptive U.S. attack, and without a Declaration of War by Congress against Iraq, there were huge anti-war parades in London, Paris, Germany, and Spain, and elsewhere as well. Now the Madrid terrible railroad bombing bloodshed, may be the beginning of the turning point, to extricate the American Establishment from their Iraq “adventure”. Wee already know that Libya is being bombed back to the stone age as I write this and we should be worried as well about what ‘they’ have planned for Iran. Is U.S. national and international policy going into the reversal mode or will this mean a throwaway, by the British/American Aristocracy of their scapegoats and stooges, Obama “the peace president”, George W. Bush, and maybe, even Daddy Bush, Jeb, Neil, and Marvin as well?

Do we all understand that the Aristocracy does not cry or lose sleep when they order vast bloodshed to carry out their national and international policies? Or when they order the reversal of failed policies?

Despite everything said about the Madrid violence by the pressfakers, it may turn out to be, like Viet Nam, post-Nixon, a turning point where the U.S. Ruling Class wants to extricate themselves, or maybe not for we all can see how the violence and offenses being committed by the US seem to be spreading. As I see it the corporations are still making far too much money on the US latest aggressions to ‘allow’ any kind of pull out or even step down of our actions. Maybe the time has come for ‘We the people’ to re-take charge of our country and make some real changes for our future.

Easy

 

Never Ending Ride

The Never-Ending Ride

Book one:  The Early Years

Chapter 1:  The Meeting Time

The sickening, rancid taste in his mouth sent notice that “yes, life still existed.”  As his eyes slowly managed to focus on his surroundings, Dale tried to lesson the pain and numbness in his left arm.  Swinging his head that direction he found a girl pinned to his shoulder, hair wildly array, and sleeping in the death-like stupor that indicated perhaps the nights festivities had been either a success or an excess, depending on point of view.  Slipping himself out from under the sleeping woman and carefully gaining his feet, he crept around and over the various semiconscious forms surrounding him on the floor and eased outside.

The early morning dew of the chill morning covered everything in a glow of twinkling sunlight highlighting the still rising day with a cascade of color.  Just exactly what the young biker wanted in his extremely hung over state.   Walking gingerly over to the old Harley leaning next to the willow tree he made use of the surrounding fauna providing a great sighing relief and further clearing his cloudy head.  As he turned the “woman of the arm” staggered roughly out of the building barely avoiding the other moving forms of the waking revealers.  “Hey lover, what next?” she said throwing her arms around his still aching neck.  Dale struggled to stay upright and growled in a low tone, “Food maybe, if I live to bring my ole girl here to life,” slapping the old Harley “Baby” across the seat and splattering wet droplets into the air while thinking “What was this girl’s name?”   Seeing her in the light he got the impression of youth but for the hard eyes giving the impression of far more years of experience than should be.  What was her name?   She stepped partly around the willow and slipping the tight jeans down to her ankles found her own morning relief.

Corky was working his way up the bank with that amazing face splitting grin under a large projecting nose and thick glass lending no mistake to who it was.  “Hey man, “ he says, “When you say there is a party, there is a party!”  “I didn’t even know where I was until right now”, grinning even wider, “What’s the plan man?”  The young woman came out from behind the willow.  “Hey all.”  she spoke to the air.  Corky gave Dale a sidelong glance through those thick glasses, and Dale raised his shoulders in slight resignation.  Throwing a leg across the old bike he flipped the bicycle kicker pedal out and got ready to battle the 96-in Baby to life.  “Taking me with you lover?”  the woman spoke.   “Sorry love,” Dale said flipping a thumb in Corky’s direction, “I road him out here Saturday, and he gets a ride back.  “We’re headed for B-Ville and food if you find a way in,” he finished.  He slapped the choke and gave Baby a couple of primer kicks, then choke off and ignition on he came down hard on the peddle bringing a short bark out of the pipes.  Rolling the engine carefully around to TDC again he gave another strong kick through and Baby rumbled to life.  The hard idle of the stroked Harley dominated the hilltop as Dale stood the bike up and kicked the stand back.  Corky slid onto the small “bitch” seat and Dale footed the clutch down and slid the gear shift into 1st.  Bouncing down the hillside and up onto the main gravel road, Dale accelerated and shifted up through the gears bringing the old bike to a solid thunder of sound.  They bounced out the four miles or so of gravel, slid slightly sidewise as they turned onto the paved road, and Dale really turned the throttle and let Baby take her head.

As the speed increased the cobwebs blew out of his mind and every cell in his body seemed to wake up and rejoice at the new day.  As they rocketed out across the open country road Dale was thinking “This is what it is.  As long as I have an open road and “the ride” life is good” This was the simple satisfaction with life that he had been born with. Even before his first bike there had been that driving need for the road.  No destination, just the pure sweet joy of the ride for it’s self.  Having spent the last five years of his young life bouncing from flat track to flat track, always looking for the next ride, or working in the shop turning out custom bikes for other riders, Dale was as happy and satisfied as a young biker could be.  Life was good.

Crossing the corporation limits of Bentley, Dale let go the throttle and the Harley dropped into the earth shaking thumping idle that rattled the windows of the houses they passed by.  Up over the hill of West Main and down through two lights, “Caught them both green”, Dale flipped a quick U-turn and brought Baby to a stop on the corner in front of a small greasy-spoon restaurant.  The silence was deafening as Dale cut the ignition and Corky slid off the back.  “Damn dude, I forgot you were back there”, Dale said, “I hope I didn’t freak you.”   “Froze my ass off is all,” Corky replied, “I don’t know how you do the cold.”  “I’m really sorry Corky, but it’s not cold yet dude, though it will be soon enough.  Come on, I’ll buy us some breakfast,” Dale said.  “No way man, you turned me on to another hell of a time.  I owe you and I buy.” Corky said with another of his famous grins,   “Let’s eat!” moving toward the door.

As they banged the old door of the place open all heads turned their way.  The little restaurant was crowded with ”locals” all of which seemed to be upset that “biker trash” like this would disrupt their morning ritual.   Scanning the crowd, Dale found no threat worth a worry and an open booth on the near left side.  He slid in to the far seat letting Corky have the other and giving himself the view of the door, the big front window to the outside, and Baby gleaming in the morning sunlight.  The waitress, Karen, a tall, rather too thin, but nice looking girl with long auburn hair and doe-like large brown eyes, sat a large steaming cup of hot chocolate in front of Dale and glanced at Corky saying, “What’ll you need?”  Plastering that ever-easy smile back on his face, Corky looked up into Karen’s pretty eyes and said, “A lifetime enjoying your company would be all I would ever need.”  Grinning even wider and pausing, “But if not that then coffee sweetheart.”  With a slight glare of distain Karen replied, “You want anything else with the coffee?”  Corky, looking a little chagrined said, “I’ll just have whatever Dale has.”  Turning back to Dale with a much softer look on her face Karen said, ”The usual or something special?”  “The usual would be great, thanks.”  She gave him another smile and turned back toward the kitchen.

“Is there any girl you haven’t banged into loving you in this town?” Corky shot a little scornfully.  Dale bored a stern look into Corky and growled, “Back off, she has had a tough time of it and is very definitely carrying her own load.  She has earned, if nothing else, respect, and I won’t see her get any less.”   “Hey chill man,” Corky said leaning back and throwing his hands up, “I didn’t mean anything by it.  Just bullshitting, you know?”    Karen had managed to commit the ultimate sin in small town Ohio, and gotten herself pregnant while single and at an early age.  Of course the guy that helped her with that little chore hadn’t been seen since, and she had supported the offspring and herself, on her own, while braving the scorn and disfavor of the locals and her family.  Her only real help had come from Dale, who came up with extra money when it was needed, baby sat for those few much needed nights out, or if nothing else by just lending his ear when she needed someone to hear, and a shoulder when she just needed that.   There had never been a physical relationship between the two.  She had offered, maybe out of some idea of obligation, but he had eased it off saying “I won’t risk a good friendship over a few minutes of physical pleasure.  I plan to see you find a partner that loves you and treats you the way you deserve, and to watch that relationship bloom into something long lasting and beautiful.”  There was perhaps a little of the idealistic dreamer in the young biker, or perhaps a lot.

As he looked up from Corky, Dale saw the girl from the party coming in the big old door.  Her face lit up with a not unpleasant smile as her eyes spied him and she came over to the booth.  Dale stood up and let her slide in beside him.  “Hey again lover.” she smiles again.  His mind flashed through the memories of the last four days, working Friday, racing Friday night, races Saturday morning and night, and the Maddog party Saturday night till today.  This was Tuesday morning.  There she was in his mind, outside the party alone when he and Corky had rode in.  What was her name?  Tammy!   Tammy, as the memories started to clear, that was it.  He said “Hey Tammy.  You made it back into civilization I see.  Hungry?”   “I’m starving.”  She replied.  Dale caught Karen’s eye and she came back over to the booth and took Tammy’s order.

“You heading out to the trailer?”  Corky asked Dale.   “Nah, I’ve got to head down to the shop.” Dale replied, “Need to get Albert’s bike finished up and out to him today.”  Corky replied with an amazed look, “You got it done?  Man, it was pretty rough last time I saw it.  I can’t believe it’s done already.”  “Well, you know that was four weeks ago, and believe it or not when people ask you to do a job for them they actually expect you to do it when you agree to,” was Dale’s reply with a smile.  “That’s really fast, though.” said Corky, “That much work would take me all year!”   Corky wasn’t much for work of any kind, and they both knew it and knew the other knew it.  Dale saw Corky’s face fall as Karen delivered the steaks and eggs in front of them.  He said quickly “Hey, this is still my party, this is my bill.  You can catch up later.”  Corky’s face showed relief even as he replied, “Are you sure man?  I owe you.”  “No problem,” said Dale.

As they tore into the steaks, Corky asked “How did you do this weekend anyway?”    Dale dug into his jeans and pulled out a small wad of paper and two checks.  “Looks like third and second, $400 and $900.  Track was muddy as hell for the night run but the morning was pretty cool,” said Dale.  “Man, I wish I could do that.  That’s a bunch of money for just a few hours!  Would freak me out too much though.  I don’t know how you guys even stay on the track without killing each other!”  Corky finished.  “You wouldn’t think it was so easy if you were out there running with me every morning at 5 am or had to pay some of my medical bills,” Dale replied “I think flat tracking is about done around here anyway.  Seems like nobody but the riders is really interested anymore.  And the riders aren’t where the prize money comes from.”  “You would ride if you had to play to do it and you know it!” grinned Corky back.  Dale grinned back and finished up his steak while saying “You’re probably right, but no prize money, no sponsors, and no sponsors, no ride.”

They finished up and Dale dropped three twenty’s on the table and headed for the door.   At the door he paused and threw a hand up to Karen getting a quick smile from her and a few glares from customers in between.   He knew Karen would be both bitching and appreciative of the big tip the next time he saw her.  The three of them moved out next to Baby sitting on the corner.   Looking at Corky Dale asked, “Do you need a ride the rest of the way home?”  “Nah,” replied Corky, “I can hoof it from here.  You going to be at the trailer later?” he asked.  “Yeah, after I finish with Albert.  I haven’t been down there for a couple of months.  Usually needs a bit of shoveling out after I’ve been gone so long.” he said with a grin.  “I may see you down there then.  And thanks again for the party and the ride.  Later” said Corky.  Dale slid across Baby and flipping on the ignition, came down on the kicker and she roared back to life.  Tammy leaned in and barely making herself heard over the exhaust said, “Am I going with you lover?”  Dale flipped his thumb back toward the bitch seat, and as Tammy sat down he slid Baby into gear, throwing his left hand up at Corky he lifted his foot off the clutch and shot up the street.   Two blocks down he hung a left and another three blocks later, into the alley and stopped in front of the large overhead door of a big block garage.  There was a very large man with a mass of startling gray hair and a much younger pudgy-faced man standing in the doorway drinking coffee.  Albert and Tod.

Albert was saying to Tod, “See, he told me Tuesday morning, and it’s Tuesday morning.  You can bitch all you want but you can depend on him.  His word still means something.”  “Yeah, but if he would just get his ass in gear and be here everyday he would be rich by now,” replied Tod, “He’s letting all that talent go to waste while he just spends his life catting around on that old bike like he doesn’t have a care in the world!  We could own this town if he just wanted it!”  Dale walked slowly past them giving a little grin and nod to Albert and the one finger salute in Tod’s direction.  “Hope I’m not too late for you, Albert.  Come on,” he said as he headed past all of the cars in various levels of disassembly and on into and the right rear corner of the shop. Albert, Tod, and Tammy all followed.

It was dim in that corner of the garage, with a large set of red toolboxes stacked together, a compressor and rack of air tools next to it.  To the right of these a 21-inch chrome spoked wheel and part of a Springer front-end shown out from under a well-worn tarp.  Dale bent down and taking the front corners of the tarp in his hands, rose and pulled it back over the bike revealing the living jewel beneath.  Albert’s breath came out in an auditable whoosh as his eyes fell on what was already his new love.  The square shafts of the Springer swept back from the 21” in a 5-ft graceful arc, with the twisted forward struts merging up into the round Bates headlight just at the handlebar mount level.   Six bend pullbacks led your eye down the twelve inch stretched frame on through the 5-gallon custom molded tank and into the luxurious King/Queen leather seat.  At the end of the King/Queen, a homemade and beautifully chromed, twisted square sissy bar finished the line.  The paint was a breathtaking combination of 47 different hues of brown with an elaborately detailed, airbrush inlay of a stagecoach and highwaymen blended tastefully throughout and looking as though the images would come alive at any moment.

The power plant, having started as a stock’66 shovel/pan, was now highly detailed, with no flaws, and polished, but without a lot of chrome.  A pair of obviously custom made pipes, highly chromed, started their trip from the highly polished shovel heads and made their way down along the frame, then sweeping up along side of the sissy bar to turn back and finish in twin fish tails.  The combination of the detailing and the overall flow of the design suggested speed and power even while sitting static in the dark garage.  Dale broke the mood with, “I’ve stayed as close as I could with your ideas Albert, just a few changes here and there.  I hope you approve.  I did add one feature that may piss you off a bit, but trust me, you’re not getting any younger and that bad knee needs a break.”  Reaching across the seat of the bike, Dale made sure the shifter was in neutral, flipped a toggle switch on a small panel and then hit a button on the left handlebar.  The bike instantly thumped to life, and sat rattling the shop with a sound that could not be mistaken for anything but pure power.  Dale barely rocked the throttle twice in quick succession and the RPMs leaped and dropped with amazing snap.  Dale killed the ignition and asked, “Will she do Albert?”

Albert’s face was lit up with the joy of a small child on Christmas morning.  He stepped a little closer to the bike, hand outstretched and hovering just above the top strut of the Springer.  His hand gently traced the line of the strut up past the handlebars and down to the tank, jarringly startled when he actually touched the tank, not realizing just how deep the paint actually was.  Albert stood upright and turned to Dale but still had not uttered a word.  Dale said “Damn Albert, don’t you like her?”  Tammy broke the silence of the three with “Man, that is a really bitching bike.  Did you do this Dale?”  Albert suddenly came alive erupting with, “Did he do it?  Who else could do this?  My God, Dale, I’m speechless.  I don’t know where to start to tell you how I feel.  This is the greatest thing I think anyone has ever done for me.  What am I going to do with her?  There is no way I can possibly ride her!  She needs to be on display somewhere!”

“Now I don’t want to hear that shit Albert!” Dale replied, “She is made to ride.   I lightened and balanced the Stroker flywheel, had the cams custom ground, ported and polished the heads, re-engineered and ported and polished the intake.  It took a while to get the Weber just right and balance the exhaust, but I think she’s there.  She’s made to ride the long haul and get you there and back.   I guess I can take it you approve of her then? If you do, we need to settle and get you going so I can get out of here.”  He added with another grin and a quick glance at Tod.

Albert was pulling a well-worn checkbook out of the inner pocket of his leathers and shaking his great head.  He said, “Give me the price, and if you don’t want a check I’ll run right up to the bank now and get you the cash.”  Dale said, “Check is fine, and I think I could live with $2400 Albert,” and started to add, misreading the sudden look on Albert’s face, “But I know that’s a bit more than I told you before and if you can’t…”  Dale tapered off as Albert burst in “My God, Dale, that’s not enough for all this!  I gave you boxes of wrecked parts and you’ve given me back a wonder!  Are you sure that’s enough?  It’s got to be more than that.”  Dale replied, “That’s what I would like, Albert.  I’m glad you like her.”

As Albert wrote out the check, Dale pushed the bike out through the big door with Tod and Tammy following.  Outside in the now, near noonday sun the bike gleamed like a living thing ready to go on the hunt.   Albert came out and handed the check to Dale.   “I will never be able to thank you enough for this, Dale, and I owe you big!”  “Just get on her and ride Albert.  That’s all I need for thanks.  I’m real happy you like her and I know she’ll have a good home.”  Dale replied.  Albert grabbed Dale’s hand, and Dale laughed and pushed him toward his bike.  “Get down the road Albert!”  Dale said.  Albert almost gingerly slid his big leg across the bike and sat down.  The child-like look was back on his face with a huge smile.  He leaned down and flipped the ignition switch, hit the button on the bars, and the bike was alive.  The grin spread further.  As Albert footed the clutch Dale leaned in and said “Tell me her name when she whispers it to you, Albert.  Later on.”   Albert sent back another thanks, slipped the bike in gear, and thumped down the alley.  The three of them stood there and listened as Albert made his way up through and across the town, and continued listening until the sound faded as it went down 800 Hill and was gone.

Dale turned to Tod and handed him the check he had just gotten from Albert.  “Here dude, put this in the shop fund.”  Tod replied, “Thanks, that will help.  You did a good job with that bike.  I wish I could get you to do a few cars for me.”  Dale countered, “Now you know if you’re in a bind and need some help you just need to ask.  But cars aint bikes.  It’s just not the same.  Really not my thing.  I’m headed for the trailer.  Haven’t been down there for a while.”  “You’re gonna have to grow up someday you know?  I’ll catch you later,”  Tod finished with a grin.  Dale moved towards Baby and said to Tammy, “You still with me girl?”  Tammy didn’t say anything, just slid onto the bitch pad as Dale started the bike.

They made one quick stop at the gas station at the edge of town for go juice and a friendly hello, across to the Hilltop for cigarettes, bread, lunchmeat, cheese, and a cheap bottle of wine, and then down the same hill Albert had went earlier.  Any tension or thoughts of problems left Dale with the wind as they flipped a right and accelerated onto the interstate.  The old Harley roared past the light traffic of heavy trucks as he made it to the next exit and shot off a ramp that looked like it was dumping him in the middle of nowhere.   It was, I suppose.  At the bottom of the ramp a quick left and short hop of 500 yards or so around a curve brought him to a heavily rutted dirt driveway leading a short way up the hill to an old worn out house trailer.  Dale road through what little grass there was up past the trailer, flipped a u-turn and coasted to a stop in front of the door.  As he dug a rock out to put under the stand the door opened and framed an old women’s stern and well wrinkled face.  The face bore echoes of a hard life and untold stories.  “Hey old woman,” Dale said with an open smile, “Did you miss me?”  An almost smile threatened to break the woman’s hard look as she replied, “Thought you had fell off that damn thing this time for sure.   You haven’t been round here for 4 months!  Those worthless kids you let in here when you’re not around have the damn place a pigsty!  You really need to run them kids outta here!”  She was climbing down the steps and heading down the driveway as she spoke.  Dale said to her back as she hit the main gravel road, “It’s ok, I’ll bitch at any I see while I’m here,” and then added with an open chuckle, “And you be nice to that old man of yours for once.”  She gave him a gesture without looking back and proceeded out of sight around the curve.

“Who is that old women?” Tammy asked.  “I don’t know her name.  She lives up towards Morrisville somewhere and sometimes she just shows up and stays awhile.  The few times I’ve talked to her much she claims she has an old man up there that she needs to get away from every once in a while.  She’s harmless and you have to admit she breaks the monotony,” Dale said grinning.  “Who are the “kids” she was talking about?” asked Tammy.  As they went in the door of the trailer Dale responded, “Well, it’s kinda known that this place is open and people that need a place to stay for a while, or want to party without hassle, or just want to chill a bit, show up now and then.  There is kind of an unwritten rule that everyone cleanup after themselves and donate what they can to the place.  But that doesn’t always work quite that way.”  He finished with a sweep of his hand indicating the mess in the kitchen and living sections of the trailer in view.  There were dishes piled on every flat surface. Fast food bags, Pizza boxes, beer cans, wine bottles, clothes, and all kinds of other trash pretty much spread out all over what they could see of the trailer.

“Let’s see if the other rule worked at all,” Dale said as he led her back through the narrow hallway.  At the end of the hall a sliding door led to a small bedroom.  Compared to the rest of the trailer this room was a palace.  One big comfortable looking feather bed, an old wooden milk grate, an old stereo in one corner, and an open no-door closet in the other, were all you saw as you scanned the room.  This room was supposed to be off limits, and the difference shown in its condition.

Tammy sprawled out across the bed as Dale moved over to the milk crate and dug out an 8-track shoving it into the old stereo.  Pulling a seed tray out of the crate he sat down on the bed and pushed it and a small bag of weed toward Tammy asking, “Do you twist?”  As she started rolling Dale stood and said, “I think I’ll see if they left me enough room to get in the shower.” Grabbing a pair of cleaner jeans from the closet, he strolled back out through the hall and into the very small bathroom.  The wonder of it was that the shower was at least clear enough that in just a few minutes Dale was shivering as the icy cold spring fed water washed the weekend’s dirt and grime away.   That spring had always provided an abundance of cold water, but the chill in it now hinted at the approaching winter.  The time to begin considering lighting the water heater or moving to a warmer climate had arrived for sure.  Dale left the shower and quickly toweled the goose bumps dry, slipped into the clean jeans, and walked back into the bedroom.

Tammy had finished her task and was waiting for a match for the fat joint dangling from her mouth.  Dale hit the end of it with his Zippo and stretched out across the bed next to her.  As she passed him the joint he said, “The water’s cold but there’s plenty of it if you need a little.”  Taking a long deep drawl, he passed it back.  “So what do you do?”  he asked.  “Oh, I just ride and party.” She said following with a long giggling laugh.  He had another flash of “how old is this girl?”  He had never met anyone that he couldn’t at least give a good guess at the age of.  The lines around her pale blue eyes hinted of a bit of mileage in the past, maybe 25 or so, but at other times she seemed as simple as a child.  He shrugged it off as another mystery to be explored and pulled the wine and cheese out of the bag.  Mysteries could be fun too.

He took a long pull on the bottle, passed it to Tammy, and broke a chunk of the cheese off for himself.  He passed the rest of the cheese along and laid back again as he got the bottle back.  The weekend’s excesses were starting to demand his attention with a seeping ache creeping up through his muscles and a general weariness enveloping his body.  “Are you crashing here or is there somewhere you need to be?”  he asked.  She moved closer to him, looking him in the eye saying, “I’m here with you lover.” and smiling.  The closeness to her reminded him just how long her weekend had been too and he quickly said, “Hey girl, you’re far tougher than me.  I’m just ready to crash for a while.”  She pouted a coy half smile and said, “Maybe later then when you get your strength back,” following with a long laugh that sounded amazingly like Janis Joplin.  Dale liked that and joined in the laughter while thinking  “Yeah right.”

Dale awoke about 10 o’clock to the sound of an old VW wagon pawing its’ way up the washed out drive.  He sat up and found Tammy rapped up in an old quilt and snoring softly.  Taking the bottle he walked out to the living room just as Corky came in the open door.  “Hey dude, was you sleeping?” said Corky as he moved inside.  And as Dale started to reply and pass the bottle to Corky “she” came up the steps.  The sight of her took his breath away.  She seemed everything he had ever dreamed of, the long legs, the long silky brown hair, and the face of an angel.  Their eyes met, and she smiled, the dimples on her cheeks forming a frame around the most beautiful smile he could imagine.  He bent to scoop some of the mess from the battered old couch and went to throw it in the big can outside the door.  Noticing the can was gone he dumped his handful on a pile in the kitchen and motioned them to sit.  When he turned back, Tammy was coming down the hall rapped in the quilt and looking for another light.

Dale scooped another hand-full of mess out of the big overstuffed chair and sat down facing Corky and “the vision.”  Tammy sat across one leg and the arm of the chair.  They made small talk as they passed the bottle and joints around but Dale found himself having trouble following the conversation.  He remembered saying to Corky “Boy you’ve gotten much better taste in women than you used to,” and getting poked in the ribs by Tammy.  “What is wrong with me?” he thought, “I’ve never felt like this before.”  He could feel his heart pounding in his chest and it seemed to be hard to breathe.  He barely caught the question when Corky asked if it was all right for them to crash there.  He gave them a, “Hell, Yeah,” and Dale and Tammy moved back into the bedroom, and in just a short while he was listening to the quiet snores of Tammy again and the sounds of Corky and “the vision” getting much better acquainted in the living room.  His mind was stirring like a small boat in an ocean storm.   He didn’t even know this girl he thought.  What could be so new and wild that it would totally unravel his senses?

About 4:30 in the morning he had had enough.  Dale slipped out of the bed and quietly padded down the hall and through the living room.  As he passed Corky, Corky raised his head and muttered something Dale didn’t quite catch.  Dale made a quiet comment about Corky’s “frog looking legs” and stepped down through the door and over to “Baby.”  He dug an old worn pair of tennis shoes out of the war bag and sat down on the cold steps to pull them on.  It was a burr, cold morning, with the sun just starting to make faint streaks across the eastern sky.  There was a heavy frost on everything in sight.  He hoped that his morning run would clear the mess out of his head.  He hated the running necessitated by his racing and the act had often had the effect of clearing his mind.  There was 8 miles of gravel before you reached the state road at Spidell, and when he reached it, he was no closer to an answer than when he started.  “What was it about this one girl?”  He turned back and sprinted toward the trailer 8 miles away.

As he climbed the steps and went into the trailer the morning chill no longer affected him, but Corky was sitting up, smoking a cigarette and shivering on the far side of the couch with Dale’s leather jacket wrapped around his shoulders.  Dale pulled the door shut behind him and said, “I’ll see if we have any heat.”  He moved back into the hallway and tried the ignition on the fuel oil furnace with no success.  He slipped quietly into the bedroom and pulled another blanket out the closet, then, dropping it off with Corky went out to check the fuel tank.  Even in the early morning light Dale could see that the fuel tank was not only empty, it was dry.  There would be no heat from there.  Going back inside and closing the door he cleared some of the mess away from the electric stove and turned all the top burners and the oven on high.  He left the oven door slightly open and sat down in the living room.

Dale lit his own cigarette and talked quietly to Corky.  “Where did you find her?” he asked nodding toward the sleeping beauty.  “She lives in Bentley,” Corky replied, “You’ve seen her around I’m sure.”   “If I had seen her, I would remember,” returned Dale.  “What’s her name? Does she ride?” he asked.  “Her name is Jean, and you got me about the riding.  I don’t, so how would I know,” Corky said stubbing out his cigarette and reaching for another.  Dale found it hard to keep his eyes off the girl sleeping quietly on the couch.  “Your acting pretty weird dude.  I’ve never seen you like this.  What’s up with you and this girl?” Corky queried.  “I don’t know, man,” was the reply, “something about her stirs a part of me that I’ve never known before.  It’s kind of freaking me out!”  “You! Freaking out! Well you got it bad then dude.  I’ve never seen anything freak you and I’ve seen you do some wild ass shit!” was Corky’s reply.  “Yeah, maybe you’re right.”  Dale said, “Or maybe I’m just tired as hell and need to rest the bones some more.   Think I’ll go crash for a while and see if that helps.”  As he stood he continued, “Share some of that blanket with her asshole.  She has to be as cold as you!”  Dale moved back down the hall with Corky replying “Oh man!  You got it bbbaaaddd!, hahahaha.”  Dale turned into the small bathroom again and stripping the jeans off was back in the now truly freezing water.  This might have been the shortest shower Dale ever took.  Padding barefoot and naked back into the bedroom, Dale started to climb over the sleeping Tammy, paused, and then dug in the closet and came out with a pair of brown underwear.  He pulled them on and then slipped into the far side of the bed and under the quilt with the girl.  She stirred a little when his freezing body came in contact with hers, but never opened an eye.

Despite the turmoil in his mind Dale was shortly sleeping soundly, though his dreams were lost in visions of the beautiful Jean in his living room.  A few hours later he awoke to Tammy setting astride him and trying to start a little morning action.  “Shit girl, I gotta piss.” He said as he gently moved her to the side.  He stepped over her and headed back into the hall.  It seemed even colder now than when he had gone back to bed.   What next?  Snow?  Bathroom mission accomplished he headed into the living room and sat back down in the chair.  She was awake.  She was sitting partway up digging in an empty cigarette pack and looking a little sleepy around the edges yet (though to Dale’s eyes she looked a wonder.)

He passed her one of his cigarettes and flipped the Zippo to the end of it for her.  She took a deep drag and slid a little deeper into the blanket.  “Cold ain’t it.” said Dale regretting it as it came out of his mouth.   She nodded in agreement and Dale found himself longing for the sound of her voice.  They sat in silence though, smoking and shivering.  Tammy came out of the hall wrapped in the quilt and slapped Corky on the foot as she sat down in Dale’s lap again.  She bummed a cigarette and as Corky sat up Dale passed them out all around.  “Man, I am freezing!” said Corky, “Did it snow or what?”  Dale chuckled with the rest of them and to Tammy’s “No shit dumbass” comment but found it almost impossible to focus again.  “I’ve got to get away from here for a while and find a way to get my head straight.” He thought to himself.  Out loud he said, “I’ve got some running to do, and I’ll try to get some fuel oil delivered while I’m out there.”  “Do we need to leave?”  It was Jean speaking with words like music.  “No, no” Dale replied, “You can hang as long as you want.  If you guys are going to be here for a while I’ll get some grub?”  Tammy said “I’m going to need to run over to Bentley but I don’t want to crawl on that bike in this weather.”  Corky spoke up “I’ve got to go over and take mom’s car back, I’ll drop you off, and we can find a way back if you want.”

Dale went back down the hall and pulled on his jeans and boots.  Grabbing a shirt he came back out and snatched his leather from Corky.  He tossed back a quick “Catch ya later, stay warm” as he went out the door.  Baby was a solid sheet of frost.  Dale squatted down beside her and pulled the breather off to beat the ice out of it against the rear fender.  “Man, this will be fun” he thought to himself.  He ran his finger through the carb intake, blew warm air into it, and then leaned her over to let the water run out and replaced the breather.  Laying his leather across the steps he straddled the bike and kicked her through 5 or 6 times to get the thickened oil started moving.  It was like trying to stir molasses outside in February.  Dale kept kicking until he was sure he had pumped at least a little oil up into the top end.  As he rested before the next step he could hear the sounds of laughter coming form inside the trailer, or more importantly, her laughter.  The sound gave him a not totally unpleasant feeling through his chest.  He almost went back in.

Chapter 2:  The Revelation

Flipping the choke on, he gave her another good primer kick and then with the choke half off and ignition on he launched himself on the kicker and she was running.  Dale adjusted the throttle up a bit and let Baby sit and warm up thinking all the while “Will wonders never cease?”  He was remembering a perhaps mistakenly taken trip to Alaska in the winter and hours spent kicking his leg off trying to get Baby to run.  Thick curls of light blue exhaust spun up around the frosty frame of the bike and water dripped from the still warming metal.  He grabbed the leathers from the steps, pulled them on and reached into the war bag to pull out a pair of heavy leather gloves and a set of well worn goggles.  With the goggles propped on his forehead and gloves tightly on his hands he slid across the bike, flipped the stand back and coasted down the slick dirt drive around the VW.  When he hit the gravel road he dropped the bike into gear and idled out and under the Interstate bridge.   Turning up the hill he accelerated slowly and stayed on National Road rather than hitting the Interstate.

As he topped the long hill Dale brought the bike up to 50 mph or so and thought that would do for this freezing weather.  He leaned back and let the smooth vibrations of the bike stir his soul like an evangelistic preacher on a weekend retreat.  As a feeling of “rightness” settled over him, he concentrated on his thoughts of the girl.  His mind passed over all of his past relationships, even the drug induced and short-lived marriage.  In all of his short experience he had never been affected by anyone the way Jean seemed to.  He knew in his heart that she had done nothing special to cause this turmoil.  But just her existence seemed enough to totally knock his concentration and self control.  “Get it together dumbass,” he thought out loud, “You’re not going to let a pretty girl get into your head and screw you up!”   But he worried that it was already too late.

As he neared the Panther Lounge, Dale dropped his speed a little and shot off the side road to the right.  Up the short hill he hung another right and crossed over the Interstate.  About 5 miles out this country road he pulled into a narrow driveway on the left leading up through the trees to a small green house.  The house of “SaltyDog.”  Salty was sailor, turn landlubber, turn biker.  He had spent 16 years at sea before moving to this remote Ohio location, marrying a short pleasant but rather homely local girl, and discovering motorcycles.  Dale had helped Salty find enough parts to put together a ’72 shovel he had bought as a basket.  Salty, unfortunately, had assembled his dream in the small bedroom at the back of the little house and imagine his surprise when upon completion he realized  there was no way to get it out of the room.  Dale entered through the side door with a “Where is he?” to Salty’s wife who just gave rolling eyes and gestured back down a narrow hall.  “I told him it was too late in the season to worry about it any way but he won’t listen!” she said as Dale moved on.

Going down the hall, Dale couldn’t imagine getting a unicycle out of here, let alone a full size motorcycle.  At the end of the hall, Dale made a hard left into a small bedroom and there they were.   The room was about 8-ft long by 6 ½-ft wide, with a window centered in the outside wall, a small sliding door closet in the right corner, a 10-ft long girder finished motorcycle setting diagonally corner to corner, a small box of tools near the door with most of the contents spilled out across the floor, and squatting behind the bike, Salty, with a embarrassed look on his bearded face.

Standing up and striding across the bike, Salty extended a callused hand to Dale with a slight smile twinkling in the corner of his eyes.  He said, with a look of chagrin, “I really didn’t think about getting her out when I was building her,” as Dale shook his strong gripping hand, “I was already out and riding her the whole time.  At least in my head.” he added with a larger grin.  “Hell salty, I have a friend over in Bentley that near killed us both getting a big block Chevy he had built for his Duce out of a 3rd floor walk up,” Dale answered with a big smile.  “Let’s think this little problem out.”  Dale stepped over the bike and looked at the window and closet.  He said “I think that if we pull the window and slide the rear wheel into the closet she’ll go out the window ok.  Maybe a might tight, but she’ll go.”  He dug around on the floor and came up with a screwdriver.  Using it he pried the molding from around the bottom window, tipped it out and removed the sash ropes.  He handed the pane to Salty and turning, gave a good pull on the top section and it joined the other.  With the window out of the way, he eyed the whole thing again.  “We need to lose that 4-ft sissy bar and the handle bars, I think,” said Dale.   Salty grabbed a couple of wrenches from the floor and the sissy bar and bars were soon laying with the windows.  Dale slid the closet door open and finding it empty pointed Salty toward the front of the bike. Straddling the back of the bike, Dale started lifting and sliding the rear wheel into the closet while Salty worked the front of the bike toward the newly opened window.  With the rear wheel wedged now in the back corner of the closet the front tire was now just 14 inches to the left of the open window.  Dale moved up front with Salty and together they lifted the girder above their heads and sliding the tire to the right until they could rest it on the window’s sill.  Dale moved to the back of the bike again and together they shoved her out until the frame was resting on the sill.  Salty started up the hall to get around outside for the next move.

As Dale heard a faint, “We’re getting her,” from Salty and as the bang of the side door reached him images of Jean were flashing through his mind.   Shaking his head like that would shake the images, Dale thought, “Corky was right, I really do have it bad.”  When Salty yelled ready from the far end of the girder Dale stooped down and grasp the lower legs of the Jammer frame.  Using his legs, he picked the bike up and walked it toward the window until the rear tire hit the sill.  With an audible grunt he jerked the bike up, pushed it on through the window, and finally leaning out, to the ground.  As he stood up the stabbing pain shooting up through his back told him it might have been better to re-think the leaning out part.  As Dale picked up his leather and started out the hall he could hear Salty outside cheering.  Passing through the kitchen to the side door Salty’s wife commented, “I suppose he’ll have pneumonia next now.”  But she was smiling as she said it.  Dale cleared the door, and Salty had his bike propped under the tree next to “Baby.”  As Dale pulled on his leathers, Salty was shaking his hand again a spreading thanks like spring rain.  As he stepped across Baby Dale said, “Do your self a favor Salt.  Go put that window back in before you finish your bike and keep your ole lady happy.”  Salty smiled and returned, “That sounds like the kind of advice I should listen to.”  Baby roared to life, and Dale was out the drive and down the road in a thunder of dust.  When he hit National road again he hung a right and headed her for St. Vincent.  The day had gotten warmer at last and the ride was starting to ease the new pain in his back.  By the height of the sun it must be around 1 o’clock, plenty of time to make the rest of his stops.

When he topped the hill into St. Vincent, Dale dropped to an idle and then flipped into the First Union Bank parking lot and shutdown at the main door.  Walking inside he got a wave from Stone, the bank manager (though he couldn’t use that name here) and moved on back into his office.  Shaking hands, Dale eased down into a chair and pulled a fistful of checks out of the inside pocket of his leathers.  Grabbing a pen from the desk he started sign each check and flipping then over to Stone.  Patches had had a bad run-in with a very large truck and had been in ICU for the past weeks.  The club that Dale had prospected for several years back had setup an account for donations to help him, his wife, and five small children at this bank.   Stone said “Are you sure this is the way you want this?” as he started to tally up the checks.  “Just tell me when we get to where we need to be.” Replied Dale.  “That will do it Dale.  This pays their bills easy enough for the another six months and that should be well long enough for him to get back on his feet. What did Patches do for you that earned this much debt?”   “He’s in a bind and has always been a real friend when I needed one.  You call me if anything else comes up and thanks for helping me out like this,” said Dale.   As Dale stood, Stone shook hands again and said “Take care of yourself.”

As Dale walked out of the office, he stopped at the teller’s window and cashed the three remaining checks, $250, $500, and $210.  He guessed his little planned vacation would have to wait for a bit.   He was still feeling quite a bit of pain in his back as he climbed back on Baby outside.  He fired up and dropped down another block, stopping at a gas station he topped off the tanks and grabbed some cheese crackers and ice tea.  Back on Baby he thumped a short distance on down to the park entrance, turned in there and ran down to the benches just above a small pond.  Shutting down he got off and stretched out a bit on one of the benches to enjoy his feast and ease his back.  It was a peaceful scene lain out before him, the calm cool water and rustic setting fitted the mood he was in.  He noticed an old couple slowly walking up the sloping hill from the pond.  They must have been in their 80s at least, each slightly bent and leaning against the other, but holding hands and whispering as they came.  Dale thought they fit well into the quiet background.  As they drew closer Dale nodded and said, “It’s a pleasant day, isn’t it?  Maybe one of the nicest days left before winter.”  They both looked his way, and the old woman smiled.  It was a wonderful smile that gave Dale a glimpse of the true beauty the woman must have had in the past and the inner beauty she still held today.  The old man helped the women carefully to the bench opposite Dale and then sitting close to her, himself replied, “Oh I think We’ll have a few more off and on before the snows start.”  Dale could see in him the shadows of the strength he once held and more.  There in the eyes was the kind of feeling Dale had been having since meeting Jean.  “How long have you two been together?” Dale suddenly asked.  The old man replied, “I have had 64 of the most wonderful years you can imagine,” and turning an eye toward his love, “With I know the best yet to come.”  The woman smiled her pretty smile as they looked lovingly into each the others eyes.

Dale felt the quivering spasm in his chest again as he realized they were displaying what he had been feeling.  Jean had stirred emotions in him that were echoed by the feelings the two were showing him now.  Could that be possible?  He had only just met her, and she wasn’t even with him.  He stood, and as the old couple’s eyes turned his way, he said, “You are truly blessed and an inspiration.  I wish the best for both of you.”  The old woman spoke and her voice was wonderfully rich with the years of her life.  “And bless you, too, son.  You know my Raymond use to ride one of those not much different than that one.”  “Yes, That is a good looking bike, young man.  It brings back many good memories.  I had a fine ’20 Harley, and with my Anna at my back there was nothing to come between us,” said the old man turning again back to the woman.  “You would be welcome to take her for another ride if you want.  I would be happy to loan Baby, indicating the bike, “To you for as long as you want.” Said Dale.  Both of there eyes turned to Dale and glittered, then looking back to each other the man replied, “They are wonderful memories of wondrous times, but we no-longer need that path.”  Looking back at Dale he continued, “But thank you son, if nothing else than for the thought.” smiling again.  Dale smiled and wished them continued happiness as he climbed back on Baby.  Dale looked again at the loving old couple and for just a second the face of Jean over bound the face of Anna.  Dale had unusual but not unpleasant vision of himself and the girl, Jean, sitting together like these two in another 60 years.  He tried to shake the thought from his head and started the bike.  He made a gentle u-turn and threw his hand up in goodbye to the two as they waved back to him.

A straight shot back through town and down the hill, he bounced onto the Interstate head west with his head full of vision.  He let Baby have the lead and sat the 21” on the now blurring centerline only passing with slight negative pressure back and forth on the bars.  Eighty-six miles later he slowed and caught the last exit for Z-Bar-Ville, his mind now clear and a decision made.  He was in love with Jean, like it or not.  As he shot back up the ramp headed back east he was saying to himself, “Ok, I’m truly in love with her, and she barely knows I exist.  I can live with that and keep this little secret to myself.  I’ll just try to enjoy as much of her company as I can and never let on how I really feel.  Maybe it will wear off in time.”  But as he thought the last he had a sudden vision of the two back in St. Vincent.  “Ok, maybe not.” He shrugged.

Just before the Washburn exit he remembered he had promised to bring back grub and took the ramp.  Hanging a left at the stop sign he shot under the Interstate and into the parking lot of the carry out.   He went in and bought a couple of summer sausages, homemade bread, and a couple of bottles of Lambrusco.  Going back outside and tying it all on the war bag he was soon racing eastward again with the white line truly blurring.  The temperature was starting to drop quickly as the sun started out of the sky.  As he took his ramp he was telling himself, “I can be cool.  I can enjoy whatever time I get to be around her, and no one need ever know just how badly I have fallen.”  As he road up to the trailer, Dale noticed the lack of lights.  He said out loud, “Good, I’ll just have a peaceful evening alone,” even while his insides were suddenly queasy and he seemed to have lost the urge to be alone.

As he tore the grub and wine from Baby the door of the trailer opened behind him.  He turned, and she was there framed in the door.  Dale honestly felt his heart stop for a few beats.  Her long hair was cascading down over someone’s blue tee shirt and the shirt flowing down to those long, tanned legs.  Even in the early evening twilight she shined to his eye like a flare.  He noticed how she was shivering, and cussing himself hurried into the trailer and pulled the door shut.  “How you doing?” he said as she dove under a blanket on the couch.  “Cooold,” she stuttered slightly.  She added, “You must be froze!”  “Nah, not too bad for me.  How about something to eat?” he asked.  He turned and started into the kitchen before he noticed that the light was coming from a couple of candles and someone had been cleaning.  There were still piles of dishes on every flat surface, but all of the trash was gone.  As he dug out what looked to be a clean pan from the cupboard and sat it on one of the still glowing red burners he said, “You been busy!  Thanks.  It always gets trashed bad when I’m away too long.”

He snapped his Uncle Henry off his belt and started cutting slices of the summer into the pan.  He added a little olive oil from beside the stove and then dumped in one of the bottles of sweet and sour that he had found in the cupboard with the pan.  She said, laughing,   “They took off this morning and never came back.  I just needed to do something other than sleep.”  The sound of her laughter was sending chills down his sore back.  He loved it.  “I’m sorry about that,” he answered, “I thought you were going with them and they were coming back.”  He flipped the summer slices in the pan once and carried it into the living room.  He actually stumbled a bit there.  He was suddenly afraid to sit down beside her.  Afraid!  He sat the pan down on the floor by her feet and went on back to the bedroom to bring the cheese, weed, and tray.  She was coming out of the kitchen when he came back out with a couple of forks she had found somehow and she sat back down on the couch and wrapped back up in the blanket.  Grabbing one of the bottles of wine and suddenly not trusting himself, Dale sat down on the floor next to her feet and leaned back against the couch.  As he was opening the bottle he said, “Try those while they’re hot.  They’re pretty good.”  He sat the bottle down next to the pan and started rolling joints.  She said, “Here, you have to try them too.  They are good.”   He looked up, and she had one of the slices in front of his mouth.  As he slid the slice from the fork their eyes met, and he found it hard to chew or swallow.  Her eyes seemed as deep ocean pools sucking him into the special place of their existence.  He turned his head back to the joint quickly and said, “Thanks, they are pretty good.  So, what brought you down here to the ice box?”  “Oh, I ran into Corky and he said he thought there would be a party down here so I came along,” she answered.  Lighting one of the finished joints he said, “I don’t remember seeing you before in Bentley?”  He drew deeply on the joint and passed it to her.  Their fingers touched briefly and he jerked like it had sparked.  “Get control he thought.”  As she hit the joint he took a pull from the bottle.  “I remember you, “ she said passing the joint back, “You worked at the Standard Oil a long time ago.  I used to come in there with my boyfriend.”  He offered the bottle and said, “I can’t believe I don’t remember that.”  “I was younger then,” she replied.  He wondered briefly how old she was, couldn’t guess and didn’t care.

For the next four hours it continued much the same.  Only when Dale noticed that Jean seemed to be getting tired did he suggest that maybe it was time to turn in.  She did seem tired and curled back on the couch when he said it.  His heart aching at the thought of moving away from her, Dale got up and picked up the leavings of their small feast.  It would have been a feast for Dale even if it had been one small cracker.  The quiet time with Jean had been time in paradise for him.  He worked his way back into the bedroom and felt around in the dark for his bucket of candles.  He never had wired lights back here.  Finding the bucket, he fished out a couple and hit them with the Zippo.  Lit, he sat them down on the milk crate.  As he turned he saw another blanket in the bottom of the closet and snatched it.  He went back out to the living room and spread it out over the other one Jean was under.  He heard a quiet “Thanks,” and replied, “No problem.  It is chilly.”   Going back up the hall he went into the pitch-black bathroom and felt his way to the shower.  Stepping out of his jeans and that brown underwear, he stepped into the dark shower and hit the water.  The cold of the water sent a physical shock through his body and left him breathless.  There seemed to be shards of real ice crystals slicing into his soul and threatening to cut the skin from his bones, but he stayed in long enough to wash away at least a small part of the frustrated urges that had been building up all evening.   Killing the water and stepping out of the shower, Dale found a towel and tried to rub the goose bumps off with little success.   He reach down for the jeans and found the brown underwear so pulled them on instead and headed out to the bedroom. At the hall he paused, stepped back into the living room and said, “Hey, if you get too cold in here you can join me in the back.  I won’t bother you if you don’t want.  Night”  “Night,” she replied.  Dale padded back up the hall and sliding the door shut, crawled under the quilts and into the chilled feather bed.

Dale thought he would go right to sleep but he couldn’t stop the images from twirling around in his head.  He was replaying the entire evening word by word, minute by minute, and even second by second.   He felt like he had just had the most magnificent time in his life, and yet, it had been from a few simple hours of conversation with a woman.  But, oh, what a woman.  “Love at first site?  Bullshit, I don’t believe in it,” Dale thought.  The real things in life all had a price.  A commitment had to be made.  Work had to be done.  But did he believe that now?  The feeling that had struck him so solidly that night when she first walked into his life had grown now into a raging torrent of passion threatening to burst its way through his soul.  No one had ever affected him this way.  There had been many others.  Short term flings full of fun, excitement, and adventure.  Longer termed, much more meaningful relationships that had resulted in what would undoubtedly be lifelong deep friendships. But not a one of all the people Dale had been involved with had ever generated the kinds of feelings Dale had for Jean.   “How can this be happening?” he asked himself.  “I’ve only known of her existence for a few short hours.”  “There should be nothing that can change a man this much and so quickly.”  His thoughts flickered briefly back to the loving old couple in the park that day.  “Could that be it?” he thought, “Is what I see in her the fact that I can see us together as that old couple?  With a full lifetime of love unwavering behind us and yet still looking forward to the love yet to come?”  Dale turned deeply into himself searching for an answer to all of the questions roiling through him but no other thought seemed able to penetrate into his mind other than thoughts of Jean.  What had Corky said?  “You got it bad!”  “May he never know just how right he is,” Dale thought.

There was a soft tap at the door and as Dale’s heart threatened to stop yet again, he rose up and slid it open.  “I’m cold,” Jean said standing just outside the door.  Dale couldn’t manage to talk but motioned her in with his hand and a lift of the quilts.  He slid over across the bed to make room as she sat down and closed the door.  Pulling that old blue tee-shirt up over her head, she tossed it back on the headboard and then thrusting her long lovely legs under the quilts while pulling them up to her chin she lay back and snuggled down.  Dale lay on his back just a few scant inches away, and the emotional mess that had dominated his existence for the last two days was gone, gone and replaced by an overwhelming emotion, and that was the puzzle.  Fear!  How could that be?  Dale was no stranger to the feeling but why was it here now, and why was it so strong?

You couldn’t live the kind of life Dale had without being well acquainted with fear.  The minor fear of pain about to be felt, fear at that instant before impact when the ride was about to go bad, the adrenalin generated fear that accumulated when a fight was on the verge of starting or a stunt was about to be done and your body was calling its’ resources to action, fear of death, but never had the emotion been so strong and why would it be here now?  Living most of his life out on the edge and generally away from the comforts of “civilization” Dale had many times shared a bed for heat.  There had never been a problem. You were just helping each other be more comfortable for a few hours and maybe enjoying some closeness and companionship.  And there had never been any fear.  Dale thought, “I said,  “Hey, if you get too cold in here you can join me in the back.  I won’t bother you if you don’t want,” “I won’t bother you if you don’t want!”  Is it that now I don’t trust my own words?”  That had to be it.  I just don’t trust myself enough this time that I fear her being this close.  He had never had a problem in that way.  It was beyond his capacity to even think of forcing or taking advantage of someone else.  He had more respect for life and the individual’s freedom of choice than to even entertain such thoughts.   But, where else could the fear be coming from?  Jean rolled over on her left side and sliding up to Dale, nestled her head against his right shoulder and intertwined her fingers in the hair on his chest.  He lifted his arm gently over her head and then beneath the quilts to her back, drawing her even closer to him.  She let out a small “ummm” sound and moved her head a little closer to his neck.  A calmness and contentment filled Dale as he opened himself to the warmth and softness of her being.  Her slightly musky scent filled his nostrils and created a feeling of oneness and joy.

Jeans hand began to softly stroke through the hair on his chest and Dale responded by beginning to gently explore the softness of her back.  He would have been content to enjoy the feelings now washing over him for the rest of his life.   The happiness he had before now paled to nothingness in the light of this new sensation of pure unabashed love washing through him.   It filled him to the bursting.  He needed nothing else.  Jean reached across his chest and pulled herself even closer to him nestling her face into his neck.  The desire and need that surged through his body was almost crippling and he slowly turned up on his right side and bringing his left arm across, his eyes met hers’ glittering in the pale candlelight.  She was gazing back at him with a beautiful half smile and look of both contentment and want.  He kissed her, a gentle motion meant to learn, taste, and explore and moved back to delve in the deep pleasure of her eyes again.  “I thought you said you would leave me alone,” she spoke in a quiet husky tone.

With a slight start of panic he replied, “If that’s what you want, then just say it.”  She kissed him long and fully and he reveled in the taste and feel of her.  He wanted to experience all of her and started by kissing his way down and around her neck.  He found a special spot just above her firm right breast and paused there, gently working the spot with a flickering tongue.   She pulled hard at him and thrust her hot pelvis into him.  He reached up and kissed her full on the mouth again while crushing her to him closer still.  She had turned more on her back as they embraced and he started his exploring journey back down pausing to sample each exquisite breast, then moving again down the center of her and finding her belle button, he dipped in for a taste, then on to the magic and warmth of that special place of mystery.  He found the button that he was seeking and passed his tongue over it with the whisper like touch of a Nat’s eyelash causing her hips to thrust violently up at him.

He began to draw circles around it with his tongue, not quite touching, but so close as to simply hint that touch was possible.  She continued to thrust up at him, trying to make more solid contact, but he resisted nimbly and returned to the ritual.  The lips parted like the first time opening of wings on a beautiful butterfly gleaming with wetness, and he plunged his tongue in deeply to sip the sweet, sweet nectar.  Working his way around the lips and across the button he could feel the mussels in her legs increasingly tighten and spasm.  At what seemed just below the point of no return he would slow down, make her relax, then began again.  The building and falling was causing small sounds of frustration to escape from her as she urged him on.  Finally, fearing that she may be considering this too much like torture, he urged her through to a gloriously massive climax.  Her release was almost violent, with great surging movement as the almost unbearable delight coursed through every cell of her body.  He buried his face deeply into her warm moistness and held her as tight as he could.  When her breath returned it was in short raspy gasps and he moved up to her face and kissed her soundly.  She returned the kiss like a wild animal in heat, pawing at his back and neck with shaking hands.

He entered her slowly taking unimaginable pleasure in every slight movement.  He started a slow rocking motion with his hips, and she answered in kind building a rhythm that generated more and more waves of mutual pleasure.   He alternated the directions from side to side and up and back, sometimes using a rolling motion in response to her urging.  At long last he felt her nearing another release and eased his self-control to try and join her in a union of liberation.  As she began to release his own orgasm started to build and before hers finished he was there.  Waves of unimaginable and never before experienced ecstasy flowed through both of them for seemingly ever, until finally after several minutes, they collapsed together in a still intertwined heap, gasping for air.  Dale was holding her so tightly he was afraid he would hurt her, but couldn’t let go nevertheless.

They lay there, with Dale whispering quiet meaningless nothings for quite a while.  Dale finally rose up and dug out two cigarettes, lit them, and then laying back down, passed one to Jean.  They lay there smoking in almost silence each trying to adjust to what had just happened, trying to understand an experience neither had dreamed possible before.  In not a very long time they were at it again.  Each consecutive joining let them learn more about the other and was consequently better than the one before.  They continued until the candles were burned out, and the sun was peaking its’ way through the window.

Jean had finally fallen to sleep a bit earlier, and Dale was lying there staring at her beautiful face in admiration.  All of the conflicted emotions that had ruled him for the last two days were gone.  He was truly at peace.  The world was good, life was good, nothing could ever be wrong again, not when he had found such a phenomenon as Jean.  He reached the realization that his life would have to undergo some major changes.  Now that he knew he was meant to join in a lifetime relationship with Jean, his old life would have to be put aside.  He couldn’t ask her for commitment while he still risked everything every time he got on a track.  He also knew that he would have to find something more stable to do for income, something more structured that they could depend on, something 9 to 5 like he had thought he would never do again, at least before Jean.  He would just have to adjust his life to a different course for Jean, and the part he saw Jean having in it made it all seem right.  It never dawned on Dale that perhaps Jean didn’t share such feelings, no smallest doubt crept into his thoughts, it couldn’t.  Nothing, for him, had ever been more right.

Around 10 am Dale heard the sounds of someone entering the far trailer door.  He rose gently trying not the waken Jean, stepped over her and pulling on those brown underwear again slid the door open and moved into the hall.   Corky and Tammy were standing in the living room just inside the door starring back at him.  “What the fuck lover?” came from Tammy followed by Corky’s, “What gives dude?”  Dale starred straight into Corky’s eyes and replied in a low clear and even voice, “We’ve changed partners bro.”  Corky starred back silently for a few seconds then gave a very slight nod of understanding and sat down on the couch.  As Dale turned into the bathroom Tammy was moving down the hall and starting to rant.  While he was finding morning relief, she came in and hit him three or four times in the back hard enough to bring back the pain from the day before.  “Just what am I supposed to do?” she queried.  “Do whatever you need to do,” he replied, “Join Corky, chill and hangout, hit the road, whatever you want to do is yours, but this is, how it is and that’s the end of it.” He finished firmly as he squeezed past her in the narrow room.

Entering the hall and turning to the bedroom his eyes met Jean’s on the way out.  She gave a very small smile and went into the bathroom.  He went on into the bedroom with Tammy following, sat down and lit a cigarette.  He sat smoking silently while Tammy continued to rant.  When she pushed him back on the bed he shoved her away and stood up saying, “Fuck woman, mellow out and let it rest!”  Pulling on his jeans he went back out to the living room.  Jean was sitting in the big, overstuffed chair, so Dale sat down on the couch with Corky.  He was a slightly disturbed that Jean had seemed to avoid making eye contact with him.  Tammy stood at the end of the hall staring at all of them, finally silent.  When Jean did raise her eyes to meet his, a very slight smile graced her lips and she glided from the chair coming to rest in his lap, her lips locked to his in a passionate embrace.  She nestled her head into his neck and he stood up with her in his arms and carried her back into the bedroom.  Sliding the door closed with his foot, Dale rested Jean on the bed and then slipping off his clothes they were soon lost again to the mutual joy of each other.  From the sounds emanating from the living room Tammy had come to peace with the relational changes too.  Dale didn’t even notice.

Chapter 3:  The Loss

About two o’clock everyone seemed to be stirring again, Dale went out to the kitchen and started some more of the summers on the stove.  He kicked the door of the trailer open, stepped out, and found the weather to be much improved, sun shining and temperature up around 60, the air as clean and fresh as any before it.  His eyes scanned the reclaimed hills around him catching glimpses of the occasional deer and rabbit scurrying though the fields.  He looked up the hill to where his aunt and uncle had their own trailer and noticed a stream of smoke coming up through the stack from their wood-burning stove.  They had become his stand-in father and mother after he had reached an impasse with his own father and moved on for himself years ago.  He loved them dearly; especially his aunt who had the same type of free spirit and open mind that he possessed himself.  He thought perhaps that she was cursed with the same “total recall” memory as he, (he had never asked), and the fact that she was a “reader” same as him, reading everything and anything in print and then ready to debate the subject at the drop of a hat, had bonded them tightly together.  He had read every adult book in the Bentley library before he reached 14 and he had always imagined that she had topped that feat by eons.  They had spent thousands of hours locked in deep discussions over topics ranging from religion through the weather, each not caring which “side” of the debate they were on, just enjoying the debate for itself.  She had taught him how to achieve deep meditation, control his own body, manage pain, concentration, and thought, and they simply and thoroughly enjoyed each other’s companionship.  He had an old 2 ½ ton Chevy mechanics truck stashed up there, a massive white monster of a thing that he had used when he had worked on the heavy equipment of the coal mines.  In his mind he was already trying to map out things to do and one of them on his list was that he needed something with heat to haul these people around, especially Jean.  He had other rides stashed up there but they all needed some little thing before he could reliably count on them.  He left the door swinging open to let a little of the outside heat into the yet chilly trailer and went back in.

Going into the kitchen, he stirred the summers a bit and listened to, but did not join, the conversations of the other three.  He was still mapping out plans in his head but every time Jean spoke his ears would perk up like an Irish Setter on point.  She didn’t talk much, not at all compared to the other two, but he keyed on every comment she made.   “Yes I’ve got it bad,” he thought, “but I like what I’ve got!”  He turned the stove off and taking the pan into the living room, he sat down at Jean’s feet.  She said to the others as she reached into the pan, “Hey, get some of these.  These are pretty good.”  Her soft eyes were locked to his as she blew some of the heat from the slice.  He could see so much in those eyes.  He opened himself to her, trying to read what the eyes would tell.   He got the impression of a fun loving spirit, a yearning for something new or better, and a strange sort of innocence that mixed with an almost unreadable hint of deep old pain. Some misunderstanding, wrong, or deeply seated hurt was readily apparent just under the surface and yet she didn’t really seem to be aware of that herself.  It was almost like there were two different Jeans locked in there.  One, free and fun loving, enjoying life and reaching for freedom, and one lost in an old long pasted terrible emotional pain.  It made him a little angry that someone at sometime had hurt “his” Jean.   He wanted to strike back at whoever had dared, but he had also seen in her a strong hint of just how close and private she was keeping her inner self from the world and maybe from herself too.  He had learned just how self-destructive that could be from all of the pent-up emotions he had kept inside himself from the years of failed relationship with his father.  But he had pretty much convinced himself that “If he could just somehow manage to bring her, to feel for him what he felt for her, then together they could overcome any problem either of them might have.”  It was a foolish thought, but the love that had overwhelmed his senses had also driven out any doubts he might have had about his vision of their relationship.

While they were still eating and talking, Dale got up and giving Jean a short kiss said, “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”  Giving Baby a little pat across the seat as he passed, he walked down the drive and then up over the hill past his aunt’s to where the old truck was parked.  While he was going through the usual routine of checking oil, water, and whatnot, his mind was leaping ahead starting to formulate plans for the future he was already seeing for himself and Jean.  His upbringing had left within him very specific ideas of just what it took to have a happy and long lasting relationship, specific ideas that he had never really believed in until now.  He saw them as partners, sharing in both good times and bad, standing together united against anything that might challenge them on the way through life.  He was no fool.  He openly knew that Jean had not demonstrated any real sign that she even remotely shared in the feelings he felt for her.  But his love for her, that had so quickly taken control of every aspect of his being, would not allow a single doubt be entertained.  At his very core he “knew” that with love, security, and patience she would come to feel for him as he did for her.  He fired the old truck up and dropped down the hill and back up to the trailer.

Leaving the truck running and locking the maxi brake, Dale climbed out and went inside.  “If I’m going to have this extended family for a while I need to get to town and pick up a few things,” he said scanning them all, “You guys want to go or is there anything you want?”  Corky jumped up thinking he would go with him, but the two girls decided they would rather stay there.  They did want something other than the summers to eat though and some trash bags, dish soap and cigarettes.   Dale and Corky were soon bouncing towards Bentley.  Once he dropped off Corky, Dale headed down to the shop.  He said a “Howdy” to Tod as he started loading his tools into the truck.  “You know that little skinny girl that runs around with Ted Hanson?” said Tod.  “She was in here early this morning looking for you.  Said she really needed to talk to you if I happened to run into you.  She’s would be down at Hanson’s Carryout I guess,” he finished.  “Guess I better stop down there and see what’s up then, thanks Tod.  I’ll see ya.” Replied Dale.

Dale stopped the truck in front of the carryout and saw that Vickie, the girl that Tod had referred to, was the only one there as he went in the little shop.  She turned and their eyes met as he entered and hers instantly starting to fill with tears.   She crossed over to him and he bent down to meet her embrace as she sobbed quietly into his shoulder.  “What’s wrong Vickie?  Tell me girl.” He said softly.  “Oh Dale,” between sobs, “Patches died early Thursday morning.”  The news hit him like a blow.  Patches.  Dead.  His mind filled with images of that great warm face, smile lighting the way down the road for anyone that had ever met him.  Of his quiet humor and even temper that had so many times eased an edgy conflict.  The faces of Pam and the five little kids were there too and he agonized over their loss.  He very gently pushed Vickie back a bit and fighting back tears of his own said, “My God, Vickie.  Patches is dead.  I feel like the world has stopped.  He’s gone,” he trailed off.  Vickie nodded and was trying to dry away some of the tears with an already wet paper towel.  “We are all supposed to meet at the house 11:00 Saturday for the funeral run.  Apple sent the word.” She said.  “Are you going to be alright?” he asked.  “Yes but I’m worried about you.  You two were as tight as it gets.  Are you ok?” she asked.  He tried an almost successful smile and replied, “You know I will be alright.  I’m always alright.”  She hugged him again and he bent and kissed her on the forehead.  “Thanks Vickie.  I’ll be there Saturday.”

Getting back in the truck he was two miles out of town before he remembered the grocery list.  He spun the truck around and headed into the Food Mart.  He had to fight to focus his mind enough to remember everything on the list.  That done, he drove back out to the trailer and pulling the groceries out, went inside.  They had found some dish soap for sure.  The piles of dishes were cleaned up and put away, and the trailer looked a lot better than it had when he left.  He decided to put on a happy face and placing the groceries on the bar he called out, “Damn fine job ladies.  Almost looks like I’m in the wrong place.”  Silence.    He was alone.  It was like getting hit another low blow.  He walked back to the bedroom, sat down on the bed and lit a cigarette.  There were no thoughts left in his mind now, just an overwhelming pain.  He lay back and let the tears flow.  There seemed nothing else.

About 2 o’clock he got up and walked to his aunts.  There was no one home there but he used the phone to call Tim Hostman and let him know he wouldn’t be racing this weekend.  Tim had heard about Patches and offered some kind words that didn’t help a bit.  Dale thanked him, hung up, then called Pam, Patches’ young wife.  Apple answered the phone and said Pam was finally sleeping.  He said they didn’t need anything when Dale asked and that he was glad Dale had got the word.  Dale said, “I’ll see you tomorrow morning then Apple. Send for me if you need me.”   He hung up the phone and went back down to the empty trailer.  He didn’t go in, but sat down on the steps and lit another cigarette off the spent one he still had burning.  The pain was oozing through his pores.

He sat there for about a half hour, his mind cloudy and unfocused, and then squinting back into the trailer at the clock over the bar he straddled the bike and kicked Baby to life.  Down the drive he spun Baby around in almost a complete circle and roared up the gravel road, the back way to Bentley.  He took every corner like he was on the track, full throttle and sideways.  When he hit the blacktop he maxed the carb and shot down Olivet Hill at well over 130.  He was airborne over the narrow bridge landing with the front brake locked a short 15 yards away from the hard left that followed the bridge.  Fully broadside and full throttle again he ground pounds of metal from the open primary as he leaped out of the turn and swept through the next three.   He held that speed well past the corporation limits of Bentley, going far enough airborne over the dairy hump that he would have cleared three or four cars before the old rigid frame crashed bouncing back to the pavement.   Throttle dropped, he was at an idle going past the police station and on up to the light.

His mind had cleared a tad from the concentration needed to survive his wild run and he realized that his destination was going to be the little house Jean had talked about down on Prince Avenue.  He hadn’t thought he had had a target in mind when this ride started, but now knew that his subconscious had sent him this way.  He found the house across the street from him and flipped a u-turn up onto the sidewalk killing the ignition.  Stepping up on the small porch, he rapped on the door.  The old man that answered the door was a wonder.  Dale judged him to be at least 70 years old, with friendly smiling eyes full of great adventure and stories.  Dale had learned long ago to take careful stock of people when first meeting them, and that the older a person was the more they had to offer.  His whole manner gave him a great sense of ease.  He was already beginning to like the man before him.  Dale stuck out his hand and taking the old man’s said, “Hi, I’m Dale.  Does Jean live here?”  The old man replied still holding Dale’s hand in a firm well worn grip,  “Yeh, come on in boy.”

As the old man led him to a chair in the tiny living room, (still holding on to his hand,) Dale scanned his surroundings.  The room was packed tightly with every kind of thing you could imagine fitting in such a room.  Every flat surface, every space without furniture, the whole room was full of “stuff,” with path like runners that allowed you to walk through.   Dale thought, “I don’t think I ever seen the trailer look like this,” but said to the smiling man, “And what’s your name sir?”  The man grinned wider at that and answered, “Don, but all you young’ins call me Pap.  You call me Pap.”  “Ok, Pap it is then,” returned Dale with a grin of his own, “Is Jean around?”  “No, no I don’t think she’s here.” Pap said, but was interrupted by a spine chilling shrill voice from deeper in the house somewhere.  “Who the hell is it?  No, Jean Lynn isn’t here and she better be getting her ass home too!” said a woman as she slid into the room.   A very large heavy women with short greasy black hair her moved to the nearly covered couch and landed herself there without bothering to move any of the mass that blocked her seat.   Dale studied the woman carefully.  The eyes moved constantly around the room never making contact with his own for long.  There was something hidden just beneath the surface of them, not far, but just slightly out of his reach.  He did know one thing though.  For all the ease he received from the old man, this woman left him with the feelings of dirt and something evil.  He hoped he was misreading.

Dale stood saying, “Well I guess I better get going,” and shoving his hand back to Pap, “It was really nice meeting you, Pap.”  Pap got up and followed him to the door.  At the door Dale turned to the woman and said, “If I see Jean I’ll let her know you’re looking for her.”  “You just tell her to get her ass home!” she shrilled back.  A thought sprung to being, and he almost said, “Yeh, but to our home not yours.”  With Pap’s, “You come back anytime boy,” echoing in his ears, he stepped out and waved another goodbye to the old man, firing up “Baby,” was gone.

As he rolled up into the middle of town he was trying to come to grips with the feelings driving him.  He knew part of it was that he hadn’t yet let himself deal with the loss of Patches but it seemed to him that the larger part of his unease was from not being with Jean.  He felt completely empty inside, like he hadn’t eaten in several weeks, a void with something important missing.  He flipped the bike down the entrance to the park when it came up, and as he dropped down the last hill he spotted Jean, Tammy, and Sam, a tiny girl he had seen at a few parties, walking up the hill toward the first shelter house.  He killed the ignition and coasted to a stop in the shelter.  “Hey lover.  You gonna give me a ride?” said Tammy as the girls came in from the other side.  Jean seemed to be looking anywhere but at him, which surprising to him was causing an ache to form in his chest and increasing his general feeling of unease.  Sam stepped up to him where he sat on the bike and said, “Take me around the park?”  He fired Baby to life and with her on the bitch pad, idled around the ball fields and tennis courts.  When he came back around to a stop, Sam jumped off, and Tammy slid on.  Dale’s eyes were glued to Jean trying to find hers, but she didn’t even glance his direction.  He was amazed at the almost physical pain growing inside him.  Tammy was screaming in his ear, “Ride me uptown!”  Slapping Baby back into gear he spun a quick u-turn and shot out the park exit and back up to town.  He hit the first light red and sat there lost in his thoughts until when it turned green, and he started forward only to have the front of the bike leave the ground.  He fought the bike a bit and then with a glance back saw a large blond women holding onto Tammy’s hair and being drug behind him.  He burped the throttle and she fell free then he shot on down past the police station and stopped at the light at the next corner.  “What the fuck was that about?” he called over his shoulder.   “I don’t even know her,” was the reply.  “This is your stop he called back.  Get off!”   Tammy slid off and he hardly noticed the pouting look as he launched Baby through the red light and headed out of town.

He kept increasing speed until as he passed the corporation limits, he was flat out with the valves rattling.  A couple of miles out the state patrolman coming at him hit his lights before Dale could even tell what he was.  He never backed off.  He blew through the next little town only slowing slightly to make the offset intersection, and through the next, much the same and then back into it hard on the next country road.  The cars and trucks he came up on disappeared out of sight behind him in a moving blur of motion and sound.  A couple of them ran themselves off the road in an attempt to escape the roaring Harley.  He topped the hill where the coal trucks crossed to get to the tipple and then in the next hard right Baby gave up.  The turn had one of those little warning signs that recommended a speed of 15 mph, and Dale went into it at well over 100.  He threw the bike on its’ side in a forlorn effort to do the impossible.  The rear wheel broke loose and went skyward in huge leaping bounces and on the last landing Dale manhandled the bike back upright and aimed for the bank he was going to hit anyway.  He flashed through the barbed wire fence taking out at least two of the locust posts supporting it and the bounced up over the bank high in the trees with their limbs cutting him like live electric lines.  He burst into the field on the other side of the trees fighting madly to regain some control of the ride.   Nearing the far side and more trees he dropped the bike on her side and squatting on her, slid to a stop.

He lay there gasping for breath and fighting the raging adrenaline that steamed through his system.  “What is wrong with me? This isn’t me, what has happened to the me I know?”  “This can’t be.  Nothing affects me like this ever.  I am in control, am always in control.”  Thoughts tumbled through his mind in a seething mess mixing with confused emotions and frustration.    He needed somebody to help explain what was happening to him.  He needed somebody.   For the first time he felt truly alone.

The pain of the bike lying on his left leg finally forced him to move.  He kicked out, got up, stood the bike up, and checked out the damage, which was lighter than he expected, and then started trying to get her running again.  Baby was upset with him and made him earn his ride home.  Forty minutes of kicking and another twenty riding put him in front of the trailer again.  He stood there examining the poor bike and the earth and grass packed tightly into every opening.  “I’m sorry, Baby,” he said, “You deserve better than this.”  He went on into the trailer and shut the door.  This had been his place of sanctuary for a long time, a place to rest, a place for quiet contemplation, but now the silence seemed to scream at him, the walls closing him in blocking off the outside world.  Snagging an almost empty wine bottle from the bar he went back to the bedroom and lay down.  While he finished off what little was left in the bottle he let his mind go back through the past few days.  The memories brought back all of the joyous feelings he had discovered from meeting and spending time with Jean, flickering though their first intimate night, and ending with the pain that now filled him.  “It was my own fault,” he told himself, “I was planning “our” future without any regard for her feelings or needs, or the opportunity to decide for herself.”   He had let his overwhelming love for her block out any common sense he might have otherwise had and denied the possibility that she would feel any differently than he.  Though he now firmly believed in “love at first site,” the idea that both the people involved could experience that same thing was now laughable.  Laughable if it didn’t hurt so much, anyway.  “I guess what I need to do is back off and let life go where it will.   Leave her to find herself and go on with what he needed to do,” he thought.  But deep in the center of him he knew that even if he never saw her again he would remember that love for the rest of his life.  There would never be another Jean or one that could come near to replacing her in his heart.   He would just have to live with that.  He said a silent prayer for Patches, Pam, and the kids and rolled over into restless sleep.

When he awoke the sun was just starting to creep into the bedroom window.  Dale lit a couple of candles and dug around in the closet until he found a not too worn pair of jeans and shirt.  Padding out to the kitchen he retrieved the shampoo out of the bag and headed in for a shower.  Feeling clean and at least alive again he found a comb and started working the rats out of his thick blond hair, then braiding it tightly down his back as he went back into the bedroom.  He pulled on an old pair of jeans and a tee-shirt, stuffed his feet into his boots, and picked up the better pair going outside.  He stuffed his “good” clothes into the war bag and taking out a screwdriver, he knelt down and began working the packed dirt and grass out of the bike.  He held himself in a vise like lock of self-control in preparation of the day to come.  A few stray thoughts of Jean, images of her beautiful smile, her soft laughter, the scent of her, the taste of her, where was she, how was she, were all that broke though his concentration.   He went backwards up the off ramp to get on the eastbound interstate (there was no east bound on ramp,) and was soon rolling toward St. Vincent.  He took the second exit and then went into the little car wash on the left.  He used the nozzle on both Baby and his boots finishing them both off with the “hot wax” option.  Jumping back on the bike he went up through town to a small Laundromat and going inside he shoved his “good” clothes into a machine.  There was one other person in the place and Dale recognized her as one of the two sister owners of a small lunch counter up in the middle of town.  Debi or Connie would be her name.  She was setting in the far corner with large pink curlers in her hair and reading a thick romance novel of some kind. Glancing up she smiled at him.  He gave a nod and a “good morning” back to her and went outside to smoke.  Sitting on the steps of the entrance he admired the morning sky, pale blue with white steaks lancing through it, and just enough wispy clouds to break the monotony.  It was going to be a fine fall day for Patches.

The girl came out of the door behind him with a “Is this seat taken or can anybody use it?”  “As free as it gets,” he replied.  Glancing back up at her as she sat down beside him she had lost the curlers inside somewhere and he now knew her name was Connie.  The success of their little lunch counter was partly responsible to the two great looking girls running it, and Connie was the better looking of the two.  She stood about 5’11”, with long blond hair, a very appealing oval face, a body like you would see on a California beach ad, and beautiful, very pale blue, almost white eyes that grabbed your attention and held it.  Add to this the fact that both of the sisters were well educated, very intelligent, and very conversational and you could easily realize why they had every man with fire left in his veins eating at their lunch counter as often as they could.   Dale had been in there several times in the past, and Debi had rode out to Legend Valley with him and other friends once for a “Dead” concert.

She slid over against him while digging deeply into the left breast pocket of her denim shirt.  Pulling out a joint she looked in his eyes with a raising of her eyebrows.  Dale hit the end of the joint with his Zippo.  They sat there passing the joint and talking about every subject that came to mind as the morning sun warmed them.  At some point the conversation turned to the book she was reading.  Dale asked “So, are you into the hot steamy romance novels?”  “Oh yes,” she replied, “It’s my biggest weakness.  I love getting lost in a fantasy world of the perfect couple living a perfectly idealist life lost in love and each other.”  He laughed lightly, “You sound a little bitter Connie.  Don’t you believe that love can really happen in the real world?”  “Not like in the novels,” she replied, “In real life there is always something to interfere with any relationship.  Making a living, problems from the outside, problems from people getting inside, it’s like a never ending battle to just survive let alone getting any relationship to grow and last.”  She finished with, “I’m not really sure that love even exists anymore.  I’ve thought I was in love twice now, and those turned into a real mess.  I’m not sure the pain that might come with a mistake worth the risk when you balance the love that might be if it is right.”  He turned to her and there were tears glittering in those lovely eyes.  He gently laid his fingers across her lips, brushed her hair back off her face, and said, “Hey now, pretty girl,” and adding a smile continued, “We can’t have you giving up on love.  Think of all the young studs out there that would lose their only chance at happiness.” He finished smiling wider.  She sniffed a little and he went on.

He told her about the old couple he had met in the park, of how learning of their love had enriched and inspired him.   “I know I’m not doing it justice when I describe it but it was an almost magical thing to see and feel.”  “If one such love can exist, then how can we doubt that it will happen again and again, and that we too have a chance of finding such happiness and completion?”  He pulled out a small bag and paper and said, “Here, roll us another one while I go get my junk into the dryer.”  When he came back out and sat down with her he rubbed her back a bit saying, “So, what do you think?”  She gave him back a slight smile and said, “I think you’re a bigger romantic than I am,” grinning wider, “You gave me one example, now it was a great one, a wonderful story, but I was waiting for more.  Something about your loving parents, the love of your life, something more to prove that I’m wrong.”  He lit the joint for her and said, “Ok, but this will be harder.  I’ve met that special love of my life and met her only a few short days ago.”  She had a hard look of skepticism across her face as he continued.  “No, no, I know how that sounds but this is real.  A few days ago if you would have talked about love-at-first-site I would have argued against it with all of my being.  There was no such thing, love took time, took learning, commitment.  There was no way possible that love could just spring into being on its’ own.  I knew what love was. I had friends that I loved, family.  Then I met Jean and found out just how wrong I had been.  She walked into my life with another man and it didn’t make any difference.   The very site of her changed something hidden deep inside me, something that had never stirred before no matter how close I had been with anyone.  She became in that first instant everything I ever needed or wanted, my inner ideal of beauty and form, the very reason for my being here had to be for meeting and being with her.  I had thought myself happy and content with my life until I met her.  I was enjoying the very act of living, of meeting new and interesting people, seeing new things, enjoying the close companionship of my friends, living life to the fullest, right on an edge I preferred.  And that, welling of love is still growing inside of me.  It just keeps getting stronger and stronger with every moment I get to spend with her.  It even grows when I’m away from her.  It’s growing even now here with you.  The more I learn to know her, the more the love grows.  I’ve learned more about myself, and my emotions than I had ever dreamed possible.  Maybe it is a dream.  But if it is, I hope it never ends.”

He paused.  Focusing on his feelings for Jean had brought them all boiling back to the surface and emotions were washing over him in waves of joyous elation mixed with agonizing pain.  He looked at Connie, and she was crying again, though it seemed different than before.  “Did I make a dent pretty lady?” he asked.  “It’s better than the books.  It’s better than anything I’ve ever read or heard.  Are you sure?  How can you sure be that it is truly love that you’re feeling?  No, don’t answer, I can see the answer in your eyes.  But there’s something else there too.  There’s pain there that you’re trying so hard to hide, something I think you’re leaving out of your story.  Come on now, you have to finished the story now that you started it.  I can’t start the book without finishing.” She finished with a broader smile and a poke in his ribs.  He told it all, from their first intimate night’s wonders to the coldness he’d gotten from her when he saw her last.  When he finished they were both wiping the wetness from their eyes.  She asked, “What are you going to do now?”  “I guess I’m just going to play it as it comes.  I know I can’t force her to be something she’s not, I haven’t the right if I could.”  “Why don’t we go up to the house, we can talk some more,” she said pointing across the street and up the hill.  “No, I need to get going.  I have to escort one of those friends I mentioned on his final ride today.” He replied.  He briefly told her about Patches, his family, and the times they had had.  As he rose he said “You’re one of the special ones, Connie, and I hope you find what you’re looking for someday, that special love that we all should have.”  He bent and kissed her on the forehead.  “I’ve really got to hit it.”  He went inside and digging his now well dry clothes out of the dryer, he started to change.  Connie had followed him in.  She came around the washers and put her arms around his neck saying, “I’m going to tell you something, Mr. Dale, you are the one who’s special.  I know better than to try to talk you out of taking your chance with Jean, I’m not sure I should if I could, but I’m telling you right now if it gets to the point that you need someone else, I would want to be that someone.  As a matter of fact,” she led him over to the window and pointed up the hill, “If you just need a friend to talk to or someone to hold to help you through today that’s my house right up there, third one down on the far side.”   Dale smiled at her, moving back and finishing dressing.  “Connie, I really like you and…” She interrupted, “I know, don’t say it, I’m smarter than to try to compete with Jean after what you’ve said, just remember where I am.  And I’ll tell you something else, Dale.  I think love can be built with respect, hard work and commitment too.  It doesn’t have to happen the way it did to you.  And, as much as I hate saying this, I think you and Jean will work it out.   You’re too easy to love for it not to happen.”  He started to speak but she cut him off with, “I know, I know, I’ll let it go but you damn well better remember me, and if it ever goes too wrong, come give me the second chance.”   He smiled at her as he grabbed his stuff and headed for the bike, her following behind.  As he packed his old clothes into the war bag Connie said, “And listen again, if you need a friend tonight, just stop.  I’ll have the light on.”  He cradled her face in his hands.  “You are one of the special few Connie, one of the few.” He said kissing her gently.  He fired up Baby, blew her a kiss goodbye, and headed for Bartow.

Chapter 4:  Endings And Beginnings

The street dumped him on County Road 15, and that led him into the center of small Bartow.  He angled across the railroad tracks and continued up 15 for about a ½ mile then pulled into the yard on the left.  There was a side porch with ramps up both sides and an old Knucklehead Harley sitting on it under two signs, one reading “Goldie’s Place” and the other “Baby’s Place.”   Apple was in the yard, and as Dale started to shut the bike down he shook his head and waved him forward pointing up on the porch.   Dale felt a pang as he reached the porch and shut down Baby in her usual parking space.  “Maybe it will do Goldie good to have Baby near though,” he thought.   He went into the living room, and Apple was already there.  They embraced.   “How is she?” Dale asked.  “She’s in the bedroom.  Go to her.” Came the reply.  “How are you holding up?” Dale asked.  “I’m holding.” Apple answered looking unsure, “I’ve been here since, you know since, trying to help with what I could.  He was a good man Dale.” He finished with his eyes moist.  Dale took his hand, “Yes he was, and he will be missed by anyone who knew him.  You’ve done well, Apple, and I know he would have appreciated it as much as I do.”  Apple replied, “It’s nothing.  You know Pam and me grew up together and you know how I feel about her and Patches.”  Dale squeezed his hand and then, steeling himself, he worked his way back through the halls.

The bedroom door was slightly ajar, “Pam” Dale whispered as he slipped the door open.  The small woman rose from the edge of the bed.  She tried to smile as she moved toward Dale saying, “Dale, I’m so glad you made it.  I was worried that you wouldn’t hear until,” He took her into his arms and they held each other as she began to sob quietly into his chest.  “Oh Dale, he’s really gone.  I miss him so much already.  How can he be gone?   I need him with me.  I need him.” She said.  “I know, I know, it’s already hard.  You just need to remember where he has gone and know in your heart that he will be waiting for you when the time comes to join him again.  And know this, you will never be truly alone.  You’ll have the kids and all the people he touched with you.”  “I think Robby is old enough that he should ride with us to the cemetery.  He will remember more than the other kids.  You are going to ride for Rob, (Patches), aren’t you?” looking up at him, “Rob would have wanted you too.” She said.  “I thought maybe Apple should have that place, but of course I will it it’s what you want.” Dale replied.  “Apple has been a real help, but Rob would have wanted you.” She answered.  “Then I’ll go make sure Robbie gets here, and everything is ready.” He replied, “Are you going to hold up?  Is there anything?”  he asked.  “How can I not make it with all of this help?” she managed a little bit of a smile and he hugged her again and moved out through the living room to the porch joining Apple.

He lit a cigarette.  There were maybe 200 bikes parked in the yard and along the road now, yet except for the occasional newly arriving bike it was eerily quiet in the hollow.  “She wants me to ride for Patches.  I would like you to ride for me if you would.” He said without looking at Apple.  “You know I will.” Came the reply.  “She wants Robbie with us, too,” he finished.  “My sister has the kids, I’ll fix it with her.” Then, “Are you all right?”   “If she can be all right I can,” Dale said with a glance at Apple, “You’ve been a big help.”  “I’ll get it done then,” said Apple, and he moved off.   Dale scanned the faces in the crowd.  There were many he didn’t know, many he had only met once or twice somewhere on the road, and a few he had memories of.  There were women carrying food and whatnot into the house, and down by that dilapidated leaning garage there were four men working at cleaning up the old trash pile.  Dale smiled to himself thinking of all the times Patches had talked about cleaning that up.  His thoughts turned to Jean.  He wondered where she was, what she was doing.  He wished she could be here with him now.  He missed her badly and was worried that he may be missing her for a long time yet to come, maybe forever.  He saw the old station wagon that belonged to Apples’ sister stop down by the garage.   Little Robbie came bounding out with the wide eyes only a six-year-old could have for all the people and bikes invading his home.   His eyes landed on Dale on the porch, and he came running across the yard and up the ramp to leap into Dale’s arms yelling, “Uncle Dale!”  Dale hugged the little man and said, “Hi ya boy, boy have you been growing.”  “Look at all the bikes, Uncle Dale.  Have you even seen so many?  Is there gonna be a run, Uncle Dale.  Do I get to go Uncle Dale?  Look at them Uncle Dale!” the boy said pointing all around.  Dale hugged the squirming boy again.  “Yes, there is an important run and yes, you get to go.  You’re going to ride with me and your Mom.  Will that be ok?” he said.  “Oh boy. Me and Mommy are going to ride with you on Baby?   Is Daddy coming too Uncle Dale?” the boy asked.  Something caught in Dales’ throat.  He knelt down standing the boy up in front of him.  He saw Pam standing just inside the screen door.  Looking squarely at the boy he said, “Robbie, God had something important that he needed your dad to do, and your dad had to go be with God.  You remember, God, Robbie?”  The boy nodded his head with his lip quivering.  Dale continued, “Well it’s going to be a really long time before you see your dad again Robbie, but I want you to remember, he will always love you, and he will always be there for you somehow.  You may not see him, but you can feel him there if you try.  And someday you will get to be together again.” He finished, taking the boy in his arms again.  Pam came out, knelt on the porch, and Robbie ran to her.  He was saying, “Daddy had to go be with God, Mommy,” as Pam looked up at Dale and mouthed “Thank you, thank you for both of us.”  Apple came up the ramp and said, “It’s time if you’re ready.”   Dale nodded and stepped across the old Knuckle.  He retarded the mag and kicked her through a few times, then came down hard and she was running roughly.

Pam slipped onto the “Queen” part of the seat behind him then pulling Robbie up, sat him between them.  Dale pulled the clutch in, and then kicking the bike in gear dropped down the ramp and across the yard to the far side of the road headed for route 250.  In neutral, he stopped and waited there.  It was just a few short moments until Apple pulled up beside him on Baby and giving him the nod that all was ready.  Dale started forward, uncomfortable being on the right, his place was over there where Apple was riding “Baby.”  But this was Patches’ place on the run and Dale would do whatever it took for Patches.  They kept a slow speed all the way out the through hollows and when they started up the last hill before the highway three bikes from back in the pack shot around them.  When they reached the top of the hill, the three had traffic stopped and the pack made the right turn and headed on to the cemetery.  There was no danger of Dale getting lost on this trip.  He had been here many times before, way too many times.

At the entrance to the cemetery, Dale led the pack down through the stone covered hills and up around to stop in front of the little Chapel.  He shut the bike off, put it on the stand, and got off, taking Robbie in one hand and Pam in the other.  With Apple joining them they walked toward the bronze casket on the stand at the foot of the Chapel steps.  There were five wooden folding chairs setting in a row in front of the casket, the two farthest on the right held Pam’s parents.  Dale st Robbie in the first chair on the left then helped Pam in the next one.  He motioned for Apple to take the middle one, and then more sternly when he resisted, then standing next to Robbie with the boy’s hand back in his he waited as an apprehensive preacher came out of the Chapel and the rest of the friends and family moved up behind.

The preacher was looking back over Dale’s left shoulder, and he turned to look that way.  There were bikes setting as far as you could see back down around the turn of the main highway.  There were still a few people working their way up to the group.   Dale patted Robbie’s hand and then, extended it to the preacher.  “Don’t worry, they won’t be much longer.” Dale said.  “I’ve just never done this, like this, before.  Robert must have been a well loved man,” the preacher replied.  “Yes he was that.  He was as kind and good a man as you will ever meet.” Dale continued, “They know him as Patches not Robert.  That might help.”  He shook the preacher’s hand again, and then went back to stand with Robbie.

The preacher did what every good preacher does at such occasions, reading scriptures that he hoped would ease the pain of the loss and promote understanding, others that he aimed at building hope for the future.  He couldn’t talk very much about Patches himself, not knowing him or having never met him before his passing, but he did make comments going something like, “from the amount of friends present…” and other such.  All in all it went fairly well but Dale was having a hard time remembering what was said.  His thoughts were running through all of the times he and Patches had enjoyed together.  Somehow even the hard times they had experienced seemed more like shared adventures between soul companions.  He was going to miss him.  Of course there were also his thoughts of Jean.  He was becoming more accustomed to the fact that Jean was going to be ever in his thoughts no matter what.   He guessed that it was just a new part of his life that he would have to adjust to.  The preacher was paying his respects to Pam and Robbie.  Dale walked up and laid his hand on the bronze box.  “See you later, old friend.  Save me a place in the next run,” he thought as the six friends lifted it and started down the hill.  As he stood there, Robbie came up and wrapped his arm around Dale’s leg.  Dale squatted down and put his arm around the boy.  “Is my Daddy in that box, Uncle Dale?” Robbie said looking up at Dale.  “There is, a part of him Robbie, but the most important part of your daddy is with God now,” replied Dale.  Robbie was looking around at the faces of the people moving up to his mother.  “Uncle Dale, Daddy told me big boys don’t cry, but those boys are crying.  Why are they crying, Uncle Dale?”  Big boys do cry sometimes Robbie.  They’re crying because they love your daddy, and they’re going to miss him just like you and your mommy are going to miss him.  Just like I’m going to miss him.  It’s not bad to cry for someone you love.” Dale finished.  “Did Daddy cry, Uncle Dale?” the boy asked.  Pain racked him as Dale’s mind flashed back to another time and another loss, a hospital hallway and the death of both his parents, a scene on a deserted Pennsylvanian mountain road with Patches cradling a dear friend in his arms, tears streaming down his face.  Another in the delivery room for the birth of this boy, tears of joy cascading down his cheeks as he held his new son up for the world to see.  “Oh yes Robbie, your daddy cried.”  He picked the boy up and stood saying, “Let’s get you and your mommy home.”

As he neared her, he caught Pam’s eye and said, “I think I should get you two home.”  She nodded assent and handing Robbie to her he moved up to the bike, Goldie.  Apple brought Baby to life as Dale came down on the kicker.  With Pam and Robbie securely behind him he kicked the old bike in gear and retraced his route back to Bartow and the porch on the little house.  No one but Apple followed.  Dale knew that the rest would be along later but they were giving Pam the opportunity for some quiet time with the children and their grief.  Shutting the bike down on the porch, Dale stepped off and found Robbie asleep in his mothers’ arms.  He gently took the boy and Pam whispered, “Put him on my bed.”  When he returned to the porch Pam was still sitting on Goldie, Apple on the floor next to her.  “He’s really gone?” Pam said looking up at Dale.  It was both a question and a statement.  Dale squatted down next to her and the bike taking her hand.  “You know he would still be here if he could.  He would have never left you and the kids. He loved you too much.”  “I know how much he loved me Dale, and I know a great part of what he gave up for that love,” she continued, “I know more than you would ever imagine about him and you, too.  You two were so much alike.  You both had something pulling at you, a calling trying to lead you somewhere else.  Don’t you think I knew how he battled that part of him.  As open and giving as he, was he could never let me into that part of him.  It was the one thing he just couldn’t share.  You have the same demons in you Dale.  You’re filled with so much love and yet, at the same time, so much loneliness.  I only hope you find someone to share them with before they consume you.” She finished.  “I may have found that someone he thought. Only to have lost her before it could begin.”  He gave her a wane smile and said, “Pam, you just know us too well.” Then quiet for a moment, “Pam, I need to,” his words dropped off.  She could sense the need to be gone in him, that calling from another place that had so worried her about her husband.  She said, “I know Dale.  I’ve always known.  Just be careful and please come back when you can.”  They hugged long, each sharing strength for the other, in their common grief.  Apple stood as Dale stepped across “Baby.”  “Pathfinder, (Dale’s club name,),” Apple said, “You come back to us.”  They clasped hands and then Dale hugged his friend without saying a word.  He came down hard on the kicker, and then with a nod to the two he slipped the bike in gear and road down the ramp and out onto the road.  When he glanced back Apple and Pam were holding each other on the porch.   They will be all right he thought, they will all be all right.

He retraced his route of the morning, though to him, the morning seemed a misty memory of a long time gone.  Climbing the hill past the Laundromat he spotted the house Connie had pointed out across the street.  The porch light was on, but he didn’t stop.  He couldn’t.   He stayed on National Road, riding slowly, the big Harley barely above a hard thumping idle.  When he finally reached the trailer the sun was dropping down behind the far hill.   He stepped off the bike and sat down on the trailer steps lighting a cigarette.  He tried to blank his mind, to reach that inner quiet place where thought couldn’t penetrate.  It wasn’t in him.  Pam’s words echoed in his mind and the truth of them bit him afresh.  He loved his life.  Loved the people he shared it with, the adventures that sprang up every day, the enjoyment of experiencing his very existence.  But there was something missing.  Something like a great void, a puzzle that required a certain combination to fill it.  There was a hole in the center of him.  A hole that he had never admitted to himself existed.  A need that he had never acknowledged, a want he had never fulfilled.  And Jean filled that hole.  He knew it as much as he knew anything about himself.  She was what he needed to be complete.  The memories of her at the park flooded back into him.  The cold hard look, the sullen indifference, all cut into him like strong acid on clean metal.  The pain of it felt as though it would consume his very soul.  Dale tried to shake the images and thoughts out of his head.  He went into the trailer, back to the bedroom, and finally was very shortly sound in a restless sleep of exhaustion.

There was a car, a loud car with bad exhaust, idling below the trailer on the main road.  Dale awoke in almost total darkness.  He felt his way up and to the living room, found and lit one of the candles, and then found the clock over the bar.  It was just about 20 minutes after 2 in the morning.  As he moved toward the door the car was moving off toward the interstate.  He reached for the doorknob, and the door opened from the outside causing him to jerk back.  There on the steps in the darkness was Jean’s beautiful face.  The shock of it had him speechless and she said, “Hi.” And tried to make her way up the three short steps.  He reached out, and catching her hand, helped her inside then leaned out to pull the door closed.   She hadn’t stopped moving, but was working her way down the narrow hall to the bedroom.  Dale grabbed the lit candle and followed her his mind trying to adjust to her presence.   He caught up with her in time to help her sit down on the bed.  He lit a couple more candles from the fire of the first one, and sat down with her.  She was more than a little drunk or high, and had a world of fun and good humor in her eyes.  “Have you got a cigarette?” she asked.  He dug a couple out of his pack, lit them, and then passed one over to her.  “So what brought you back down here to the farm?” he asked with humor.  Her eyes locked to his and with that special little smile of hers she said, “I missed you!”   She took his head and drew his mouth to hers, crushing him to her in a passionate kiss.  “Oh I’ve missed you more than you should know,” he replied returning her passion.  She tasted of beer, but elation surged through him, not from the words, but from the eyes.  For the briefest of seconds there he had seen the wonder hidden deep inside her.  The deeply submerged love and passion that swan hidden within her.  There were other things hidden in there, a roiling collage of mixed up emotions and memories, but at the heart he had glimpsed her pure beautiful soul.  The revelation staggered him, and his love for her again expanded to fill him.

The cigarette in her right hand touched his ear, and he pulled back.  “Let me twist one up for us,” he said.  She nodded agreement as he moved off.  Busy at his task he tried to make small talk.  “So, where was the party at?” he asked.  “Oh, we just rode around, drank a few beers, burned a few,” she replied and continued, “I thought I might see you somewhere.”  “I had to help a friend,” he replied, “What if I hadn’t been here tonight?”  “I knew you’d be here, I was coming,” she said with a big smile.  He laughed with her at that.  She was probably right.  “Who were you partying with?  You should have asked them in,” he said.  “It was just Zimmer.  He was going out somewhere,” she replied.  The eyes changed.   He saw it.  It was like suddenly there was a different person behind them.  The effect puzzled him.  He tucked the joint behind his ear and lay down beside her.  “I really did miss you,” he said quietly.  She turned and kissed him again.  She slid her hand up under his shirt and stroked his chest.  He kissed her again then reached down and unfastened her jeans.  Going up on his knees he pulled off his shirt then helped her peel down the jeans.  As she lifted her legs for him to clear her ankles he saw that Zimmer had been luckier than he had thought.  A pang of emotion struck him.  It wasn’t jealousy exactly, they had no firm commitment to be sure, it was more a feeling of disappointment.  He dumped the jeans off on the floor, pulled the quilt down underneath her, and then slipping his own jeans off lay down beside her and covered them both up.  She snuggled up close to him and he nibbled a little at her neck.  She was soon sleeping quietly with the beautiful smile that so overwhelmed him, still on her sweet lips.

After a while, Dale sat up cross-legged next to the sleeping girl.  He took the joint from behind his ear, and lighting it, sat admiring her in the under the dim candles.  He looked inside himself and found that the empty void was not quite so empty now.  It felt so right to be with her, so natural.  He opened himself further, going down to where he had suppressed all the pain relating to Patches.  He embraced it, brought it out to the front of his mind, to understand it and grieve.  He focused on all of the times they had had together, both good and bad.  He remembered his voice, something of a gravel timber, the competitions they had had with each other, secrets they had shared, shared loves, and shared pain.  He remembered the joy of his laugh and the anguish of his tears.  His excitement and pride in his family, his terror and grief at the loss of his mother and father.  He remembered, and he accepted, as always.  She made little sounds in her sleep as he watched.  At one point he almost woke her up, as it seemed she settled into a nightmare.  But a few soft words from him, and a stroke through her hair must have changed the dream, and she drifted back into a more restful sleep.

He was still sitting in much the same position when she awoke shortly after ten.  Her eyes flickered open to find his glued to hers.  She turned her head slightly to the right and loosed a low groan into the pillow as Dale said quietly, “Good morning pretty lady.”  She didn’t say anything, but smiling wider at him she reached up with both arms and pulled him down next to her, nestling in as close to him as she could.   He began to massage her back and shoulders through the tee shirt, working tenderly at the tight mussels underneath.  He basked in the warmness of her, the tender but strong feelings of love working through him, the “rightness” of his being here with her.   He felt as though if time suddenly stopped at this moment, he could happily stay here for eternity.  He pulled back just a bit to look at her beautiful face and found her sleeping soundlessly again.  He pulled the quilt up over then both, and snuggling closer yet, joined her in her dreams.

Around two o’clock he awoke as Jean slid from the bed and padded down the hall to the bathroom.  Dale sat up and dug around in the bed until he came up with his cigarettes, then taking one out, he lit it and settled back lightly.  Jean came back into the room and sat down cross-legged on the bed wrapping part of the quilt around her.  Dale leaned forward and kissed her then said, “I said good morning pretty lady.”   He passed her the lit cigarette and dug another out for himself as she replied in that wonderful voice, “Good morning.”   “You were rubbing my back.” She said.  He made a circling motion with his finger in the air and she moved closer and turned her back to him.   He began working her shoulders and neck with his hands.  “Boy I was happy to see you come in last night.  You really made my day for me.  What have you been into?  What did you and Zimmer get into last night?”  He asked making small talk.  “Zimmer?   I wasn’t with Zimmer last night.” She spat out as he felt her shoulders tighten.  Her reply and stiffness caught him off guard.  He remembered every word of their conversation.  Maybe she had been way more drunk that he had thought?  He tried to quickly change the subject.  “Hey, I forgot to tell you.  I stopped by your house and I think met your mom and dad, maybe.  Older guy, really nice with a great smile, and a younger big woman with black hair?”  “Yeh, that’s my mom and dad, or step dad anyway.” She replied continuing, “What were you doing up there?”  “Well I was looking for you of course.  I thought we could go get into something.  Your mom said if I saw you to tell you she wanted you to stop by,” he said cushioning the actual words her mom had used.  She pulled away and smashed her cigarette into the ashtray on the headboard.  When she turned around to him the change in her startled him.  It was the eyes again, mostly.  While only a few moments ago they had been filled with a kind of soft contentment and tenderness, they now shown brightly with coldness and pain.  His mind raced to search out the reason for such a drastic change.  “Was it his prying comments about Zimmer, his talking about her family, his meeting her family without her?”  Somehow he had greatly upset her, and he didn’t even know how.  He leaned forward to kiss her and received a short, very cold response.  He had the feeling of almost panic within him.  “I’m hungry.” She said and he replied, “Hey, I got some stuff in the kitchen from the other day.  Let’s go see what’s out there.”  Dale stepped out of the bed and started pulling on his jeans as Jean went out into the kitchen.  When he joined her, she had dug out a box of macaroni and cheese and a pan.  She filled the pan with water and sat it on the stove turning on the burner under it.  “There’s hotdogs, hamburger, and sausage in the fridge,” he said.  She dug that hotdogs out of the fridge, and finding another pan, filled it with water and set it on the stove with the other.  “Hmmm, boiled hotdogs.” Dale thought.  He sat down at the little kitchen table as she worked.  “Hey, I wanted to thank you and Tammy for the great job you did cleaning up the trailer the other day,” he said.  “There was a dead bird in the sink!” she exclaimed looking at him and rolling her eyes.  “Hehheh, it doesn’t surprise me,” he replied, “I hadn’t been here for quite a while and it gets a little rank when I’m gone to long.  Too many people moving through I guess.  Thank you for the help with it.  You must have worked hard,” he finished.  “It was gross,” was her response.  She had found some instant coffee somewhere and had dumped some of the water from the now boiling pan into a cup.  She emptied the box of macaroni shells into the pan and sat down in the other chair sipping the coffee.   Dale watched her eyes as she drank the coffee.  The coldness he had seen before wasn’t quite as strong but the pain was still there.  He felt the need to help her someway, to ease whatever was troubling her so.  But he didn’t feel he had the right to intrude.  Maybe, he hoped, when he learned more about her he would be able to help her.  He was ever the optimist, and any real problem he faced had always been just another challenge to overcome.  Although he felt a little unsure of himself, a very rare thing for him, he was confident that with the love he held for her inside him he could overcome whatever was necessary.

“I guess I better go home for a while sometime today,” she said over the coffee.  “I’ll run you over anytime you’re ready.  Do you think I might go with you?” he asked finishing with, “I would really like to if you don’t mind.”  She starred over the coffee cup, her eyes showing more doubt and question now, than pain or coldness.  She finally nodded her assent slowly.  Dale smiled and said, “Great!  It’s a date then.  Just let me know when you’re ready.”  He got up and used his Uncle Henry to slice open the hotdogs and drop them in the water.  He fished one of the macaroni shells out of that pan and finding it done, held the pan over the sink to drain.  Pan back on the stove, he got some butter out of the fridge and stirred it and the powdered cheese into the shells.  Jean was pulling plates and silver ware out of the cupboards and drawers.  Dale tried to get more conversation going as they ate.  Jean did talk a little, some more about how she remembered him from working at the gas station, things her boyfriend at that time had said about him, things her sister Sam had said (he hadn’t know Sam to be Jean’s sister,).  They moved into the living room and talked a little about mutual friends or acquaintances they shared, parties they had been to, about anything that came to mind trying to learn more about each other.  Just before dark Jean said, “I guess we better go to Bentley.”  She didn’t look like she wanted to go though.  Dale jumped up and headed back into the bedroom.  He grabbed a clean shirt out of the closet, pulled on his boots, and then went back out to the living room and opened the door for her.  “You want to take the bike or the truck?” he asked.  “The truck,” she replied.  He escorted her round the front of the truck and helped her up in, then went back around and got in himself.  As he started the old truck Jean slid across the bench seat against him close enough that he had trouble shifting it into gear and backing down the rough drive.  It was all right though; it was just where he felt she should be.   Backing onto the main road, he shifted forward and drove slowly up the back road to Bentley.  By the time the crossed the Bentley corporation limits the truck was toasty warm.   Dale made his way up through town and down the street where Jean lived.  He turned into the alley next to the house and eased the truck into the back yard under a low spreading tree.  There was an big old Plymouth Fury III parked right up against the back of the house next to what looked like a small screened in porch.  He shut off the truck and they got out.

Jean took his hand in hers and led him in through the door on the small porch to a kitchen lit with a single bright overhead bulb.  It was much like entering from the front of the house. There was a path to follow through piles of “stuff” everywhere around you leading through a very narrow hall to the living room.   Just in the hall to the left was a notch of sorts with more stuff and what looked like a day bed stuffed against a window to the alley.  At the far end of the hall almost to the living room there were narrow stairs going up to the right, and everywhere stuff.  As they entered the living room Sam was coming down the stairs with a wide grin on her face, Pap was half sitting half rising from the old couch and shaking his fist at the wrestlers on a small TV, and the large women was glaring from a chair on the right.  Pap started to set back down and spying Dale said, “Hi boy, get over here and sit down.  Do you like the wrestling?”  Dale moved over to the couch and sat with the old man his eyes on Jean.  The large woman who hadn’t even glanced at Dale now made a kind of “Humph” noise and then in a hard edged screech said, “So, you’re home are you.  Do you think you can just run all the time?  You had better straighten your self up missy.  Who do you think you are…” and continued on.  The pain in Jean’s eyes hit Dale like a physical thing, knocking the wind out of him and standing the hairs on his neck.  It was like he was standing on a razor blade, but he held himself in check.  This was Jean’s mother and he had no right to interfere, hard as it was, at least for now.  He tried to shake his first impression of her, but the evil nastiness still seemed right for her.  Jean didn’t answer or say anything but turned and headed up the narrow stairs with Sam close behind.  As Jean disappeared the woman turned her stare at Dale and repeated the humph sounds.  Dale didn’t let his gaze waver nor did he allow any of what he was seething within him show through.   Pap broke the tension with “Ah, did you see that?  He can’t win without cheating.  He shouldn’t cheat like that huh boy!”  Dale turned his eyes to the TV and tried to concentrate on the show.  He was enjoying the old man’s exuberance, but the woman had him on the edge of the blade.  He could still feel her glaring at his back as he chatted with Pap about the men on the screen.  The hour got later and after many fleeting looks at the empty stairs Dale decided it might be time to go.  He rose from the couch and began to say his goodbyes to Pap, but Pap wouldn’t hear of it.  He led Dale into the tiny nick by the kitchen saying, “Now you just lay down here and sleep.  It’s too late to go out running around.”  Dale tried, “I don’t want to put you out.” and other such tripe but Pap would have none of it.  Dale started cleaning a spot on the little bed while saying, “Ok Pap then thanks.   I’ll see you in the morning.”   He heard their feet coming down the steps as he sat down.  Jean’s pretty face, the eyes now showing more of that pain and coldness he had seen earlier, came around the corner of the hall followed closely by Sam.  She handed him a blanket and said, “Good night.” as he reached up and stroked the side of her face.  “Good night.   I’ll see you in the morning.” he said and fought hard against the urge to add I love you.

Dale lay there with his head against the window listening to the sounds of the household tramping off to bed.  A car roared through the alley right beside his head and he started, then eased back down.  He was thinking through everything he had experienced tonight, trying to sort out impressions and his emotions.  He was really becoming fond of the old man already.  Some of the stories Pap had told while adding color to the wrestling show had held Dale’s rapt attention.  Jean’s mother however, he reminded himself he still needed her name, left him with a bad taste in his mouth.  He was going to have to find someway to adjust to her for Jean’s sake he guessed.  He reasoned he couldn’t expect to make progress with Jean if he couldn’t get along with her mother.  He knew in his heart he would find some way, he had too.  It was for his and Jean’s future.  Somehow, despite the turmoil in his head and the cars going past him he was soon sleeping lightly, his dreams, like it seemed were always now, of Jean.

Dale sprang awake his senses reeling.  It was late, he didn’t know the time, but it “felt” late.  Jean’s mother was looming over him in the dark corner.  Dale sat up and digging out a cigarette, lit it, while watching the woman in the dark.  “What do you think you’re doing with Jean?” the woman asked.  “I’m just enjoying her company and maybe trying to help out a bit.  She’s really very special and I’m really fond of her.” was his reply.  “I heard em up there.  She thinks she’s going with you, but she’s not by God.  If she goes I’ll lose my food stamps and money and you can’t have them!” her voice was now the sound of nails on slate, “You’ll not be taking my stuff!  No, by God, you can’t have it!” she finished.  Dale stood as she got louder and she stepped back a bit.  Keeping his voice low, he replied, “I don’t want your money or stamps or anything else, you’re welcome to them, but I’ll tell you what I haven’t told her.  I love her, that’s right I love her, and if she somehow comes to love me, I will do everything in my power to give her a home and a happy life.”  He steadied himself as he realized he was also getting louder, continuing, “I don’t know or care about any money or stamps, or any of the other stuff, but I do care about Jean.  I’ll support anything she wants or needs and you can keep whatever it is you’re worried about.” he finished.  With a finger waving inches from his face she shrilled “She won’t go, she won’t.  If they come and she’s not here I’ll turn her in again, by God, I will!  And if you think you’re gonna keep seeing her, you better be getting some money to me!” she moved off into the hall still mumbling.  Dale stood there with anger seething in his veins.  She was more concerned with money and stamps than with her own daughter, that much was crystal clear.  He found himself hating her for it.  He didn’t know who “they” were, or half of what the woman was bitching about, but he knew that “turn in” didn’t sound good.  Maybe he was wrong.   Maybe he just didn’t know the woman well enough to understand what she was trying to say.   A mother didn’t put money or anything else above her child.  He had to be wrong.   He needed some time to talk to Jean.  He needed some time to think.  Hell, he needed Jean.

He somehow managed to drift back to sleep after the woman stomped back through the house.  He awoke to Pap’s face staring into his.  “You sleeping boy?” the old man was asking.  “Nope, I’m awake Pap,” Dale returned, rising up out of the bed and following Pap to the kitchen.  “You drink coffee boy?  Make us some up.   I got to warm up my car,” Pap said as he went out the back door giving Dale a look at the still dark and cool morning outside.   Dale dug around and found a small can of coffee and an old coffee pot.  He looked down into the pot, there was nothing moving in there, filled it with water from the sink, and dumping the last of the can into the basket plugged it in.  He found two cups and washed them in the sink, interrupted by the loud sound of the Plymouth coming to life outside.  Dale dropped the cups and rushed out the door to help Pap with whatever problem he was having.   As he cleared the door he saw Pap stepping out of the car and dropping a brick on the accelerator.  Pap came past him and into the kitchen so Dale followed.  “Isn’t that a little hard on the car Pap?” Dale asked.   “No,” was the reply, “It warms up faster that way.”  Dale had visions of what the cold motor was doing to itself out there and what would happen if it somehow jumped into gear.  He couldn’t help smiling to himself a bit though.  Pap said, “I’m going to turn the news on boy.” And went on through toward the living room.  “I finish the coffee and bring it in,” Dale replied as he finished washing the cups.  When the coffee was ready he search around for sugar or something to add to the mix, gave it up for lost, and carried the cups into the other room.  Pap was back on his couch with a local station test pattern on the TV.  He handed a cup down to Pap saying, “I couldn’t find any sugar or whatnot if you need it Pap.”  Pap sipped at the hot black liquid, and grimacing, said, “Damn, that’s strong boy!” and took a larger swallow.  “You get up this early every day Pap?” asked Dale, sipping his own mess.  “I got to go uptown today,” he replied.  “I don’t think they even let you uptown until at least six,” Dale said smiling.  “You’re gonna sleep your life away boy!” Pap finished, and then added, “What do you do for a living boy?”  I build motorcycles for people mostly Pap.” Dale responded.  “You know about cars to?” Pap asked.  “Yeh, a bit,” Dale said.  “I’ll get you to look at mine sometime then,” Pap said.

As they were talking Jean’s mother lumbered out of the back followed closely by a young blond headed girl that was new to dale.  Pausing at the foot of the steps she called out loudly, “Come on and get up now or you’re gonna be late for school again.”  She turned and said to Pap, “I’m going to town.”  She pried the front door open and they stepped through, banging it shut behind them.   In not too many minutes, Sam came bounding down the stairs, and with a quick smile at Dale, vanished back toward the kitchen.  A few minutes later Jean was coming down those same steps.   When she came into Dale’s sight she was dragging sleep out of her eyes but her face lit in that amazing smile of hers.  “Good morning sweetest,” Dale said with his own smile.   “Good morning,” she responded heading back the direction of her sister.  “Man, she lights up a morning,” Dale said half out loud.  Pap tapped him in the ribs and said, “They’re trouble boy, they’re trouble.”  “I know Pap, but what would we do without them?” Dale replied.  The old man’s smile split his face as he turned back to the news.   Sam came out of the back and burst out through the front door with a, “Bye Daddy,” back over her shoulder.  Jean came in the room soon after and asked, “Ready?”   As Dale stood Pap said, “You leaving already boy?”  Dales said back, “Yeh Pap, It’s that time I guess.”  “Well you come back soon boy.  We can watch the wrestling again,” was Pap’s response.  As they were moving toward the kitchen Dale added, “I will Pap, and Pap, do you want me to take that brick of the gas petal for you?”  “Nah boy, it’s warming up,” he replied.  Jean led him out the kitchen door, past the thunderous car, and they both got in the old truck from the drivers side.  Dale started it up, and while it was warming asked, “Where to?”

So Alone

How startling to feel this much alone
In a house full of loved ones I find myself lost and unwanted
I try and try to make it better, but nothing seems to help
How can I make her understand how much I love her
To make her understand how much I need her love

We came back together a seemingly beautiful thing
Our lives once more filled with happiness and passion
Bright horizon before us, spending years building new memories
A renewed glimmer of hope for this old soul, future bright
Yet here we are once again, and I fear the depths I sink to

So many questions rolling through my head now, what’s best for her
With me gone again perhaps she could learn to love again as before
Should I remove myself once more from her life, allow her freedom
I have no answer, if we could but talk, if she would but share
But we share long silent days and longer silent nights
I made a promise not long ago and though I could have broken it today, It still stands…

What would you have me do?

Steve ‘Easy’ Whitacre April 21st, 2011

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